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RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:19:58 PM   
greeneyes1962


Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline 		        I have very few limits, and they are hard limits. Things I won't do under any circumstance. Everything else, Master can do as he likes.

      There are many things I don't find erotic or fun, but am more than willing to
do to please him.




< Message edited by greeneyes1962 -- 8/28/2007 11:31:06 PM >

(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:51:45 PM   
hobbit9sub4u


Posts: 130
Joined: 10/29/2006
From: Bates Motel(florida)
Status: offline 		i like that. its how i feel as well. somethings arnt even remotly erotic or pleasurable to me, but Master likes them and finds pleasure in them so im more then happy to oblige. a Masters pleasure should be a subs pleasure as well yes?

_____________________________

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.

(in reply to greeneyes1962)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 3:58:44 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		My hard limits (goddess help me i'm older and have lost all the soft ones) generally mean if you do this once i can get up you are going down, period.
 
The only one i tolerate very very briefly is country music, and even then i leave the room fast or put ear plugs in.
 
It really does make my ears bleed.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 4:06:57 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		As in the general consensus here, I find I have two sets of limits:  hard ones that scream, "Go there and you die", and the soft limits which represent a certain ick factor but are negotiable as to frequency and severity.  Kids, animals, poop, death and dismemberment are all non-negotiable, extremely hard, set in cement limits.  Stuff like electricity, blood, play piercings are all soft limits that are kinda icky to me but I would probably try, after which they would either become a hard limit or something to negotiate how often and what level.  Watersports used to be a soft limit but then I tried it, pushed the boundary and found I truly enjoyed it.   The trick I found was to find a Dom that has the same, or more, hard limits as me.  It really helped on the trust factor.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 4:13:52 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to think we're all kind of that way.  We all have things (and they are different for different people) that we're just not gonna do.  Then we have things that are icky or we don't like but we'll do or try and see.  And I agree that they need to be examined occasionally...discussed...whatever because things do change.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 4:21:49 AM   
greyarcher315


Posts: 99
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline 		 From my view, as a novice sub, stretching limits comes down to communication. I do have some hard limits now, but there is also a lot out there that i have not experienced, and so can not say if it is any kind of limit, hard or soft. there is a problem if i am not comfortable discussing how something makes me feel, both before and after, with who ever i am under at that time. Once someone knows their sub, they should encourege them to try new things, expand their horizans, but do so in such a way that respects the sub.  But if you can't talk about it, it won't work.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 4:28:15 AM   
taintedgypsy


Posts: 228
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		This is an old argument ... many do not respect a hard limit but feel that it will soften as time goes by ... I still regard myself as a novice so to speak and alot of my limits will depend on the relationship and the amount of trust involved, most of my limits are soft, set for self pertection only to move as trust grows but there are 2 which are hard limits ... I like to think one day I will be able to say "do that and if I can get up you will go down" lol (loved that) but the truth of the matter is if you do that I will go down in a huge screaming mess, curl up and want to die. You WILL trigger trauma in me ... and you will loose my trust. Hey you want to end the relationship ... here is how, break these 2 limits and watch me run screaming in other direction as soon as I can remove myself from the feotal position.

But there are still those who feel that they can tamper with this, I have seen the professionals, I have dealt with this shit and I am over it, why would I let you bring it back ... why would you want too, get a grip.

A reasonable person does not set a hard limit with someone they trust and enter into a relationship with for the hell of it, there is usually a damm good reason.

Just my opinion

_____________________________

..."Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ... It is about learning to dance in the rain."

Equal Opportunity Slut (Yeah ... best of both worlds lol)

warm smiles to all

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 5:38:53 AM   
BDsbabygirl


Posts: 115
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		Even tho I am also somewhat new at this, I do not have any "soft" limits because I do not like the idea of having my limits 'tested'. Everything on the list was either "Yes" or "No" as in "hard limit, do not try this with me".
 
Granted, it is possible that later on, Ill decide I want to try this or that and when that time comes, I'll say that something I thought was a "no" is actually a maybe that I'd be willing to try. This way, my Dom doesn't try that 'pushing' mess, thereby upsetting me, yet I am still free to try new stuff as I have more trust in my Dom and our relationship....could this be seen as "topping from the bottom"? Possibly, but as long as my Dom is fine with it - and he is - then that's all that matters.

< Message edited by BDsbabygirl -- 8/29/2007 5:43:13 AM >

_____________________________

~ Captured by My Dominance, enslaved by My love ~ -- Big Daddy
Collared by Master Big Daddy on Monday, 7/23/07 at 2:35pm

Into scat play? Boycott shampoo; demand the real poo!

