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RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 1:05:10 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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I have said and will say again....
You can call me fuckwad for all I care----

HEY!!! FUCKWAD!!!! I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THAT FUCKIN" GARBAGE OUT THREE DAYS AGO!!!!! ('cause how you gonna take it out in 40 below zero weather naked, cuffed and collared?)

But by all that is holy, you shall say it with awe and respect. Or it ain't gonna be your best fuckin' day on this planet. Not ever....

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to lilgurrl)

Post #: 21

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 1:07:38 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

I've tried to figure out why it's such a struggle for me. I think it has to do with spending my first 10 years in California, where address is more casual and it was mostly okay to call everyone by their first name, even adults. Then we spent 2 really traumatic years in Texas where all the rules changed, everything was a sin (my father was training to become a fundamentalist preacher so suddenly I was not allowed to dance, even folk dancing, or swim in the same pool with males, "mixed bathing" it was called) and I had to learn to call adults by Mr. & Miss and ma'am & sir. It was a very confusing and unhappy time in my life where I truly felt like an alien. Then we moved back to the west coast and things went 'back to normal'. But somehow that aversion to 'sir' has stuck with me.

In this case, he is 'a' dominant (as opposed to 'my' dominant) who has interest in me and who prefers that form of address (sir) but understands my struggle with it. I am trying to get comfortable with it, but it's always a 'bump' for me every time I use it.

If he's "a" dominant but not your dominant, then who is he to decide that you should call him Sir or anything else? It won't be until he's earned that place in your heart that you'll be comfortable addressing him as Sir or Master or whatever. It's just like the bozos that post how they're not being addressed properly on the boards or in emails by submissives, afterall they're dominants, dammit! And then they get their stuff jumped by loads of people telling them, hey...they're not your submissive, they owe you nothing.

I'd tell him to bite my hiney, personally. But that's just me.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 22

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 1:07:45 PM

hazenut

Posts: 26
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline

I too have fought with that word. Using it is still hard for me. It's almost surreal when I hear it come out of my mouth. At first it was the most akward word to use, but now it's far easier. Keep using...hell, use it every chance you get. Eventually it will seem as natural as saying any other word. Not to mention that if it pleases them for me to call them Sir, I'm all for it :)
K

(in reply to lilgurrl)

Post #: 23

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 1:08:20 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
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Hey Fuckwad, take the trash out, ok? "said with respect"

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Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 24

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 1:13:14 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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beg pretty---- (you know what I mean)

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 25

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 1:16:27 PM

sapphirepleasure

Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

If he's "a" dominant but not your dominant, then who is he to decide that you should call him Sir or anything else? It won't be until he's earned that place in your heart that you'll be comfortable addressing him as Sir or Master or whatever. It's just like the bozos that post how they're not being addressed properly on the boards or in emails by submissives, afterall they're dominants, dammit! And then they get their stuff jumped by loads of people telling them, hey...they're not your submissive, they owe you nothing.

I'd tell him to bite my hiney, personally. But that's just me.

No, he wasn't demanding (or even suggesting) I call him Sir 'right out of the gate'. And he's not one to jump into instant M/s or ownership and, thankfully, I've had enough experiences to appreciate the slow development of a connection over time.

It's really not about him acting inappropriately in any way. It's my issue that he's responding to sensitively while at the same time encouraging me to leave my past in the past and be open to unfamiliar territory.

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 26

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 1:37:53 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

To me the word 'sir' summons up a very formal, distant, vaguely militaristic connection. When asked to call a dominant 'sir' as a sign of respect it's a struggle for me because it pulls me out of the present moment and I feel like I am reading a script rather than speaking from my heart, as it's a word I am not at all comfortable using.

So how do I get beyond this? Do I just continue to call him sir because it pleases him and hope that eventually it will become more natural? Has anyone else struggled with preferred forms of address, and if so, how did you work it out?

Yes, you should call him what he requests you to call him. He is your Dominant.

