RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd

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LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:13:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 you know i always hear this age does not matter thing. But it does. Again what would someone of 50 have with someone that is 21 or 20 or 25O I doubt anything. None of them have kids that have gone through collage. or paid off their mortgage or even a degree in certain areas.. Let alone face serious illness or done other things.. it is about right of passage it is a natural order of things. Yes. Because when your kid graduates from college or you pay off your mortgage, life hands you a book called "Everything you need to know about BDSM". that is one of the biggest problems with our lifestyle. You can not just take part of person and say that is them you have to have the whole identity of what and who they are. It is all that we are ..

AquaticSub -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:15:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 that is one of the biggest problems with our lifestyle. You can not just take part of person and say that is them you have to have the whole identity of what and who they are. It is all that we are .. So someone who never has a mortage and never has kids to send to college will never be a good dominant or a submissive? Damn, that sucks.

Grlwithboy -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:18:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: celticlord2112 quote: ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy So what would one do to learn faceslapping? Bitchslap canteloupe? Or talk to a submissive who likes it or wants it and then, paying reasonable amounts of attention and being aware of the risks and having a game plan in mind if various eventualities go down, DO it? Personally, I would recommend some study of the martial arts. By definition, those are a study of HOW to strike the body. This is the kind of magical-thinking overcomplication I am talking about. I use common sense and connection. No class time required. If someone insisted I was not safe to do this without a martial arts background, I call that exclusionary, and trying to make a more elite club out of a very simple act. I've also done it. A lot. Sometimes as a pro with people I've hardly negotiated with. I don't like to say "and I've never had a problem" because it invokes Murphy, but I haven't. 1. Be careful of the eyes. 2. Remove your jewelry. 3. Try it lightly, staring them down, connecting, with your intent. 4. Don't do it that fucking hard, this time. See the reaction. Be with them emotionally, mentally. Breathe, get hot with them. Try it again. 5. Do the communication or think through as many possible things as you can as to what this might MEAN or DO to that person. Are you ready for emotional mopping? Or are you sure you are playing with someone who loves this and will likely not need it at all? Make it real. Decide what you want.

Viridana -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:20:42 AM)
I'm counting every coin I spend so I can pay for the roof over my family's head, the food on our table and the clothes on our back and of course my school fees as well. However I'm only 25 so that doesn't even count....... even though I've battled cancer, severe clinical depression and even though I'm raising my stepdaughter as well. Well.. I guess I'm just too inexperienced to be good at bdsm sigh

Grlwithboy -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:23:12 AM)
I am so much less interested with what a person's done in the way of mortgage jobs and illness than I am in who they are when they do love, fear, hate, anger, joy, enthusiasm, creativity, friendship, analytical thinking, compassion. All that.

Viridana -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:24:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy I am so much less interested with what a person's done in the way of mortgage jobs and illness than I am in who they are when they do love, fear, hate, anger, joy, enthusiasm, creativity, friendship, analytical thinking, compassion. All that. I completely agree with you!

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:24:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 that is one of the biggest problems with our lifestyle. You can not just take part of person and say that is them you have to have the whole identity of what and who they are. It is all that we are .. So someone who never has a mortage and never has kids to send to college will never be a good dominant or a submissive? Damn, that sucks. again your missing the point. for people to build a house they have to have a foundation. what your bring to the table. it is a lot more then the lifestyle it is about life in general. to walk with someone on a unified journey ..you better have your ducks in a row.

