RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online?

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (Full Version)

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chellekitty -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 9:10:23 AM)
lmao...well i did read something that you sent me...but it also shows that you read what i sent you...and you didn't respond to my smart assed remarks on your Zod-iness which i thought were very clever...oh well....sobs....

iammachine -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 9:34:39 AM)
quote: Just a couple of sentences, short paragraph with a reference to something in their profile or in one of their posts and why it stood out for you. I'm going to put a little emphasis on length here, at least as per my personal preference (thanks for being inspirational, Celeste!). More than one or two sentances, less than a book is a handy guideline methinks. A paragraph, or two, or even a few. If it's more than page long, I'm wondering how the hell a stranger has so much to say tome, and am sniffing for forms. If it's less than at least a few thought provoking lines, I tend to not have any interest. YMMV

iammachine -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 9:49:46 AM)
quote: take time to read their profile (assuming they've actually filled it out), read their journal entries, their interest list, etc. Then I try to type up a thoughtful introductory email. Not too long, not just a sentence or two. quote: There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered. Quoted and highlighted for emphasis. I'd like to know how a single sentance, or two can really be all that thoughtful. I'm not trying to be snarky here, I'm honestly a little at a loss. I'd like to think that I'm something of an expert at receiving criminally short introductions, and subsequently, not being able to be bothered by them. [;)] In my experience, the only really short emails that I have enjoyed, stand out in memory, or otherwise invoke the feeling of "hey, I'd like to get back to this person!" is when what I received is pretty much pure comedy. Make me laugh, and I'll remember. Granted, some of the time I'm laughing before I roll my eyes and either fire off a sweetly sarcastic remark to a do me do me in dire need of refining their tactics and subsequently ignore further overtures, but I still got a giggle. Mostly though, short emails invoke a little bit of ire (do me do me or just nondescript), or just.... don't give me an impression at all. I mean how can you form an impression on one or two lines, unless it's just a really cut and dry impression (good natured comedy, or wow I'm repulsed!)? There's gotta be something to know if I'm going want to get to know someone, and knowing that they want to know me simply doesn't cut it. My .02

ArgoGeorgia -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 9:58:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty lmao...well i did read something that you sent me...but it also shows that you read what i sent you...and you didn't respond to my smart assed remarks on your Zod-iness which i thought were very clever...oh well....sobs.... Seriously - I never got anything from you. When I saw here that you had tried to send an email, i checked, saw nothing, so I sent you an email to say hey. Check your sent mail - do you see the email to me? This is weird. Either something weird is going on with the email servers at CM or someone slipped hallucinogens into my meatloaf....

ArgoGeorgia -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 10:02:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iammachine quote: take time to read their profile (assuming they've actually filled it out), read their journal entries, their interest list, etc. Then I try to type up a thoughtful introductory email. Not too long, not just a sentence or two. Quoted and highlighted for emphasis. I'd like to know how a single sentance, or two can really be all that thoughtful. I'm not trying to be snarky here, I'm honestly a little at a loss. I'd like to think that I'm something of an expert at receiving criminally short introductions, and subsequently, not being able to be bothered by them. [;)] Actually, re-read that. I said "Not too long, not just a sentence or two". Usually a paragraph or two for me is what I try for.

came4U -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 10:34:04 AM)
keep it short and sweet, no need for your life story in the initial contact.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 10:34:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia quote: ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite You aren't alone. There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered. Thats life, Im afraid. whines in best pseudo-Dom way But I'm the Dom!!! They must yield to my will! They must respond to me with a 600 word response typed only through the use of their left nostril. No? Well, they must not be twue subs. Well, ok so you think Im not a Dominant because I have a point of view you disagree with. Fair enough, but I'm not sure you can say Im totally wrong, at least some of the time. Be Well.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 10:38:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iammachine quote: take time to read their profile (assuming they've actually filled it out), read their journal entries, their interest list, etc. Then I try to type up a thoughtful introductory email. Not too long, not just a sentence or two. quote: There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered. Quoted and highlighted for emphasis. I'd like to know how a single sentance, or two can really be all that thoughtful. I'm not trying to be snarky here, I'm honestly a little at a loss. I'd like to think that I'm something of an expert at receiving criminally short introductions, and subsequently, not being able to be bothered by them. [;)] In my experience, the only really short emails that I have enjoyed, stand out in memory, or otherwise invoke the feeling of "hey, I'd like to get back to this person!" is when what I received is pretty much pure comedy. Make me laugh, and I'll remember. Granted, some of the time I'm laughing before I roll my eyes and either fire off a sweetly sarcastic remark to a do me do me in dire need of refining their tactics and subsequently ignore further overtures, but I still got a giggle. Mostly though, short emails invoke a little bit of ire (do me do me or just nondescript), or just.... don't give me an impression at all. I mean how can you form an impression on one or two lines, unless it's just a really cut and dry impression (good natured comedy, or wow I'm repulsed!)? There's gotta be something to know if I'm going want to get to know someone, and knowing that they want to know me simply doesn't cut it. My .02 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply any correspondance I send is one sentance, actually I try to write a few paragraphs about Myself and what caught My eye about a profile. My answer to the post was short because I just thought it was the best way to answer.

