laurell3
Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sweetNsmartBBW
Hi...I have a question that stems from a conversation with a dom that is very active in the local scene and claims to be well respected and accepted. He gave me the following 'advice': "...be careful who you meet for coffee as
if they are a true dom and they like you, you wiull not have
a choice about what goes on in your pants by the time you get
back to your car - or are you a sub sho never loses or
control or submits?"
Now, it's good advice, I know- but this Dom was condoning such behavior on the part of dominants. He said that because the men I have met have exercised self restraint they were not 'real' doms. That of the ~thousands~ of Doms and subs he has met, they have all affirmed that a dom takes what he wants and a REAL sub is submissive to ANY true Dom she meets. The exact quote was "A sub is a sub".
I'd love to hear some of the views of other Doms, as when I asked for clarification from the one that made the quote- I was told that he would not indulge me with answers because I was not really submissive. Could be because I accused him of being a sexual predator that hid behind his title and used his dominant orientation as an excuse to victimize women. He had no notion of the idea of consent being a valid concept- not if the woman in question was submissive. That not being submissive to ANY 'real dom" makes a submissive ambivalent or undecided about who she is. He literally told me that I was the ~one~ exception to the THOUSANDS of subs he knows.
Oh, and I should mention, when I said I was bringing this to the boards for the opinions of others, I was told that the folks online are "less genuine" than others, and that it would be a futile attempt at self affirmation on my part.
So, my question is this: When is it dominance and when does that cross the line and become abuse/assault? Do you think a sub female that is NOT in a relationship with you has the right to say no? (Just playing devil's advocate)
Was the guy trying to say a good Dom would have you convinced to give in before you get to the car? I don't get that part. But otherwise, sounds like the guy is having a penis size contest with every other prosepective Dom and he's a moron.
As posted before, the word "assault" implies a legal term, alot of what most people into d/s, bdsm or whatever term you feel comfortable using do, even with consent, is still legally considered an assault in many places. One cannot actually consent to bodily harm. (again not a criticism, please don't interpret it that way, I love to get my ass beat just like many others, merely stating what most US law says). As to equal rights...sure, in theory, but who on this site is going to call the police and explain someone did something nonconsentual to them that they met on a bdsm site? and would you be sympathetic to a jury, most likely not, depending on how extreme the facts were.
That I'm aware of there are M/s type relationships where slaves don't get to have restrictions of any type or hard limits, but again, you enter into the relationship with that knowledge, therefore, again consent.
Does a Dom/me have the right to push limits, sure, personally, I'd be upset if they didn't, but hard limits, hell no and this guy's a nut if he's saying that is the case, it simply is not. By the way was this guy attempting to convince you to perform some sexual act at the time of the conversation?
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RE: When is it submission and when is it sexual abuse? - 
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