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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/25/2007 7:17:13 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

It's natural to want to help those we love. Don't let anyone tell you different.

sometimes the best help is not to help! Secondly, some confuse helping with enabling.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/25/2007 8:48:09 AM

chey

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This is nothing more than my opinion and it has nothing to do with M/s. A woman standing behind her man and believing he can move mountains can cause amazing changes in the man.

Imagine two scenarios: In one the woman supports him through the hard times, gives him encouraging words, believes that together they can get through it and that he has what it takes to make things right. I would like to believe that 9 times out of 10 that man is going to find the strength to pull himself together and do what has to be done. It works this way for me, when someone believes in me I try harder. When our high school football team hears us chanting and screaming for them....they try harder. In the other scenario the woman does nothing but nag him about how miserable she is, how he never does anything right and is running their lives into the ground. He is worthless in her eyes and she wishes she could just get out. Here I wonder if that same man who is now thrown into a state of depression (heck I would need a drink!) would have performed differently with the woman from scenario one. Again, no guarantees but I feel the odds are in favor of him being a much better provider if she approached him differently.

So my personal opinion has always been YES....that a Master can be a better person with a little help from his slave. It has nothing to do with changing him or topping him IMHO. I believe that we affect those in our lives and we can choose to do that in a good way or in a bad way. As a teacher I have worked with other teachers who have rubbed off on me in a good way and made me better at what I do.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/25/2007 11:27:46 AM

theq

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quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsylph
Is that something a girl should even attempt to do - would that be like trying to top from the bottom or take control of things?

As iron sharpers iron, so one man sharpens another.

I don't know about you and yours...but with me and mine...we are many things....including friends.

I'm not above/beyond my submissive's reproof...and she's certainly not beyond mine. That having been said there are ways you can do it respectfully and there are ways you can do it that show contempt and disrespect. Put some thought into how to best handle it.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/25/2007 11:34:43 AM

theq

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
2. Research. Every now and then, a sub/slave would like to make a suggestion without it sounding like they are taking over. "Honey, to try and please you better, I"ve researched a few things and I'd like for you to decide if you think it's something I'm ready for. While you are reading, would you like for me to go to the bedroom and prepare myself for you to have your way with me?" There's nothing wrong with a little research to show that you want to be a better submissive than the day you were before.

Wow....that'd be great presentation! If a girl of mine were to come to me with such...I don't know if I'd be able to focus on the reading task at hand <grins>.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/25/2007 2:34:29 PM

Bobkgin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theq

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
2. Research. Every now and then, a sub/slave would like to make a suggestion without it sounding like they are taking over. "Honey, to try and please you better, I"ve researched a few things and I'd like for you to decide if you think it's something I'm ready for. While you are reading, would you like for me to go to the bedroom and prepare myself for you to have your way with me?" There's nothing wrong with a little research to show that you want to be a better submissive than the day you were before.

Wow....that'd be great presentation! If a girl of mine were to come to me with such...I don't know if I'd be able to focus on the reading task at hand <grins>.

oya

That would work -much- better if she said she was off to the kitchen to make dinner

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/25/2007 3:53:35 PM

SirEbonyPhoenix

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One thing that should be kept in mind is that all Doms/Masters will occasionally make mistakes in guiding, training or leading a submissive/slave. And in that aspect, a sub/slave can help them become better by talking over whatever concerns may arise, whether in the D/s relationship itself or even when they are scening. In short, the key word is COMMUNICATION. :)

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/25/2007 4:02:20 PM

TreasureKY

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theq

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
2. Research. Every now and then, a sub/slave would like to make a suggestion without it sounding like they are taking over. "Honey, to try and please you better, I"ve researched a few things and I'd like for you to decide if you think it's something I'm ready for. While you are reading, would you like for me to go to the bedroom and prepare myself for you to have your way with me?" There's nothing wrong with a little research to show that you want to be a better submissive than the day you were before.

Wow....that'd be great presentation! If a girl of mine were to come to me with such...I don't know if I'd be able to focus on the reading task at hand <grins>.

