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Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 5:34:07 AM   
mzchristina


Posts: 12
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		I am wanting to learn all i can about this lifestyle. I have learned quite a bit just by reading posts in the forums. 

Is it common for a Master to have a sub as well as a slave?  If so how can a sub become a slave to that Master? I want to make Him want me and only me. I know He loves me and such but i want Him to allow me to submit to Him.  Any and all advice would be appreciated and needed.

~mzchristina~

"never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option" -Unknown
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 5:49:52 AM   
Ravin


Posts: 49
Joined: 2/21/2006
Status: offline 		each situation is different, and personalized to meet the individual(s) tastes and wants and needs. what is "common" to one couple, group, poly, etc's relationship is not to another. Reading here is a good tool and resource and can provide you with feedback that might or might not apply. Try reading Screw the roses, give me the thorns and perhaps Different loving by Gloria Brame. There are definately dynamic differences from submissives to slaves, and those too are often defined by the individual house or group with which you belong. As to Him letting you submit  is a different situation all together and from the sounds of things there is more then just you and Him involved currently?

(in reply to mzchristina)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 6:00:07 AM   
mzchristina


Posts: 12
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		Ravin- yes there is a slave involved that i just learned about. He has been with me for 8 years and her 7 years.  His relationship with her has been off and on for the 7 years but with me for the entire 8 years.  it devistated me that He felt the need to search outside of U/us to fullfill His needs/desires.  i want to break that, i want to give Him all he needs, desires, wants, etc. 

~mzchristina~

_____________________________

"never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option" -Unknown

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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 6:03:45 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mzchristina

I want to make Him want me and only me.



Find a monogamous man who wants you for who and what you are.

If you are trying to "make" a man become monogamous when he wasn't at the start of your relationship, you are going to introduce strife, jealousy and a lot of hard feelings and at the end of the process (assuming he doesn't kick you out) you'll have two people wondering whether the result is worth the pain caused to get there.

If non-monogamy isn't your thing, bow out gracefully and look for someone who shares your values.

on edit: Having read your second post, it appears you asking for advice on how to win back a philanderer. Reading between the lines it appears you are saying he's cheated on you for seven years.

If that is the case, my advice is even more applicable: "find a monogamous man who wants you for who and what you are."


< Message edited by Bobkgin -- 8/27/2007 6:14:00 AM >

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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 6:04:43 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mzchristina


Is it common for a Master to have a sub as well as a slave?  If so how can a sub become a slave to that Master? I want to make Him want me and only me. I know He loves me and such but i want Him to allow me to submit to Him.  Any and all advice would be appreciated and needed.



Is it common, really depends on the dynamic of the relationship.  For us, not it is not.  We are monogamous.  However for others who are not.  Then sure it is very common.

No idea of your specific scenerio but if he has others.  It sort of is the way he lives.  Doubtful you can change him to make him only want one.  Just being you.  People generally don't change in life and if they do it is only for a short time.  Then in the end they usually end up resenting those who pushed them to change.  Aside from the obvious, you'd be topping from the bottom.
You want to submit to him?  That I do not understand.  You are his submissive and you have  not submitted?

I am my dominants submissive and I have submitted.  Although that also can be the way he defines relationships I guess?
Only slaves submit and submissives, well what do they do?


(in reply to mzchristina)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 6:50:06 AM   
slimcontroller


Posts: 46
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		In a relationship each party will contribute, it seems in this one you are counting for less than half, which is a danger for a submissive, and given the third party and your ignorance points to your being taken advantage of.  You seem now to be 29 years old and if you have been 8 years in the relationship, which puts you at 21 when it started. Approximately a year later your partner took on another girl (?), you were quite happy it seems as long as you did not actually know.
 
This suggests a lack of awareness on your part, lets call it too trusting. Since it is difficult, impossible some say, to change our nature there can only be unhappiness ahead if you continue on this course. Move on, look at the situation, analyse, do not be bitter or critical as that will blind you to truth and the valuable lessons you can learn from this.
 
The answer to the question - some do and some don't. The trick is to find which at an early stage.
 
Slimcontroller

(in reply to mzchristina)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 6:54:21 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I want to make Him


mz c,
Start by getting rid of the idea that you can 'make' him do anything. What does he want? How does he differentiate between you, the sub, and his slave. If he can answer that - he can resolve the endless slave v. sub threads. Ask him how, or if, you can achieve that status.

Next, don't worry about what is "common" or qualify yourself, your relationship, or your potential relationship by a comparison to others. There is nothing "common" and why would you strive for "common" anyway?

Your answers aren't going to be found from any other source but him. You may not like them, or agree with them, but that is the inherent dynamic of the relationship you've chosen.

(in reply to mzchristina)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 6:54:33 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		What you seem to want is monogamy.  What you've found out is that he's been off and on with another person -behind your back- for the better part of how long you have been together.

It's not likely he's going to change.  And despite caring for him, if that isn't what you signed up for when you started out with him, then I'm honestly amazed that you even want to stay with him when he is obviously dishonest about his intentions.

People don't change unless they want to.  You can't make him change.  He wants more than one flavor, and since he's had what he's wanted for so long, I hardly think that A.he'll "allow" you to try to be all of those flavors B.eventually stop seeing other people behind your back.

