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How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 4:38:13 PM   
Blaakmaan


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline 		Hello, all:

I'm a newbie Dom, and I posted a question very similar to this on the "Ask a Master" forum.  I would also like the submissive/slave point of view (whether or not they are the same point of view), so I'm posting the question here, too.

My question is:  How should a Dom approach a submissive or slave online?  How do you prefer to be approached online?

I ask because I have seen some slave/submissive profiles where the slave or sub states that she doesn't want to receive messages like "On your knees!", and stuff like that.  So, I can only assume that some (I don't know what proportion) of Doms approach subs that way.  It makes me wonder if I should be using that same super-aggressive approach.  I haven't so far (I'm kinda polite), but maybe I'm making a mistake...

Do you get messages like that from Doms?  How do you respond to messages like "On your Knees"?  Do you like that kind of aggressive approach?  If not, how do you prefer to be approached online?

Thanks to all who post a (serious) answer!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 4:42:33 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Be yourself and do not post something that isn't you.  So if 'on your knees biatch' is seriously your thing, then do it - just don't do it to the people whos profile states its not their thing.   Don't be insincere and pretend to be something you are not... it will only come back to bite you on the tushie.
 
Personally, it sucks when someone tries to be dominant when they write.  Just be - and the rest flows ...
 
Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 4:49:34 PM   
umisprite


Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline 		I've got to agree with the.dark. on this one. Just be yourself.
 
I always appreciate when a Dom emails me if he shows that he has read my profile and has a bit of an idea of who I am and if we would even be remotely interested in each other. Of course you never really know until you make the approach and see what happens.

_____________________________

My mistakes are neither pretty nor little.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 4:58:16 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		How should a Dom approach a submissive or slave online? 
Personally, I say with as much respect as one would approach a stranger on the street...

How do you prefer to be approached online?
In as polite a manner as possible. 

Do you get messages like that from Doms? 
Once in a blue moon, a dork rears his ugly lil head and sends me a goofball message like that.

How do you respond to messages like "On your Knees"?
Usually with something smartassed, or I tell him to eat a dick and block him

Do you like that kind of aggressive approach?  If not, how do you prefer to be approached online?
I personally dont like it.  If at all, I think its more effective, to just talk to me like I am a human.  Mention something you saw on my profile, ask me something I didnt mention on the profile.  Just be your normal self.






_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 5:33:47 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

How should a Dom approach a submissive or slave online?  How do you prefer to be approached online?


For me the big key is respect. My name is Aqua, not girl. Find something in my profile actually does interest you and if it's not something BDSM related all the better.
quote:


Do you get messages like that from Doms? 

Yup. Even though I'm owned - I liked the one who said my profile indicated I'm looking for a strong master and a sister slave. I can only imagine the amount of messages the unowned submissives get.
quote:


How do you respond to messages like "On your Knees"? 

Sometimes: Thanks but no thanks. Sometimes, usually depending on what else the message said: "If you are too incompetent to read my profile and gather that I am owned/will only respond to respectful messages that don't assume immediate ownership, you are too imcompetent to ever command me."

I never said I was nice all the time.
quote:


Do you like that kind of aggressive approach? 

I see a difference in aggressive and assuming instant ownership.
quote:


If not, how do you prefer to be approached online?

Don't talk to me as though you own me. If you want, make requests not commands. Once I'm owned, I respond to commands.

My .02

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 5:35:02 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Quietly, from behind

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 5:39:07 PM   
ArgoGeorgia


Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Quietly, from behind


Damn, THAT is what I've been doing wrong...

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 5:41:27 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Quietly, from behind


Damn, THAT is what I've been doing wrong...


Yessssssssss, im finally a source of enlightenment *does a little dance*

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:06:34 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My question is:  How should a Dom approach a submissive or slave online?  How do you prefer to be approached online?


The answer to both of these questions is:  Politely, and with a small demonstration of intelligence, wit and humor.
 
quote:

Do you get messages like that from Doms?


  Not any more.  I think I've developed a reputation for putting neanderthals in their place.

quote:

How do you respond to messages like "On your Knees"? 


"You first, pal, and when I'm done nailing your scrotum to the nearest fencepost, I MIGHT allow you to apologize for your audacity and try speaking to me again."

quote:

Do you like that kind of aggressive approach?  If not, how do you prefer to be approached online?


No, and see my first response above.




(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:13:08 PM   
duckfoot


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

If you are too incompetent to read my profile and gather that I am owned/will only respond to respectful messages that don't assume immediate ownership, you are too imcompetent to ever command me."


