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Online relationships - 8/24/2007 8:45:51 PM

Audrey80

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Joined: 8/23/2007
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I would like to know if any of you had online bdsm relationships & about your experiences. No need to detail just want to know the positives/negatives. Little curious here want to learn...:)

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RE: Online relationships - 8/24/2007 8:51:14 PM

breatheasone

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No sorry...an online relationship wouldn't quite do it for me i'm afraid....i hope you find some answers...and welcome to the forum.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 2:11:02 AM

Aileen68

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For me, an online only relationship would be like having all kinds of wonderful pictures of delicious food and never being able to taste them. Completely unfulfilling.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 2:29:42 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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I did the whole "online thing" for quite a while and took it pretty seriously. I think it was a good way for Me to learn, to make a few mistakes without seriously harming anyone ... but it got very frustrating once I realised I could actually do this in real life! My current relationships BEGAN online but with the intent to move to real time. It took Master and i a year to achieve this (well it was a 5000 km move for Him) but it was well worth it. W/we have lived together 24/7 for over 3 years now. My new sub only lives about 400km away, W/we've known each other about 3 months now, she visited last month for just over a week and will be back here for 4-6 weeks as of next week.

I am not as anti-online as some you will find here ... but it is easy to get hurt. I always remembered there was a real person behind the other screen ... but unfortunately some people don't worry about that. There are obviously major limitations on the degree of control you can achieve and it relies on honesty ... but you can find out a lot about each other by writing ... and the conversations and emails can be saved (an advantage over phone calls, even though I love hearing someone's voice). These days I wouldn't start an online only relationship that had no chance of ever becoming real time ... it wouldn't satisfy My needs and I just don't have that much free time on My hands! The most I will do is provide a bit of basic bdsm education for distant subs that approach Me and hopefully equip them to get out into the real world where they live.

Regards
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 3:00:39 AM

johnxinxscruz

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For me, an on-line relationship focuses entirely on the mental aspects of things. If you're very focused on the physical, then that can be pretty unfulfilling. But, ultimately, it's a fantasy, and thus it can also be unfulfilling if the relationship doesn't eventually find a way to leap into the real world. If it doesn't, then certain stresses and problems start to creep into the relationship.

I agree with MaamJay that it can be a safe way to learn and explore the mental side of things. But, it doesn't help with learning the physical side, obviously.

And, because it is a fantasy, it's hard to be sure that both people are on the same page. For one, it might be pure fantasy, while for the other it might be fantasy with an intent to convert it to reality. In that case, it's going to lead to some form of heart ache eventually. The other danger is: because it's a fantasy, it's easy to lie, or be lied to. Like they say, on the internet, no one knows you're a dog. You don't know that the person on the other end of the conversation really is who they say they are. They might be 13. They might be a gender you're not comfortable with. They might be a predator instead of a Dom... or a predator instead of a sub.

IMO: the more reality you can insert into the equation, the more likely it will last and be more fulfilling than just a short-lived fantasy. No reality = no longevity. If you're comfortable with that, that's cool (as long as the other person knows that too). If you're not comfortable with that, then figure out how to solve it.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 5:52:12 AM

Littlepita

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My Joe and I were online for 10 months. We really didn't "play" at BDSM. We did have one terrific scene, my first, on the phone. But, without the aftercare of actually being held and loved, it was lonely and we both didn't like that. We cybered on occasion, which again left us longing for each other all the more.

Online is good for communication. For exploring thoughts and ideas together. We knew we were going to be together fairly quickly and made our online time as meaningful as we could, but we saved the real D/s stuff for real life.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 5:55:48 AM

slaveish

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It could be a good learning tool - you still have your own life outside it, and thus more control. It's a good way to get your feet way to decide if you like the role you choose or to experiment with other roles that might hold other appeal.

Like Aileen said, though, it would be physically unfulfilling. If you struck up a good dynamic with a Dom, you would most likely physically ache for him, and sometimes a dildo just won't do it.

It could also be emotionally empty - no one to hold you or caress your face, no one to really be there to guide you through your ups and downs. Online can only go so far. But I suppose it could be a pleasant beginning.