ArgoGeorgia -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 10:58:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite quote: ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia quote: ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite You aren't alone. There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered. Thats life, Im afraid. whines in best pseudo-Dom way But I'm the Dom!!! They must yield to my will! They must respond to me with a 600 word response typed only through the use of their left nostril. No? Well, they must not be twue subs. Well, ok so you think Im not a Dominant because I have a point of view you disagree with. Fair enough, but I'm not sure you can say Im totally wrong, at least some of the time. Be Well. Huh? I never said as much. I was just making a joke about the can't be bothered part, because I completely agree with your point. It's true. But if I were a whiney dom, I wouldn't want it to be that way. I'm whining that they should be bothered, because I'm the Dom, damnit! How dare they NOT be bothered by me? Sorry, my sense of humor must be off today. In no way was I judgning your Domliness or lack thereof.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 11:15:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia quote: ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite quote: ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia quote: ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite You aren't alone. There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered. Thats life, Im afraid. whines in best pseudo-Dom way But I'm the Dom!!! They must yield to my will! They must respond to me with a 600 word response typed only through the use of their left nostril. No? Well, they must not be twue subs. Well, ok so you think Im not a Dominant because I have a point of view you disagree with. Fair enough, but I'm not sure you can say Im totally wrong, at least some of the time. Be Well. Huh? I never said as much. I was just making a joke about the can't be bothered part, because I completely agree with your point. It's true. But if I were a whiney dom, I wouldn't want it to be that way. I'm whining that they should be bothered, because I'm the Dom, damnit! How dare they NOT be bothered by me? Sorry, my sense of humor must be off today. In no way was I judgning your Domliness or lack thereof. Argo, Im sorry. It was My fault-I got the posts mixed up, and managed to no notice that it was -your- post I was agreeing with in the first place lol, so I just thought that you were having a go at Me for My attitude. Very sorry indeed, entirely My fault-I got mixed up with the posts. Again, very sorry. :)

ArgoGeorgia -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 11:21:16 AM)
No problem, I've had days like that as well. You should see the hate crime post in off-topics. Man, I'm tired.

chellekitty -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 2:16:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia Seriously - I never got anything from you. When I saw here that you had tried to send an email, i checked, saw nothing, so I sent you an email to say hey. Check your sent mail - do you see the email to me? This is weird. Either something weird is going on with the email servers at CM or someone slipped hallucinogens into my meatloaf.... ok its a conspiracy...it says you read the emails i sent but you never got them...wheres the manager, i demand a free dessert...i'll take an ice cream sundae please....

iammachine -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 8:57:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia quote: ORIGINAL: iammachine quote: take time to read their profile (assuming they've actually filled it out), read their journal entries, their interest list, etc. Then I try to type up a thoughtful introductory email. Not too long, not just a sentence or two. Quoted and highlighted for emphasis. I'd like to know how a single sentance, or two can really be all that thoughtful. I'm not trying to be snarky here, I'm honestly a little at a loss. I'd like to think that I'm something of an expert at receiving criminally short introductions, and subsequently, not being able to be bothered by them. [;)] Actually, re-read that. I said "Not too long, not just a sentence or two". Usually a paragraph or two for me is what I try for. Doh. That's what I get for posting when I'm sleepy! Strike that, reverse it!

iammachine -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/14/2007 9:00:51 PM)
quote: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply any correspondance I send is one sentance, actually I try to write a few paragraphs about Myself and what caught My eye about a profile. My answer to the post was short because I just thought it was the best way to answer. That was my mistake, actually. I wasn't implying anything about you, specifically. Your text just happened to be a convenient prelude to a point that I wanted to make. I rant a lot, mostly about concepts. If some person happens to say something that makes me think of said concept, then I'll springboard from there. I really probably ought to put a disclaimer in my sig. [:-]