Very well said. Yes, boys send messages making demands of women online. They often look like form letters and are generally devoid of linquistic cunning. And you should know everyone loves a cunning linquist.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:34:25 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline
quote:

How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online?


verrrrrrrrrryyy carefully...they scare easily...LOL


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:37:22 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		We love cock pictures within the first email.   Taken from various angles of course.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 7:06:54 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Moderators frown on posting the same thing twice, one or both will get deleted, next time don't post the same thing twice in differnt area's. Once is enough.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

Hello, all:

I'm a newbie Dom, and I posted a question very similar to this on the "Ask a Master" forum. 

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 7:23:02 PM   
jaxnsax


Posts: 106
Status: offline
Greetings
If I get a message that says ‘on your knees’ I delete it without answering.
If I get a message that says ‘what do you like to do” I delete it without answering
If I get a message that says “hi” I delete it without answering.
If I get a message that does nothing more than compliment me on my photos; I USUALLY delete it. There have been some instances where, after looking at the person’s profile, I have answered and struck up a conversation.
Personally, I prefer that those who DO write to me show a modicum of intelligence and say more than just ‘hi’ or ‘on your knees’.
jaxon

_____________________________

A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.
~Chinese Proverb~

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 7:34:22 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		how should a dom approach me as a submissive?

start off with respect realizing just because it says submissive doesn't mean i'm yours automatically when sending a message me - there must be an established friendship, common interest, trust and relationship (in that exact order)

a decent command of the english language would be nice - i don't like slang/text speak/ weird euphorisms ...if i have to decipher the message, don't expect a reply back

write more than one line and remember sending "on your knees now" will get you blocked in a heartbeat ...there's intelligence behind this brain - challenge me

most importantly - READ my profile before sending a message


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 7:36:28 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I met the very first Dom I ever played with via CM.  I mentioned gardening as one of my hobbies and it was something he enjoyed also.  We emailed about gardens in general, dirt, azaleas, rhododendrons, and blueberry bushes.  When we finally got to phone conversations, it was more of the same.  We talked about how our days had gone and mundane things like that. 

This Dom is still one of my best friends.  He is also great friends with the Dom who put the collar around my neck.  Being a Dominant does not give you permission to be an a**hole.  Politeness and being friendly count.   

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 7:44:52 PM   
willowspirit


Posts: 164
Joined: 6/20/2005
From: U.S.A.-Minnesota
Status: offline 		Taking the time and care to type out the whole word  "s u b m i s s i v e "  is a nice touch.
I may be a submissive, but I'm Not YOUR submissive! A very important thing to remember.

"willowspirit"
 -- who sees "subs" as 2 things -- Underwater craft  OR a type of Sandwich. I am neither.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 10:18:11 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		If you aren't engaging and interesting and show that you somehow connect with me the person I will simply delete your email.  Period.  Easy, peasy.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 10:56:27 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I would agree with those who said to read the profile and journal here, see me as a person, comment on what I've said in my profile and journal, tell me about yourself (not about your physical self cuz I really don't care about looks), let me know *why* you find me worth emailing (other than you like corsets or big women). It doesn't seem like all that much trouble if you really find someone interesting.

Cock shots and lists of all the toys you own tell me you have no clue about the kind of D/s relationship I am looking for. You'll get a polite response from me but it will be "Thanks for your interest but I do not think we would suit. I wish you well on your journey."

Just my thoughts.........

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How SHOULD a Dom Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 11:05:35 PM   
Satyr6406


Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline 		Okay. I know I'm going to catch hell, here but, I don't care. It's happened before ...
 
In response to the very serious question: How should a Dom approach a submissive or slave online?, I respond: They shouldn't.
 
Now, just to show you that this isn't a smart-assed answer ...
 
I have always believed that one of the things that is great about this lifestyle is that we don't fall into the "neat little holes" that society does.
 
Contrary to how "courtship rituals" unfold in the 'nilla world, we, as dominants, are asking submissives to truly give themselves to us (in a much more defined manner than the 'nilla world) and allow us to guide, nurture, and care for them.
 
How does this work? A dominant need only be the best person they can be and allow a submissive to get to know them. It is up to the submissive to recognize qualities that they admire and take some time to GET TO KNOW a dominant, before they offer to submit.
 
It is not up to me to persue a submissive. It is up to me to show a submissive how I live my life and what I have to offer and for that submissive to discern that they "like the cut of my jib" (any allegorious sexual innuendo was not intended). From there, the decision/"moves" are up to the submissive.
 
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
 
Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,


Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)
Profile   Post #: 20
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