quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm hesitant to offer advice.  I think punishments are given out like candy in too many relationships- a quick way to make things seem better but which do not actually address the issues going on long term.  You recently posted that you're feeling really alone and lonely and not fitting into your new home and all that homesickness.

I wonder if punishment on such a regular basis for such basic little things will make you feel MORE secure, or if they will just keep you feeling like you're never "good enough?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: Redoubt

I've always felt the most severe punishment was ensuring that my partner realized I was disappointed in her. I find that the majority of submissives beat themselves up far worse than I ever could.

But any time there is a punishment, there has to be a closure afterwards... something you can say "ok.. I screwed up, but he forgives me and knows I am trying". If pain is play, a symbolic over the knee spanking followed by a long hug can be that closure, provided that first, the two of you communicate about what was expected, what went wrong and what can be done to prevent future occurences.

It really does depend on the submissive, and how she learns from her mistakes... some need to spend time in reflection, whether you have them kneeling in the center of the room alone, or sent to the corner... some need to be given an unpleasant task, others need to see how angry they have made their master... it should be something that both D + s should agree on early in the relationship.

The trouble is, sometimes punishment can be fun for either partner, and as a result - if you truly want to have the entire cycle of confession> punishment > absolution you have to have something that truly gets the message across, and something that is appropriate to the transgression.

What do you think your punishment should be? What would help you learn not to disappoint Master?

quote:

ORIGINAL: PAcpllooking

I never prescribed to anything like a hug after punishment, to me its a confusing thing to do. Punish then make them feel good?
Now punish them, before you do make sure they know why, afterward ask them why they were punished and move on. I see man who keep bringing something up even after the punishment.
If I have to punish someone more then 3 times for the the same thing, then I will have a long sit down and see if they are serious about the relationship, if I am not giving them something they need or if they just dont care or if they dont understand.
Punishment as neer been fun for me in any way shape or form. I see it as a failure on my part in not getting my slave to want to do a good job or me not being clear on something.

William 

quote:

Hopefully Daddy and I can sort through my issues of feeling really out of place and unsure of myself here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrj69
I believe the OP stated she had originally been told pain was not going to be a punishment. She then went on into how after relocating they (Daddy and her) came up with a list of chores and a numerical number that was to be assigned to all and the total at the end of the week would determine the punishment. That implies she agreed to pain as a punishment after the move. My question is are all the numbers positive or are they a combination of positive and negatives with the ones being for chores not completed or not completed correctly and the other for when she does more than is expected of her and then she gets a reduction for not having completed a chore. In my opinion, if all the numbers are positive and result in punishment then she will attempt to do nothing more than enough to not be punished. Instead, it should have been designed to where she is trying to make her daddy happy. Anything, including memorizing the streets of London could be a punishment but if she knows all that will happen at the end of the week is she will be punished, where is the reason for her to make her Daddy happy ?