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RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/27/2007 1:30:08 PM

aeleberaNB

Posts: 690
Joined: 6/4/2007
From: Alberta, Calgary, Canada
Status: offline

Greetings Masters and Mistresses:
Greetings Peggy:

~smiles~

i have had Masters, Mistresses, Doms and Dommes call me lil one or little one or wench. i had one Domme call me slut in an email to which my reply was that only One Person is allowed to call me slut and she was not Him.

the terms little one and lil one are terms of endearment in my eyes and mean no harm.

i don't cap a subs/slaves name but will cap a Masters, Mistresses or Doms/Dommes nick because it is how i was trained and i find it more respectful to do so.

wishing all well,
aelebera{NB}

_____________________________

He is the Master, i am His slave, His property, His muse to do with as He pleases, when and where He pleases. Trust in thy Master as HE knows what is best for His property.

(in reply to Guilty1974)

Post #: 21

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/27/2007 1:32:40 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Gosh, this could turn out to be my canned response of the day.... because desperation has an unpleasant quality to it... rather akin to the smell of rotting flesh.

Ok, that's probably not true in all or even most situations related to this complaint. But I enjoyed posting it anyway.

Ron suggested that you consider the venue... a sex site. But I think it's even more basic than that... you're online and that is a standard/common online dynamic, even for strangers. You're confused because you're trying to make sense of the nonsensical, apply logic to the illogical, realism to the unrealistic... need I continue?

Seriously, it's the internet. And it (seemingly) never fails to live down to my expectations of it (which may be the actual problem... your unrealistic expectations of what is found online).

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to PeggyO)

Post #: 22

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/27/2007 1:49:24 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aeleberaNB
i don't cap a subs/slaves name but will cap a Masters, Mistresses or Doms/Dommes nick because it is how i was trained and i find it more respectful to do so.

wishing all well,
aelebera{NB}

What about switches, vanillas, tops, sadists, masochists, fetishists, bottoms and the like?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to aeleberaNB)

Post #: 23

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/27/2007 1:51:22 PM

Neala

Posts: 70
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

Ehm....

Ron did point out you are on a sex site. However, there's a bit more to it than that. This site was designed around BDSM. -Gasp!- I know. Shocking, right? BDSM is kind of encasing a lot of other things. D/s, M/s, 24/7 type of situations. I've noticed more and more that these sites aren't for casual smexin' any more. It's an f'in' personals site. Another shock, no? If your friend wants some booty, tell her to use craigslist or visit her local friendly BDSM community and attend a play party. You wouldn't go to match.com to get laied would ya? No, no you wouldn't.

(in reply to Guilty1974)

Post #: 24

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/27/2007 2:14:48 PM

mrbob726

Posts: 155
Joined: 4/15/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline

It would seem to be simple - if the person you are contacting uses caps on their user name, then use caps when you contact; if they use lower case, address them with lower case. No one gets insulted.

***spelling fix***

< Message edited by mrbob726 -- 8/27/2007 2:16:27 PM >

_____________________________

"Love many, Trust few, Harm none" (Yau Man, Survivor Fiji)

"If builders built buildings the way some programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization."

(in reply to PeggyO)

Post #: 25

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/27/2007 3:42:01 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

Ron, there days like today when you really, really make me smile.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 26

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/27/2007 6:21:12 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

<QR>

My Pet makes no mention of me in her profile, as such, a good deal of men attempt to talk to her. Most are civil but ignorant or her situation. Some pull the alpha male thing, call her their whore blah blah blah. Very few, but reading them with her is always a laugh.

It's a dangerous assumption to say any two submissives are the same. Anyone who doesn't run the risk of being spanked by me is treated as though they were not a player in power exchange. I don't pretend they aren't in the BDSM world, I just don't treat them like they're submissive to me at all. I value and respect other submissives the same as other dominants.

More interesting to me is how submissives are trained (or decide) to treat other dominants.

Edit to include:

Names and tags, which are names taken by choice, are all capitalized. It's a basic rule of grammar and I feel it conveys more intelligence unless one is sure the reader completely grasps the whole D/s caps deal. When I use the words "my" and"pet" together in place of her name, I capitalize it. Same with Her Master when I refer to myself in third person.