SmokingGun82 -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:25:04 AM)
Interesting topic. Of course, I'm not sure exactly what I want to contribute. I'm 25. I like to think I have more life-experience, and that I'm much more mature, than people much older than me, but since I felt that way at 16, 17, 18, 19, 20... etcetera... and realize I was probably wrong then, I have no reason to believe that I wouldn't be wrong this time. I've come to peace with that- I'm probably fairly average in maturity/etcetera for someone my age. To bring it on topic, I have a fair amount of experience in quite a few areas of WIITWD. Nowhere would I really say "Oh, I'm super awesome at that," if only because self-promotion isn't really my style. Well, that and there's always something else to learn, or think about, or a new technique to try... at least for me. I think BDSM is a lot like any other area of life in at least one respect: no matter how good you are at something, there's someone who's better. Of course, there's one exception to this in every case. The things I like about being 25 is that, one 18 year olds aren't "too young" for me yet ;) . Or, more seriously, there seems to be, in my experience, a more open nature to our generation. I'm not saying everyone over 30/35 is close-minded, or that no one under 30/35 is. It just seems to me that there are more people close to my age that are willing to have fun with someone and go their seperate ways than in other age ranges- or maybe I'm just not attractive to older women, which could be skewing my data. Someone else brought up the fact that she prefers younger dommes because they play more often- that seems, again in my experience, to be the case. While I'd love to have a serious relationship again one day, I'm also extremely happy in a multitude of non-serious ones, whether they last ten minutes, an hour, or longer. It seems to be a common feeling among people my age, or at least the ones I know. Things can be fun for the purpose of fun, without trying to tie emotions or commitment into the bundle. Again, I know there are "older" people who feel the same way... it just seems more prevalent in the younger crowd to me. Unlike a few others, I enjoy it when people dismiss me because of age. It doesn't happen much on these forums but it does in other areas, both online and off. I'm not used to being dismissed, since most of the people I associate with on a daily basis take what I say to be damned near infallible fact, both personally and professionally, so it happens rarely enough that it's still amusing, not annoying. That, and it gives me an early indication that I won't like that particular person. I think one of the least interesting topics imaginable, and one of the worst ways of evaluating anyone, is through a circumstance of birth. Age falls into that category. This ended up being more rambling than even my usual disjointed thoughts, so I'll wrap things up before I wander off topic again. Quick aside on the early extreme play discussion, and to look at it another way... most of the comments seem to be that dom's shouldn't do extreme things early. I agree in some situations, but I really think that extreme play is a bad idea for a first time sub even more so. How do you know how you'll react to a caning if you've never even been spanked? Sure, it might work out great for some, for others it might be a horrible experience... but I don't see anything wrong with getting your feet a little wet before jumping in the pool. I don't like to deal in absolutes, though, so I can only offer my personal experience and the views it's brought me.

Archer -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:29:50 AM)
Both sides of the what to teach when discussion have their foundation in fact. I have seen people with hold information for far longer than nessisary based on nothing more than the idea of "This is the way I was taught", and I have seen people rush hellbentforleather into dangerous territory without having learned the foundation basics, all the while complaining that nobody wanted to teach them the skill they wanted right away but rather wanted them to cover "useless stuff" first. Sometimes the useless stuff is actually useless, other times that useless stuff is simply not recognized as being valuable, because the student isn't ready to learn.

AquaticSub -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:32:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 again your missing the point. for people to build a house they have to have a foundation. what your bring to the table. it is a lot more then the lifestyle it is about life in general. to walk with someone on a unified journey ..you better have your ducks in a row. No the point is that you think only certain things count for a foundation. I've worked with those dying of cancer. That's an experience and it taught me compassion. I wept for the children too young to remember their mothers currently dying of breast cancer. I wept for the father who will never see his daughter go on her first date because his illness was moving too quickly. I've volunteered at historical sites. That was an experience that taught me respect for my elders and a love of the knowledge they can pass down to me. I learned how to teach those older than me and still be respectful of their knowledge. I also learned how to get rid of drunken college kids trying to use a tombstone to crack open a watermelon for their picnic. I have taught martial arts and been in training for them since I was in middle school. Those experiences have taught me so much. The joy of working with children, humility, self-respect and self-control. More importantly, it taught me that someone younger than me can know a great deal more and that I would be an utter fool to dismiss their knowledge because of their youth. I have nearly finished college. I have learned that teachers are not always right. I have learned how to present my opinions, even when they differ from my teacher's, in a respectful way. I have learned a great deal about what is important to me. Paying off a mortage teaches you how to pay off a mortage. Putting your kids through college teaches you how to apply for loans, be careful with your money or how to tell your kid "You are on your own for school", depending on what kind of person you are. For that matter, I have a friend my own age who already owns a house because he already learned how to pay off a mortage. You can not point to any specific things and say "this is what a person mature" or "this is what makes a person a good dominant or submissive".