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If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 6:04:23 AM

camille65

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Audrey80

I would like to know if any of you had online bdsm relationships & about your experiences. No need to detail just want to know the positives/negatives. Little curious here want to learn...:)

Hi Audrey. I have been in what is mostly a long distance relationship for nearly 8 years. He lives in Texas and I am in Michigan so there is a big chunk of country between us.

Most of the time I am really okay with that. We talk several times a day, when I wake up he is there on cam and when I go to sleep he is there watching me. We talk a lot lol, our communication in many ways IS our relationship.

Every 3 months or so we meet and that is wondeful heavenly happiness but there are times when that is not enough.

It is a balancing act, balancing what I need against what I get. If I had to break it down I would say that I am 90% happy and 10% unhappy, sometimes it gets very lonely.

We met in a chat room and did the whole cybersex thing (I will get flamed but dang I really do love cybersex!!) for a couple of years before we met. Neither of us expected the connection we formed and neither of us regret it. The distance we do regret and I am trying to move to him.

I hope that gives you a teensy bit of insight to at least one person world of a mostly online relationship.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 11:51:47 AM

cuddleheart50

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For me, an online relationship is fustrating. I need to be able to touch the person im in a relationship with.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 12:22:40 PM

DarkDaddyZ

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I've met potential partners online but to have an online relationship without the goal of spending time in person on a regular basis just never did it for me.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 2:17:56 PM

proudsub

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From: Washington
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I think online can work very well for those who can't get together in real life as long as both parties are honest in what they are doing, are explicit in their wording and have a good imagination. A web cam helps too. It worked for 2 years for me and taught me a lot about myself. It was a great introduction to this lifestyle but now that i have real life i wouldn't do it again.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 3:11:52 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

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Joined: 5/14/2007
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i guess i did online......a man i knew on here got my submissive juices flowing quite unexpectedly actually.........and it was great and served its purpose, including teaching me how to kegal and cum on command.....

but once i tasted the real thing......well.......now having nothing is better than online fantasy..... for me at least, theres no going back to the fantasy, once the reality has been realized......

and im ok with that....

< Message edited by SeeksOnlyOne -- 8/25/2007 3:13:02 PM >

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 4:17:08 PM

Celeste43

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We started online. Even after we had met we only got together about every six weeks. So most of our relationship in the beginning was online and phone. Just like a real life relationship, we focused on communication. Learning to hear what the other person really was saying and asking for clarification because there wasn't any body language, facial expressions etc to clue us in.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 4:23:19 PM

apiercedkitty

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One of the first Doms i met here at CM lives across the country and we tried online... unfortunately, the time difference, the fact that i had kids at home and time limitations due to my school schedule made it pretty much impossible to carry on. We did meet a couple of times - and i much prefer Him in person... i guess it's one of those things that i can say i've tried - and am not interested in doing again.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 4:35:00 PM

JustSomeDom

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I find online relationships the ultimate in frustration. When you want to reach out to the other person, all you get is a handful of screen.

JSD

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 6:50:32 PM

PAINTRAIN

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In my personal opinion... and this is not to put anyone else down for thier beliefs... but for me an online relationship is not a suitable replacement for real life. I have the inability in my opinion to give a good "mental mind fuck" to some one that neither knows my displeasure or satisfaction in their actions in person. However, I do believe it is a wonderful supplement to a long distance relationship. Can be quite useful when you can not be there. But to me the only way I could see me carrying out an online relationship is if I was too afraid of the reality of real life.

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 7:07:08 PM

flower2007

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I know it would drive me insane, unless I could do it in a way that wasn't "play". Is that even possible?

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 9:36:11 PM

hsagnev

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Audrey80

I would like to know if any of you had online bdsm relationships & about your experiences. No need to detail just want to know the positives/negatives. Little curious here want to learn...:)

Yes, I did it once and it lasted about a year (on and off). It was okay (not great, not bad - just okay).

(in reply to Audrey80)

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RE: Online relationships - 8/25/2007 9:42:53 PM

FelinePersuasion

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I have, and we didn't get to have bdsm experinces, because for me and he and I you can't do bdsm online that requires being together in real life face to face

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RE: Online relationships - 8/26/2007 11:17:42 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

I've met potential partners online but to have an online relationship without the goal of spending time in person on a regular basis just never did it for me.

BINGO!!....i actually met my Master online...meeting someone online is cool...i believe in a face to face meet as soon as humanly possible if things click....but online only is a big no no for me personally.

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

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