SirDraco7 -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/15/2007 8:34:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan Do you approach a sub like you would any other woman (well, for ME it would be a woman!) in the Vanilla world? Or do you approach a sub differently? I wonder if I should be sending aggressive messages like that? Do subs EXPECT that? So, I ask you, what kinds of messages do YOU send to subs when you're first approaching them? Personally I am myself. I treat them and act like they are just any other woman in the world. I read their profile, perhaps comment about it. Make note of why you are messaging them, and a little about who you are. Do NOT be aggressive. Any girl the responds to aggresive behavior is either a fake or one who follows her clit and she'll leave you just as soon as her clit looks another direction. Don't write a book, but don't write a sentance or two. My responce rate is maybe like 50% of who I message overall, and maybe 70-80% if not more of people who I actually desire to speak with. (I have messaged and do message people with profiles or journals that catch my eye, and not all of them reply, not that I expect any. Even if they are lesbian or in anothe country or outside my age range sort of thing) Basically become friends and start friendly with them and go from there. Good luck and just be positive. Don't take it to heart if you don't get a reply and don't be impatient. I have gotten replies 3-4 days after they have been read before. But also accept the fact that you may never get one. If they have a pic in their profile send a pic of you. If they don't have a pic in your profile but they demand one from you for a reply? Don't waste your time unless you like shallow girls. Just my thoughts.

SmokingGun82 -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/15/2007 9:38:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty i feel a lot better about not getting things back from people like Aswad and Satyr6406 and SmokingGun82 amongst many others...cause collarme servers must be eating emails...sniffles [:(] What's funny is I sent you something to tell you I didn't get the mail you mentioned in another post, and according to CM it was read 9/2 at 0:22. I just assumed I hadn't said anything interesting enough to warrant a response ;)

RaynaSub -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/15/2007 3:39:44 PM)
I would expect a potential Dominant male to approach me with respect. He is not my Dom, he is someone that wishes to get to know me better. Approach a submissive in a respectful and polite manner, and normally you will get a positive response.

chellekitty -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/15/2007 4:41:06 PM)
i did get it, and i read it, and i responded on 9/2/07 00:24 AM, my sent mail says you read it 9/2/07 at 7:51AM...its just my outgoing mail...i don't know what to do about this...

VaWolf -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/17/2007 10:32:19 AM)
They may be a submissive but not necessarily YOUR submissive, YET. You can be forceful and polite, stick to what you want, be authorative and confident but still show them respect as you would anyone else.

Lumus -> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? (9/20/2007 4:39:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan OK, Doms. He's a brief question from an inexperienced Dom: How do YOU approach a sub online? Do you approach a sub like you would any other woman (well, for ME it would be a woman!) in the Vanilla world? Or do you approach a sub differently? One of the reasons I ask is because I have noticed, on several subs' profiles, statements about how they DON'T want to be approached. They say things like, they don't want to get a first message that says "On your knees!", and things like that. I can only believe that they say they don't want to get those kinds of VERY aggressive messages because they actually do receive them. I wonder if I should be sending aggressive messages like that? Do subs EXPECT that? So, I ask you, what kinds of messages do YOU send to subs when you're first approaching them? (I may post something similar to this on the "Ask a Sub" forum.) Thanks for all responses! I noticed the thread here wandered a bit from the original question, although I enjoyed all the comments. To reply to the initial catalyst [:)] Everyone has their own style. In my case, I'm quiet until I get to know someone in real life, and the same applies here online. When I speak with a woman that I actually wish to know and converse with, I keep things direct and polite. If they are 'one-liners', they are short because that's all that is required, ie "I found your comment very insightful; thank you for posting it." Such a comment is pertinent to how I percieve her, and thus hopefully a conversation may be born from it. If not, that is fine and well; all things in time, if they are meant to happen. In general women with whom I've spoken, should they have gone out of their way to warn about comments and approaches they dislike, it's often due to having had a bad experience with someone who did exactly that. I've started long conversations with the question, "How many people actually tell you to beg for their cock [?!] - and was this here online or in the supermarket? :D" Perhaps I'm shy; I know it's not laziness. I don't approach women very often, and every single scene online or real life relationship I've entered was begun with a woman who approached me. What about you, Blaakmaan? Would you say you are an aggressive spirit; are you polite, formal, playful, teasing, loud, quiet, knowledgable, a jester? Whatever defines you, I'd say, go with that...and if you're not sure, think about it. Discuss it with friends who know and understand you. The confidence you gain from your own journey will make you a better person, and a better Dom, and that -will- attract a submissive.

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