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Is it being "bratty" or having good self esteem with high standards?


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Is it being "bratty" or having good self este... - 9/9/2007 2:03:44 AM   
Kelika


Posts: 56
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Cincinnati
Status: offline 		I’ve come across something on a pretty regular basis around here and even offline at munches or bashes and I wondered if it was just me or what other’s thoughts on it were.  I have pretty high demands of the type of man that I need in my life.  By that I mention in my journal that he has to be fit (I’m not talking Adonis here, but I don’t want someone that cannot master their own health, the part they have control over), that he needs to make more money than I do and that it’s only fair to give me a picture because I have several available and that he has to be intelligent.


  Now, what I find interesting about this, and question, is why I am called bratty or not really submissive when I have placed these standards?  I see it like this…I place high demands upon myself and need a man in my life who can lead by example of high demands that he places upon himself and then would also place them upon me.


  I get “called out” on this a ton, and I really don’t think I am out of line here.  I have been single for awhile now because I don’t have to be in a collar in order to be happy.  Would I be happier if I was with the man of my dreams…absolutely!  But I just don’t want to settle and I’ll wait for the right one to come along.  I figure if nothing else he will appreciate me waiting for him.  If I “settle” just so I am not alone, then I am not available for the “right” one.

  It just seems that too many times you see in Dom’s profiles that when a woman says she wants this or that or won’t do this or that, then they are called bratty and not real slaves or “submissives”.  I am intelligent enough to know that the vast majority have probably never achieved a real situational relationship that involves D/s or M/s but merely kink…but…still.


  Do others see this and have you ever been given a good answer as to why?  If you are Dominant do you have the same issues when you place certain things you are looking for in your mate?  What do you think when a submissive man or woman or slave puts this type of thing on their profile?  Do you see it as bratty or a challenge or as someone that piques your interest as they seem to be willing to be picky about who they will serve thus making conquering something you want to do?  Do you see this as good self esteem or someone who is living in a fantasy world?

  For the record, I –do- live this life offline.  I even tell people I have references (which I do).

  Well wishes,
Kelika (yes I cap even though I am not dominant)

_____________________________

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ~ Anais Nin
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 2:09:41 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		People will call you names if they feel they are being rejected. It stems way back to grade school. Simply use it an another great weeding tool.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Kelika)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 2:09:51 AM   
curvyslavegirl


Posts: 134
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't see what having standards has to do with "being bratty".
Being bratty to me tends to be more about acting out for attention or intentionally misbehaving as an act of defiance.
I wonder why you would here this often. Perhaps you have a challenging demeanor that scares people.


(in reply to Kelika)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 2:18:21 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		see it? yes....good answer as to why? no...perhaps because they can't fathom having standards and they use people like tampons and throw them away when they are no longer "of use" any more...
as for what to do, i say fuck 'em and find the people it doesn't matter to, or even better the people it does matter to..in a good way...the people that go...oh good you have standards, i am glad...
good luck...
chelle


(in reply to Kelika)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 3:14:39 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		It isn't whether or not that someone has standards that makes a person bratty, but their attitude. To me, if you're soft-spoken, and polite, then that carries a huge amount of weight. Come at me with eye-rolling, shoulder-shrugging, a big mouth, and poor attitude, then you still have the right of your desires, but don't expect me to see you as a submissive.
 
And, if one does submit to another, then they need to have an overwhelming need to obey, and please that one. Those things matter, Kelika (don't worry about capping your name, that kind of stuff is....... well, don't worry about it  -- now, if your future dominant tells you to knock it off....... that's different, right?)

< Message edited by Level -- 9/9/2007 3:16:50 AM >

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Kelika)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 3:15:53 AM   
Driver1961


Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		He dips His lid to all:

Standards? You have standards? You say you're a submissive?  You tell a Dom what you expect before you can consider you gift of submission?   What gives you this right?  Are you uppity?  Do you come from a Private Girl's School? Do you actually know what goes on in the world? What rock did you crawl out from?

"No rock!" you yell at me..... umm... Well I don't live under a rock either. (at least I don't think so)  Whoops!.   You YELLED AT ME!   Me who is Dom?   How dare you be so belligerant to question me!

Now before I DEMAND that you kneel before me; you will answer the following.....

