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RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 7:44:18 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
No flames. They're unproductive.



quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49
Why do you feel I need to talk more about my vanilla life, interests, etc? I am not looking for a life partner, I am not looking for a lover, I am looking for a Mistress who enjoys training males.


I get the sense you're looking for a type of relationship that most people I've talked to aren't. That is, you're looking for someone to relate to on a BDSM level, and that's all. No personal connection, just "training"

This may be one of your problems. To many, these three things are elements of the same thing. Most people I know prefer some sort of connection withthe person they own or belong to, beyond the "I am hit by her."

Many want someone they connect to. After all, you're being trained -into- something, no? What is it you want to be? Why should she want to train you into it? With my partner and myself, he is training me to be the perfect compainion. Some want a toy, some want a servant, but most want a whole person. That is, they're interested in individuals for farm more than what draws them to bdsm. While my realtionship style is integral to my personality, I am more than that. Most people I've spoken to need to be attracted tot he "more than that" as well.

From my experience, people want someone they like. Not just someone they can be sexual with. Sexual experiences are a dime a dozen. Interpersonal connection is a bit more than that.

quote:

My taste in music, movies, hobbies have nothing to do with being trained by a Dominant Female.


They make you a whole person instead of a body to hit.

While some people are interested in someone who is just a body, many want to know the individual. These statments read like you want something from the dominant individual but aren't offering anything except a physical form willing to endure abuse. This isn't appeal to many, many people.

It seems that a lot of people, myself included, want our ownership to be more than a play-related connection. After all, I am offering -myself- to my owner. He wants more service than just a willing partner. He needs someone to take care of his needs, all of them, not just the sexual ones. He needs someone to be there to listen to him, to offer moral support, to be a sounding board, to be a friend as well as someone who he can hit, fuck, and get to cook and clean.

I realize that you're not looking for a relationship encorperating those elements, however, many are. Perhaps individuals you have contacted want more from a relationship than you want to offer? (not that you're offering something bad, just doesn't jive with a lot of people's desires.)

quote:

My profile mentions I am a kind and sincere person, well read, financially stable, etc. If I were looking at the post from the standpoint of a Domme, I would feel that this person may be a nice guy, he has a decent job, he has gone to College and perhaps beyond, he likes to read.


That's great! But there's more to you than that, right?

quote:


I really don't feel I have to give my life story. If a person is genuinely interested in me, they will learn all there is to know about me. These are all things my Mistress friend and I discussed this evening and this is the conclusion we came to.



I said this on another thread. People will ask, yes, but you have to give them an inlet. I feel more comfortable striking up a covnersation with someone if they have some topics there for me to pick from. You're selling yourself. Think of your profile as a movie trailer. They give you all the high points without any meat. You want to get the high points out there, so there's some conversation to be had.

Also, I find that one learns a -lot- about someone from what they choose to include in their profile, and how they choose to say it. While I love talking to people, I find that expressive profiles help me understand the person, and make me -want- to talk to them.

I think I was highly repetative. I appologize.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to subimale49)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 7:50:51 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49

I had a talk with my Mistress friend who helped me write my profile.

I am not getting all of this. Granted, my profile has a few spelling errors, but it that really a big deal? I have viewed many Dommes profiles that have misspelled words. If any of you think I am lazy, please think again. I could not find a spell checker using this sites software when writing my profile. Perhaps I should have written it in Word first and used the spell checker, but that does not make me lazy.

Why do you feel I need to talk more about my vanilla life, interests, etc? I am not looking for a life partner, I am not looking for a lover, I am looking for a Mistress who enjoys training males. My taste in music, movies, hobbies have nothing to do with being trained by a Dominant Female. My profile mentions I am a kind and sincere person, well read, financially stable, etc. If I were looking at the post from the standpoint of a Domme, I would feel that this person may be a nice guy, he has a decent job, he has gone to College and perhaps beyond, he likes to read.

