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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 7:28:10 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		It's a rather ridiculous post...And there is no way to answer it with the amount of info given.

But since you are all obviously psychics....Let me pose another question....If I leave a ham sandwich out on my counter should I eat it?

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 7:30:26 AM   
amiciaN


Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline 		I am very glad that my Master NChaka gave me a second chance.  One month after He collared me, I made a huge error in judgement that almost made me lose it.  I made the error because of my own lack of understanding/experience of actually being owned and because we were not on the same page regarding some issues due to gaps in communication that we accepted mutual responsibility for.  Even then, it was a slow process to work through all the adjacent issues my error exposed and for me to regain His trust.  It was not easy and required a great deal of patience, active listening and plain hard work on both sides for almost a year.  The result however is that we both learned a great deal about each other and ourselves in the process, which is never a bad thing.  Now we are in a relationship that is extremely rewarding and fulfilling for us both.  In spite of the stresses of being long distance, we both have confidence in our relationship and each other.  Second chances can work, but it takes commitment and effort from both sides of the slash.


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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 7:33:38 AM   
amiciaN


Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

It's a rather ridiculous post...And there is no way to answer it with the amount of info given.

But since you are all obviously psychics....Let me pose another question....If I leave a ham sandwich out on my counter should I eat it?


No.


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NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 7:36:34 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		~fr~
I take things like this on a case-by-case basis, rather than having a "policy". I follow the heart rather than the mind, sometimes to my detriment. One thing I have finally learned is that, if a full-blown, unacknowledged personality disorder is in the picture, giving things a second, third, or fourth chance is like rolling the same boulder up the same hill. If nothing changes, then nothing changes.

Bob

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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 8:27:06 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline 		I feel it depends on if the original problem was a behavior issue...or a personality issue.  I am a firm believer that one can change a behavior (for the better) and the problem may never arise again...but personality...no.  One's basic personality isn't going to change so the issue will probably arise time and time again.  Obviously, only you know which one it was.
 
Best wishes,
Daddysgirl

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 8:46:43 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amiciaN

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

It's a rather ridiculous post...And there is no way to answer it with the amount of info given.

But since you are all obviously psychics....Let me pose another question....If I leave a ham sandwich out on my counter should I eat it?


No.



What if I left it out for only  5 minutes? Or what if I left it out for only 3 minutes, but while I was looking for some Doritos a hobo pissed on it?

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 8:53:25 AM   
Cuckme4Life


Posts: 168
Joined: 7/8/2005
From: MentallyDeranged,Tn.
Status: offline 		Lie to me and I am perhaps far less to give a second chance. Trust has become a serious factor to me. Cheating on me is another.

Most everything else I can probably see giving 2nd chances on. Alot depends on intent

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 8:57:43 AM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

It's a rather ridiculous post...And there is no way to answer it with the amount of info given.



I believe the answer is in the way the question is posed, in comparison to the post.

If it were a misunderstanding, then why is it they still consider the other person to have broken their heart? Also, there is an indication that the other person is being blamed for something in saying “should you give them another chance or kick them to the curb?”

k


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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 9:02:25 AM   
MizzElle


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I would go with your instinct, if you believe that something positive can come out of a second chance, then by all means, go for it! Nothing in life is guaranteed, but the people we surround ourselves with can help us get through the worst of it, so if there was some misunderstanding you can forgive and build trust back up, it may be worth it to explore something more.
Of course, if you feel like there is something unresolved, some bitterness, some resentment, it would probably be best to part ways amicably now.
My 2 cents, take it for what its worth.

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 9:25:14 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
make sure that you seperate the emotions from the 'logical' examination of whether or not to give her a second chance. It's important that you do not make any emotional decisions, but rather logical ones.

This is not a feasible across-the-board piece of advice but merely a personal preference.  I would say the exact opposite - don't try to ignore your emotions while focusing solely on cold, hard logic.  If I had used only logic in my decision on whether or not to even become involved with Master, I would still be sitting 800 miles away lonely without Him.  I think one needs to use some combination of both emotion and logic in order to make wise, healthy decisions.  All of one way and none of the other can quickly lead to sorrow, in my opinion.........luci

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 9:28:02 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
...Or what if I left it out for only 3 minutes, but while I was looking for some Doritos a hobo pissed on it?


