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Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 4:58:51 AM

missturbation

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From: another planet
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I've been pondering this for quite a while now. I spend a lot of time reading the boards here (i really need to get a life i know) and am always slightly concerned / amazed at the amount of times i see people jump to conclusions (myself included).
I can only speak for myself here but sometimes when i make a post / create a thread i only give very limited information regarding myself on the topic i am posting on. This is usually for a few reasons, maybe i dont have permission to give details, maybe im looking for a general reply not specific to me, or maybe just sometimes i want to keep the personal details, personal!
Take for example my recent thread on being hired out. Many conclusions were jumped to:-
I was being forced to do this.
I was going to be seriously hurt (not in a good way )
I was derogatively prostituting myself.
Etc Etc Etc.
In a thread about face slapping i said i loved it but was having to stay away from it for a while as i had a broken tooth from a slap. Immediately it was assumed that the slap was an abusive one and not the accident it actually was. To clarify i was talking and the slap was a little misplaced and my teeth slammed together resulting in a broken tooth. The tooth was already cracked. It was an accident but the memos i recieved and a comment in the thread certainly didnt see it like that.
Now whilst i can see how conclusions are jumped to when only given limited info, maybe giving more info would be the simplest way to stop this. Sometimes that isnt feasable! (spelling)
Would it not make more sense to just ask, to say 'i dont want to jump to conclusions so please could you clarify this for me?'
I think i may (and i apologise) have just had a rant but i truely do want to understand what makes us jump to (mostly) the worst conclusions and make assumptions based on nothing.

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Post #: 1

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 5:02:20 AM

jaxnsax

Posts: 106
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Greetings missturbation
You have pretty much answered your own question. People jump to conclusions and make assumptions because they generally have too little information on which to make an informed judgment.
I hope this day beings you good humor and health
jaxon

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 2

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 5:05:58 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

I conclude that....

you worry too much hehe.

People read what they want to read out of anything because of their mood that day, their life, experience or lack of.

If it gets personal (here), stop it in it's tracks immediately and feel free to mention that certain comments will not be tolerated because they are not necessary because it may not have any relevance to the topic.

I see nothing of 'red flag' material in your postings to make me concerned for your safety or mental/physical health.

Keep the topic as you say 'general' to the audience and do not allow it to go futher. People have to be told quickly if they have over-stepped a personal boundary to you.

be well,

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 3

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 5:09:50 AM

earthycouple

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My conclusion is if you don't reveal all information we have no choice but to give a presumption so we can fill in the blanks. Most often the threads revolve around a question or a "help me" motive. This encourages us to fill in the blanks. If the OP spent all of his time clarifiying his OP then he'd never have time for anything else methinks. While I respond when necessary I can't clarify every time someone asks if they didn't bother to read the first clarification I gave.

It is human nature to believe or think certain things with limited information. My suggestion is to try and take all of the misinformation out of the OP at the start. For example: Saying "I was once cut with a knife" would lead to a hundred different images for a hundred different people. Here are a couple: "She was expecting to be cut" "She was cut purposefully with bad intent" "She was cut purposefully with good intent" "She cut herself with knife by accident" "She cut herself with a knife purposefully" "Someone cut her accidentally". So which is right? If no one asks and I don't clarify the world may never know. If someone asks and I do clarify what's to say everyone who reads the OP will read the clarification later? I don't always read every post prior to writing my own post to a thread.

If I had written "My dominant and I were engaging in RACK standard knife play and he accidentally cut my arm when I jumped" leaves little room for wrong conclusions.

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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Post #: 4

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 5:35:07 AM

came4U

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From: London, Ontario
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yes, earthy, so right.

it depends on the wording too, if people jump down a throat for misinterpretation of lack of information.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 5

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 6:06:55 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
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quote:

If I had written "My dominant and I were engaging in RACK standard knife play and he accidentally cut my arm when I jumped" leaves little room for wrong conclusions.