I really don't feel I have to give my life story. If a person is genuinely interested in me, they will learn all there is to know about me. These are all things my Mistress friend and I discussed this evening and this is the conclusion we came to.

Alright, now let the flames begin.


I think most femdoms want to connect on a personal level, even if the relationship is only going to be a play relationship. If you only want it to be play and the need for any more chemistry, or mutual affection, is not important -- then, you are back to square one: It's a position best filled by a pro.

Sure, you might be able to get away with it if you looked like a male model and a femdom might just want some eye candy to beat. But in the real world, most femdoms want some sort of emotional, physical, mental connection with the whole person. There must be an attraction.

The goal is to make yourself attractive -- like a package a woman will want to unwrap. Simply being "available" isn't enough for a sub --those are a dime a dozen.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to subimale49)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 8:09:12 PM   
TiNeedsHouseboy


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49
I had a talk with my Mistress friend who helped me write my profile.


Clearly, her guidance bombed. Otherwise, you would not be posting here, soliciting new guidance. Why would you return to get failure advice from your Mistress friend?

quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49
I am not getting all of this. Granted, my profile has a few spelling errors, but it that really a big deal? I have viewed many Dommes profiles that have misspelled words. If any of you think I am lazy, please think again. I could not find a spell checker using this sites software when writing my profile. Perhaps I should have written it in Word first and used the spell checker, but that does not make me lazy.


How many times do you have to be told that it IS a big deal? It's one of the most commonly discussed concepts on BDSM discussion boards.

It's amazing that you're investing yet more time in making excuses about why you refuse to use a spell checker! SO WHAT THAT THERE'S NO SPELL CHECKER AS PART OF THIS BOARD!!!!

Here's a clue: I regularly use Word to proof whatever I write. It’s irrelevant if an online board has its own spellchecker. I still use Word. Why? I care about getting my message across. I don't want readers to cock their heads like confused puppy dogs. Beyond that, D/s is impossible without crystal clear communication. If you can't communicate appropriately on an introductory basis, you're not going to attract a Domme who does not have her hand out for money tributes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49
Why do you feel I need to talk more about my vanilla life, interests, etc? I am not looking for a life partner, I am not looking for a lover, I am looking for a Mistress who enjoys training males. My taste in music, movies, hobbies have nothing to do with being trained by a Dominant Female.


Then you're perfect for a pro-Domme. Why are you asking for advice when you're already attracting pro-Dommes?

Oh, wait! You don't want a pro-Domme. Do we need Dr. Phil to join the thread and ask, "So, how's that working for you?" Obviously, it hasn't been working for you. That’s why you created this thread.


If what you're doing doesn't work, then you need to change what you're doing. Get it?


And by the by.... If you're married or otherwise attached, and that's why you're seeking training without any other attachments, then you darn better well include in your profile that you have a wife or girlfriend or boyfriend or whoever is in your life.

Frankly, with the way you're now couching your search needs, you're seeking a free whore. Swell! That’s gonna be a smash hit! Women should be coming out of the woodwork to Domme you.....NOT!!!!!

If you truly are a physicist, then you can't possibly be this dense. It's starting to look like you're manipulating us into making you the focus of attention. Therefore, this is my final post in this thread.

I have no idea what or who you're seeking, but I sure hope you find someone who meets your needs, whatever they are.


~ Ti ~

(in reply to subimale49)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 9:29:53 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

As FP said, your education is not being called into question. Your profile is a representation of you and what is important to you. It shows pride. I am sure your resume for an astro-physics position was well thought out and did not contain spelling and/or grammatical errors.
Is this less important?


Hmmmm.... FP's name is Ti (pronounced "tie")! You can tell because all my posts are signed with my name and it's incorporated into my user name. Be that as it may....

I diddled with writing a simple answer of, "What she said." It's not in me to do so for such a critical matter.


Ti -
I apologize if I caused you any confusion. Or perhaps I am misreading.
I did not directly quote Feline Pursuasion, but I was referring to her post and used the abbreviation of FP. And she was, of course, referring to your comments when she used the words...

