Does Dominance = Parenting?

Does Dominance = Parenting? (Full Version)

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Davesgirl -> Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/13/2005 2:26:09 PM)
So, Master and I were talking a week ago. More like arguing, actually. He was trying to figure out what it was I was needing from him, in etrms of our M/s dynamic. I told him I needed him to take more control, I needed there to be some more structure. Now, before everyone tells me that its about his style of dominance, let me explain what I mean, and why I asked it from him. I was chatting with another Dom on here, talking about the relationship my Master and I had. I described some day to day things, and ended up realizing there was a huge lack of structure. Case in point.....Master will tell me to do something, such as making sure the dog gets fed, or to be naked when he gets home from work at night. Now, there are times I genuinely do forget things. I have a terrible memory. And with 6 of the unmentionables at home, my life is quite busy. So, Master tells me to do something, and I dont. The consequence....Not a damned thing. Life goes on as if nothing went on. So.....We were arguing for a day and a half, after our discussion about my need for him to take more control. FInally, the next day, I broke down and answered the question he had asked for around 24 horus. :What do you want me to do...Start treating you more like a kid?" I didnt answer that, because I was afraid he would think me immature, having some sort of "sick" need, or being unable to act as a mature, grown adult. [8\|] Boy was I wrong! Thankfully, we did talk more about it. He told me that no, he didnt think it meant any of the things I was dreading, it was jsut the best way he could think of it as. So...my query to everyone here...Does Dominance = Parenting? THe discipline, structure, the punishments.....What are ya'lls thoguhts on this, if you dont mind sharing, please Thanks in advance and have a great day!

Tempestspet -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/13/2005 2:43:50 PM)
[/quote]So, Master and I were talking a week ago. More like arguing, actually. He was trying to figure out what it was I was needing from him, in etrms of our M/s dynamic. I told him I needed him to take more control, I needed there to be some more structure. Now, before everyone tells me that its about his style of dominance, let me explain what I mean, and why I asked it from him. I was chatting with another Dom on here, talking about the relationship my Master and I had. I described some day to day things, and ended up realizing there was a huge lack of structure. Case in point.....Master will tell me to do something, such as making sure the dog gets fed, or to be naked when he gets home from work at night. Now, there are times I genuinely do forget things. I have a terrible memory. And with 6 of the unmentionables at home, my life is quite busy. So, Master tells me to do something, and I dont. The consequence....Not a damned thing. Life goes on as if nothing went on.[/quote] I forget things also. Make lists. I make lots of lists on occasion...smiles... We have 3 kids(I'm assuming those are the unmentionables you are spekaing of?) How are you looking to be punished? If you like beatings...then beatings would be a terrible way to pounish you. Bad behavior is not rewarded. If you do everything he asked of you. Does he reward you? Maybe that's the difference. The key factor here...is he's the boss. Not you. So what you want is not paramount. Master loves to say that even though he isn't standing over the top ofme... as long as I am about his business....all is well and good. I'm in my place. [/quote]So.....We were arguing for a day and a half, after our discussion about my need for him to take more control. FInally, the next day, I broke down and answered the question he had asked for around 24 horus. :What do you want me to do...Start treating you more like a kid?" I didnt answer that, because I was afraid he would think me immature, having some sort of "sick" need, or being unable to act as a mature, grown adult. Boy was I wrong! Thankfully, we did talk more about it. He told me that no, he didnt think it meant any of the things I was dreading, it was jsut the best way he could think of it as. So...my query to everyone here...Does Dominance = Parenting? THe discipline, structure, the punishments.....What are ya'lls thoguhts on this, if you dont mind sharing, please Thanks in advance and have a great day![/quote] Yes Ms, Ds can parallel parenting in alot of ways. Depending on the level you and he have.Or depth, whichever way you want to look at it. No ther4e's nothing wrong with it. I "control" alot of stuff. Or at least that's the way it looks to alot of people. But I'm not. I am simply about his business. I am his maid, secretary... everything he wishes me to be. It's not glamorous, or play. It's life. And that's ok. But for him, it's like parenting in ways.... I asked Master the same thing once. And I asked if he thought less of me for needing that of him. He said of course not. If that's not how he wanted it to be, it wouldn't be that way. And you know, that was probably one of the hardest things to get used to. I "felt" like I was controlling everything....making all the decisions. Or alot of them at least. But, I was simply "about his business". If he didn't like it, it changed. Period. He does not have in inclination nor time to make all the decisions about every single little thing.... so he has me do it for him. I have found a considerable amount of peace in that knowledge also. I'm really hoping this made sense, and it helped. I can really only explain from my point of view, and how it is for me..... I juust know that I had the very same conversation, or argument...depending on the tone of your voice...smiles... once upon a time. You are absolutely not alone, and not weird...grins Sincerely, Tempest's pet jennifer

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/13/2005 2:51:37 PM)
No, Ds does not equal parenting. If the Owner had to do that sort of thing or micro manage me, it would drive us both nuts. He wants me as an adult who can be responsible for things to make his life easier. Emotionally however, there are some aspects to a parental figure that we both enjoy. HOWEVER, many people in Ds do enjoy a very parental type dynamic, with nurturing, growing, guiding, etc. Some people even overtly describe their relationship as "daddy/daughter" or some version of parent/child. Ds itself is not parenting, and it would be dangerous to begin thinking of subs as children and doms as parents. But, individuals can and do greatly enjoy a parental relationship with eachother. As usual, if it works for you, enjoy it.