   Not picking on you earthycouple but I can see people jumping to conclusions on that statement with imagination and not knowing you personally.   For example, why did you jump?   I jump when I am afraid and it sounds to me as if you are afraid of your Dom.   Are you afraid of him and why?   No offense but it sounds like an unhealthy relationship.   Or---Your Dominant does not sound like he is in control of the situation.   He should have seen you jump and had enough control not to bring the blade down. Or   EVERYONE knows that knife play is NOT SSC.    You should not be involving yourself in risky behavior, he is not looking out for your well being by involving you in this sort of play.
     Personally, I do not think it matters how many details are put out there, nor is wording always going to help, although I do agree with earthycouple that in some cases it makes all the difference in the world.    People are going to believe what they want to believe.   Some people are going to pick apart anything based on their experience and their beliefs.   Of course I personally would not have responded to the above example in the way I did in the itallics above.    I get what is meant, but possibly there would be that sort of repsonse.
     For me, it is rare that I put anything personal out there.   This way is not always a good one.   I am sure assumptions are made about me everyday.   Those assumptions are not always stated but I am sure it happens.   If I were to put everything personal out there I am sure I would get VERY negative feed back even if I were not in a "I have an issue I need help with" mode.    For example, in certain cases and I have stated this before, I do not feel a safe call is ALWAYS necessary.   That is just me.   Also, I will travel to meet someone and at a great distance.    That is just me.    Because of that, I may have other's assuming that I am a newbie, a fake, a very insane person, people may read more into my personna by those statements I made.   Do I feel the need to explain, when I would feel comfortable traveling a great distance to meet someone without a safe call?   Not really because that is just something else I would need to explain which may warrant more, "Squeakers you are out of your mind" feedback.
      I do understand that when someone is actually asking, for assistance in a dilemma, that people tend to assume.   It happens.   But sometimes, I believe that people are simply venting to the boards and need no real solution.   They already know their answer, they just want to vent.   It is very difficult to vent D/s problems.   For me, I can not go to my co-workers and vent a specific D/s problem, I can not call up a family member and vent, nor can I call any one of my vanilla friends.    Sometimes, these boards are all a person has in which to vent.    In my case and I feel other's may be in the same spot, I rarely chat with anyone outside of the boards, I do not have any lifestyle 'peers' on my IM, email list, or phone list.   Luckily, I have a very good partner who I am able to communicate my issues with even if the issue is with him.
       To me, it is doubtful that assumption will ever stop.   There are those who KNOW everything and need to let everyone else KNOW how important they are.   There are those who feel that there is only ONE TRUE way to skin a cat and if anyone does it differently then that person is wrong and should be educated on the proper way.    And there are those who genuinely desire to 'help' anyone and everyone.   I have always found D/s and BDSM community unique simply because there are so many things in common so many after the same goal yet it is so diversified and indiviualized.  I think that our differences bring us together yet on the other hand the differences as people keep us apart.    There is not always a common ground.    One may say that everyone must have 'scat' on a hard limit because it is not normal, yet preach tolerance.     It happens all of the time.
      To the OP, take the assumptions and shrug them if they are incorrect assumptions.   Only YOU know what is right for you.    I just read the other day, in 365 days, this thread will be deleted.   It is doubtful that many will remember that a face slap broke your tooth and wonder if you are still with the same 'abusive' Dom.   (Nope I do not feel that way---I worry about that happening to me all of the time. I can relate.)    Once upon a time, someone told me, you do not have to defend who you are or what you do in this lifestyle as long as you are comfortable with it.   If people want to blast me, I rarely defend myself, for me it is wasted energy.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 6

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 6:10:44 AM

Twicehappy2x

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Joined: 3/27/2007
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Simple, easy, straight forward answer;

Because we are Human!

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(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 7

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 6:11:59 AM

Cyntilating

Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
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hi Missturbation

...I had this lengthy reply typed out ( ya imagine that ) talking about varying degrees of ability( or inability) to communicate, listen, tolerance for others, empathy or lack there of, individuals crap( oh sorry, I meant lifelessons ) they are dealing with and so they can't help but interpret someone elses words with their own drama..and so their reply will be more about their stuff than your stuff. .and of course throw in those few who just can't help themselves from trying to fluster and degrade others, and will twist your words just to see if they can cause you to get upset... .... but, I erased it.

...what it comes down to ( imo ) is just simple common-sense of communication.....and we have to own some of the responsiblity for what comes back when we put ourselves out there.

the better I can communicate my feelings and situation, the more chance I have of hearing back worthwhile imput.

the less "personal" my example or question...the less the responses will be about me and my situation and more about the generic or hypothetical..( or "their stuff")
and I need to accept that before I begin reading even the first response. Take what I can use from the responses and discard the rest... don't take them personally because what I "gave" them wasn't all that personal ....

and if I put out there the statement>" does that make me wrong??" and then I get butt hurt because someone actually responds > " ya you're wrong!" welll gee ...I asked didn't I?? someone was bound to dissagree with my feelings/thoughts/sentiments/views...eventually.

If I ask "expecting" certain responses ( or heaven help me " affirmations of my feelings" ) I am seriously setting myself up for dissappointment.. { which I have been known to do, even tho' I try hard not to...I AM trying and trying to learn from my mistakes }

imo
not just CM or message board , chat room dialogue..but communicating with others in our lives..

edited: to replace the word "rules" with "common sense"

< Message edited by Cyntilating -- 9/8/2007 6:32:08 AM >

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Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 8

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 6:18:47 AM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jaxnsax

Greetings missturbation
You have pretty much answered your own question. People jump to conclusions and make assumptions because they generally have too little information on which to make an informed judgment.
I hope this day beings you good humor and health
jaxon

and I'd like to add to this....
the way judgments are made
which can be so erroroniously (sp)
madeand then peep have a need to clarify,
defend, react
and further more judged.
Such a vicious ugly cycle.

Sir's girl

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With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to jaxnsax)

Post #: 9

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 6:23:50 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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I think that when parts of the story are missing, people tend to fill that in with their own experiences which may or may not be close to the OP's.