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

She didn't call your education into question, she called into question the fact that ...<snipped>


Sometimes it seems we have to quote a bit too much, so I skipped the additional quote and only identified the poster via initials.
Again, I did not mean to cause any confusion on your part.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 7/7/2005 9:35:24 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/7/2005 10:02:26 PM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		whomever this subimale49 is........
from what i have seen here.....

i like this guy's style. dude is a guy after my own heart.

this guy has some class as i see it.


ah well.

just my way of looking at it through MY eyes.


the wolf


_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/8/2005 5:17:44 AM   
Gem


Posts: 100
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline 		Brightest Blessings

I know pro's who take on "house" slaves. This means you are used by them, escort them when they need to go to functions, clean there homes or dugeons even help during their clients scenes, and yet you to not have to give tribute. This might be something for you to look into.

Or another avenue for you might be to become a pro-sub, depending on how many houses are around your area, and if the need and client base is there you could have your itch scratched and make some side money.

Most folks on collar me are looking for that long term complete package deal, they are not searching for the occasional play partner, so you will have much more difficulty.

Blessed Be
Gem

(in reply to subimale49)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/8/2005 6:52:12 AM   
balletsissypa


Posts: 44
Joined: 12/11/2004
Status: offline 		Bob,
i too often wonder that same question. i am a bit peculiar in desires so i understand more why people are not ineterested. Can i ask you though, do you atleast get responses from Mistresses you e-mail. i do not. Not on here and not on alt. i try to make them intelligent, definitely more than A/S/L and i try and fullfill any requirements that they have but i get nothing in return. Not a 'sorry' not a 'go to hell'. nothing. Its quite odd and i was wondering if you had the same problem? i get im'ed and e-mailed constantly from guys and although i am not interested i always respond back. OH well.
kimmy

(in reply to subimale49)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/8/2005 6:56:05 AM   
subimale49


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		To all who had kind words for me, thank you. For the rest.....I won't waste my time posting here any more. Many in this group seem to be a bunch of prima donnas whith their holier than thou attitude. And for the record, I trust my Mistress friend 100%. My profile will stand as is and if I don't get any hits here, so be it. Some of you may want to practise what you preach. There are a lot of Pro-Dommes on this site that do not advertise themselves as such.

I will go back to Max Fisch's discussion board where I am most certainly more welcome.

Good day to you all!

(in reply to Gem)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/8/2005 7:05:18 PM   
SadisticPrincess


Posts: 87
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you, ladies, for the endless validation, and thank you subimale49 for the much needed laugh! I do hope you enjoy yourself on the Max Fisch site, which is after all a pro dominants forum!

I have been a pro dom on and off for years, and I *never* approach men on these lists as prospective clients. If I am placing a pro ad, then they can respond to it or not. If I have placed a personal ad, then I am looking for something *personal*.

(in reply to subimale49)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/12/2005 12:45:12 PM   
sammyflinders


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline 		Hey Bob

Yes i totally agree with you, I am super new to this forum, yours is my first thread, and i must say that i find all this talk of whether you have spellchecked your profile as absolutely absurd.

Who cares?? seriously get a life, There is a limit , and i think this is entirely too pedantic.

Bob, i think maybe you are having difficulty because of the reason Gem stated - 'Most folks on collar me are looking for that long term complete package deal, they are not searching for the occasional play partner, so you will have much more difficulty.'

And of course there is the reason that perhaps the more physical appearance-governed types are not finding you attractive, Your picture does you no favors at all mate, looks too much like a mug shot. You need something a bit more organic looking i think. Or a poncy wanker picture like mine ;)

Anyways good luck bob and i hope ya dont take what they all say to heart too much.

And to anybody who wants to critique my reply based on spelling/grammar, see above for my get a life comment.



(in reply to SadisticPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/12/2005 6:43:32 PM   
onceburned


Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline
quote:

Who cares?? seriously get a life, There is a limit , and i think this is entirely too pedantic.


