RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (Full Version)

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Faramir -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 12:42:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sudja


quote:

ORIGINAL: Davesgirl


So...my query to everyone here...Does Dominance = Parenting? THe discipline, structure, the punishments.....What are ya'lls thoguhts on this, if you dont mind sharing, please



I don't need a parent.


sudja




Well aren't you fucking special, sunshine.



Davesgirl -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 2:41:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sudja

Not for me/us.

I don't need a parent.

I need a partner - and a defined "rulebook." Hers.

I need to be able to devote myself to somebody. Her.

That's not a Parent/Child relationship.

As for "punishment." I don't need it, She doesn't need to find reasons to "punish" me in order to show/assert Her control.

It's simply there.

sudja




Ok...Let me re-emphasize....

Im not trying to imply that anyone needs a parent. I was speaking about some of the fundamentals involved in parenting, and the similarities with a D/s, M/s relationship dynamic. Such as the structure, the discipline, the authority, etc.

Neither do I need a parent. I have 3, a dad, mom, and incubator. And I have the unmentionables of my own to tend to. But being able to rely on someone else, my Master, for some structure to my life is what I want and deeply need.

Hope this helps expand on this yet again. I really had no intention of starting some kind of flame war. I was, and still am, very itnerested in everyones thoughts and oppinions



Rubyb -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 4:46:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Davesgirl


Ok...Let me re-emphasize....

Im not trying to imply that anyone needs a parent. I was speaking about some of the fundamentals involved in parenting, and the similarities with a D/s, M/s relationship dynamic. Such as the structure, the discipline, the authority, etc.

Neither do I need a parent. I have 3, a dad, mom, and incubator. And I have the unmentionables of my own to tend to. But being able to rely on someone else, my Master, for some structure to my life is what I want and deeply need.

Hope this helps expand on this yet again. I really had no intention of starting some kind of flame war. I was, and still am, very itnerested in everyones thoughts and oppinions


Davesgirl, you did just fine.

Clearly there are some very strong emotions where this topic is concerned.

For example, I'm a sub to my hubby, but we have no punishment between us.
Our relationship doesn't work that way. I do get lots of rewards, though. :-)

My hubby has let me have a sub of my own.
While I'm not into punishments, my sub prefers me to punish him when he's
deliberately been naughty or if he thinks he's been naughty.
My punishing him makes him feel secure in our relationship.

My relationship with my sub, is very different that the one with my hubby.
That's cool.
Neither are a parent/child relationship, both are very different d/s relationships.
Labels are just that and nothing more.

You and your hubby have to find what works best for you.

To your success,

Rubyb



softandshy -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 5:14:22 PM)

i would agree with Lady Angelika. i can see where some D/s relationships do mimic parent-child relationships and vice versa, and that's valid. For me that's not a comfortable way to think of it though. Perhaps it is a question of labels, but like sudja, the idea of being reparented, or having "another" parent, gives me the screaming willies. i like the idea of a teacher who creates a framework for the student. That could easily include "the discipline, structure, [and] the punishments" without getting into issues of age, unless that's where you want to go. It also allows for the fact that the teacher may learn from the student as well.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/15/2005 8:56:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir


quote:

ORIGINAL: sudja


quote:

ORIGINAL: Davesgirl


So...my query to everyone here...Does Dominance = Parenting? THe discipline, structure, the punishments.....What are ya'lls thoguhts on this, if you dont mind sharing, please



I don't need a parent.


sudja




Well aren't you fucking special, sunshine.

Actually Faramir, she is. I've known sudja online for quite sometime now and I have to say I find her to be quite brilliant and wonderful.

And for the record, sudja was talking from the first person, which makes it her opinion. Flaming her was not only distasteful and unnecessary, but also goes directly against the TOS.

- LA



Faramir -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/16/2005 7:48:07 AM)

Bullshit.

Prefacing your personal predilictions with a denigration of other people's kinks is not just ill-mannered - it's fucking ridiculously dumb. Her comment was self-serving, falsely self-laudatory - a smug little pat on th back that deserves to be highlighted.

You like her? Fucking A - fab. The comment is indefensible.

"You like to have people control you? Well- I don't need someone to tell me what to do."

"You like to be spenked. Sorry - I don't need another person to hit me to get my rocks off."

I don't care what the kink was - I would have pointed out what a shitty thing for her to have said.

Just to make to this clear LA: Shitting on other people's kinks isn't nice.

