KnightofMists
Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hobbit9sub4u
ive read alot of profiles lately that mention stretching or testing limits, now i dont know what others feelings on this are (which is why im posting here) but my limits are there for a good reason, i dont say it is a limit simply because i dont find the activity erotic or gross in some way, when i say limit i dont mean ,"eww gross, i wont do that!" its more like , "if you do that its probobly a good chance that i will never speak to you again." am i wrong for feeling this way? what are your guys thoughts on the subject? are limits there to be tested and or broken ? or are they there to protect you? a little of both?
im truely confused as i feel guilty when i have to tell someone that my limits arnt flexible. i dont have very many but they are there.
discuss? limits, their perpose (i cant spell) and possible breaking or stretching them.
first.... you are not wrong to feel and think the way you do on this issue. Just as others are not wrong to feel and think as they do on the given issue. What is important is that you have an understanding of this issue with anyone you are considering to playing with or becoming involved with.
the following is how I approach this issue.
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Within the BDSM subculture, understanding limits is an important foundation of being able to participate in a healthy and pleasurable way. We often hear people that express a long list of limits, to an incredible short list and down to none. In building a relationship it is not only understanding another’s wants and desires as well as our own, but also understanding our limits that may preclude us from being able to fulfill another’s wants and desires.
I consider the whole aspect of limits from this view point:
1. The Boundary. These are limits that are imposed upon us by the reality of maintaining our own healthy well-being and not limits that are self-imposed or imposed by another (i.e. Master/Dominant). For example, the diabetic is not going to have that cup of sugar due to the obvious physical consequence it will have to their Healthy Well-being, or the girl that was violently raped might stay away from rape plays because of the intense emotional trauma and anxiety it causes that threatens their mental Well-being. It could also be that a person just can’t do certain types of suspension because physical permanent injuries or just because of the aging process itself.
We all have these types of limits – no one is immune to this. However, the boundaries to our Well-being will be different from person to person. These boundaries will evolve but seldom will we ever over come there existence. Sometimes the damage physical/mental and even spiritual can be so extensive that it will preclude us from engaging in many activities. To engage in them can only mean to harm ourselves. But because we have these boundaries, doesn’t necessarily stop us from engaging in activities that violate our Boundaries to our Well-being….. Self-abuse is a problem I am sure we all see from time to time.
2. Limits. We do indeed impose limits upon ourselves and by others … the things we will not do because they are perceived to have no direct or indirect personal pleasure or gratification in doing them for us and/or our partner. We often hear individuals state they have no limits. There are lots of reasons that they state such a thing… sometimes it is just out of ignorance, sometimes it is because they have yet to try and discovery activities that provide no pleasure and gratification for them and/or their partner. Often thou they are individuals that do indeed have limits but their limits are in-line with that of their Master/Dominant and thus it is an illusion to think they have no limits.
Many consider a slave to lack power to impose limits upon themselves. That only the Master imposes such limits. However, the Boundaries must always be watched for… they are not static… they will evolve. The slave might not have limits… but they do have boundaries to their well-being. The difference between the Moral Master/Dominant and the Immoral One is the adherence to these inherent boundaries of the slave/sub. In my Opinion, A person should not ever relieve themselves of the responsibility of protecting their own personal well-being!
3. Challenges. Many use the term “soft limits”. I personally detest the term. I am a strong advocate – a limit is a limit is a limit! However, there are often times that we see activities that we have yet to try. Our opinion is uncertain, but yet we seek to try them. We can not consider them as either limits or boundaries, nor can we consider them as a pleasure or gratification to be enjoyed for our self and/or our partner. These unknowns, I consider as “challenges”. In fact, most of us when we come into the lifestyle can fill an entire list of challenges. Like any challenge, some we are ready to try immediately, some we must build upon before we make the attempt.
In my opinion, it would be wiser for the person to approach the lifestyle with as good as possible understanding of the boundaries to their Well-Being as they can. They should acknowledge that they have discovered and imposed certain specific limits to their activities. But they do see many challenges that both excite them and scare them. As well as express the pleasures and gratifications they have experienced and enjoyed. It is this manner that I expect a person to approach me. ======================================================================================
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Knight of Mists
An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
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RE: stretching limits in subs... - 
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