Honestly... *shakes head*

Are you men that easily manipulated? I mean seriously... I can't imagine dumping something in FirmhandKY's lap and in essence telling him he's going to read it and make a decision... no matter how coyly I dress up my command. And to top it off with sexual bribery? Ha! I'd be lucky if I could sit down for a week.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/25/2007 8:07:24 PM

aSlavesLife

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My pet will make passive suggestions concerning me while pointing out the benefits of the suggestions. For instance, if she sees a piece of exercise equipment that she thinks I could use, she will point it out to me, note the price and size of the piece, compare the workout offered by it to what I already have, and let me make a decision from there. If I am not opposed to a suggestion she will mention it again at a later time in case I forgot about it, but will not push the issue as she knows that pushing something I am already considering will more often than not tip the scales against the decision. She knows that if she mentions something several times and I finally say " Drop it. ", that it is futile to continue trying to push the idea on me.

Owner of slave L

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/25/2007 10:49:49 PM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

If he's not better off for having me in his life, then what purpose do I serve being with him?

Exactly. My ex begged me to go to anger management therapy and I will owe her to my daying days for that act alone. If I wanted someone to just nod their head all the time I would mount a bobble head on a blow up doll.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 8/25/2007 11:08:09 PM >

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/26/2007 5:33:51 AM

Cyntilating

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quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsylph

A big part of my relationship is that my Master guides me into being a better person and a better girl. What about the reverse? What are the ways that a girl can help her Master be a better man and Master?
Is that something a girl should even attempt to do
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, I do believe it happens in reverse as well. Although,
I don't feel it is anything I "set out to do" ....it just happens.
The Ds dynamic in our relationship lends itself to that naturally, meaning, that we have always wanted and tried to be the best we could be as individual, and for each other..and we bring that to the relationship...
We both truly listen and respect what the other has to say and what they are experiencing> and I think the learning just comes naturally and mutually..

Master has always encouraged ( well ok insisted upon ) my free-thinking and free-association. I am not afraid of talking about anything and everything.. and He brings the same to our talks and our time together...
Well, I will be jabbering away and He will tell me that what I just said has helped Him so much ( usually elaborating as to why ) ...and I usually find myself blinkin with a big question mark over my head > didn't know I had said anything that could have helped Him..
and of course its not unusual for me to feel the same about things He is saying ..I learn about myself, from Him all the time.

( as someone thoughtful and wise recently helped me to distinguish for myself )
In my opinion, Master is pretty much perfect ( for me) ..
and He tells me He thinks I'm perfect (for Him ) ....but, individually we are not perfect people...no one is... : )
we all have room for growth and betterment.
perhaps its about the delivery and/or approach LOL but I do not get all butt-hurt when He gives me constructive criticizm or suggestions....infact, I rarely feel it as "criticizing" ...
His mind is open as well, and His willingness to hear my thoughts and apply them to Himself, without taking it as personal criticizm or disrespect...

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/26/2007 8:13:01 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

Are you men that easily manipulated? I mean seriously... I can't imagine dumping something in FirmhandKY's lap and in essence telling him he's going to read it and make a decision... no matter how coyly I dress up my command. And to top it off with sexual bribery? Ha! I'd be lucky if I could sit down for a week.

*Grinning*

I'd be laughed at.

I'm always prepared for him to have his way with me - he can take me and use me any time he feels like it. Coy does not work with him, at all. Direct and to the point is his preference, and rather than ask him to read something, he'd prefer I summarize it in my own words, along with how I feel about it.

To each his own, of course, but he'd see right through any disguise and would let me know in an instant he did not appreciate it.

As for helping him to be a better person, I agree with your earlier words - if I didn't add value to his life, I wouldn't be in it.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/28/2007 9:24:04 PM

FangsNfeet

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Wow, I can't remember be quoted so many times in a thread. I figure going a little over board with advice would cause this young lady to take a few steps the appropriate medium. After all, Devoted has already admited to having difficulty in expression. I didn't intend to suggest mannipulation but more towards of giving him the feeling that he's always the man of the house.

Now, here's some advice most of us can relate to. Honesty. Yes, being honest will help your man and your relationship. The number one thing you should be honest about with your man is his wardrob. How he dresses is important. You should always tell him what you like and don't like as well as suggest outfits that truely suit him. He can still wear whatever he damn well pleases. However, helping him look his best will bring out him being his best.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/29/2007 8:24:25 PM

devotedsylph

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

Wow, I can't remember be quoted so many times in a thread. I figure going a little over board with advice would cause this young lady to take a few steps the appropriate medium. After all, Devoted has already admited to having difficulty in expression. I didn't intend to suggest mannipulation but more towards of giving him the feeling that he's always the man of the house.