You know what? Maybe some people do need a parent. Maybe some of them do have issues and needs. Maybe some of them have really specific needs in initimacy - they didn't ask for it, they didn't choose their kink - the kink chose them. So someone who doesn't have that on them can just shut up with the snide remarks.

Oh - and since my comments are specific criticism of her lousy conduct: to whit, the post, I'm not flaming - I'm engaging in vigorous discussion.



SadisticPrincess -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/16/2005 5:01:19 PM)

I have observed that there is a lot more of the parent/child dynamic in male top relationships, rather than female dominated ones. Does anyone else observe that too?



Faramir -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/16/2005 5:07:30 PM)

I know nothing about Fem Dom/male sub relationships, but my anecdotal experience on the Male dom side is that Daddy/little girl is common. I queer my own sample, so I can't apply this too broadly, but without ever seeking out that type of relationship, it has emerged many times (I would estimate in 80% of my relationships).



lonewolf05 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/16/2005 5:19:48 PM)

since i am not versed in this KIND of D/s......you will have-to expound on it more.
i am unfamiliar with those aspects. structure? explain. never experienced it. how does this relate to house chores? or does it?
discipline? never been there.
authority? so FAR all "I" know is She decides what She wants done and i do it. pretty much like my 3 wives. a typical honey-do list.

so far "I" have found little anything difference between D/s and my ex wives.
the Female wants..i do.

i dont know.

wolf



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/16/2005 11:22:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Davesgirl

So...my query to everyone here...Does Dominance = Parenting? THe discipline, structure, the punishments.....What are ya'lls thoguhts on this, if you dont mind sharing, please

Thanks in advance and have a great day!


My thoughts, based on my own experiences is a firm "maybe" [;)]

My toy is an experienced household manager with years of experience. In some instances, it makes much more sense for me to ask whether it's sensible for me to take action A in a set of circumstances or whether action B would be the wiser course. She's the professional in her duties and always of equal importance within our agreement.
There are other circumstances in which she is in need of encouragement, nurturing, guidance and approval, much like a child. Those to the right of the slash are unique in their personal needs just as are those to the right. Some will, from time to time, experience needs that are not dissimilar to those of children.
I used to say that "submissives, like children and pets, need love and discipline". In many instance that may very well be true. In others, perhaps not so much.
Timothy



lonewolf05 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/17/2005 12:58:20 AM)

quote:


*DISCLAIMER* The above consitutes the thoughts, opinions and actions
of the author. No warranty is expressed or implied. Read at your own risk.

===============
You're alright. i like this.

wolf



RandBcouple -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/17/2005 5:28:18 AM)

From my own experience...and in my opinion, speaking for myself, so please don't take it personal, and of course, personally speaking...yadda fucking yadda....

i never received much structure or discipline growing up. Master, however, is extremely organized, disciplined, structured, etc... Through Him i have learned those things, He is very consistant, He disciplines me and in many ways is a sort of parental guidance. We don't do the daddy/lil girl thing.....not that there's anything wrong with that... it's just not what we do.

As far as the op's situation....i understand where you're coming from, but, it's up tp you to follow His rules or commands....i have a very bad memory myself, but i can't expect Master to remind me of things He wants me to do, that's my problem. He bought me an agenda book a while back which does help...tho sometimes i misplace it or forget to look at it lol...but...i have improved!! It takes some time to train oneself but as long as you're making an honest effort you will over come your forgetfulness and will learn to stay on task more.

Punishment, i find, is a great motivator at times. For me, although i enjoy some levels of pain, i despise being punished, not just because of the intense pain, but because i fail at my number one priority in life, which is to please Him. So, knowing that Master will punish me if things aren't done the way He wants them and when He wants them, that has helped me stay on the ball with things.

At first i would make all sorts of excuses, i told Master i was a.d.d., i had a very bad memory, but He never accepts excuses, He made me realize that i was capable of much more than i gave myself credit for.

As far as D/s = Parenting....if there's one thing we've all learned from this forum is that everyone's relationship is unique and there isn't a standard set for all to follow....IMO, it can be viewed as somewhat a parent/child dynamic, on some level, with some people...but i agree with emerald that a slave/sub shouldn't = child....that would mean that we aren't responsible for our own actions...that if we do something wrong, it's the Doms fault.....as a parent, when my child misbehaves in school they call me....if he brakes something, i have to pay it...etc...so i am responsible for his actions...it's not the same between two adults tho...i am responsible for my own actions, not my Master.

~hugs~
babygirl



Gemeni -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/17/2005 10:05:10 AM)

I can only speak from my own perspective here.