You are sure that you seek a Dom with what you demand? (Has she asked for a dynamic connection- ummmm....)
You believe you have the right to  uppercase yourself as an uncollared?
You believe you have the right to question me 'Who is Dom?'
You place your requirements above mine?

"I accept your health, your awareness, your personal rights. Now let me smell your skin.... Very pleasant smell my Dear. (notice the upper case for you are my equal)."

And how do I smell to you? (definately not into Cybercollarings)

"Kneel before me so that I may accept your gift to me, and I may run my fingers through your hair as your excitment builds..."

Let those who are behind your page seek others they are in front of.  For You cannot respect your Sir if He does not understand You.
 
Warm regards to all.  Driver



_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 3:24:50 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think  having standards has anything to do being bratty, as Level says, "bratty" is about attitude.   I believe FireMaam is also correct, Rejection tends to make some revert to highschool behaviour...ie...name calling...etc.

(in reply to Level)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 4:07:15 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		[It just seems that too many times you see in Dom’s profiles that when a woman says she wants this or that or won’t do this or that, then they are called bratty and not real slaves or “submissives”.  ]

Kelika
  .. wanting ( even expecting it) someones submission and respect before even some semblance of trust is established is like "putting the cart before the horse..."
... so you want to push me around, says the cart to the horse, rather than lead me do you ???
 
that you know yourself and have standards...know what it will take in another person to create the security and trust you need to be able to submit...............that speaks to your self-esteem.
 
 
 
 

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to Kelika)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 4:10:44 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		My personal feeling is in line with most of what has already been posted. Those who decide you're bratty based upon the criteria you've mentioned are insecure about themselves. They don't fit what you want, so they have to make it a flaw in you rather than that they aren't "worthy." While what you said doesn't imply that men who don't fit your desires are inferior, it does hit several points where people may feel bad about themselves. This can cause a defensive attack type response rather than the person realizing that personal preferences are valid and that not everyone fits their own.

Brattiness is behavioral, not a strong sense of self awareness.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 4:18:09 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		having high standards doesn't mean you're a brat - you're a woman who knows what she's seeking in Dominant.

when i first met Daddy, he gave me 4 standards to help me find a man outside our Daddydaughter dynamic. believe me, these are so very tough standards men must benchmark before moving onto the second list of standards.  many have tried and failed miserably because they lacked the quality and ability to meet everything in the first list. it's a great guiding tool to weed out the fakes, flakes, posers from the right guy whom i've recently met on CM.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Kelika)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 4:19:20 AM   
Daddysjezzy


Posts: 54
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		You dont owe these people any explanation or rationale whatsoever.  You are not collared to them therefore you have nothing to prove to them.  The person you are seeking will not be offended by your standards and thats what is important.  Good luck.

jezzy

(in reply to BeachMystress)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 4:21:42 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

It isn't whether or not that someone has standards that makes a person bratty, but their attitude. To me, if you're soft-spoken, and polite, then that carries a huge amount of weight. Come at me with eye-rolling, shoulder-shrugging, a big mouth, and poor attitude, then you still have the right of your desires, but don't expect me to see you as a submissive.
 


When I read the OP I was thinking pretty much along these lines (although I can't say I'm soft spoken, having come from a large family and having a Master who keeps telling me to speak up, lol).  People can know themselves, and know what they want, and seek whatever standards they want.  But to me, "bratty" is about attitude and how one comes across to others.   Your profile is very well written and articulate.  I see nothing bratty in it.  And since I have never met you or spoken to you, I really have no idea if you might be what I would consider to be bratty.  Have you thought of asking the people who know you how you are coming across in person, and what they think might be giving people this idea?

It's always good to self reflect and try to learn about oneself.  Kudos to you for asking the questions, and I hope you find answers that help you along the way.

(in reply to Level)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 5:49:45 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Being a submissive or slave is a decision you make. You do it because it will fulfill you and make you happy. To achieve this happiness and fulfillment, you have to place yourself under the control of a dominant that is worthy of you, and one that fits what you are wanting in the relationship. To settle for anything less does nothing good for either of you.