My standard answer is to practice. Practice alone at home where no one can hear you. If you don't have privacy, practice in the car. Wherever it is, practice out loud. Practice until it sounds real ... and then practice until it ~feels~ real. Rest assured, you will get it. You are pleasing the man you chose as your Dom. Feel his pleasure with your progress.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 27

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 1:42:48 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
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So, what you're saying is that the two of you have discussed the fact that his preference is for a submissive to refer to him as Sir. You're strugging with this, whether based on events of your past, or, more likely, because you're just not in that space yet in your mind and heart. Having experienced both scenarios myself, (I spent twelve years in a church that believed the same things you wrote about, mixed bathing! Honestly!), I can tell you that Once I reached that place in my heart and mind, I had no struggle with calling him whatever he wished me to call him. I just had to get there first. Hopefully, he'll have the same patience with you ans mine did with me. And, just as a side note, I did tell him to bite my hiney, once upon a time. He took it as a challenge rather than an offense! Needless to say, he "won".

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 28

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 2:01:19 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure
In this case, he is 'a' dominant (as opposed to 'my' dominant) who has interest in me and who prefers that form of address (sir) but understands my struggle with it. I am trying to get comfortable with it, but it's always a 'bump' for me every time I use it.

I would suggest remembering that one always shows respect to a person--to an individual. Whether you use "Sir", "Master", or some other honorific, the respect is always to whomever you address.

I can appreciate how you would have an aversion to the word "Sir" because of unpleasant memories associated with the word. Associations, however, can be changed, if you're willing to work at it.

Perhaps this dominant who's taken an interest in you can work with you on making that change....

_____________________________

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 29

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 2:10:08 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
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i called james...james. he never asked me to say anything different.

i called Fallcon....my LordFallcon, or fal, or sometimes very sarcastically "my LordAssho....i mean LordFallcon...!"

Sir i call Daddy. sometimes Sir or Master if he's unhappy with me, which doesnt happen often.

kitten, who is fortunate

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 30

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 2:13:03 PM

sapphirepleasure

Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline

I've struggled with 'Sir' long before he came on the scene. I remember begging to call my first dominant Master because 'Sir' was so foreign and formal to me. I've called a few men Master with no problem. I'm just trying to get my mind/heart around 'Sir'.

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 31

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 2:18:01 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphirepleasure

To me the word 'sir' summons up a very formal, distant, vaguely militaristic connection. When asked to call a dominant 'sir' as a sign of respect it's a struggle for me because it pulls me out of the present moment and I feel like I am reading a script rather than speaking from my heart, as it's a word I am not at all comfortable using.

So how do I get beyond this? Do I just continue to call him sir because it pleases him and hope that eventually it will become more natural? Has anyone else struggled with preferred forms of address, and if so, how did you work it out?

Actually, thats funny, because I was just having a conversation somewhat along these lines regarding resistance to using the word "sir" with someone I am dating.

My personal style is just simply my first name when directly referencing me as a person and the word "sir" as a form of courtesy. "Yes, sir". "No, sir" "I understand, sir". The whole "Sir wants me to do this" and "Have you seen My Sir?" really annoys the hell out of me so I prefer just simply "MadRabbit wants me to do this" and "Have you seen MadRabbit?".

The way I handle it is simply to bring it into perspective. I ask if they have ever waited tables or worked in a service oriented position and if during the course of their jobs, they refered to the customers as "sir" or "ma'am".

Its really no different to me than that. Just a formal courtesy and a sign of respect for the people you are serving.

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(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 32

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 2:51:46 PM

YourShyPet

Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
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Wow... I'm so glad sir and master aren't part of my verble vocabulary.

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Post #: 33

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 3:42:35 PM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

I completly understand, I use the term Sir and Ma'am on a daily basis in my job and it's used in refrence to complete strangers. It took a while for me to wrap my head around calling someone I know by the same title, and to put meaning behind it. Rob doesn't like titles other than his name... Well we have a few fun nicknames but we won't go there-and none of them include the word Sir,Master or Boss lol.
The word still feels a bit foreign and for the longest time I would just omit any title when I spoke to my Top, I would get his attention by looking directly at him and speaking or touching his shoulder to get his attention. The title generally comes out during play and usually while I am screaming *s*
I have never called anyone Master and I highly doubt I ever will ( never say never tho lol) a name just feels so much more personal and intimate, but that's just my opinion.

denika

(in reply to YourShyPet)

Post #: 34

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 3:49:53 PM

exogenous

Posts: 57
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

None of you who have a problem with "Sir" were born in the Southern U.S. I guess...it's as natural as breathing there to call someone "Sir" or "Ma'am" almost regardless of anything at all.