Tempestspet -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/13/2005 3:10:06 PM)
So then, the answer is....to some degree in some relationships...yes... Every relationship is different. certainly yours emerald, is nothing and does not in any way have a parental dynamic. There's might. The nurturing, and guidance that you are speaking of.... is the parental dynamic...that is being referred to. I think it is also different, when you are talking poly...and monogomous...or...not poly. Thank you Tempest's pet (not daughter..grins...) jennifer

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/13/2005 3:11:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tempestspet I think it is also different, when you are talking poly...and monogomous...or...not poly. Considering that the Owner and his Boston sub have a daddy/daughter relationship with eachother and refer to eachother as "daddy" and "baby" about 80% of the time, I'd have to say that I don't think mono or poly makes a difference.

Tempestspet -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/13/2005 3:19:54 PM)
perhaps you are right. I don't know a lot about poly to be honest. Other than what I see....which is extrememly limited...and probably a poor example. smiles Tempest's pet jennifer

MstrssPassion -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/13/2005 3:35:30 PM)
Similar, but not the same... There is an existence of nurturing, guiding, disciplining & educating in many D/s relationships, but of course, not every relationship fits into some type of mold as to what a D/s relationship is supposed to resemble. Nurturing, guiding, disciplining & educating are also some of the things we do as parents. Now the big difference is that we as adults in a relationship share a much different bond or love if you will with one another than we would share with our children. That makes the whole dynamic of the exchange within a D/s relationship to be much different than that of the parent & child. (Just one more view of the many different views I am sure that will be shared.) MstrssPassion

Tempestspet -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/13/2005 3:48:51 PM)
That's extremely true Misstress Passion. I guess I felt it was implied that it would be different than that which is sharedwith a parent and child. I should have been more plain.... but I do thank you for pointing it out..smiles... I'd hate for someone to think that I meant it was the same dynamic as with parent and child....ewwwwwwww lol Tempest's pet jennifer

LadyAngelika -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/13/2005 4:29:18 PM)
quote: So...my query to everyone here...Does Dominance = Parenting? THe discipline, structure, the punishments.....What are ya'lls thoguhts on this, if you dont mind sharing, please My answer is that it can be but it definitely doesn't have to be. Otherwise, I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. My relationship with my boy and my subs is about mutual growth and exploration. - LA

Rubyb -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 1:26:37 AM)
Well said, MstrssPassion I find that in my relationship with my sub, he wants and needs me to set the boundaries. My punishments cater to him as an adult and are not rewards. Much like parenting, my consistancy is critical, as is my setting him up for success. Yet in no way, shape or form do we have a parent/child relationship. The structure setting is just similar in many aspects to our dom/sub dynamic.

lonewolf05 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 4:16:56 AM)
"I" haveto state, from my record on this....... since i feel that "I" am able to do everything that is expected and then some, from my own experiences,...15 months real time, no punishment no discipline and the fact i carry a pocket notebook to keep a runnning list........i never leave anything undone. so for me.......does it =parenting? gimme a HELL NO! i don't want another damn parent. i had 2 already and they screwed up BIG time, with all i went through. but hey........it's a me thing. thanks the wolf

Faramir -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 7:27:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 No, Ds does not equal parenting. If the Owner had to do that sort of thing or micro manage me, it would drive us both nuts. He wants me as an adult who can be responsible for things to make his life easier. Emotionally however, there are some aspects to a parental figure that we both enjoy. HOWEVER, many people in Ds do enjoy a very parental type dynamic, with nurturing, growing, guiding, etc. Some people even overtly describe their relationship as "daddy/daughter" or some version of parent/child. Ds itself is not parenting, and it would be dangerous to begin thinking of subs as children and doms as parents. But, individuals can and do greatly enjoy a parental relationship with eachother. As usual, if it works for you, enjoy it. That's wrong Emerald, D/s can be parenting, can be explicitly modelled on parenting. It's not "some people in D/s happen to like Dady/daughter" - that degrades and diminishes many valid expressions of D/s. I can think of three experssions of D/s that are parenting. It would be dangerous and wrong to pretend that some subs aren't like children with reagrd to their Dom and vice versa. A brilliant D/s thinker like jeunesse at B.com self-identifies as a "little," and you can't tell her who she is. Of course there are plenty of D/s expressions that aren't like parenting. The answer isn't yes or no - the answer is "yes, sometimes."