It drives me nuts when a thread gets fixated on an assumption and doesn't seem to be able to get back on track.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 10

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 6:32:11 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

quote:

If I had written "My dominant and I were engaging in RACK standard knife play and he accidentally cut my arm when I jumped" leaves little room for wrong conclusions.
Not picking on you earthycouple but I can see people jumping to conclusions on that statement with imagination and not knowing you personally. For example, why did you jump? I jump when I am afraid and it sounds to me as if you are afraid of your Dom. Are you afraid of him and why? No offense but it sounds like an unhealthy relationship. Or---Your Dominant does not sound like he is in control of the situation. He should have seen you jump and had enough control not to bring the blade down. Or EVERYONE knows that knife play is NOT SSC. You should not be involving yourself in risky behavior, he is not looking out for your well being by involving you in this sort of play.
<snipped>

LMAO...and I suppose my point is made, kinda sorta but not really *S*

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Squeakers)

Post #: 11

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 6:53:44 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

quote:

If I had written "My dominant and I were engaging in RACK standard knife play and he accidentally cut my arm when I jumped" leaves little room for wrong conclusions.
Not picking on you earthycouple but I can see people jumping to conclusions on that statement with imagination and not knowing you personally. For example, why did you jump? I jump when I am afraid and it sounds to me as if you are afraid of your Dom. Are you afraid of him and why? No offense but it sounds like an unhealthy relationship. Or---Your Dominant does not sound like he is in control of the situation. He should have seen you jump and had enough control not to bring the blade down. Or EVERYONE knows that knife play is NOT SSC. You should not be involving yourself in risky behavior, he is not looking out for your well being by involving you in this sort of play.
<snipped>

LMAO...and I suppose my point is made, kinda sorta but not really *S*

You made a very VALID point but---people are people and for some NO matter how the hell you word something---more than likely someone is going to make an assumption. I think the point is really that it will never change, it may be lessened to a degree with different wording but a persons reaction to it is the only thing that can change. For example, the tooth senerio. You have two options, explain what happened and defend it---maybe people will buy it, some might say, "well if you had good communication with your Dom he would have known your tooth was cracked, therefore not slapped you ever." Or one can just shrug it off.
People are going to think whatever they want, we can not control the actions, thoughts or assumptions all of the time of another, EVEN in a TPE. Some may dispute that but I can say I agree to a TPE, but I and only I am in control of carrying out what he directs.

< Message edited by Squeakers -- 9/8/2007 6:55:04 AM >

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 12

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 6:57:46 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Simple, easy, straight forward answer;

Because we are Human!

and the complicated explination of that answer is because we like drama...but i am not going to define it

edited for an extra "e" that wanted to hang out

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 9/8/2007 6:58:46 AM >

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 13

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 7:01:30 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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they have proven blows to the head are dangerous. slapping or hitting someone in the head is never a good thing

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 14

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 7:02:56 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Simple, easy, straight forward answer;

Because we are Human!

and the complicated explination of that answer is because we like drama...but i am not going to define it

edited for an extra "e" that wanted to hang out

LOL I can relate---I get bored without the drama posts. As long as it isn't my drama. I have had enough real life vanilla drama in the past three months to last a lifetime. Therefore I have turned off my phone and my voice mail says, "DO NOT LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE BEEP!"

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 15

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 7:05:35 AM

Squeakers

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Joined: 10/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

they have proven blows to the head are dangerous. slapping or hitting someone in the head is never a good thing

AHA that so explains why I am wasting money on weekly therapy! Thanks Latexbaby, I will forever quit banging my head against the wall.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 16

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 7:23:57 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

they have proven blows to the head are dangerous. slapping or hitting someone in the head is never a good thing

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggg!!! WHEN is a blow a blow, baby?

Comonnnnnnnnnnn... sometimes slapping (and even punching) is NOT at all dangerous!

When a face is held softly with one hand, and the other hand, open, is brought across the cheek with a smart, stinging blow...that one is prepared for and expecting when it happens...it is NOT going to seriously hurt anybody!

EVERYTHING is relative and slapping does not have to be dangerous at all!

IMNSHO,
bearlee

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Post #: 17

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 7:26:53 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

they have proven blows to the head are dangerous. slapping or hitting someone in the head is never a good thing

So how many years was this your kink before you stopped?

-Muhammad Ali

< Message edited by domiguy -- 9/8/2007 7:27:58 AM >

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Post #: 18

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 7:45:30 AM

BlindDescent

Posts: 113
Joined: 9/26/2006
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Life is dangerous with no guarantees or warrantees. Our entire zone of behavior lives in the dangerous portion of an already unpredictable life full of potentially worse oopses. Being the sensation and spice junkies we are, those aforementioned posts really predispose us to looking into the lurid detail section...even when it isn't there. There are equally misinterpreted stories from the vanilla section with elbows to the eye and such during those tender moments.My concern is more for the emerging perpetrator who reads into the oops column as the edge to follow; then emulates it.

_____________________________

Reality is what you create; not what others leave behind.

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Post #: 19

RE: Jumping to conclusions !! - 9/8/2007 7:48:17 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

they have proven blows to the head are dangerous. slapping or hitting someone in the head is never a good thing

AHA that so explains why I am wasting money on weekly therapy! Thanks Latexbaby, I will forever quit banging my head against the wall.

um it is not that it is all the starbucks you are drinking

(in reply to Squeakers)

Post #: 20

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