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is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 2:01:44 PM

JVHsWolfpup

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Joined: 8/21/2007
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ok, i just found out, and he confirmed it, that he met, played, and spent a weekend with a slave he was talking with last year at folsom. he never told me till i found her profile on here and read her journal. i asked him and admitted it but says its not cheating because hes a ''master'' and can talk/do what he wants and dosent need my permison. he said he didnt tell me cuz he knew id get mad and well... i did [duh].
my question is, can a dom cheat or is playing around behind my back with other G-I-R-L-S a masters privilage?

Post #: 1

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 2:08:59 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Anyone can cheat.

If he is the master, why didn't he say BEFORE you got into a relationship "I will be fucking and playing and doing whatever I want with whoever I want and not necessarily telling you about it, you got it?"

No, he was hoping not to deal with that situation because then you might say NO. So he gets you into it, you Do find out, and he pulls out the MASTER CARD! Thus settling you into a nice firm guilt and shame trip designed to keep you where you belong.

Did you guys agree to monogamy? Did you agree to disclosure? What did you both set up in terms of expectations for being with others when you made the commitment?

If he's following that- then it's fine. If he's not, then he's cheating.

_____________________________

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Post #: 2

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 2:09:40 PM

AquaticSub

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Did he tell you he would be monogamous with you?

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Post #: 3

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 2:13:20 PM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
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i say it depends on what the initial agreement was. If you both agreed to some type of monogamy or limits in that area, then he has broken that agreement....dom or not. And he has deceived you. But if there was no agreement, or the door was left open in that area.....then of course he is going to exercise his 'domly prerogative' and do what he wants.

In either event, for him not to mention this at all...well, is that what you want for your future?

Good luck! (and i do mean that)

Edited to add....we must have all been writing at the same time

Daddysgirl

< Message edited by adaddysgirl -- 8/24/2007 2:14:50 PM >

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Post #: 4

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 2:16:49 PM

puella

Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
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Does it feel like cheating?

Being a 'Master' does not release you from the obligations of honor and personal integrity. I have no idea what your 'rules' are regarding your relationship...but again...if it feels like cheating, it probably is. If he had to sneak around, avoid telling you until he got busted or otherwise hide the truth from you to keep your relationship intact...then regardless of any titles adopted by the people involved..I would think thereto be something not right going on in the relationship...call it cheating if you like. If he felt it was okay within the dynamics of your relationship and definition of Master and slave, he would not have kept the truth from you until you ferreted it out.

If he wanted to assert his masterly privileges...he should do so before he makes secret liaisons, not after, to my thinking...otherwise it just sounds like he got caught doing something the two of you know is not okay for your relationship and he is pulling the "I am Master hear me roar" trump card....which demonstrates both a bit of cowardice and to my thinking, a decided lack of mastery.

Good luck to you both,

Jen

< Message edited by puella -- 8/24/2007 2:17:41 PM >

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Post #: 5

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 2:17:03 PM

caught4u

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Joined: 5/25/2007
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it's only cheating if you agreed to not see other people. but if he knew you would be upset about doing that, then did it anyway, then concealed it, could you stay and trust him? i can't speak for you or anyone else but i know i couldn't do that, so i would walk away.

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Post #: 6

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 2:37:25 PM

DarkDaddyZ

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Joined: 4/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: caught4u

it's only cheating if you agreed to not see other people. but if he knew you would be upset about doing that, then did it anyway, then concealed it, could you stay and trust him? i can't speak for you or anyone else but i know i couldn't do that, so i would walk away.

If it feels like cheating to you, then it's cheating.

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Post #: 7

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 3:03:48 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
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He handed you a whole bunch of power by deceiving you, apparently afraid of your reaction. It's hard to be Master of anyone when one is too weak to be honest.

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Post #: 8

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 3:34:58 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JVHsWolfpup

ok, i just found out, and he confirmed it, that he met, played, and spent a weekend with a slave he was talking with last year at folsom. he never told me till i found her profile on here and read her journal. i asked him and admitted it but says its not cheating because hes a ''master'' and can talk/do what he wants and dosent need my permison. he said he didnt tell me cuz he knew id get mad and well... i did [duh].
my question is, can a dom cheat or is playing around behind my back with other G-I-R-L-S a masters privilage?

Actually, the question is: Did you and he have a discussion and agreement to be monogamous including play?

Did you two actually establish that he wouldn't be seeing anyone else at all or did you just assume he wasn't and agreed with you on monogamy?

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Post #: 9

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 3:36:40 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

He handed you a whole bunch of power by deceiving you, apparently afraid of your reaction. It's hard to be Master of anyone when one is too weak to be honest.

Holy SHIT.....thats just awsome!!...

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Post #: 10

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 3:46:32 PM

subinside

Posts: 233
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Toronto, ON
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish
It's hard to be Master of anyone when one is too weak to be honest.

Damn, i think i love that...stolen.. i really hope you don't mind.

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Post #: 11

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 5:02:04 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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Your question should have been answered before you accepted his collar.

I don't cheat on my pet. We both wish to stay monogomous and expressed it along with other terms and conditions before a collar ever poped up.

Anyways, the question you have asked is one for you to now answer. Now that you know him a little better, can you accept and live with his fucking around for the rest of your life? If the answer is "No" then it's time to hand back the collar and find a relationship where you know what to expect.

