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Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:13:48 AM

goalie62

Posts: 114
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I have a couple of quick questions about collars.

If you give a collar/your collar is accepted by a person who says she wants to be your sub, and that relationship ends, is the sub expected to return or allow you to formally remove the collar?

If she doesn't want to let you remove it or just return it to you and she continues to wear it, what does that mean within the lifestyle?

To me, if I understand it correctly (and please bear in mind that I am new to the lifestyle) the collar is a symbol of respect, submission and pride in being owned. Should the relationship end, it would seem to me that for a sense of closure, the Dom should remove the collar from the sub as a symbol of the ending of the relationship. If the sub continues to wear the collar, doesn't it mean she's still in the relationship as an owned sub?

Please clarify this for me.

< Message edited by goalie62 -- 8/31/2007 3:18:15 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:17:11 AM

Msagain

Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline

To me a sub has to earn the right to wear a collar, it is not earned easily but once earned the collar belongs to the sub. When a sub tells me that they have earned their collar then I know they have had expensive training and it just a case of adjusting their training to suit my needs then I would replace the collar with one of mine.

(in reply to goalie62)

Post #: 2

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:18:44 AM

YourShyPet

Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

To me... it means nothing... it's just a neck decoration... it's the internal feelings that give it meaning to the outside world... without those it means nothing.

_____________________________

kittin

http://www.myspace.com/daddys_kittin

(in reply to goalie62)

Post #: 3

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:22:14 AM

goalie62

Posts: 114
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Thanks for the speedy reply. I would question rather or not she actually earned her collar. You see, I am new to this, she introduced me to it but left me to my own devices to attempt to learn it. I asked her to accept my collar and made sure that I understood the significance, OTOH I also made sure, once I confirmed I was correct, that she wanted this. We were together only 3 months. There are inside things that I cannot reveal for fear of violating TOS.

(in reply to Msagain)

Post #: 4

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:24:10 AM

goalie62

Posts: 114
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourShyPet

To me... it means nothing... it's just a neck decoration... it's the internal feelings that give it meaning to the outside world... without those it means nothing.

I can see this, but it was accepted as a symbol of being an owned sub. Since that is no longer true, I don't feel that it's appropriate for her to wear it any longer. Maybe I'm wrong though.

(in reply to YourShyPet)

Post #: 5

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:25:30 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I worked very hard to earn Master's collar. But it is his collar. He owns me, and he owns the collar. He allows me to wear it. Should, God forbid, the day ever come that I am no longer owned by him, the collar goes back to him. I do not anticipate that ever happening, but that would be the situation here. If I didn't give it back and continued to wear it despite being released, then I am disrespecting him as well as myself, but I am still no longer owned, despite what I may think or want for myself.

(in reply to goalie62)

Post #: 6

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:27:14 AM

goalie62

Posts: 114
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I worked very hard to earn Master's collar. But it is his collar. He owns me, and he owns the collar. He allows me to wear it. Should, God forbid, the day ever come that I am no longer owned by him, the collar goes back to him. I do not anticipate that ever happening, but that would be the situation here. If I didn't give it back and continued to wear it despite being released, then I am disrespecting him as well as myself, but I am still no longer owned, despite what I may think or want for myself.

This is what I was thinking.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 7

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:27:59 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

If an engaged couple break off the engagement, and the girl still wears the engagement ring, are they still engaged? No.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 8

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:29:06 AM

babygurl23

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

when i ended my relationship i returned my collar. to me it symbolized that i was no longer his. my thoughts. i would have liked to have kept it to wear out but because we went together to buy it and he placed it around my neck i felt i could not. i do agree with you. i don't think it's appropriate. in terms of what it means to me.

respectfully

(in reply to goalie62)

Post #: 9

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:29:24 AM

BiteGirl

Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline

Why would someone continue to wair a collar after they and their dom are no longer together? That seems stupid to me. Do you know someone who has done this?

A collar is earned, not just given, and signifies a lot, to just wear it as a fashon exesary is pointless.

(in reply to YourShyPet)

Post #: 10

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:30:27 AM

Msagain

Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline

Its nice to see the differing views across the oceans

(in reply to goalie62)

Post #: 11

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:30:43 AM

goalie62

Posts: 114
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babygurl23

when i ended my relationship i returned my collar. to me it symbolized that i was no longer his. my thoughts. i would have liked to have kept it to wear out but because we went together to buy it and he placed it around my neck i felt i could not. i do agree with you. i don't think it's appropriate. in terms of what it means to me.

respectfully

Thank you.