Don't listen to others, but follow your heart and be true to who you are. I do agree that having a decent attitude will go a long way in having others see you as serious about what you want and need.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 6:02:28 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		only you know whether your rejection of them takes on a condesending tone or not....if you are taking care to be kind and gentle then i dont think you would be hearing it as often as you seem to be...perhaps hearing the same thing over and over might give you pause.

rejection sucks....not a single person likes it, it stings, and sometimes leaves scars....even if the two people are not well suited in the least,...

if you are unsure of a kind or gentle rejection i would use the sandwich technique taught in buisness leadership courses......

a compliment
the rejection, or other bad news
a second compliment

dont use this technique with false plattitudes though...youll just look foolish and cruel.


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Littlepita)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 6:02:56 AM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		"you are bratty and non-submissive because you will not submit to Me. you have low self-esteem because you will not submit to a Real and True Dom, like myself even though I have the extra padding. How dare you? Kneel before Me, now."

Guys that approch you this way, are just pissed because they have been weeded out by your profile. If they do not care for the opinions of potential subs do you think they would care when you cried "red" or whatever safe word is?

Phin, who does not fit your requirements, but still enjoyed looking at your pics...

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to Littlepita)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 6:16:23 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

My personal feeling is in line with most of what has already been posted. Those who decide you're bratty based upon the criteria you've mentioned are insecure about themselves. They don't fit what you want, so they have to make it a flaw in you rather than that they aren't "worthy." While what you said doesn't imply that men who don't fit your desires are inferior, it does hit several points where people may feel bad about themselves. This can cause a defensive attack type response rather than the person realizing that personal preferences are valid and that not everyone fits their own.

Brattiness is behavioral, not a strong sense of self awareness.


Very wise response.  But, Im left wondering why the OP is looking for someone who makes more money than she does?  This might tend to suggest she is a gold digger to some, but then she owes nobody an explanation.

I admire and am drawn too a submissive who has standards and isnt a door mat because I know that her self-esteem is intact, and that she serves through a need to please me, not just because she has a need to serve anyone who tells her to drop to her knees.

(in reply to BeachMystress)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 6:18:28 AM   
Perplex


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		The question is on line of the age old question 17 year boys have asked since the dawn of time..."does she mean no, or does she just want to look like she's saying no"....and people get it wrong all the time, on both sides of any equation you can make with male, fem, sub, dom, the trick is if somethign doesn't seem right to you, then pass it by, quit looking for approval to see if you are doing somethign right.  the proof is always in the pudding, if you're doing it "right" (for you) then you will be fufilled by the expierence if not, then scratch the name off the list as someone not to have as a potential play partner and move on.  you'll find your match sooner or later and then can have fun and frolic for however long it lasts. 

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 6:39:11 AM   
amelliagrace


Posts: 1792
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline 		IMNSHO, it is only the weak and wannabes who complain when a submissive has limits, opinions, or doesn't fall to her knees when they say, "I'm Master/Mistress Bad Ass.  On your knees, bitch.  Suck my cock and lick my boots.  Where are from anyway?  Got more pictures?"
 
Just one more simple and effective way to weed out the ones that would be a poor fit.
 
Edited to add, after readin the entire thread..
Brattiness is indeed a function of attitude, as are many things.  A sub being a "brat" isn't necessarily much diffent that a Dom being a "pompous ass".    Standards aren't a bad thing, for either a Dominant or a submissive.  

-grace
 
 

< Message edited by amelliagrace -- 9/9/2007 6:46:28 AM >

(in reply to Kelika)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 6:46:22 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne

But, Im left wondering why the OP is looking for someone who makes more money than she does?  This might tend to suggest she is a gold digger to some, but then she owes nobody an explanation.

It could be that, but it could also be interpreted as money = power. His making more money than she does could be a trigger in her mind that he holds more power than she does. (No, that is not the way I think. My husband does make more money than I do because I do not work. It doesn't affect our  balance of power. He may make it, but I say how it is spent. *grins*) 

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)
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RE: Is it being "bratty" or having good self ... - 9/9/2007 6:58:54 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		There is nothing wrong with a sub having standards....Unless those very standards  preclude me from getting with her...When that is the case I can't recall ever using the term "bratty" in describing her.  It usually would be, "God, is she a dumb fucking cunt!"....Or the ever reliable "stupid bitch."  never would think that she is being "bratty."

< Message edited by domiguy -- 9/9/2007 7:16:05 AM >

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(in reply to BeachMystress)
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