Well, different people have different attitudes. Some people value careful presentation of themselves and those they care about. Other people are more casual. Neither is right nor wrong, as I see it.

The important point is to be aware of the choice you are making. If a profile is riddled with misspellings and chat-speak, it will send a message about oneself. The author of the profile needs to be aware that he is sending that message.

(in reply to sammyflinders)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/12/2005 8:46:15 PM   
Euryanx


Posts: 96
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Los Angeles, CA
Status: offline 		Nicely put Chris.

Mis-spellings and grammatical errors DO say something about a person. Quite simply, it's the difference between coming off as intelligent or illiterate. You'd think that most people would want to appear intelligent, but a lot of people don't care how they are perceived. In some places, like among urban street kids, good grammar is actually frowned upon, as "uncool."

I remember a teacher telling us once, "If you convey your ideas with shoddy language, you're going to lose your reader. They won't take what you say seriously, because they're going to think you're a moron due to your poor writing."

If you have respect for your own ideas... if you want to convince people that you know what you are talking about... you should dress your thoughts in language that does them justice.

I know this probably makes me sound like a snob. I'm not. I'm just a frustrated ex-high school English teacher.

That all said, I don't judge people by their grammar. If I did, I would have slashed my wrists years ago. I've made these comments with the hope that someone somewhere might take some of this to heart. You really don't have to go to school to teach yourself to write. Everything you need to be a good writer is right at your fingertips. It's all a matter of conveying your thoughts clearly, that's all.

(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/12/2005 11:26:37 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subimale49
I am not getting all of this. Granted, my profile has a few spelling errors, but it that really a big deal?

Perfect spelling (or for that matter perfect anything) is not a requirement of mine since I consider no one perfect (myself first).

quote:

Why do you feel I need to talk more about my vanilla life, interests, etc? I am not looking for a life partner, I am not looking for a lover, I am looking for a Mistress who enjoys training males. My taste in music, movies, hobbies have nothing to do with being trained by a Dominant Female. My profile mentions I am a kind and sincere person, well read, financially stable, etc. I really don't feel I have to give my life story.
I don't feel you need to give your life story either, but speaking of your vanilla interests (not necessarily on profile, but stating openness to that conversation) is important because for most of us life is about much more than kinky interests; while it could be argued that in a D/s it only matters you are a sub/slave and she dominant, I cannot imagine a more unsatisfactory way to live if there are no common interests or physical attraction between the people involved (in my opinion). M


_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to subimale49)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/13/2005 1:20:29 AM   
sammyflinders


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Euryanx

Quite simply, it's the difference between coming off as intelligent or illiterate.



I understand your point entirely, but tell me, Do you think after reading my response here that i come across as somebody who is illiterate? Somebody who is not inteligent?

I don't really think the two are that strongly linked. If somebody's spelling etc is horrendous, like really awful, then yes it does make u wonder about them overall i suppose. Most folks however seem to write at about my level, and I have never found myself thinking 'this person is either a moron or simply illiterate'

I have been IQ tested twice, got a score of 135 and one of 137 respectively, this means i am fairly intelligent as far as these tests go, but i know my grammar etc could be better.

I guess what im getting at is that i dont think i personally would like to interact with somebody who was that particular. If somebody was ready to discriminate over what i find to be something so minor then i just wouldnt bother.

But, as stated by others, no right or wrong - what works for some doesnt for others.

(in reply to Euryanx)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/13/2005 4:28:12 AM   
Euryanx


Posts: 96
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Los Angeles, CA
Status: offline 		Sammy, as I said, I don't judge people according to the grammar, or at least try not to. And no, I did not think you were illiterate based on your post. Not at all.

You're right, some people find the whole issue more important than others. Newspapers are written on about a 4th grade level so that everyone can read them.

I guess I'm probably alone in this, but I admire and respect a person who can give their ideas form and style, it tells me a lot about them.

When I taught high school, the constant mantra from the students was: "Why do we have to learn to read? Can't we just watch the video?" Kind of got tired of hearing that, but that's where most of our society is at today. Again, all of which makes me respect the person who has respect for the English language.

