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RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 10/1/2007 5:53:25 PM   
deniseiscrazy


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Being abused is NOT the same as BDSM, but I think some of the physical acts are the same. I mean when you submit to your abuser vs when you submit to your lover, its the same act of submission and you may feel some of the same feelings (smallness, fear, excitement, etc) but its not the same. I want everybody to know that I realize this but the fact that they are close to me is why i want to talk about it and just to know that I am not alone

(in reply to DocRudy)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 11/4/2007 6:15:26 PM   
daemonaries


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline 		I was molested from the time I was seven (second grade) to the time I was in twelve (sixth grade--end).  It was my dad's best friend and nothing happened.  Then I was raped by my friend when I was sixteen and then a man that became my boyfriend later that year.  He raped me again after we broke up and I had gotten a new boyfriend.  The police knew about the last one and nothing happened.  They let him go back to Mexico and did nothing.  That is the judiciary system here, I guess.  Oh well.
Yes, I think that these experiences changed the way I thought about sex, and BDSM slowly crept into my life until I accepted it wholeheartedly.  I am a switch now, because I can not bare to give up all that power to another, no matter how much I trust him, but I have found a man that is willing, and happy to do the same for me.  We play together, love together and work together, both vanilla and D/s are a part of us.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 11/15/2007 4:08:26 PM   
deniseiscrazy


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Lets keep this topic up to date, i run into alot of people who could post this.

(in reply to daemonaries)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 11/15/2007 9:20:44 PM   
VampirateLiz


Posts: 17
Joined: 11/13/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		I do have abuse in my past. But, I don't think that has anything to do with why I'm attracted to BDSM. It's like, not all homosexuals where abused by their parents to be that way either... You know?

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 11/15/2007 10:41:45 PM   
newsubsara


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/10/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think childhood experienced influenced it, but my first BDSM experience was when I was fifteen.

If anything, my childhood abuse influenced my bisexuality, not my interest in BDSM.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 11/15/2007 10:45:07 PM   
MistressHolly71


Posts: 354
Joined: 7/4/2007
From: Southern Maryland
Status: offline 		I was abused emotionally & physically when I was a child & teenager.  I've also been raped more than once.  Does it have anything to do my attraction to BDSM?  I don't think so.  I can remember having dominant tendencies before the abuse.

_____________________________

Sex is fun & pleasure is good for you. -- The Ethical Slut

Self-confessed Yarnaphile

Member: Lance's Fag Hags

My Ravelry

(in reply to VampirateLiz)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 11/26/2007 10:24:49 PM   
deniseiscrazy


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		I am suprized how many people there are that had this happen, or maybe its just it happens to all people.

(in reply to MistressHolly71)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 1/27/2008 10:28:33 PM   
deniseiscrazy


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		This topic has pretty much died, but if anybody wants to add their take on it please add it

(in reply to deniseiscrazy)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 1/28/2008 9:33:37 AM   
snowandsub


Posts: 42
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline 		yes. and being loved unconditionally by my Husband (also my Master) has helped loads becuase it have given me back control over my choices. it is my choice to be here and that makes a huge difference to the effect of BDSM. there are certain tools/toys that i cannot cope with at all but He knows that and never ever tests those limits. 

_____________________________

*sometimes the safest place is in the mind*

Snow's sub (snowie) normally posts, unless otherwise stated at the beginning of a post.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 1/28/2008 9:44:43 AM   
collaredncontent


Posts: 81
Joined: 1/21/2008
From: GA, USA.
Status: offline 		I wasn't abused physically, but I can see trends now of mental abuse from my mother. Did it attract me to be a submissive I don't know. Maybe it was training in a strange way. To all appearances I am a "mommy's boy" always doing what she wants me to, striving to please her despite the constant criticism and disdain, taking unfair comments and verbal abuse without comment...but there's a hitch. I hate her. I smile and nod and pretend that nothing is wrong but I resent and loathe being around her. I've only once ever yelled at her and when I did it was a torrent of emotion that shocked my entire family to the core. Of course we now pretend it never happened, like all issues we're faced with. I take my responsibility for it though, I allow her to control me because I want to avoid conflict. Still, it has a negative effect on my outlook. Maybe it has something to do with why I like submitting control over to another person, but I do not resent or hate my Master, at all. Perhaps it is because with my mother I feel like I don't have a choice and with Jack I know it's my choice to serve him and be his pet.

Just my two-cents.
Brian.

(in reply to snowandsub)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 1/28/2008 11:52:58 AM   
daddysgirl1978


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/10/2005
Status: offline 		I too have asked myself that very question... I was abused (sexually) for most of my childhood... I don't think that the abuse caused me to come into this lifestyle. I think that my submissive nature did... I have and am doing all that I can to heal from the abuse.. As a sidebar, I have not had any flashbacks during play..  I think it is because I can choose now what is ok with me and as a kid I could not...

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 1/28/2008 1:17:12 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I was never  abused but i was always submissive.  I was naturally drawn to the lifstyle when i understood what it was i needed.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to daddysgirl1978)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 1/28/2008 1:45:49 PM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		Take deep breath.. plunge in.

