RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 6:37:05 PM

ImpGrrl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Stephann made the comment that "It isn't her job to be my slave, I see it as my job to make her my slave." I see others, both dominants and submissives, give the perception that they either want to make a person submit or be made to submit.

I don't understand this concept and I would appreciate any clarification on what this means to others and how it plays out in their relationship.

Nope - it's *my* job to *be*. It's not his job to make, force, inspire, seduce, etc. I have agreed to be his slave - it's my job to do so no matter what he's doing/being (with the caveat toward behavior that is outside of our agreed-upon ethics).

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 6:45:41 PM

ImpGrrl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub
To paraphrase an old adage, I believe that "Dominant is as dominant does." If she doesn't do something to impose her control on me, to prove her dominance, if she needs me to be a completely willing servant without her lifting a finger, then how dominant is she really? In that case, I'd suggest that she's not really being dominant, she's merely accepting freely offered service.

He is dominant to me because I agree to it. I am submissive to him because *he* agrees to it. That's all it takes. No need to "prove" his dominance - and, in our relationship, if there *were* that need, something would be wrong. He directs, I act. I have all of my power (and he all of his), but because we agreed it should be so, he has authority over mine.

My m/s relationship has nothing whatsoever to do with "proofs" of dominance or submission - just agreements upon a dynamic and sticking to those dynamics.

quote:

Unfortunately, any suggestion along these lines usually leads to accusations of being a "do-me" sub, and suggestions that
a "true submissive" shouldn't need any special incentive, any coercion or seduction, to submit and serve. Well, turnabout is fair play, and even though I don't like the use of the term "true" because of it's polarizing nature, one could just as easily say that a "true dominant" shouldn't need a submissive who is so compliant that no effort is required to control them.

What? What you are saying is just as silly as what those you speak against are saying. These are agreed-upon interpersonal dynamics, and so freaking individual that it is *impossible* for any of us to tell another what their dynamic is or should be.

*No* effort is required to control me, because I control myself. But I do it under his direction and according to his wishes, for as long as we remain within the dynamic we agreed upon.

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 6:49:08 PM

ImpGrrl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez
Part of being a slave is being made to feel like a slave

Perhaps in your relationship - not in all.

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 6:57:04 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Stephann made the comment that "It isn't her job to be my slave, I see it as my job to make her my slave." I see others, both dominants and submissives, give the perception that they either want to make a person submit or be made to submit.

i personally don't have that perception. mho, you cannot make me be someone's slave/submissive. i find that as forcing someone to be something they may or not want to be.

with Daddy, i was given the choice to accept Him as my DaddyDom after He chose me almost 2yrs ago.

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 7:58:21 PM

Stephann

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slg,

Thank you for making the example of a service top, as opposed to a dominant.

My slave wanted to be made a slave. You wanted someone to receive your submission. More power to you. A spade is still a spade.

Stephan

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 8:00:51 PM

Leatherist

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You do make a point that is concrete.

The main difference is see between bdsm and M/s is exactly who conforms to what.

BDSM, it's usually the top who conforms to what the sub wants-other way round in M/s.

It's the confused ones who want to have it both ways that get to me-I wish they could make up thier minds.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 4/4/2008 8:01:23 PM >

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 8:03:32 PM

Real_Trouble

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I'm inclined to agree with Stephann and Leatherist here; different strokes for different folks, and I don't mean severe medical distress here.

Humans are a many and varied lot when it comes to apparent desires. These all boil down to some fundamental needs, but the expression thereof can vary dramatically, and any attempt to make sweeping generalizations beyond a couple of painful truths are doomed to failure.

To each their own. Some submissives want to choose to submit. Others want to fight you so that you make them submit. Your mileage (and combat scars) may vary.

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 8:04:10 PM

Stephann

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

You do make a point that is concrete.

The main difference is see between bdsm and M/s is exactly who conforms to what.

BDSM, it's usually the top who conforms to what the sub wants-other way round in M/s.

It's the confused ones who want to have it both ways that get to me-I wish they could make up thier minds.

Ditto.

Not every person who calls themselves a slave, is owned. Not every person who calls themselves a Master owns a slave. This week's theme seems to be "I don't have to agree with that person's definition, for them to enjoy their relationship. If two people agree that the sky is green, and that's what works for them, great. It doesn't mean I'm looking at a green sky."

Stephan

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 8:13:04 PM

Leatherist

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I dunno, my definitions are pretty cut and dried.

I'd tend to laugh at a woman who calls herself "slave", and leads her man around by his dick.

If that works for them-it's cool. But it's not something I'd tolerate in MY world.

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 8:20:21 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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funny thing is i didn't know what i wanted when i first met Daddy. to Him, i was a lost child searching without direction and guidance. on the flipside, He immediately knew i was the person that He wanted upon finding me on aff. it took me a while to actually accept this about Him.

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RE: Make You My Slave/Submissive - 4/4/2008 8:52:53 PM

littlebitxxx

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<FR> To no one in particular and from my own point of view.
I don't think of Dominance or submission as a job to be made to do. Sounds like an unappealing chore, like raking leaves or doing dishes. I feel that it's more along the lines of having someone so strong, so capable, so innately dominant that I would be almost compelled to submit just from the sheer force of his personality. In that way, he would have "made" me submit whether I had it in my conscious mind to do so or not. There are just some people that can turn your knees to water by their presence...and you're right, Stephann...it IS your job to have that presence if you want her to submit.

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