(in reply to taintedgypsy)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 8:17:34 AM   
Vigilantejustice


Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		The following, I think, is true of most people. (Even the vanilla ones, although their short lists might be my long ones and vice versa.) I have 4 categories that an activity can be filed under, two of them rather long lists and the second two of them rather short.
Category1: I tried it. I probably like it. Let's do it some more!
Category 2: I haven't tried it, but I'm curious. Let's see about getting it into Category 1! <grins>
Category 3: "Soft Limits" This is or sounds very displeasing to me, but it is only situational. If (and that's a damn big if) I were in the right situation, with the right person, at the right time, I would be willing to try it/ do it again. I am a forward enough to not need to have these limits pushed, since if (I feel that) I am ready I'll generally let my partner know.
Category 4: Hard Limits. If you try this, as soon as I am mobile you will be bloodied and I will be out the door. Thank you and goodnight. I will *always* make very clear what is contained in Category 4. It is a short list, and generally holds no "What the Damn!?" type surprises. Pretty much if we've gotten to the point of communication where I'm telling you about my limits (usually within a week of regular contact, assuming all goes well.) nothing on my list should shock you. If we've been talking for that long and you still think I'd love for you to poo on me you are: a. completely delusional or b. not paying adequate attention. Neither gets you a play date.

Just my rambly 2p...
-Justice


(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 8:45:35 AM   
Perplex


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		This is why talking and getting to know each other during the "dating" (for lack of a better term) phase is just real important, just cuz folks meet in a sexually based enviorment (like collarme) doesn't conclude there is going to be anything that requires a towel later, but it seems a little surprising to me how many people figure it does...so when you are talking to a potential Dom and heshe says soemthing that makes you nervous (to whatever degree) figure out if it's him/her or if it's you and proceed the way you would on a vanilla date.

I mean most folks wouldn't take home a date who they found potentially dangeorus durign dinner, but in the "desperate" (not the best word) hopeful phase of getting to know a dom who seems like he/she has her stuff wired properly it amazes me how often folks decide to overlook things that bothers them hoping it will work out alright.  it is like the old saw about marriage, if it bothers you today, you'll want to kill her about it in ten years....

and keep talking, even after you begin the relationship...and each situation is different, every dom has what tehy will permit and won't permit so this is one of those places you gotta go with the situation at hand and no blanket advice will help...and have a few sessions...and see where things go.  but let the dom know what is in your thoughts and find out what they are thinking.

and you're going to make mistakes about people, we all have we all learn and we go forward, I still have three scars between my toes cuz when I was young and pretty I should have asked a little more bluntly what was going to happen..FIRST.  but as you go along you figure out what to watch for and with any luck you find a dom that meets your needs and vice versa...or you find out there is enough there to sustain a relationship and become friends who can help each other out later in life

whichever side of the sandwhich you're on, dom or sub, ya gotta trust yourself and have a more than vauge idea of what you want as you go through the exploration process, you'll find some of the fantasies that looked "good on paper " in your head just don't work and things you never considered make you skid into walls when you remember them later. 

(in reply to Vigilantejustice)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 9:26:07 AM   
onmykneesb4Him


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline 		i only have hard limits, and not very many. i completely trust Sir, even when He pushes me a bit. i know Him well enough to know when and how He will push me, so i don't feel any need for soft limits.

(in reply to Perplex)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 9:28:55 AM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Has anyone ever experienced a new limit they did not anticipate, while restrained?  Either psychological (like causing a panic attack) or physical?  This thought scares me, it seems every day I hear of something new and think "wow, people are actually into that?!".  I'm not judging people who are into really unusual things, it just continuously amazes me, the infinite creativity in this world, and sometimes my first reaction is that I wouldn't be comfortable with this situation/activity.  It makes me kind of nervous to enter a situation where I don't know what is coming, but discussing every detail would certainly take much of the excitement out of things that I would enjoy or at least be okay with.  I know it is about trust, but sometimes unexpected things can trigger really bad reactions that you don't anticipate and aren't really logical and have nothing to do with trust.  Just wondering if anyone has experienced this kind of thing and how they handled it at the time and how they suggest avoiding it.  Yes, I'm a newbie w/o much actual scening experience. 

(in reply to Perplex)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 9:37:08 AM   
SubJordanTyler


Posts: 268
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		I really only have hard limits, and they are the usual ones most subs have - death, disfigurement, kids, animals, scat.........also blood and needles for me.  Most everything else I will try.  I don't know if "soft limit" is the right way to describe it, because I'll allow anything being done to me to be pushed a little farther, as I like to see what I can take.  My reaction will tell you if it's too much for me to take.