celticlord2112 -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:35:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy I am so much less interested with what a person's done in the way of mortgage jobs and illness than I am in who they are when they do love, fear, hate, anger, joy, enthusiasm, creativity, friendship, analytical thinking, compassion. All that. The first set usually requires the second....

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:35:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 again your missing the point. for people to build a house they have to have a foundation. what your bring to the table. it is a lot more then the lifestyle it is about life in general. to walk with someone on a unified journey ..you better have your ducks in a row. No the point is that you think only certain things count for a foundation. I've worked with those dying of cancer. That's an experience and it taught me compassion. I wept for the children too young to remember their mothers currently dying of breast cancer. I wept for the father who will never see his daughter go on her first date because his illness was moving too quickly. I've volunteered at historical sites. That was an experience that taught me respect for my elders and a love of the knowledge they can pass down to me. I learned how to teach those older than me and still be respectful of their knowledge. I also learned how to get rid of drunken college kids trying to use a tombstone to crack open a watermelon for their picnic. I have taught martial arts and been in training for them since I was in middle school. Those experiences have taught me so much. The joy of working with children, humility, self-respect and self-control. More importantly, it taught me that someone younger than me can know a great deal more and that I would be an utter fool to dismiss their knowledge because of their youth. I have nearly finished college. I have learned that teachers are not always right. I have learned how to present my opinions, even when they differ from my teacher's, in a respectful way. I have learned a great deal about what is important to me. Paying off a mortage teaches you how to pay off a mortage. Putting your kids through college teaches you how to apply for loans, be careful with your money or how to tell your kid "You are on your own for school", depending on what kind of person you are. For that matter, I have a friend my own age who already owns a house because he already learned how to pay off a mortage. You can not point to any specific things and say "this is what a person mature" or "this is what makes a person a good dominant or submissive". i guess the best way to put it to you is read the book. cause in the book of life you will have to go through chapter by chapter page by page and in the end you will see I was right. I will not have to show you anything cause It will for me

AquaticSub -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:37:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 i guess the best way to put it to you is read the book. cause in the book of life you will have to go through chapter by chapter page by page and in the end you will see I was right. I will not have to show you anything cause It will for me Yes now you are magically right just because you are over 40 when I know 50 year olds who are just pathetic because they never learned how to live.

Archer -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:38:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy This is the kind of magical-thinking overcomplication I am talking about. I use common sense and connection. No class time required. If someone insisted I was not safe to do this without a martial arts background, I call that exclusionary, and trying to make a more elite club out of a very simple act. I've also done it. A lot. Sometimes as a pro with people I've hardly negotiated with. I don't like to say "and I've never had a problem" because it invokes Murphy, but I haven't. 1. Be careful of the eyes. 2. Remove your jewelry. 3. Try it lightly, staring them down, connecting, with your intent. 4. Don't do it that fucking hard, this time. See the reaction. Be with them emotionally, mentally. Breathe, get hot with them. Try it again. 5. Do the communication or think through as many possible things as you can as to what this might MEAN or DO to that person. Are you ready for emotional mopping? Or are you sure you are playing with someone who loves this and will likely not need it at all? Make it real. Decide what you want. Not a bad start but the you have missed in your discussion/list: Support the neck head rotation is what causes concussions and damage. Watch the ears ruptured ear drums are no fun watch the jaw teach the bottom to set their teeth to recieve the blow Consider mouthguards.

