What if I dont have trust for my Dom?

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What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 8:59:35 PM

blossomtree

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

we have been D/s for a couple of months, we got together on weekends.
but he is aloof on the weekdays.
I know I'm not his preference, even though he bought me a collar.
I know he is looking for another sub even though he said he wouldn't.
although I am obsessed with him, I don't have trust for him anymore, or probabely I never had.

its time to leave, right? Im so sad...

Post #: 1

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 9:01:12 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

If you aren't happy, if you don't trust him, if he breaks his word... why are you still there? What is he doing?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 8/21/2007 9:12:04 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to blossomtree)

Post #: 2

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 9:09:41 PM

chathamvahere

Posts: 81
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

A sub and or slave should be happy in the relationship with his or her Dom, it is a two way street, if you are not happy, why are you still there????

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 3

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 9:11:35 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blossomtree

we have been D/s for a couple of months, we got together on weekends.
but he is aloof on the weekdays.
I know I'm not his preference, even though he bought me a collar.
I know he is looking for another sub even though he said he wouldn't.
although I am obsessed with him, I don't have trust for him anymore, or probabely I never had.

its time to leave, right? Im so sad...

it's time to find someone else. staying with someone as described above is just wrong. you have to be happy or it doesn't work.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to blossomtree)

Post #: 4

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 9:12:07 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

IF you don't have trust, then you don't have a [healthy] relationship.

He has lied to you, [he said he isn't looking for another sub, but he is]. Trust is gone, a lie destroys trust.

Did I miss anything?? The relationship is over, time to move on and find someone worthy.

Good luck.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to chathamvahere)

Post #: 5

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 9:14:35 PM

WickedBDSM

Posts: 37
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

Is this the same Dom, you were wondering about, if you should allow him to have another sub?

(in reply to blossomtree)

Post #: 6

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 9:16:19 PM

newwillingness

Posts: 7
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline

I have been there, and I truly understand where you are coming from. Yes it is hard to make the decision because you are emotionally involved with him....but you know what is right for you in your mind....you have to put your emotions aside.....would you put up with this in a vanilla relationship?? If your husband gave you a ring and then you thought he was looking for a second wife, would you stay? My guess is no....this is no difference, it will be hard for you to walk away....but do what is right for you. If you are asking the questions, you already know the answer. And by the way, pay no attention to those, who ask you like you are stupid why you are still there. It is easy to look at the situation with no feelings and think to yourself, well I wouldn't stay.....but they have distance and a lack of emotional connection. I wish you well.

(in reply to blossomtree)

Post #: 7

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 9:17:02 PM

vegas0623

Posts: 29
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

You answered you own question. Why would you want to be with someone that you don't/can't trust? Why would you accept a collar from a Dom that felt you weren't his first choice? Do you value yourself so little...Happiness in any relationship, be it vanilla or BDSM is a two-way street.

< Message edited by vegas0623 -- 8/21/2007 9:35:22 PM >

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 8

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 9:24:33 PM

corsetgirl

Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

My last dom and I had an excellent sexual and intimate connection but we were going in different directions. This was because I became very insecure in our relationship when he would introduce several women to play, leaving me feeling not good enough to satisfy him.

It was hard at first but he wanted to let go and now, I am grateful for it as he has given me that freedom to explore all possibilities of a D's relationship, which would be something I would never do if I were still with him.

If you don't trust this dom, it is time to cut the cord, give yourself a break and then go out and meet others.

(in reply to vegas0623)

Post #: 9

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 9:41:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well what exactly has he done to cause a lack of TRUST?

I can understand you aren't happy, that you've decided you want more than what you initially agreed to, that you let your own feelings and desires get ahead of you, and that you really don't feel secure with him anymore.

But where's the lack of TRUST? He hasn't changed his behavior, he hasn't lied, from what I can see he's been completely open and consistent with who he is and what he expects of you and the relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to corsetgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 9:42:02 PM

violetaelf

Posts: 74
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blossomtree

we have been D/s for a couple of months, we got together on weekends.
but he is aloof on the weekdays.
I know I'm not his preference, even though he bought me a collar.
I know he is looking for another sub even though he said he wouldn't.
although I am obsessed with him, I don't have trust for him anymore, or probabely I never had.

its time to leave, right? Im so sad...

The shortest and most useful answer I can give you ... "Yes" !!

Yes it's sad, and difficult, but after the aches let up, you'll meet people who will be more compatible with you.
Good luck,
'violet'

(in reply to blossomtree)

Post #: 11

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/21/2007 11:01:20 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You're obsessed with him? Boy, just think how you would feel if he actually treated you well.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to blossomtree)

Post #: 12

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 2:52:18 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Communication!!

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 13

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 3:22:56 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

He isn't treating you very well either as a submissive or a human being;letting you know you're not his preference, letting you know he's loking for another submissive, and being "aloof" as you put it in the week.

I'd go. Then take time to get over it and find someone who's going to value Me.

Good luck.

(in reply to blossomtree)

Post #: 14

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 3:49:04 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

You kinda chose him to be your Dominant even though you know you aren't his type?? ooook

you became obsessed with him? lol, why?

Why does him looking for someone maybe his type surprise you? How do you expect trust with anyone you were a temp for?

sigh.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 15

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 5:46:37 AM

blossomtree

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedBDSM

Is this the same Dom, you were wondering about, if you should allow him to have another sub?

yes, the same one.

(in reply to WickedBDSM)

Post #: 16

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 5:54:26 AM

YourShyPet

Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

If your not happy... and you don't trust him... say Bubye now.

_____________________________

kittin

http://www.myspace.com/daddys_kittin

(in reply to blossomtree)

Post #: 17

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 5:58:54 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

You already know the answers to the questions you ask.
You simply lack the courage to act on what you already know.
pull up the big girl panties and do what you already know is what you need to do.

(in reply to YourShyPet)

Post #: 18

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 6:00:30 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blossomtree

we have been D/s for a couple of months, we got together on weekends.
but he is aloof on the weekdays.
I know I'm not his preference, even though he bought me a collar.
I know he is looking for another sub even though he said he wouldn't.
although I am obsessed with him, I don't have trust for him anymore, or probabely I never had.

its time to leave, right? Im so sad...

Whether it's time to leave is for you to decide. However, if you do not trust him, if you have never trusted him, that is a serious problem, and if you cannot find a resolution, then the relationship is doomed to be unhappy.

There are many reasons one chooses not to trust another. Sometimes it is as ephemeral as a "bad vibe"--an intuitive sense that one should be on guard. Sometimes there are specific actions that suggest duplicity or deception on the part of the other. Your original post does not convey enough to comment on the origin of your mistrust.

Whatever the reason for your mistrust is--whatever you believe it may be--if you wish to sustain the relationship you need to communicate this to him. You need to tell him your fears and misgivings, and he needs to respond to those fears and misgivings.

If he is indeed going back on his word, then you must decide how to build trust going forward (assuming you mean to sustain the relationship). If he is not--if you have wildly misinterpreted his actions and perhaps his words--then you must determine how to overcome those misperceptions so that trust can flourish between you. If the end result is a realization that the two of you are not well matched, then you at least have the opportunity to unwind the relationship in a positive fashion, leaving you both free to seek more compatible partners.

This much is certain: If you do not talk to him, then yes, it is time to leave.

_____________________________

(in reply to blossomtree)

Post #: 19

RE: What if I dont have trust for my Dom? - 8/22/2007 6:41:48 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

You're obsessed with him? Boy, just think how you would feel if he actually treated you well.

Well yanno, as has been mentioned more than a few times on here.......some people actually dig people that treat them like crap.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 20

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