< Message edited by HeavansKeeper -- 8/27/2007 6:37:35 PM >

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Guilty1974)

Post #: 27

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/27/2007 10:05:54 PM

PeggyO

Posts: 129
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Neala

Ehm....

Ron did point out you are on a sex site. However, there's a bit more to it than that. This site was designed around BDSM. -Gasp!- I know. Shocking, right? BDSM is kind of encasing a lot of other things. D/s, M/s, 24/7 type of situations. I've noticed more and more that these sites aren't for casual smexin' any more. It's an f'in' personals site. Another shock, no? If your friend wants some booty, tell her to use craigslist or visit her local friendly BDSM community and attend a play party. You wouldn't go to match.com to get laied would ya? No, no you wouldn't.

Hello,

I guess she, like me, thought that all flavors of BDSM based situations were welcome here. She isn't looking for "casual" play and isn't looking for a booty call. She's looking for a relationship that includes Ds in the sexual arena and is otherwise a peer based relationship. These types of relationships are hardly uncommon in the lifestyle.

Oh - and she is active in the community. She's just new to this way of meeting folks and has been a bit surprised at some of what she has encountered.

Maybe I am missing your point here.

Take care,

Peggy

(in reply to Neala)

Post #: 28

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 12:12:04 AM

TotalConquest

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/6/2007
Status: offline

Peggy,

Just because someone self-identifies as Dom/me, there is no reason to think that they could not also be dumb.

TC

(in reply to PeggyO)

Post #: 29

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 2:21:36 AM

Neala

Posts: 70
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

They are welcome here. However, it's not the 'norm' of this site. Finding someone for kinky sex is more difficult than finding a D/s M/s dynamic WITH kinky sex. At least, this is what I have found. They aren't uncommon but they may be on this site. I spend a lot of time browsing profiles when I am bored. Only a rare few only want kinky sex.

If you come on to this site, realize what you're dealing with. Not only are you dealing with a lot of people who are serious about a 24/7 M/s dynamic but you're also dealing with a lot of people who on a good day 2+2 = confuses the living piss out of them.

I suppose I didn't state my point very well.

So...here it is.

On a site like this...you roll with the punches. Don't sit here and whine because your friend isn't getting the responces she likes. Tough. It really is incredibly annoying.

(in reply to PeggyO)

Post #: 30

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 3:05:12 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyO

What I'm trying to understand is why, when she has been very clear that she is not and is not looking to be a submissive to anyone outside specific scene situations, someone would talk to her like that and treat her in a way that is fundamentally as a second class citizen.

I'm hoping that dominants might be able to explain to me why they would treat someone that they don't know and with whom they have no established consensual Ds dynamic like that, particularly when the person says they don't identify as submissive outside the bedroom. I don't get the psychology - maybe if I did I wouldn't be so annoyed by it when someone does it to me.

See, your friend's (and by extension, your) first mistake was in presuming that these men read. However, every now and then, you do find someone who does. But then, the other attribute kicks in.

I can best explain that attribute in a series of cliches:

You never know till you try
Nothing ventured, nothing lost
It doesn't hurt to ask
Hey, I took a shot
Out of a thousand "no's" I just might score a "yes"

And my personal favorite, admitted to me just the other day by someone responding to my profile:

Hey, I thought there might be a grey area in there and I was checking it out.

In other words, they may read the profile but they've certainly had enough girls in their lives change their minds to convince them that no matter what the profile says, whoever they're attempting to contact just might be that girl.

After that, a simple "no thank you" should suffice to move em right along.

And every now and then, from my experience, calling someone on their attempts to find the "grey areas" results in a genuinely nice guy who just wants to meet someone, and a pleasant conversation develops. Now, that conversation isn't going to go any further than exchanging pleasantries, but it's still a refreshing change.

juliet

(in reply to PeggyO)

Post #: 31

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 3:09:18 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyO

She states very clearly in her profile that she is a "service oriented bedroom submissive". She also states she's not looking for a full time Ds for Ms relationship but is looking for people to scene with and have fun with.

I believe the colloquial term is "bottom".

