RE: What is self control?

RE: What is self control? (Full Version)

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gypsygrl -> RE: What is self control? (9/10/2007 4:11:40 PM)
quote: Emotions? What fun is keeping all of your emotions under wraps?....I love to laugh...Some times so hard where you can't catch your breath or start to cry....Then there is sadness or anger...Why keep everything hidden? As long as everything is cool and no one is going to get hurt. I usually don't post in Ask a Master but I decided to stop being so goddamn self-controlled and post even though I'm not a Master. I like what domiguy said. Lately, I've been thinking alot about self-control because I've got so much of it, I've made myself more or less miserable. A couple weeks ago I yelled at my Master. Not only did I yell, I chased him up the stairs. And, I didn't give a whit about consequences. He was yelling at me so I yelled back. It was the first time in about 8 or 9 years I yelled at another adult without a strategy. (I had to chase away a junkie a year or so ago and I did it by yelling and sometimes I yell to get my um's attention but in those cases I'm not exactly expressing anger; I'm deploying it) It felt good. And, I was grateful for the opportunity and told him as much. Being the queen of self control, and knowing what drab existance it creates, why would I wish it for my Master? So long as he doesn't hurt me, and so long as he can calm me down if I get scared and so long as we can still love each other, I don't see any reason for him to excercise the kind of self-control typically expected. I haven't always felt this way. Its actually a rather new thing. I suppose I pretty much agreed with the common view that a Master or Dominant couldn't control me if he couldn't control himself and he couldn't my life if he couldn't control his own. At the same time, I was looking, on some level, to hand over control because I didn't want it. What I'm finding curious about that is the assumption that someone else would, and they would find some kind of happiness or joy in taking control. Its striking me as kind of dumb. Maybe the trick is to just to give up control because, well, just because it feels good. So, I'm not sure it's all that important to a D/s or M/s relationship. Right now, I'm trying to move in the direction of freedom cause that's where my Master keeps telling me I need to go.

MadRabbit -> RE: What is self control? (9/10/2007 4:48:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy Christ....everyone is different...I think the best you can hope for, especially out here, is someone who will never place you directly in harms way. Emotions? What fun is keeping all of your emotions under wraps?....I love to laugh...Some times so hard where you can't catch your breath or start to cry....Then there is sadness or anger...Why keep everything hidden? As long as everything is cool and no one is going to get hurt. I fly by the seat of my fucking pants....You think we are going to zig...We zag. I never have dug predictability....Spontaneity reigns supreme in my book...To each their own. *This message has been approved by the Domiguy trolling for pussy association. I agree we're all different. If it works for you, thats great. This is a discussion and I am trying to explain my viewpoint.. However, I do think I am getting a little bit misinterrupted. Its not about wrapping up your emotions or bottling them up or remaining "Mr. Stone Cold" all the time. I laugh and I cry. I joke around and just enjoy myself. To me, its about being "constructive" versus "destructive". Flying off the handles, hurling a plate, and yelling at my girl is not constructive to me and not acceptable to do just because I "feel" angry over a problem. Taking a deep breathe, walking outside, pacing a bit, maybe kicking the fence in my backyard is a constructive way to deal with the anger. No broken plates and no hurt feelings as a result and once I have a clear head, I can come back inside and deal with the problem properly.

Redoubt -> RE: What is self control? (9/10/2007 6:23:44 PM)
As is usually the case, Merc has pretty much summed it up in a nutshell. Because I occasionally get off on unnecessary verbosity I will continue to chime in. If my emotions can cause me to act out of need for the emotions to be explored and recognized, I feel I have lost self-control.. if I can wait until the moment is right... I exhibit self control. Finding the right moment by prolonging the desire to act is really what I think defines whether one has self control or not. Do I believe its a dominant trait? Yes, without hesitation. Do I look down on those who don't choose to wait? Not at all, it totally depends on the situation, the people involved and the level of intensity shared by those two people. Sometimes its fun to dive headlong in... but more often, teasing can create more intense results. Controlling a scene sometimes means you have to control your self. Sometimes it don't. Having self control, means that you choose when.

SirCache -> RE: What is self control? (9/12/2007 11:24:11 AM)
Part of self-control, too, is being able to stand by agreements you have made. When I first took on a new sub years ago, my wife was at first uneasy about us meeting. It was in a public place (a local mall), but it was quite cold out that night and I offered to walk her (the sub) out to her car before going back for my wife and our baby girl (we were parked on the other side of the mall). The sub and I had been flirting back and forth, and there was definite chemistry between us. My wife had only one request, and that was that I not kiss her that first meeting. When we got to the car, there was a moment when she was pushed against it, not a soul was in the parking lot. Her lips were red, she looked amazing, pressing her against the cold metal of the car had my blood boiling. We were barely a whisper apart. But I did not kiss her. I agreed to something and my word means more to me than any easy way out. (To make for a happier ending, she, my wife, and I were together for several years.) In my experience, a person either has self-control, or they do not. Can it be learned? I don't know, I really don't. It's part of who I am, and more than that, it defines who I am. I have to remain true to my own convictions before anyone can ever be in my care.

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