I did have one hard limit that became a favorite of mine - watersports.  At first, I wouldn't dream of letting anyone piss on me, but after talking it over, I decided to try it.  It was just on my body at first, and I found myself liking it a little.  What was going through my head was how warm it felt - like it was the warmth of Mistress.  So I went further and took it on my face and eventually in my mouth.  Swallowing it was like I had part of Her inside me that I could take with me.

Now as far as stretching, I really don't have any limits there.  I absolutely love to see how far I can stretch - to see what I can take and how much.  I do have some concern about what long-term damage might be happening down there, but the feelings I get from stretching have overridden that so far.  I might feel different if leakage starts to occur, but it's not like I'm not aware of that possibility.  I just enjoy it so much that I'm still doing it regardless.

(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 9:47:50 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

Has anyone ever experienced a new limit they did not anticipate, while restrained?  Either psychological (like causing a panic attack) or physical?  This thought scares me, it seems every day I hear of something new and think "wow, people are actually into that?!".  I'm not judging people who are into really unusual things, it just continuously amazes me, the infinite creativity in this world, and sometimes my first reaction is that I wouldn't be comfortable with this situation/activity.  It makes me kind of nervous to enter a situation where I don't know what is coming, but discussing every detail would certainly take much of the excitement out of things that I would enjoy or at least be okay with.  I know it is about trust, but sometimes unexpected things can trigger really bad reactions that you don't anticipate and aren't really logical and have nothing to do with trust.  Just wondering if anyone has experienced this kind of thing and how they handled it at the time and how they suggest avoiding it.  Yes, I'm a newbie w/o much actual scening experience. 


Certain types of breath play were an out of blue discovery limit of mine while doing them for the first time caused panic attacks and also in subsequent attempts.

I often find it fascinating with the Internet world of today where probably most people get into kinky things have already seen/read up on it thoroughly before ever trying it. I basically learned by getting ask by my owners if I might have a problem with this and me going lets give it a try. I am in no way saying one way is better then another just interested in how we all eventually get to the same place within ourselves but just through different ways.




_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 10:43:48 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I hate that limit testing thing.  Like you I have hard limits that are not to be touched.  Everything else for me is negotiable depending on who, what, where, why, when.  Getting me to want to do act A, is a matter of how I feel when with someone. 
It has nothing to do with MY limits. 
It has to do with my limits with HIM. 
I am not going to let some amateur, anxious to test out the mexican bullwhip he recently bought on Ebay test out how, on me.  Ditto for many other activities. 
My limits are dependant on the trust and knowlege of my partner.
I think it might be more accurate for some of us who have done this awhile, to say the sub is testing the limit of her trust in a new partner.  My true limits are absolute and not to be breeched by anyone.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 11:16:46 AM   
soultoshare


Posts: 519
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		My hard limits are just that.....HARD, set in stone, something that I myslf know there is absolutely NO WAY I could do them.  That said, the hard limits that I do have are pretty much the extremes of the spectrum, and those that are illegal.  The one that seems to give me the most problems with the men out there is the woman to woman contact.....as in there will be NONE!  I have had two try to "convince" me that I'm silly, and that if I tried it once, I'd LOVE it.....and one threaten to use it as punishment.  The two who tried convincing me never stood a chance, and the third I ran away from as fast as my little feet carried me.....got some great advice here, as a matter of fact. 

I want my soft limits pushed.....otherwise, I'll never know what's out there.  A soft limit is something that I'd like to try, but there has to be a level of trust involved, and some cases, it's been something that i've had to work my own mind into trying.  Haven't been disappointed yet!

Don't feel guilty about your limits....you know your own mind, and what will freak you out vs something you MIGHT like to do if the circumstances are right, and you're comfortable with trying it.  Spell it out from the start exactly what your limits are, hard and soft, and that way, there aren't any surprises down the road.  The men you talk to should be interested in what your limits are, the smart ones ask right off the top what they are.  If anyone makes you feel guilt, or any other negative emotion, about your limits, thank them for their interest and move on down the road.  I'm all for being "molded" (yah, tacky word, but it fits!) into the type of sub a Dom wants, but changing my core values isn't going to happen.  And a far as I'm concerned, he shouldn't want to change them, as they are what makes me, me.

One other note, don't let anyone pressure you into doing something whether it's a limit or not......first date sex/play is one that springs to mind.  I have been burned by this myself...the guy just wants a quick piece, gets it, and off he disappears into the night...POOF!....trust your guts. 

Just my .05

m

_____________________________

This is where I should say something witty.....well, "SOMETHING WITTY!"

**********************************************

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain.