She may have more luck with that.

quote:

If the dominants want to make any kind of good first impression, they've pretty much failed.

Natural selection at work.

Be grateful. If they'd made a good impression, they'd be failing on the follow-up instead.

Much better when they tip their hand straight off the bat, so you don't end up wasting time and taking risks.

quote:

I'm hoping that dominants might be able to explain to me why they would treat someone that they don't know and with whom they have no established consensual Ds dynamic like that, particularly when the person says they don't identify as submissive outside the bedroom.

I wouldn't.

(Excepting of kajirae, where I get the impression it would be disrespectful to not treat them so.)

quote:

I don't get the psychology - maybe if I did I wouldn't be so annoyed by it when someone does it to me.

Ron's humorous reply was dead on, I think.

And I don't think those people will be writing on the forums.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to PeggyO)

Post #: 32

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 6:30:39 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Actually knowing Peggy O as I do I hardly saw it as just bitching. Thus the reason I addressed the question at hand rather than judge the reasons someone had for posting it. Lacking knowledge of Peggy O might cause many to shift their focus from the question asked and instead focus on what is percieved as bitching about _______.

I'm certainly not immune to focusing on the reason I percieve a person has for a posting, I've made my share of assumptions for various posting motivations. Inthis specific case though I have a little outside information that leads me to believe it was not in total a bitching item and did have an element of seeking knowledge.

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 33

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 8:18:27 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Is it really so hard to understand? People do things you don't like because people tend to do whatever they want to do. If you don't like it, delete and move on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeggyO

I'm hoping that dominants might be able to explain to me why they would treat someone that they don't know and with whom they have no established consensual Ds dynamic like that, particularly when the person says they don't identify as submissive outside the bedroom. I don't get the psychology - maybe if I did I wouldn't be so annoyed by it when someone does it to me.

(in reply to PeggyO)

Post #: 34

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 8:19:35 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I never thought she was bitching about anything, Archer.

My comment was focused on the people doing these things, plus a tip about saying "bottom" to perhaps mitigate things a bit.

Sorry if I came across in another way.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 35

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 11:50:53 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

Well you got jaded fast! LOL... course you seem to make a habit of finishing things early.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Neala)

Post #: 36

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 4:16:05 PM

MasterJBK

Posts: 89
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline

men don't read profiles they don't have to. and the ones who don't read aren't truly dominant men they are people who get off on calling a women names. that is arrogance on their part. the men who start off that way obviously didn't read the profile.

i read the profile and generally do my response based on what is in the profile. asking questions based on what she has wrote. most men are arrogant pigs who think the world evolves around them.

(in reply to PeggyO)

Post #: 37

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 5:41:46 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

well... I think it's a safe bet a person that Claims to be a Dominant treats a stranger within anything other than polite manners is likely not much of a character to be respected.... So frankly... Why they do it... I don't Care!!! There is alot more things of alot greater value that wasting my energy on such characters....

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to PeggyO)

Post #: 38

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 5:59:12 PM

valkyriesdaughte

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline

News flash- bad manners are not confined to males, dominant or otherwise; internet sites, sex or otherwise, or any other niche venue. The world is full of rude creatures of all genders, sexual orientations, and interaction levels. My rule of thumb is: if I wouldn't wate my breath on someone in person, I won't waste typing time.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 39

RE: How Doms treat subs they don't know - 8/28/2007 6:05:11 PM

mistyann1978

Posts: 22
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline

I'm fairly new to the site and BDSM in general, but this is one of the first things I noticed when I created a profile here. The messages that irritated me (by calling me slave, girl, this one, little one, etc), I simply ignored. I don't consider myself a submissive, if anything I am a bottom. Anyway, my first thought was if I'm not YOUR sub I would expect the same respect you would show when speaking to any other person you don't know, regardless of what title you think they hold.

Also, I have to agree with those that replied by stating this is the internet...it's also a BDSM forum...I suppose these things are to be expected and can quite easily be ignored. Hell, think of it as a good thing...at least she is weeding out the bad ones :).

< Message edited by mistyann1978 -- 8/28/2007 6:07:13 PM >

(in reply to Guilty1974)

Post #: 40

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