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Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/30/2007 9:11:50 PM   
slave4hotgi


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline 		Ok I have a hypothetical question and want to get some opinions. And to answer the question up front no it is not about Me. I know the answer is pretty cut and dry on the surface but I want to see if anyone else has any differing opinions. This in fact is very close to a situation I know of that took place in real life and I want to see if the outcome here is the same as it was in real life.

A submissive has two Doms she has met and has very strong feelings of attraction to both of them. Both seem to offer her the same long term life she seeks and both have won a place in her heart. Both are very strong Men who care about her very much. Both have very smiler qualities. but they also are very different in many ways. She feel she is not quite ready for a relationship and feels she need some time to get your head in order. Dom A and B are both ready for a relationship and They know about each other.

Now for the differences. Dom A lives close by and this is a big plus. He has said he wants her to commit right now close her account on Collerme and open a joint account so he can monitor her activity. He wants her to stop all contact with friends on the site except those he approves of and move in with him as soon as possible.

Now Dom B lives 1200 miles away and says take as much time as you need to get your head together. If it means spending time with Dom A do it. I wont like it but if it is what you feel you need do it. Dom B has expressed he feels Dom A wanting to move so Fast and control so much is a a bad sign of insecurity and has told her so. Dom B also says he understands her need to decide your feelings for yourself before they could ever have a relationship.  Dom B says if and when you are ready we will meet.  If after we meet and spend time together we chose to be together, you will not be asked to stop talking to anyone as long as they know you are mine. You may keep your account or we will open a joint account for you to use. I will not be monitoring this account because If I can not trust you to be true to me we do not have the trust necessary for this type of relationship. After we know each other well enough we will be married.

Ok I want to know your thoughts on this but please remember it is hypothetical because the outcome has already been determined. Please don't get two cynical and if you can help it don't analyze it two much. Just tell me the Dom you would have chosen and why did you make that choice.

< Message edited by slave4hotgi -- 8/30/2007 9:13:57 PM >
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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/30/2007 9:13:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd go with C- keep dating around and give things time. 

Both of them are talking a bit too seriously for this stage in the game IMO- Dom B just has a longer spread. 

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/30/2007 9:22:13 PM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		"Yeah, what LA said..."

I should have that on notepad so I can just paste it in...Personally, I would choose Dom J...

winks ~ fairer than she


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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/30/2007 9:26:20 PM   
chickpea


Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline 		Dom B.  Dom A wants too much control too soon, so that instinctively seems like it won't be a good situation (he might even claim that you're not being submissive enough by not trusting him completely at first. which is okay, but seems like giving too much too soon, can put you in harm's way..).  I know Dom B approved of seeing Dom A first (so in actuality choosing Dom B carries with it an optional alternate "BOTH Dom A + Dom B". 

If they were both pretty safe, i think the choice is based on personal preference.  Some subs don't like too much control (Dom B), and others want everything to be controlled (Dom A).  So in an idea world, if I knew they were both safe, I would choose Dom A. 

In a realistic world, I'd investigate Dom A more and see if he's safe, etc.. and what life would be like with Dom A.  In the meantime, I'd also keep in touch with Dom B and sort of let him in on the situation (not too much), but don't lead him on cuz you'll screw up your potential relationship from the beginning.

Boy, i feel like i'm playing a game...lol

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/30/2007 9:36:32 PM   
jdtallfem


Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		You know it all depends upon what YOU really want.  Subs think (sometimes) they have no control, but actually they have a lot of control initially when it comes to choosing the type of Dom and type of lifestyle they want. You (or whoever this sub is) has to decide if she wants a controlling type Dom or a more freewheeling t ype Dom, how much she wants to give up in the relationship, how much in love she's in and what she wants out of the relationship.  Submission isn't given unless the sub decides she/he wants to submit and chooses who she/he wants to submit to.

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/30/2007 9:48:49 PM   
DarkDesirestx


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I'd choose neither. Coming online to look around is one thing, but getting to know a person means getting off the computer and finding out what they are really like in real time.

Kat

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RE: Dom A or Dom B who would you be with? - 8/30/2007 11:17:17 PM   
slave4hotgi


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'd go with C- keep dating around and give things time. 

Both of them are talking a bit too seriously for this stage in the game IMO- Dom B just has a longer spread. 
.
interesting.  why C, is not Dom B taking the time needed to develop a relationship

< Message edited by slave4hotgi -- 8/30/2007 11:34:29 PM >

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RE: Dom A or Dom B who would you be with? - 8/30/2007 11:30:30 PM   
slave4hotgi


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea

Dom B.  Dom A wants too much control too soon, so that instinctively seems like it won't be a good situation (he might even claim that you're not being submissive enough by not trusting him completely at first. which is okay, but seems like giving too much too soon, can put you in harm's way..).  I know Dom B approved of seeing Dom A first (so in actuality choosing Dom B carries with it an optional alternate "BOTH Dom A + Dom B". 