Depending on your tastes, it might still be okay unless the hobo was on some heavy meds or ones you were allergic to. Just proves your point. Too many unknown variables to give a flat-out answer.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 10:38:57 AM   
phoenixsub999


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/17/2006
Status: offline 		As much as I would like to think I'm logical and strong, emotion and hence the relationship does factor in as well as the circumstance. I do, however, agree that you have to know more about the circumstance and that blanket statements can't be made.

I can say that for someone I just met, there is less of a connection so if they mistreat me, I'm more likely to say 'bug off!' without a second chance.

For someone I'm in love with, there is more at stake and there needs to be more communication to make sure I'm making the right decision.

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 10:45:41 AM   
submittous


Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline 		It really depends on the circumstances and the people involved.

Finding compatibility in bdsm is so rare that giving a second try might often make sense. Also compatibility is often effected by where someone is in life and that will always change with time, not just for them but for you too.

On the other hand when your forehead is bloody from pounding it into a brick wall it might be time to move on.

It all depends on the circumstances and the people involved.

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 10:45:44 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If communication was such a problem that you broke up over a misunderstanding, then I wouldn't try again. But I wouldn't have kicked him to the curb without trying back then, nor him me. To ty again with problems like that there would have had to be major work going on to decrease the likelihood of it happening again. And honestly, how many people follow a break up with intensive work on why they choose bad relationships to begin with?

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 11:51:43 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		I, personally, don't do second chances. It's hard as hell for someone to earn my trust the first time around, if they've done something to break it, odds are they'll never be able to fully regain it.

That, of course, is me, and I know nothing of your situation.


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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 1:05:00 PM   
freyjasdottir


Posts: 253
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: PA
Status: offline 		It depends, some I have given second chances to, others I have not.  It all depends on the circumstances and the people involved.  I understand the need for advise though, I only have two people in my life that I can trust relationship type issues with and even at that I know I am luckier than some to have that many.

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 1:10:50 PM   
goalie62


Posts: 114
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I would give the second chance only if the issues that caused the original problem were totally resolved to our mutual satisfaction.

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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 2:04:10 PM   
abda


Posts: 48
Joined: 6/10/2007
Status: offline 		What you are saying hits home for me. I was in relationship with a Dom that ended a year ago. We  both decided to end because I wasn't where I thought I was when it came submitting to him and I wasn't really sure what I wanted  out of a  D/s relationship.. We are still friends. Would I take him  back as if he asked me? Yes I would. Over the past few months we have talked about how much I have grown and how I see things differently than I did when we were together.

Like some of the others have said, only you can make that decision for yourself. The two of you need to talk to see if the misunderstandings from the past can be corrected and if the both of you are willing to work on together to correct it.  Communication is the key.

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 3:45:01 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear SirEbonyPhoenix, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see that forgiveness is to give pardon to the person but, not the deed.  I wouldn't use the harsh language of kicking someone to the curb unless that person did something so offensive to me as to wish no further contact and or association with.  But, that is my mental ruler for the degrees of how offended I would be.  Others may see it in a different measurement.
 
That said, I do forgive a lot of people but, I do not forget.  It goes with trust levels for me, to which I can like the person and hate what they do.  I've seen a lot of awful behavior, the political lies and promises broken, evil intentions and harm done to others.
 
When it comes to a choice on anything, I make my choice and stick to my guns.  I do not change my mind very often, unless it is shopping--I am not dealing with other's and or my emotions, mind and or physical realms. 
 
Unfortunately, being human -- it is accompanied by making human errors. However, it is folly to attempt to mend something that is broken--especially relationships.  My stand would be; fine to forgive and be friendly but, no more-no less.  Friendly is not the same as being friends.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
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RE: Second chances:give them or no way - 9/4/2007 9:25:49 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Second chances can work, and I'm not opposed to giving ONE.

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