(in reply to sammyflinders)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/13/2005 7:55:42 AM   
KCAttitude


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/26/2004
Status: offline 		Well the first thing that caught My attention when I read your post was that you said 'What is a Domme looking for in a play partner?' And I thought, Domme's AREN'T looking for 'play partners' they are looking for submissives/slaves. Pro Dommes look for 'play partners'. Maybe that explains the responses you are getting?
I didnt read thru all the other replies you got, so maybe My reply is redundant.
To Me a play partner is someone who just enjoys the occassional submissive scene, but not someone who wants to LIVE that lifestyle. And I would think that the Pro Dommes are probably much more familiar with dealing with that type of submissive.
Just My opinion and My first thoughts after reading your post.


_____________________________

Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda

(in reply to subimale49)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/13/2005 11:15:06 AM   
MadamMichelle


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline 		May subimale is still peeking at this thread out of sheer curiosity, so here's my two cents worth. If lack attention to detail, and by that I mean you have no interest is correcting a word OBVIOUSLY mispelled, I will not be able to trust you to complete a simple task without checking on you constantly. Now that's work and that's why pro dommes get paid, to pay constant attention to you which is impossible to do in a real D/s relationship. An attention pig does not enhance the quality of a domme's life, so there would be no point to even meet you in the first place.

I'm going to put this next point into a vanilla setting where anyone can understand the point I'm making. I live in Nevada where prostitution is legal. Anyone over the age of eighteen, male or female, can walk into a brothel, pick someone of their choosing, negotiate what they would like to have done and how much it will cost, do it, and then go about thier business. What kind of idiot would I be if I agreed to date someone on a regular basis who comes over to my house, fucks me, then leaves. If I made an attempt to even ask what kind of music they like while they're fucking me and all I could get for an answer is "None of your business, Nothing that I like or dislike has anything to with you", I would be a broke slut instead of a well paid whore. A guy like that doesn't deserve to have a mutual give and take relationship because he's so one sided. When I encounter someone like that (It's rare but it happens) I give them three options. Slowly back away from me, offer to pay me, or ask me for a number to a good whorehouse. Trust me if you are incapable ofgiving a woman some emotional energy be perpared to cough uup some finacial energy.

I'm done ranting for the rest of the week
Thanks for the forum!

(in reply to KCAttitude)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/13/2005 11:45:01 AM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		I have avoided commenting up until now. When someone asks specifically for a critique, they have to expect to get real opinions and this includes negative ones as well!
The response from many people has been related to spelling and grammar, so clearly there are many people who find these details important.
The people who have commented do not go around and correct grammar, punctuation and spelling on everbody's threads. (If they did I would be flamed on a regular basis)
They were asked for their opinion, and they gave it.

(in reply to MadamMichelle)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/14/2005 3:20:12 AM   
sammyflinders


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamMichelle

If lack attention to detail, and by that I mean you have no interest is correcting a word OBVIOUSLY mispelled, I will not be able to trust you to complete a simple task without checking on you constantly.


Should we assume that you are an inept person aswell owing to the poor grammatical structure of this sentence, specifically the start of it? One must be careful I would think when they are attacking somebody based on thier spelling/grammar prowess that they set a shining example themselves.

I dont have this problem, I can foul up as much as I like cause as i said - I find such things unimportant.

(in reply to MadamMichelle)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Why isn't a Mistress interested? - 7/14/2005 5:53:30 AM   
LadyKim


Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with most of what I have read by the other Dominants posting on this thread.

Educated, confident, self assured submissives that seek more than just a kinky roll in the hay are what most of us look for in a sub boy. Submissive men that just want sex are a penny a pound, but finding someone that realizes it isn't just about their masterbation fantasies and what can be done to and for them is a bit more difficult. Say something about yourself to capture a woman's interest mentally.

Good luck to you.
MzKim

(in reply to subimale49)
Profile   Post #: 40
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