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RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 6:10:49 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

Hmm what else....

Spend years and years online pining away to be found by the perfect Domme, and whining loudly about how no one is "real" because they haven't chased after you. Meanwhile DON'T make efforts to go to munches or the like because after all why would you want to meet real people when Mistress Perfect is obviously online waiting for you?

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 21

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 7:44:41 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

I've nearly spit my cappuccino on my keyboard reading these -- too funny and too true!

My addition (in the "timing is everything" category) would be to write a Domme with a "Hey Mistress U R hott, can i srv U?" message when she has "I am only talking to friends right now as I have had a death in the family" as her profile. Reading is fundamental!

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 22

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 8:22:35 AM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Reading is fundamental!

Reading comprehension is an entirely all too rare commodity.

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to LaMistressa)

Post #: 23

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 11:52:33 AM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Zzzzzzzzzzz...

Zzzzzzzzzzz...

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to softpjOS)

Post #: 24

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 12:43:51 PM

softpjOS

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

So to recap :

Hi Sweetie, i hope U don`t mind me writing again and again, pwease be my Mistress and i, ops we, can start having some fun. It`s not fair that U dont reply to me or even live local, what up with U all living in other places...Please find attached 12 pages of things i, ops we, could possibly do. Finally i have three questions for U...

Urs politesub

P.S...... The car wash is first on the right....

Smirks a tad and hits send all ( Sits and waits for the inbox to fill )

OMG! *wipes coffee from monitor*

And three questions for you....

1. how much do you make?
2. do you do windows?
3. can you send a cock shot?

Oh wait.. i'm not a Dommes...dang!

*makes mental note to NOT be drinking anything when reading a response from Politesub*

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 25

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 12:46:27 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

Here are a few other pointers on how NOT to find a Mistress:

Tell her that her profile is fascinating. However, be sure NOT to read the entire profile so that you don't show up on her "Who's Viewed Me" list. That will leave her wondering why you find her profile so fascinating when you haven't even read the whole thing (and will often prompt her to hit the delete key).

Also, be sure to tell her what a lovely photo she has, but make sure to choose a Domme who does NOT display a photo on her profile. That's bound to make an impression (but not a good one, LOL).

Most impressive of all, address your letter of introduction to one Domme, but send it to a completely different one (yes, that has happened, LOL).

Another non-winning strategy: If you are a male submissive, focus only on the Dommes who state that they are seeking a FEMALE ONLY submissive. Send them a long letter trying to convince them that you are the perfect submissive for them anyway.

Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 9/15/2007 12:59:12 PM >

(in reply to softpjOS)

Post #: 26

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 2:32:24 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

One more idea that has actually happened:

Send a wonderful, heartfelt message, putting your all into it so she will be really impressed. After you have sent this message, be sure to delete your account so she will not be able to get back with you. Guaranteed way to NOT find a Mistress.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 27

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 2:43:16 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Are they serving Kool-Aid and cookies with sleepy-time?

I'm about to knock off.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to softpjOS)

Post #: 28

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 6:16:50 PM

MadameMarque

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz

(Clip)
Another non-winning strategy: If you are a male submissive, focus only on the Dommes who state that they are seeking a FEMALE ONLY submissive. Send them a long letter trying to convince them that you are the perfect submissive for them anyway.

Lady Topaz

This brings another point to mind…

Males, be sure to tell female dominants that you are so-o-o-o in touch with women, that you are an honorary Lesbian.

Women love that.

P.S. - I'm still dyin' over, "Ask her bra size and weight." Thanks for that.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 29

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 6:39:18 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Oooh ... I got one today ...

Send out a one-liner "I don't do rules" ... lmao

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to MadameMarque)

Post #: 30

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 9:04:16 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

How about asking if she'd like me to move in and teach her to be "my ideal Mistress who does x, y & z to me each night" (except of course when I'm out bowling or drinking with the boys) so I'll know how best to serve her needs and desires in the way she deserves whenever I'm at home?

I'm confident all of the ladies reading this would love to learn how to be any sub's posterboard Domme!

- pixel

Collared to Majik

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 31

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 9:19:30 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Send her a message telling her that you are an expert in the one activity she lists in her profile as being a hard limit and something that she does not at all enjoy. When she messages you back pointing this out, tell her you are better at it than anyone else and can change her mind.

or this one (actually happened) tell her in your opening line that you have a very very small member and are horrible at sex and need her to teach you how to be better...that's SURE to get her!

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 9/15/2007 9:20:57 PM >

(in reply to softpjOS)

Post #: 32

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 9:32:11 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
Send her a message telling her that you are an expert in the one activity she lists in her profile as being a hard limit and something that she does not at all enjoy. When she messages you back pointing this out, tell her you are better at it than anyone else and can change her mind.

A variation of this is in my mailbox is:
Have as your "live for" desires/kinks those things that are listed as her "Hate" or "Hard Limits", than insist on the fact that she will learn to enjoy these things in time with you... And please obsess about all of those things she hates as the only topic of conversation you have anything to say about. M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMaam -- 9/15/2007 9:50:07 PM >

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 33

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 9:33:36 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Tell her that her profile is fascinating. However, be sure NOT to read the entire profile so that you don't show up on her "Who's Viewed Me" list.

Ohhhh, that's a good one! I wish there was a filter to weed out peole that don't show up on your "Who's Viewing Me" list. That would save me a ton of time!

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 34

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 9:35:38 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

tell her in your opening line that you have a very very small member and are horrible at sex and need her to teach you how to be better...that's SURE to get her!

Ahh, the pity card. Yeah, move along lil doggy.

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 35

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 9:42:04 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

send a cock pic with a flacid cock.....sheesh

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 36

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 9:48:04 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

send a cock pic with a flacid cock.....sheesh

Awww, come on, not even one that had about 35 clothespins attached to it?? Surely you could understand it being flaccid and turning purple?

- pixel

Collared to Majik

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 37

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/15/2007 10:14:03 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

send a cock pic with a flacid cock.....sheesh

Awww, come on, not even one that had about 35 clothespins attached to it?? Surely you could understand it being flaccid and turning purple?

- pixel

Collared to Majik

Best thing to do with a flacid winky: parachute cord + wrap around wet noodle = spinny like helicopter.

Well, I get a kick out of it, anyway.

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 38

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/16/2007 12:20:03 AM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

Tell her you're desperate. Go on to say you'd like hard core kink/ fetishes and expect her to dress in tight leather and shoes which levitate her at least a foot off the floor. Ask her if she can pack up all her toys and gear and bring them to you. Tell her you'd like fries with that too.

Don't read her profile which says she doesn't want to hear from anyone. Don't be concerned with the fact that she has only clicked on one or two mild fetishes in her profile. Don't bother to think twice about the air fare between Ontario, Canada and Florida, USA. No doubt she makes buckets of money from all those subs she fucks on a regular basis and she can afford the trip and cart all that stuff down there, no problem.

When she doesn't reply. Send her a psycho email the very next day.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 39

RE: how to NOT find a Mistress - 9/16/2007 5:47:24 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave
Awww, come on, not even one that had about 35 clothespins attached to it?? Surely you could understand it being flaccid and turning purple?

Nope, not even then.. I have too much experience with too many subs and KNOW it can stay hard when having a mere 35 clothespins on it. (I've had them stay hard for 83 clothespins - my record. There is a photo of it, fourth row down on http://www.femdommesociety.com/profile.php?member_id=6062&mode=photo )

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 40

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