Go spend a month in Alabama...you'll find yourself calling everyone that *S*

It really will get easier over time if you use it. Think about how your other half feels if you are doing it for his gratification.

So, "regardless of anything at all", does that dilute the meaning, intent, or respect behind those terms? I tend to use those terms with people who I don’t know, and/or don’t have anything to do with, on a personal level. It’s a matter of being courteous.

While I’ve only had one D/s relationship, he never specified that I should refer to him as Sir or Master. However, I found that calling him “Sir” came easily during scenes, although I also used his given name. The term “Master” was never expected from me; I would not have been comfortable calling him that, either.

The use of honorifics was not important to him. He was more focused on how I felt and acted toward/with him, and my actions were more important to him than titles. He did use various terms for me, but he tended to prefer using our given names, as it was more personal. Also, it’s just nice using or hearing a person’s name, it’s more specific and concentrated…not so generic.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 35

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 4:53:21 PM

onmykneesb4Him

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline

my Sir didn't care what i called Him at first. Then He decided it would be Sir, so Sir it is. i'm struggling with it, though. i would prefer Master myself, but it's not my decision to make. i'm with you, op. It feels strange for me to say it. i'm working on it. He makes sure i don't forget anyway. Usually He says "yes, what?" and i am to respond with "yes, Sir". He says Master feels strange to Him.

i'm not supposed to use it all the time~ not in front of the kids, not in front of our vanilla friends, not in front of extended family. It's not easy to remember what's OK when!

(in reply to exogenous)

Post #: 36

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 5:07:03 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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Joined: 8/7/2007
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It can be hard to avoid associating a word with something that takes you out of a reverent state of mind. I once had a pastor named, Dick. I'm afraid that I had quite a hard time really taking Bro. Dick very seriously. However, I did get over it.

If being called Sir, is something that your dominant finds particularly pleasing and you cannot overcome the association with the word, how will you approach other situations where he wishes something of you (that brings you no harm) that you may not be thrilled about doing? Will you balk, and get your way? I think that setting a precedent like that could be more damaging to a D's dynamic than coming to terms with a difficult word association.

I do not mean at all to demean your struggle, but I do think that it could be a wonderful mental exercise for you. One that could bring no harm in working on, but ultimately could be extremely rewarding for you.

I woud think that this would only work if your dominant really cares, one way or the other, what you call him. If he is ambivilent about it, then very likely it is simply easier to compromise on what word works for you both.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 9/1/2007 5:18:45 PM >

(in reply to onmykneesb4Him)

Post #: 37

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 5:09:34 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline

If you want it with him and he requires it, then just do it. Really, just do it, even if there's a huge lump in your throat every time. Just do it. And the more you do it the more used to it you will get. Practice, practice, practice. IMO not really worth deconstructing the origins of your challenge.

Now my guy was OK with whatever we could come up with in our relationship. From the alchemy of the two of us together. And we ended with Daddy. I like alchemy. And I like the intimacy. And the intimacy is what he wanted and he was willing to use any means necessary. But he's also not highly rules and/or protocol based. He's ruthless in using any means necessary.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to sapphirepleasure)

Post #: 38

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 5:10:00 PM

ThudBaby

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/16/2007
Status: offline

At first Sir seemed a little distance when I actually said it... Typing it was no problem. Now however I used Master most frequently but Sir still pretty frequent. For me, I equate those as his name. When I speak about him to others I use the name he signs his emails with.

I'm sure I could address him with that as well, but Master just flows so well from my lips. With a previous play partner Daddy was the same way...

(in reply to onmykneesb4Him)

Post #: 39

RE: Struggling With the Word "Sir" - 9/1/2007 5:17:47 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I started saying Sir when we were still online. It was easy and I got used to it. It was really hard not to call him terms of endearment, so in my mind I turned Sir into "Sweetie." When I started calling him "Daddy" that was totally bizarre! Now, it's his name and I love it. Repetition is the key I think. I find it occurred to call him "Master" unless we are in the middle of some steamy passion, but I'm sure I could learn to do it with ease in time.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to ThudBaby)

Post #: 40

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