From age 0 months until age 16. Abused and neglected by natural mother. Removed from her care at age 3. Sexual abused in foster care. Adopted age 4 by parents who should never have raised a goldfish. Yes it is incest if you have no blood relation to the person. Married at age 19 to a Dom, relationship turned to abuse. Divorced. Wash, rinse, repeat, Doms and Subs as spouses. Nothing lasted. Ok that is the short of it. Here's the fun.

Yes the experiences had a great deal to do with shaping me. I am not under any circumstances a submissive. Not a submissive bone in my body. I am a masochist ( I do need the pain), I am a slave, and I am an Alpha Female. I will fight every step of the way. It was how I survived childhood. I refused to give in, give up, or let them beat me (will to live type of beat the other was constant). Nature verses Nurture, probably. Without that will power even as an infant I probably would not have thrived and survived. Take it, turn it, remove the power from it. Frustrates the hell out of Master sometimes, he would love a bit more submission and less challenge but at the same times loves me for my strengths as well. Dichotomy.

Would I have been a masochist, a SAM without my childhood? No way to know, but I do know that there are times the past flares in the middle of a dance and we have to deal with it. We do and they come fewer and less often, but they still come.  Then again Master has his own subscriptions as well. Life happens. We deal with it or we die.

poenkitten

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 1/28/2008 2:05:24 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I was sexually molested LOTS as a youngan....As I grew I became a force to be reconed with in the sexuality department....by the time I got married at age 20 I was a "splintered" person...I just didn't know it.... In my late twenties, early thirties I went through over 2 years of threrapy for Disassociative Personality Disorder, it intregrated me. I was able to live a pretty normal life....but I was always missing "something" That something I now know was my Master.....so I'm thinking my past abuse did lead me to where I am now...

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to BlackPhx)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 1/28/2008 2:13:39 PM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

 In my late twenties, early thirties I went through over 2 years of threrapy for Disassociative Personality Disorder, it intregrated me. I


We never wanted integration. Co-prescence is enough, and thereapy has lasted around 25 years. Master has subscriptions, we built a library <EG> Actually we do hate that term Dissociative Identiy Disorder, well it's acronym at least. DID is offensive to me, or as I say I DID not..they DID.

poenkitten

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 1/28/2008 2:54:20 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackPhx

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

 In my late twenties, early thirties I went through over 2 years of threrapy for Disassociative Personality Disorder, it intregrated me. I


We never wanted integration. Co-prescence is enough, and thereapy has lasted around 25 years. Master has subscriptions, we built a library <EG> Actually we do hate that term Dissociative Identiy Disorder, well it's acronym at least. DID is offensive to me, or as I say I DID not..they DID.

poenkitten

I needed it... when I would lose time it would drive me nuts....It seriously made me feel insane....I am MUCH happier as one.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to BlackPhx)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 1/28/2008 6:16:43 PM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		[/quote]
I needed it... when I would lose time it would drive me nuts....It seriously made me feel insane....I am MUCH happier as one.

[/quote]

I can understand that. It is a choice each of us must make for ourselves. My kids loved it though and a lot of our co-presence came about thanks to them. Little monsters would play one of us off against the other. "But you said we could when you were talking with the funny accent!" Swear them critters is born without a concious.

Lost time stopped being too much of a problem when we started leaving notes, but lord our clothing bill was horrid!

poenkitten (who still has a closet of things she wouldn't wear on a bet)

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 4/30/2008 11:03:51 PM   
deniseiscrazy


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		I saw a few shrinks after it stopped for me, all that would happen is that I would go in there and be quiet for like 20 min. Then get to talking to him or her and once they asked someting that hit a nerve i would just cry for the rest of the 60 or 90 minutes then not wanna go back

(in reply to BlackPhx)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 5/1/2008 5:03:40 AM   
Sandyshores29718


Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		*quick reply*

i have sexual abuse in my past, but at a very young age.  Don't remember too much about it and try not to.  Do i feel like my past has drawn me to the BDSM world? No. Why would i want to feel like that helpless little girl again?  i have trust issues and some issues with giving up control because of my past both as a little girl and a young adult. i know a few girls that were abused as little girls and none of them are into BDSM.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Young BDSM Experiance / Abuse & How it effects you - 5/2/2008 8:04:23 PM   
Lordskitten


Posts: 66
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		I've always been rather submissive even as a young child.  I think abusers are drawn to that in a child and take advantage of it, just like abusers will see the dominance in a child and 'break' them.  In my experience with friends storys and my own family history, dominant childern tend be physically abused and/or brutally sexually abused, and the submissive childern tend to be intimately sexually abused/mentally abused ..Of course that's just based on what i've gone through/sisters have gone through and a few close friends who've opened up to me.

While i dont belive that abuse as a child equals interest in BDSM, it does seem a large number of people into bdsm have experienced child abuse in some form. 


(in reply to deniseiscrazy)
Profile   Post #: 60
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