FuriousAngel
Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline
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I've seen some flags offered to submissives over time, but must say that some of what I see here is so unfair that I want to counter act the sweeping generalizations just made here with my own thoughts.
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2. will not go to Yahoo IM. Alot of men have offered to go to msn or AIM with me; but as far as i know, only YIM has message archiving; so i insist on it. If they don't have it, it's fairly simple to get it.
A person who does not install a program on their system because someone they do not know told them they have to is hiding something or fake? I'm not disputing your right to utilize the program of your choice, or to not accomodate Dominants by using one they insist on. But to claim those who don't comply are hiding something is, in my opinion, unreasonable.
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3. will not call you. Or, will call, but only btwn 9pm and 9:30pm. This means he expects his wife to be at the gym, etc. during that time.
If a man says he'll call me at a certain time, he will call me at that time. Perhaps the Dominant is the one going to the gym? Perhaps the Dominant had a schedule, routine, habits, etc. before he met the submissive? As for if he doesn't call you, it's really quite simple - He's just not that into you. Period. Even a married man will find a way to call a woman he's interested in.
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4. will not give you his phone numbers (home and cell) and personal email addy...not hotmail; not CM...Yahoo or his isp email addy.
So now a Dominant must install a land line in order to prove his status and legitimacy to us? As for e-mail, what does a personal e-mail prove? If someone wishes to disappear into cyberspace, rest assured it can be done rather easily.
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6. will not give you his real name -- first and last
Please elaborate on the time frame in which this information must be provided in order to secure his legitimacy? I have spoken extensively with people online and never requested their last name until and/or if the time arrives for us to meet in person.
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7. will not tell you where he works and what he does for a living.
Again, at what point must this information be provided to avoid judgement? I once met a man online who would not share what he did for a living other than to say he 'worked for the government'. After several dates I came to find that he was a narcotics officer and a member of the swat team, hence, practiced discretion on who he divulged the information to.
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12. is on every BDSM site going -- alt, bondage, etc, -- and is speaking to several women at once.
A Dominant who is interested in BDSM, pursues BDSM, enjoys interacting with others with the same interests and yes, even wishes to increase his odds of finding a submissive by joining several sites is up to no good? As for speaking to several women at once? A man can speak to several woman at once, and perhaps even take a few of them to dinner and nobody questions. It's widely accepted and I believe the word used for this is 'dating'.
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13. says he wants to meet you in real life "but can't get away just now".
If he lives in your city, then yes, this could be a flag. Otherwise, as shocking as it may seem to some as heroic as some people think Dominants are ... sometimes, just sometimes ... they really can't 'get away right now'.
What if a submissive does not abide to the above list? I didn't install Yahoo on my system until last year for two easy reasons. 1. I was content with the program I was using. 2. It's my system and I shall be the person who makes the decisions about what I wish to install on it. I do not have a 'personal e-mail account. I have several hotmail/yahoo accounts of which one account is designated for the purpose of exchanging with those I meet in the D/s community. I don't tell anyone I encounter online my last name until I'm good and ready to and I sure as hell don't tell anyone where I work even in cases where I've met them r/t, perhaps even more than once. Again, that is information I will share when I am comfortable doing so with someone. I'm also on a few BDSM sites, all of which I visit daily and I've spoken with more than one Dominant at a time. So what does that make me? A player? A fake? Married?
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate some of what you share, and that your heart is in the right place as clearly you don't want to see others get hurt. I even respect your right utilize the above list when making decisions for yourself. However, I feel to make such sweeping accusations in a forum, and imply that Dominants who don't comply with the list are not 'legitimate', is rather unrealistic. At the least, if you are going to do so, be fair and drop the double standard by addressing it to both genders and roles. Not everything a Dominant does/doesn't do is a conspiracy!
Ooopsies! "Replied" to the wrong person!
< Message edited by FuriousAngel -- 7/11/2005 11:46:25 PM >
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RE: Is he a Real True Dom/Master or a phoney? - 
Profile
These guys look for sub women on sites such as these so they can emotional torture a women and maybe humiliate her a bit and they feel good about themselves because these subs "like being treated like shit". A man like that has so many issues, he will never meet with you. Their self esteem is so shot they know that if they were seen in the flesh you would know that they don't deserve to be called Master, or Sir, in fact they know that in their world females are superior to themselves, hence the anger which manifest in the game playing. I met a guy like that in a bar where I was working. He was disrespectful to his woman, rude , and was telling me what a top notch dom he was. The next night I had him kneeling on the floor, begging for permission to touch himself
. The best part, to myself anyway, was that he spent the next month pleading with me not to tell anyone about what happened. Of course I let any members of my domme sisterhood in on it.
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