And thank you to the other posters who have not slammed a new guy, I appreciate it.

(in reply to babygurl23)

Post #: 12

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:33:03 AM

goalie62

Posts: 114
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Msagain

Its nice to see the differing views across the oceans

How did they say it? 2 people seperated by a common language? LOL

It may well be regional, to me the collar symbolizes so much more than a place to attach ropes (although that was fun) it's a symbol of ultimate love and trust and pride in your partner of allowing him to be your Dom, and when it's over, you accepted the collar, you should return it.

(in reply to Msagain)

Post #: 13

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:34:14 AM

Msagain

Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline

We look at it like this. If the you earned you months salary and then left the job you would expect the wage you have earned, you wouldnt hand it back because you earned it. Normally a slave works very hard to earn their collar, three months was a very short time to have possibly earned it. But as you are new I can understand as many moons ago I made the same mistake. But the slave did hand his collar back and on his knees on that occasion. But I learned quickly and ensured that a slave truelly earned the right to their collar.

(in reply to goalie62)

Post #: 14

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:36:14 AM

BiteGirl

Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goalie62

quote:

ORIGINAL: Msagain

Its nice to see the differing views across the oceans

How did they say it? 2 people seperated by a common language? LOL

It may well be regional, to me the collar symbolizes so much more than a place to attach ropes (although that was fun) it's a symbol of ultimate love and trust and pride in your partner of allowing him to be your Dom, and when it's over, you accepted the collar, you should return it.

Somewhat like a wedding ring, but more fun.

(in reply to goalie62)

Post #: 15

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:36:45 AM

goalie62

Posts: 114
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BiteGirl

Why would someone continue to wair a collar after they and their dom are no longer together? That seems stupid to me. Do you know someone who has done this?

A collar is earned, not just given, and signifies a lot, to just wear it as a fashon exesary is pointless.

Yes, I do know someone who has done this.

(in reply to BiteGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 3:44:16 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

When I asked for my release last year, I returned the collar to my XMaster even though I had bought it. He keeps it in a place of honour in his office to this day. A collar, to me, is a very powerful symbol much like a wedding ring is to a nilla woman and is not to be considered lightly. I've been asked since to wear a collar during play sessions and have always refused. Any collar, whether it be leather, cloth, jewellry, or padlocked steel, that is placed around my neck will be there only through mutual desire within a lasting, solid relationship. It may be only a symbol but it means the world to me.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to goalie62)

Post #: 17

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 4:02:54 AM

goalie62

Posts: 114
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

When I asked for my release last year, I returned the collar to my XMaster even though I had bought it. He keeps it in a place of honour in his office to this day. A collar, to me, is a very powerful symbol much like a wedding ring is to a nilla woman and is not to be considered lightly. I've been asked since to wear a collar during play sessions and have always refused. Any collar, whether it be leather, cloth, jewellry, or padlocked steel, that is placed around my neck will be there only through mutual desire within a lasting, solid relationship. It may be only a symbol but it means the world to me.

This is pretty much how I feel, thank you.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 18

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 4:38:53 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

Sir wants me to wear his collar 24/7, and so he bought me one that can be worn that way.

and when we were talking, he said specifically that if we should ever part, that the collar is his and will be returned to him...that he had done this before with a sub who had to relocate and asked to be released for that reason. i could see his point. he bought the collar, she wore it as a sign she belonged to him.

i wear my collar 24/7. should it need cleaning, or i am doing something that might damage it, i am allowed to remove it, then put it back on when i am finished. its discreet enough that the average person would not think anything past "oh that's an unusual chain". (its a very fine stainless steel cable with a dainty heart charm hanging from it)

kitten, whose Sir has often said she is a lifetime treasure, not to be discarded

(in reply to goalie62)

Post #: 19

RE: Collar Protocol - 8/31/2007 7:25:06 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

Daddy's metal collar around my neck is a symbol of our lifetime commitment together ...i didn't have to do anything like jump through hoops or be trained to earn it. now if for any reason ie death or release (which will never happen) our relationship ends, i get to keep the collar (and other symbols of His ownership) since it's one of many gifts He gave to me. in case of my death, i do intend to be buried with my collar and chains on.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to goalie62)

Post #: 20

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