Grlwithboy -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:38:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Both sides of the what to teach when discussion have their foundation in fact. I have seen people with hold information for far longer than nessisary based on nothing more than the idea of "This is the way I was taught", and I have seen people rush hellbentforleather into dangerous territory without having learned the foundation basics, all the while complaining that nobody wanted to teach them the skill they wanted right away but rather wanted them to cover "useless stuff" first. Sometimes the useless stuff is actually useless, other times that useless stuff is simply not recognized as being valuable, because the student isn't ready to learn. I agree with your observation. Do you find that sometimes the emotional/psychological/more intangible toolkit (because it's so subjective) sometimes suffers at the expense of "ok, you can do this physically, so go do it now?"

Grlwithboy -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:40:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Not a bad start but the you have missed in your discussion/list: Support the neck head rotation is what causes concussions and damage. Watch the ears ruptured ear drums are no fun watch the jaw teach the bottom to set their teeth to recieve the blow Consider mouthguards. I hate not being there physically. You're doing 201 level of "hard" I'm doing 101, stare em down and see how the react to the fingers only tap. Yes to all that if you are doing the "reach out with your arm and slap" slap. And holding the jaw, while keeping rotation down, is also plenty hotter, to me, personally. :)

Archer -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:43:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Both sides of the what to teach when discussion have their foundation in fact. I have seen people with hold information for far longer than nessisary based on nothing more than the idea of "This is the way I was taught", and I have seen people rush hellbentforleather into dangerous territory without having learned the foundation basics, all the while complaining that nobody wanted to teach them the skill they wanted right away but rather wanted them to cover "useless stuff" first. Sometimes the useless stuff is actually useless, other times that useless stuff is simply not recognized as being valuable, because the student isn't ready to learn. I agree with your observation. Do you find that sometimes the emotional/psychological/more intangible toolkit (because it's so subjective) sometimes suffers at the expense of "ok, you can do this physically, so go do it now?" YES YES YES hte meat of why it gets touchy for many foks to pass on the information to someone who is younger. Are they ready for this information at that age? Was I? What are the risks of passing the information on to them too early? What are the risks of passing it on too late?

celticlord2112 -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:48:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64 you know i always hear this age does not matter thing. But it does. Again what would someone of 50 have with someone that is 21 or 20 or 25O I doubt anything. None of them have kids that have gone through collage. or paid off their mortgage or even a degree in certain areas.. Let alone face serious illness or done other things.. it is about right of passage it is a natural order of things. Having paid off a mortgage and helped one of my stepsons secure a steady job because he opted that over college after high school did not make me a dominant--and I would argue they did not make me a good dominant. I believe I was a good dominant long before either experience occurred. Paying off a mortgage and dealing with "adult children" are rewarding life experiences that I believe make me a BETTER dominant. However, wrt BDSM, such experiences provide merely a layer of icing on an already substantial cake.

Archer -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:48:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Not a bad start but the you have missed in your discussion/list: Support the neck head rotation is what causes concussions and damage. Watch the ears ruptured ear drums are no fun watch the jaw teach the bottom to set their teeth to recieve the blow Consider mouthguards. I hate not being there physically. You're doing 201 level of "hard" I'm doing 101, stare em down and see how the react to the fingers only tap. Yes to all that if you are doing the "reach out with your arm and slap" slap. And holding the jaw, while keeping rotation down, is also plenty hotter, to me, personally. :) LOL When I present this as part of a class I cover both your points and mine. Matter of perspective, and really looking bak at the post it probably didn't show as much respect for the things you mentioned as it could have. Was too short a reply to communicate that aspect. I include the latter in my 101 version because they are the habits I want to pass along as far as keeping it safe over the longer term. While not entirely nessisary at the day 1 through day 7 practice. I like to teach/ form habits that continue when the skill is practiced at higher levels.

phoenixsub999 -> RE: Invite to the under 30's crowd (9/6/2007 8:48:39 AM)
It's not the age or the experience - it's what someone does with it. I've met people with 'lots' of experience who still don't have a clue about why their life is a soap opera, why something is a hot button for them, etc.

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