Now, here's some advice most of us can relate to. Honesty. Yes, being honest will help your man and your relationship. The number one thing you should be honest about with your man is his wardrob. How he dresses is important. You should always tell him what you like and don't like as well as suggest outfits that truely suit him. He can still wear whatever he damn well pleases. However, helping him look his best will bring out him being his best.

I really think it's two things that contribute to this - firstly that I'm a switch at heart so sometimes have to give myself a nudge in one direction and because I don't think in English. Sometimes things sound submissively appropriate in my head and to other people they don't so much. That is something that is a work in progress, though. Master does say I've improved in it.

Great idea on the clothes! I DID notice that when I was with him last. His roommate was moving out and gave him some really nice shirts. I absolutely adored how they looked on him and he made a point to wear a new shirt a day until I returned home.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/30/2007 12:14:27 AM

CuriousLord

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quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsylph

A big part of my relationship is that my Master guides me into being a better person and a better girl. What about the reverse? What are the ways that a girl can help her Master be a better man and Master?

Is that something a girl should even attempt to do - would that be like trying to top from the bottom or take control of things?

If the Master controls everything, it's not even your decision. He does as he pleases- you're an instrument for his use, no ore capable of "bettering" him than his hammer or computer. If he wants something of you, he'll have you do it.

Then again, I'm all TPE M/s. If you have a Dom ("Master", of course, is a term that not everyone uses the same way) who isn't TPE, then, sure, there may well be room for you to do things. You might be able to talk to him about it.

Just.. to be fair- "bettering" is changing, and there's no way around that. Then again, people change all of the time. Constantly. By the second. So, meh.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/30/2007 7:25:08 AM

SimplyMichael

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LMFAO

This board just gets more and more amusing or is that less and less amusing. Hmmm.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/30/2007 11:16:30 AM

Elegant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

LMFAO

This board just gets more and more amusing or is that less and less amusing. Hmmm.

Perhaps more or less amusing.

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/30/2007 5:32:39 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

LMFAO

This board just gets more and more amusing or is that less and less amusing. Hmmm.

I kind of had some hope for him.

He mellowed out a little bit.

Stopped talking about his uber genius, superiority, and telepathic sexual skills.

Still putting himself up on a pedestal as the pinnacle of a Master...

But still...thats tolerable in light of...well...you know...

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 8/30/2007 5:34:59 PM >

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/30/2007 5:39:52 PM

fairerthanshe

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Greetings,

If the tasks my Master gives me ease his mundane burdens so he can concentrate on things that are actually important instead of worrying about whether or not the trash was taken to the street, then I have given him the support he has requested. If Master asks my opinion on something and I answer him honestly and with his long term well being in mind, then I have supported him, however I do not consider that guidance. He is still the one who will make the final decision as to the course of action he will take.

I do not see it as my role to "change" him in any way. Master does not have time to clean his house, between work, school, and gigs, there simply is not time. I can clean for him and it makes me happy to do so. I have taken that off his plate. However, unlike some women I have known through the years, I do not reorganize or tell him how to keep his home. That is his domicile, his castle if you will, and it is not my place to run it, merely to keep it.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/30/2007 7:10:42 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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I see it as a symbiotic relationship..but whatever you do..do not treat him like a child or mother him...Have been told that is a "bad thing"..lol...Tempting

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RE: Helping one's Master be a better person - 8/31/2007 3:45:59 AM

goalie62

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsylph

A big part of my relationship is that my Master guides me into being a better person and a better girl. What about the reverse? What are the ways that a girl can help her Master be a better man and Master?

Is that something a girl should even attempt to do - would that be like trying to top from the bottom or take control of things?

I'm not very good at expressing myself, so I hope my meaning and intention comes across from the appropriate place. I don't want to change my Master, but if I can help him be better, then I would love to do so.

simply,
sylph

If he is your guider and leader and does well at guiding you into being a better person, can he not guide himself into being a better man as well?
(I wonder when once you start to do the guiding, nurturing and uplifting, how you would feel about that and whether you would start to view him differently (and yourself as well)? )

Not always, some guys (me included) tend to be a bit dense and we can't always see the forest for the trees. I for one appreciate a bit of gentle feedback. Especially when I'm being stupid.

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