I'm not at all parental in nature. I tend to be more of a teamwork sort of a person-I just like having more say-and take the "management" role. I can see the attraction in it as parent/child for others.

But I have difficulty in respecting "little girls" over the age of 18,so I just do it a different way.



happypervert -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/17/2005 10:23:49 AM)

quote:

Oh - and since my comments are specific criticism of her lousy conduct: to whit, the post, I'm not flaming - I'm engaging in vigorous discussion.


Oh really? After reading that ill-mannered rant, I thought you were trying to prove the opposite -- that Dominance does not equal parenting but instead means acting like an undisciplined child.



Gemeni -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/17/2005 10:41:18 AM)

I agree. One would think that a person who styles himself as a Marine Corps Officer could show more emotional self control.

Much less,tact. Perhaps he is too used to browbeating new recruits,and expects the same sort of response in doing it here.

Stranger things have certainly happened.



lonewolf05 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/17/2005 11:02:08 AM)

i have given this some thought, and i guess the problem "I" see here, is i deal with ANYONE adult to adult. i do not kow tow just because someone calls themself a dominant. so, if mistress and i talk, or some male dom opens his mouth to me to talk, i answer in an equal adult to adult level. i do not/ can not/ will not/ take a lower stance like i was someone's kid talking UP to an adult. i believe in talking straight across the table as equals.
especially when a major part of MY role is in service and i have yet to find any dominant that knows jack about it, since they are used to sittin on their butt while someone else waits on em.

no, i do not see myself as a lower class person. i talk to everyone as an equal adult to adult.


wolf



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/17/2005 11:34:25 AM)

I grok what your saying lonewolf. It doesn't neccessarily play out like you're envisioning, it, though. My girl interacts with me as an adult. While she has difficulty with the idea of ~being~ equal within the relationship, we both agree that we each have an equal value.
It isn't neccessarily about the form of the interaction, as it is the emotional quality that sometimes comes up. This may not much meaning to you and your level of emotional development or how you see your own emotional needs, but I've found that at times, the need to be loved, guided, corrected, etc, can be similar to that of a child in the realm of how carefully it needs to be handled.
For instance, if I fuck up, I can deal with being told I fucked up. No need to sugarcoat it and it doesn't tear me up if i get bitched out for it, either. For some submissives, it has to be handled much more gently or it just rocks their whole world. I think of it in the same light as correcting a small child. You don't want to be too harsh when you know they're doing their best or you can really crush them.
Another example that fits is the need for physical affection. Some submissives will just need a hug to reassure them that everything is still okay and they're still loved, much like a child will do. Perhaps it's more prevalent in females than males, I dunno. Either way, it doesn't make her less than an equal it just means that there are times when I need to be aware that she she doesn't always react the same way I would.
She still conducts herself as an adult. She still gets told when she's screwed up and is expected to fix it. It's just a matter of ~how~ I tell her. She's never expected to talk ~up~ to anybody, although I do expect her to always behave respectfully. OTOH, I treat her with the same respect as I want from her or any other person, basic courtesy.
I hope that fleshes it out better.
Timothy



Faramir -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/17/2005 5:15:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

Oh really? After reading that ill-mannered rant, I thought you were trying to prove the opposite -- that Dominance does not equal parenting but instead means acting like an undisciplined child.



Sorry your cunt hurts - there's a cream for that though, ok?

[:D]



lonewolf05 -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/17/2005 6:23:02 PM)

this is the thing i tried to ask about in my posting to males. just never got thee words exact.
yeah see, coz i am one that does not need nor wish for to be hugged. people get so defensive over this.
and if ya talk about chewing their ass out, they get all teary eyed. i never have ---since i was about 8 years old coz of the sheer violence in my childhood from my ole man rippin the house apart when he felt like it.

so yeah i understand You here. You got a great way with words. thanks
the wolf




LadyAngelika -> RE: Does Dominance = Parenting? (7/17/2005 7:54:06 PM)

quote:

You like her? Fucking A - fab. The comment is indefensible.


It is not about liking her. She was talking first person, therefore from her experience. Never once did she put anything down. You projected an insult that was not there.

Keep it in perspective Faramir, seriously. You are an intelligent man with a lot to offer to these boards. Take a deep breath, take a walk around the block and reflect before you post. We are all here to discuss alternative ways of exploring sexuality, and of course we are going to vary in opinions. Not all of us are good at making it explicit that we are speaking from experience and not wanting to belittle others. Sometimes you need to give people the benefit of the doubt and read it that way. Trust me, it goes a long way.

- LA



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