No offense, but this is not a winning situation for you.  imho


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to sub4hire)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:16:56 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		So, there are now two stupid bitches fighting over one dumb fuck.  You want to know how to kick the other stupid bitch out of bed so you can having the lying fuck all to yourself.

Have some self respect, the only other innocent party in this is the other woman, the only thing I would want to do if I were you is show up at his house holding her hands, both of you yell in unison "fuck off asshole" and turn and walk off into the sunset.

(in reply to mzchristina)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:17:49 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		You can't make him love you. You can't make him want only you. You can't get him to commit to you.

If what you need is a committed, monogamous relationship then why are you in a relationship with an uncommitted cheater? You deserve better and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you will be able to find it. Good luck.

(in reply to Aine)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:24:01 AM   
mzchristina


Posts: 12
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		First off i am not a stupid bitch and that being implied is just cruel. Second off she is not innocent in all this by far. she knew about me from the beginning.  i was the one that was left in the dark. In fairness to Him, W/we have a long distance relationship and have had it for the entire 8 years and she is close to home.  i didnt join this site and post a discussion to be insulted. my mistake for coming here it seems.

~mzchristina~

_____________________________

"never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option" -Unknown

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:31:24 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		You are so right, you aren't a stupid bitch.  You want to find out how to win over for yourself the man who cheated on you for years with the woman who lives close to him and you live far away.

I will appologize if you can explain to me why on earth you think this man is worth winning.

(in reply to mzchristina)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:31:48 AM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mzchristina

First off i am not a stupid bitch and that being implied is just cruel. Second off she is not innocent in all this by far. she knew about me from the beginning.  i was the one that was left in the dark. In fairness to Him, W/we have a long distance relationship and have had it for the entire 8 years and she is close to home.  i didnt join this site and post a discussion to be insulted. my mistake for coming here it seems.

~mzchristina~

Not speaking for Michael but I do not think he was calling you stupid bitch directly, he was making light of the situation using humor.

The bottomline is this, you are not comfortable in this situation and based on what you said you are monogamous.  This "Dom" should have been upfront with you as you have been with him (I think). If you are monogamous and a potential partner is not then you he is probably not for you.

Toodles,
Z-

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:34:55 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Look Christina, your own tag line says don't make someone a priority who considers you an option. Yet that's what you're doing. His actions of eight years show you that you are a bit of fluff to him, she is probably the same.

If being an option is acceptible, then continue. But if you want to be someone's priority accept the fact that you won't be with him. His actions show you that.

But think about where you'll be in another eight years if you stay with the status quo. Do you want to spend 20 years of your life wishing for him to love you and want to be with you or do you want to make changes so that in ten years you will have been longterm with someone who does love and cherish you.

You can't change him. The only person you have control over is you.

Good luck.

(in reply to mzchristina)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:42:03 AM   
mzchristina


Posts: 12
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		SimplyMichael - i think the reason i feel He is worth winning is due to me being sheltered so to speak.  i know He loves me but i want Him to only desire me and need me.  it isnt the fact that i want 'Him' to desire and cherish me, i want any Man to.  sometimes i think i am asking for too much.

~mzchristina~

_____________________________

"never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option" -Unknown

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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:43:55 AM   
leatherette


Posts: 255
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

So, there are now two stupid bitches fighting over one dumb fuck.  You want to know how to kick the other stupid bitch out of bed so you can having the lying fuck all to yourself.

Have some self respect, the only other innocent party in this is the other woman, the only thing I would want to do if I were you is show up at his house holding her hands, both of you yell in unison "fuck off asshole" and turn and walk off into the sunset.


Dear SimplyMichael:   spectacular!   (sincerely)
 
OP - maybe we can be innocent or trusting ( and that is a beautiful thing)  Just a person should be upfront  about their desires and needs and not jerk people around. Please don't be too rough on yourself . It is just a hard lesson. I am sorry if you are hurt.
 
That said - what a fine sight that would be - 2 hot chicks clasping hands, shadowed by the sun, moving towards the future and giggling insanely at that big ole fool  still  against the door frame, lips flapping soundlessly, mouth gaping , managing a weak stutter yet speechless... and  still without a clue.
 
Fine indeed.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:46:41 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Christina,

You should never EVER settle for less.  EVER.

You need to grasp the concept that his treating you like shit isn't the same as you being a piece of shit.  It means HE treats women like shit, it is about him, NOT you.  You need to learn to love and value yourself OUTSIDE of a relationship, THEN go looking for someone.  Learning to love and value yourself isn't easy but until you can do that you are going to keep picking men who play on that insecurity and fuck you over.

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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:50:22 AM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mzchristina

yes there is a slave involved that i just learned about. He has been with me for 8 years and her 7 years. 
That should throw out a flag of how much you can trust him and how much he cares for you. He has lied to you for at least seven years, and now somehow you expect to be able to trust him? it should never happen, drop him like a bad habit and find someone you can trust.


_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:54:10 AM   
Subtlecalm


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/27/2005
Status: offline 		oop

< Message edited by Subtlecalm -- 8/27/2007 7:55:36 AM >

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: Words of wisdom needed - 8/27/2007 7:56:12 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Christina,

I am sorry I was so harsh but I wanted to jolt you out of your complacency.  You deserve better, you just don't know it yet.

(in reply to mzchristina)
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