(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 11:25:49 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I can't decide if I'm fickle concerning limits or just learning more about myself and growing more deeply in my trust of my Master.... For sure i have "hard limits" like i wouldn't kill my children or sever a limb ....but as for other stuff i thought i knew?....not so much....like water sports....i wasn't even mildly curious...and now its almost a staple with Master and me. and the amount of pain i like/want, BOY HOWDY!! theres another....there was a time i actually uttered the sentence...."I can't imagine why anyone would like that.(pain)" (this may actually make my Master laugh now! LOL) So i'm not sure if i'm too naive to know my limits...or if i'm too trusting....but i trust my Master... He shows me daily that i can...(hourly even) and i trust Him enough to say without hesitation that His limits are mine.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 12:05:38 PM   
hobbit9sub4u


Posts: 130
Joined: 10/29/2006
From: Bates Motel(florida)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

Has anyone ever experienced a new limit they did not anticipate, while restrained?  Either psychological (like causing a panic attack) or physical?  This thought scares me, it seems every day I hear of something new and think "wow, people are actually into that?!".  I'm not judging people who are into really unusual things, it just continuously amazes me, the infinite creativity in this world, and sometimes my first reaction is that I wouldn't be comfortable with this situation/activity.  It makes me kind of nervous to enter a situation where I don't know what is coming, but discussing every detail would certainly take much of the excitement out of things that I would enjoy or at least be okay with.  I know it is about trust, but sometimes unexpected things can trigger really bad reactions that you don't anticipate and aren't really logical and have nothing to do with trust.  Just wondering if anyone has experienced this kind of thing and how they handled it at the time and how they suggest avoiding it.  Yes, I'm a newbie w/o much actual scening experience. 


ive experianced some of what your refering to, it was just one experiance gone wrong and i reacted badly. i discovered that what we were doing was causing a panic attack and  i couldnt do it anymore.

_____________________________

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.

(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 3:18:05 PM   
Vigilantejustice


Posts: 106
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

Has anyone ever experienced a new limit they did not anticipate, while restrained?  Either psychological (like causing a panic attack) or physical?  This thought scares me, it seems every day I hear of something new and think "wow, people are actually into that?!".  I'm not judging people who are into really unusual things, it just continuously amazes me, the infinite creativity in this world, and sometimes my first reaction is that I wouldn't be comfortable with this situation/activity.  It makes me kind of nervous to enter a situation where I don't know what is coming, but discussing every detail would certainly take much of the excitement out of things that I would enjoy or at least be okay with.  I know it is about trust, but sometimes unexpected things can trigger really bad reactions that you don't anticipate and aren't really logical and have nothing to do with trust.  Just wondering if anyone has experienced this kind of thing and how they handled it at the time and how they suggest avoiding it.  Yes, I'm a newbie w/o much actual scening experience. 


Even with a partner (referred to as him, although not always male) I absolutely trust, I still like him to give me a small heads up when he wants to do something new and I am physically unable to react to it (fight or flight). This frequently means holding my face with his hand and whispering the action in question into my ear. This also serves to frame it in a very erotic and positive light in my mind, so I can be more open to it. If it's still something that I can't deal with, I have a safeword of sorts just for such a purpose. Saved me a lot of theory vs. practice growing pains.

I'm all for exposing people to things they might not normally try. Even if one only watches it being done, it can give you an idea of how you feel about it in a more visceral sense than just knowing about it on paper. My personal experience: I had always thought electrical play would be a hard limit, and then I saw it done, and then I tried it.
oh
my
goodness.
Now can someone go ahead and plug me in please?
I've said it before, I'll say it again. Experiential learning rules.
Justice

(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/29/2007 4:12:54 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		The only person who can push my limits is me. Force me into something I'm not ready for and my response will not be positive. Talk to me about it, let me learn and bring up discussions on it when/if I'm ready.

But I see nothing wrong in saying that some things I have limited because they make say 'gross'. If my response is that bad to it, I can't eroticize it, I will have trouble tolerating it, I'll probably safeword and I'll be angry and resentful about being forced into something that I have only negative responses to.

Of course, limits vary from person to person, what might cause a panic attack in you could be something I could handle with my eyes closed, and vice versa.

But I see no reason for people to try to prove they are truly dominant by only focusing on things you aren't compatible with. If touching people's feet is a hard limit, then someone who demands nightly foot worship shouldn't contact the former. Deliberately trying to only  meet people you don't have things in common with is not a good way to get a relationship going. It's like being asked to play golf at a time he knows you have your weekly canasta game, great, you do your own things and have  a wonderful time apart and then talk about what a shared experience it was. I don't get it.

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 40
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