Next time, look, ask, and come to terms before jumping in like a dumb vally girl. Like, Ya Know?

"I'm the Master" is a lame excuse for getting away with bull shit. He can't be your master unless you know what you are serving. What are the real terms and not that silly phrase "What I say goes."

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Post #: 12

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 5:55:03 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Sorry , a brief off topic...welcome back puella..and nice pic..:0)..Tempting.
back to regular program...

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Post #: 13

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 6:15:41 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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To the OP..I am not going to bother with asking what were your terms discussed before relationship started..as I feel if you had agreed to a more "open" type of relationship, you would of not been shocked about your discovery nor would he have bothered to of hidden it either..So IMO you have a dominant who is lacking..lacking the control of himself, lacking in honesty, lacking anything but the behavior of a spoiled child...to my eyes he is not a Dominant...he is not even a good man....Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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Post #: 14

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 7:48:50 PM

SirDraco7

Posts: 108
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JVHsWolfpup
ok, i just found out, and he confirmed it, that he met, played, and spent a weekend with a slave he was talking with last year at folsom. he never told me till i found her profile on here and read her journal. i asked him and admitted it but says its not cheating because hes a ''master'' and can talk/do what he wants and dosent need my permison. he said he didnt tell me cuz he knew id get mad and well... i did [duh].
my question is, can a dom cheat or is playing around behind my back with other G-I-R-L-S a masters privilage?

There are thoughts and issues here that come to mind. The first being... that you have been together for 2 and 1/2 years.
You should know each other well by now.
Based on your suprise and shock that you show, and the way he seemed to blow the issue off, I would have to say, Yes, it is cheating.

This lifestyle is about honesty and trust and respect and many other things. He should know you by now. He should've known you would question him if you found out... so why didn't he come forward and be honest before you did?
Does he not care about your feelings? Maybe he was trying to protect your feelings in a weird nobel way?

Do you trust him? Are you sure? If he did this once.. how many other times has he done so?
I do give him a bonus to him for being honest about it when you did find out.
But then again I take it away for the Master comment he made.

I don't care who you are, how much experience you have or anything.. I disagree with Masters and comments along the likes of "I'm a Master so I can do what I want so tough for you"
Fact is that is and should be farther from the truth. D/S and BDSM is about much much more than just the Master. Without the sub/slave as well there is nothing. If what the Master wants and demands is and goes against the girls needs, then the girl had better find a more compatable Master. To sit there and take it just because he's a "master" is not ideal.

I'm not saying leave him by any means. I'm just saying to sit back and think and reflect on things. Talk to him.
Are you ok with him doing this sort of thing? What do you need and desire? Are you happy? etc etc etc.

I ask because he knew you would get mad, yet he did so anyways, without warning and by hiding it. And his reply to you implies he would do it again if he desired. Does that show care for your feelings? your thoughts? your emotions? Are you ok with it?

What is more important.. the sub's needs or the Masters wants?(need for emotional stability, need to trust her Master, etc etc etc)(Not saying in this case it is a need vs want. but I think so)

Like I said. I see it as cheating as he did not tell you and he hid it. He did so because he knew you would become upset and mad. Instead of making it so you would be ok with it, or not upset he just did it anyways...

selfish and uncaring = cheating

Just my thoughts, and negative as they are they are as I see them.

(in reply to JVHsWolfpup)

Post #: 15

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 8:05:25 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
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Even if it's not "cheating" he hid someting from you and was not honest with you. If it's true and he really believed what he told you - that it's a masters perogative to do as he pleases, then why the need to keep you in the dark? Those were not the actions of a master, they were the actions of a coward.

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Post #: 16

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 8:13:42 PM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

He handed you a whole bunch of power by deceiving you, apparently afraid of your reaction. It's hard to be Master of anyone when one is too weak to be honest.

Holy SHIT.....thats just awsome!!...

ABSOLUTELY!!!

Couldn't have said it better myself.

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When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
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Post #: 17

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 8:23:17 PM

YourShyPet

Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
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Dishonesty.... how Masterly of him... (snorts).

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Post #: 18

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 8:42:54 PM

caught4u

Posts: 132
Joined: 5/25/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

quote:

ORIGINAL: caught4u

it's only cheating if you agreed to not see other people. but if he knew you would be upset about doing that, then did it anyway, then concealed it, could you stay and trust him? i can't speak for you or anyone else but i know i couldn't do that, so i would walk away.

If it feels like cheating to you, then it's cheating.

Agreed...

_____________________________

"Be Yourself - Everyone Else is Taken"

~owned by Master of Wind~

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Post #: 19

RE: is it cheating? - 8/24/2007 9:49:26 PM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
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Chances are this is not going to be a pleasant reply......I am blunt and rarely take back what I think/type.

I'm most likely going to repeat what has already been said, but it's worth repeating. Was being monogamous part of your negotiation(s) before you became collared? If it was, he is a liar and a coward. If not, you left the door open and now you are pissed over something that should have been dealt with a long time ago.

Just because he is "Master" and says that he can/do what he wants does not mean jack shit. Anyone can put that title in front of their name and think their actions have no consequences. It takes a strong Individual to take the step in doing the next right thing.

Good luck......I wish you much peace in this...

~smilezz~

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Post #: 20

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