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 7:36:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Faramir That's wrong Emerald, D/s can be parenting, can be explicitly modelled on parenting. I could have sworn I said that. quote: It's not "some people in D/s happen to like Dady/daughter" - that degrades and diminishes many valid expressions of D/s. I can think of three experssions of D/s that are parenting. It would be dangerous and wrong to pretend that some subs aren't like children with reagrd to their Dom and vice versa. A brilliant D/s thinker like jeunesse at B.com self-identifies as a "little," and you can't tell her who she is. Why would I try? The Owner is daddy to his Boston sub who is baby. Why on earth would I put that down? I personally happen to enjoy age play immensly, but for me it is mainly an occasional scene or short period. Some people base their entire relationship on this type of dynamic. The question was "Does Ds = parenting?" The answer to that question is no. For some people, Ds is expressed AS a parent/child relationship.

Faramir -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 7:47:18 AM)
No Em - you gave a definitive "No," explained how dangerous the notion was, and said as a caveat some people like a Daddy/daughter dynamic. As both I ands LA pointed out, the answer is "Yes, sometimes."

Davesgirl -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 9:37:55 AM)
Thank you to everyone for your replies and oppinions. It has really given me some food for thought, and added me in coming to grips a bit with some of the things I really crave from my Master. I did want to possibly clarify somethings, mainly so I understand a bit better, not trying to insult or put down anyones oppinions. When I asked my question originally, I should have clarified better, I think. Moreso than a Daddy/little girl type dynamic, what my question was mroe keyed to was a more consistant, structured day to day routine. As a parent, I have and still am learning, that consistancy is a huge key in raising, and surviving(LOL!), the unmentionables. That, I think, is mroe my question, as far as the relationship between Dominance and Parenting...Not so much the age play, or Daddy aspect. So, if I rambled unneccesarily, I apologize. Just wanted to toss out a bit mroe of my thinking

LadyAngelika -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 9:59:36 AM)
I read Em's post and I can see how the wording leads to confusion. To be honest though, to get her point across, I'm not sure how to word it differently. But I’m going to try. It's all in the word "equal". Some people see the word equal as a unilateral equivalency, that the words could be substituted. I believe this is what Em was trying to point out. You cannot say that D/s = Parenting. They are not synonyms. They are not equivalencies. Even if it’s not for me, I can recognise that a parenting dynamic in D/s seems like it could be an effective technique. By the same token, I think that parenting can be done in D/s style. Though it doesn’t have to be and it doesn’t always work. Trust me, my father was not very successful at getting me to submit ;) So can they work well together? Sure. And the way I read Em’s post, she never said anything contrary to that. Her resounding NO was aimed at a pointing out that they should not be seen as interchangeable on a grand scale like many synonyms would be. I hope that clarifies things a little. - LA

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 10:13:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika I hope that clarifies things a little. - LA That was WAY better than I said it!

LadyAngelika -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 10:48:44 AM)
quote: When I asked my question originally, I should have clarified better, I think. Moreso than a Daddy/little girl type dynamic, what my question was mroe keyed to was a more consistant, structured day to day routine. As a parent, I have and still am learning, that consistancy is a huge key in raising, and surviving(LOL!), the unmentionables. That, I think, is mroe my question, as far as the relationship between Dominance and Parenting...Not so much the age play, or Daddy aspect. It is my opinion that you are comparing a certain type of parenting/teaching technique with a certain type of D/s technique which in French we call encadrement which is translated in English as management, training, coaching, but literally translated is framing. So in that sense, I can see how D/s can be structured as the Dominant creating the framework in which a submissive will operate within. Now again, I want to emphasise what I was trying to make in my earlier point. This is but one of many ways to view D/s. Not all dominants want the mandate of being the teacher/parent authority figure. Some of us see it in a much more lateral way. Dominance can equate to parenting in certain dynamics for those involved. But dominance and parenting are not exclusively synonymous for all. - LA

Davesgirl -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 11:39:10 AM)
After a few yeares of using forums such as these, I still havent figured out to do a quote correctly! but LA, you have hit it exactly with what I was trying to convey. The teaching, training, coaching...That was my meaning exactly. And I do understand that there are many, many different views, dynamics, etc for/of D/s....I think Em said it best earlier....If it works for you, enjoy it!

sudja -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 11:52:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Davesgirl So...my query to everyone here...Does Dominance = Parenting? THe discipline, structure, the punishments.....What are ya'lls thoguhts on this, if you dont mind sharing, please Not for me/us. I don't need a parent. I need a partner - and a defined "rulebook." Hers. I need to be able to devote myself to somebody. Her. That's not a Parent/Child relationship. As for "punishment." I don't need it, She doesn't need to find reasons to "punish" me in order to show/assert Her control. It's simply there. sudja

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