If they were both pretty safe, i think the choice is based on personal preference.  Some subs don't like too much control (Dom B), and others want everything to be controlled (Dom A).  So in an idea world, if I knew they were both safe, I would choose Dom A. 

In a realistic world, I'd investigate Dom A more and see if he's safe, etc.. and what life would be like with Dom A.  In the meantime, I'd also keep in touch with Dom B and sort of let him in on the situation (not too much), but don't lead him on cuz you'll screw up your potential relationship from the beginning.

Boy, i feel like I'm playing a game...lol


Ok to clarify a few things at the point the situation talked about took place Dom A had been topped from the bottom by her at one point and Dom B has never let her have control. He has however accomidated where she is at in life and considering her needs as well as his.

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RE: Dom A or Dom B who would you be with? - 8/30/2007 11:37:15 PM   
slave4hotgi


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jdtallfem

You know it all depends upon what YOU really want.  Subs think (sometimes) they have no control, but actually they have a lot of control initially when it comes to choosing the type of Dom and type of lifestyle they want. You (or whoever this sub is) has to decide if she wants a controlling type Dom or a more freewheeling type Dom, how much she wants to give up in the relationship, how much in love she's in and what she wants out of the relationship.  Submission isn't given unless the sub decides she/he wants to submit and chooses who she/he wants to submit to.


truth be known We have most of the control in the beginning stages of a relationship but lets keep the Doms thinking they do..

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 2:15:34 AM   
callistaIn


Posts: 62
Status: offline 		I guess my first question would be is have any of these hypothetical person's met each other in real life yet? If NOT, then my answer would be neither of them.

callie

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RE: Dom A or Dom B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 2:45:08 AM   
slave4hotgi


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline 		Ok why nether of them any relationship has to start  somewhere. If she feels a connection with both why should she chose neither... Are you saying she should be alone..

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RE: Dom A or Dom B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 2:51:52 AM   
callistaIn


Posts: 62
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave4hotgi

Ok why nether of them any relationship has to start  somewhere. If she feels a connection with both why should she chose neither... Are you saying she should be alone..

Did I say that she should be alone?

I believe I asked you a question; which I then half way answered myself. Since you have not answered the question though, I can not fully answer the hypothetical that you have presented.

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 3:05:47 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I'd pick neither one.  Dom A sounds like an insecure, paranoid control freak and that's not anything that would attract me.  Dom B sounds a little better, but if there was any kind of chemistry that would make me even think of relocating, etc for him then I wouldn't even be in a position of having to choose.  Tha fact that I would be considering one or the other means that I question my attraction and if I have to question it then it isn't right.  Does that make any sense?  I'd wait until I met someone that instantly made me perk up and go aha.  But then again I'm one of those who knows that for me that feeling of instant chemistry and connection is vitally important.

*apologizes for rambling without enough coffee.

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 3:10:17 AM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		tbh, I'd tell both the situation, and let them make the decision. if you aren't able to make the decision, I wonder what a quick game of cards would decide.

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 3:21:26 AM   
Msagain


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline 		I think Dom B has the right idea but as my Mother used to say, if you have to think about it then you dont really want it and I have stuck by this all my life. So I would say choose neither and meet others until you are sure of what you want.

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RE: Dom A or Dom B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 3:31:46 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with LA too (no surprise there).  What relationship?  She's never even met Dom B.  I wouldn't "go" with either.

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 3:34:02 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		not the time for "choosing" evidently... because of this statement [She feel she is not quite ready for a relationship and feels she need some time to get your head in order.]

  A ... you made him sound controlling and insecure.
B.... is more passive/aggressive  but still ???  " then we will get married "  ??he knows this and he hasnt met her face to face yet...seems a pretty big leap right now...  and she is going to give up other options to choose B  when she hasn't met him either??
imo...  too many "unknowns" about the individuals and unanswered realities> to make a choice right now..
 
why choose?
A.....B.....C....  my vote is on giving it all more time and more experiences...more questions answered...and face to face with B  if shes really attracted to him..

< Message edited by Cyntilating -- 8/31/2007 4:21:32 AM >

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 3:36:38 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Neither A nor B.
 
Why?
quote:

...She feel she is not quite ready for a relationship and feels she need some time to get your head in order...


given the above tidbit of information, this slave wouldn't waste either "A" or "B" 's time by insisting that they wait, would wish them both luck in finding what it is they seek and concentrate on getting her head in order...instead of involving herself in negotiations over a potential relationship she isn't ready for.

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 4:04:50 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Dom B. I don't trust anyone who wants to limit my contact with others just because he can and wants me to move in too soon.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Dom A or DOm B who would you be with? - 8/31/2007 5:26:52 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		Dom A - major red flag for me.  i don't commit on a whim nor would i move in just because He's presssuring me ...and i don't need a "babysitter" to monitor my activities ...give up my friends and only contact the ones He approves?  i would leave him a heartbeat.

Dom B - sounds like a good choice however i would still check out Dom D, E, etc.

don't settle too soon




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