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Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their experience level?


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Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their experi... - 9/16/2007 10:12:31 AM   
MistressDoMe


Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		I was motivated to start this thread, based on a similar topic.
I have had many submissive’s that lie about their past experiences,
or the level of real time experience that they have.
I have had men tell me they have been involved or have experiences
in area’s that they really know nothing about.
I later asked them what was the point in lying?
Why do people in this lifestyle feel the need to lie about their abilities?
And the level of their  real life experiences?
We all have to start somewhere.  I have a lot more respect when a man
tells me he has zero or no real experience.
How many here have had similiar situations?
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 10:27:07 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, I have seen it frequently and had it happen several times. I believe they do it because they are trying to fit into what they perceive you are looking for...to make themself more appealing. I don't really see it as much different than lying about any other aspect of your sexual history though. Granted, there are aspects of bdsm that without an accurate depiction of prior experience could pose significant risk. However, I don't think of it as "more" or "less" of a lie.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MistressDoMe)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 10:29:22 AM   
MistressDoMe


Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		Well Erin, it is a bigger issue for ME.
I rarely ask anyone about their past sexual experiences.
I ask about serious "relationships" and BDSM experiences,
that is what is important to me.
Vanilla sex 20 years ago, I just don't care about.
Since I look for stable partners, I am more interested in their long term
relationships, than one night stands 20 years ago.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 10:47:52 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		Some people do not like to admit that they are new or that they are inexperienced, at times their is a stigma that is attached to beign new, as well as MANY predators who prey on newcomers and those without experience.
 
I have been contaced by men who have said they have xyz number of years of experience and in talking with them I relaize they are ful of bs or they all a troll; when I ask them why, I get the 'I don't like a slave having more experience than I do' or the 'it doesn't matter I am the Dom.' {rolls eyes}

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"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to MistressDoMe)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 10:59:54 AM   
Cuckme4Life


Posts: 168
Joined: 7/8/2005
From: MentallyDeranged,Tn.
Status: offline 		In the vanilla world there is a similar trend of lies on resumes to for the purpose of landing a job.
Bottom line is, its a selljob. Weeding through the BS is the part people rather not like doing and who can blame them? Either way (vanilla or BDSM world) it sucks. i would rather lean towards enthusiasm than actual experience anyways. Case in point. Within a couple months i will be seeing an old schoolmate who is highly interested in becoming a Domme. She plans on learning as She goes. i  get to be the lucky study subject !!!   I recently emailed Her this CMe link . Hopefully She will take enough interest to register and also to see i have not been pulling Her leg that i have a legitimate interest.

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"Face Your Fears, Live Your Dreams!"-- Nike Corporation

"I will banish them from my kingdom"--- King Willie Herenton, Memphis Tn. Mayor (choke)

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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 11:01:43 AM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		I have come across Dommes who have "embellished" their resumes, exaggerated their experience in certain areas or activities, down-played their sadistic side, and talked a much better game than they play.

I think it is human nature to accentuate the positives and minimize the negatives about oneself.  I have learned over the past few decades to allow for a "fudge factor" when someone tells me about their experience or skills.

I do not even consider it a "lie" when a woman tells me her age, if she keeps it within five years of her actual birthdate. :)

The answer is simple: communicate.  Listen very carefully, both to what is being said, and, sometimes more importantly, what is not said. 

I always try to remember that "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably ain't".

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 11:03:12 AM   
MistressDoMe


Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		I agree, CuckMe4Life.
Often I prefer the fresh enthusiasm of someone new and eager
to learn, over someone that talks endlessly about what they know or have experienced. 
You might have found your Dominant treasure.

(in reply to Cuckme4Life)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 11:03:41 AM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know why someone would lie about that................I always say, no R/T expereince! lol

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 11:26:18 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		that's interesting as I tend to find those that say "I have no experience, are you willing to teach me?"

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 2:06:01 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		To promote themselves.

To look cool.

To seem more attractive.

To get attention from people who they believe otherwise may not have given them the time of day.

In some cases it may be as "innocent" as being dishonest can ever be. In others, it may be a pradatory behaviour to lull someone into a false sense of security via manipulation (you can trust me, I have all this experience.... I've been doing this blahblahblah years, therefore what I say is right! blahblah).

Talk is cheap.


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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 2:09:30 PM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		I am fine with having no R/T experience and have not come across anyone that has or would lie about not having R/T experience, i find the ones who would lie are those who have had more experience and especially women, say they have had less.  The ones with no experience seem to be ok, the ones with it, seem to either want to build it up into more or diminish it into less. I know where I am at, and have no problem with it :)

(in reply to iammachine)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 3:43:26 PM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		I've found people usually lie when insecure.  It's one of the reasons I try to go to great lengths to reassure people to be honest with me, because I know what it's like to be new, and I know the need to 'puff up the resume' so that someone picks you.  Either way--if you know it all, we'll have a good time, if you don't, I'll teach you and we'll still have a good time. 

Once a person feels that they are in good standing regardless of the answer, you'll find more truth than if they feel they are in competition for a position--or for your affection.

(in reply to MistressDoMe)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 6:42:10 PM   
dawndewdropbaby


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/29/2005
Status: offline 		I have no problem with being open and accepting the fact that I haven't had much experience. Just because Im young doesn't mean I have to lie about my experience to even me out with some other people that are older. Even with older people, some have only had little experience but they feel they need to measure up to others.

(in reply to SirCache)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 7:07:57 PM   
allyC


Posts: 778
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: Las Vegas
Status: offline 		I am not sure of the reason why people do it.  I am sure the reasons are varied but I would imagine that it all stems from some sort of primary insecurity. Both online and at local community functions, I have met literally scores of people who have lied about their "years" or "decades" of experience.  The only reason I know they have lied is that about every few months, the number of years of experience they have jumps about 2 or 3 years. I don't understand why someone feels they need to have X amount of years of experience to gain respect or admiration from others.  When I first started I was as green as they come and I wasn't ashamed to admit it, nor was my owner when he was new.  We all start somewhere. It has gotten to the point that I almost doubt people right from the get-go when it comes to their vast experience level because I have heard the fabricated stuff for so long.  It is really disheartening but unfortunately, like any close-knit or even like-minded community of people, there is an overwhelming desire on the parts of some folks to not only fit in, but to be better than the others.   I figure eventually I'll be meeting dominants who have been in the lifestyle since before they were born (reincarnated in) along with women who were born with a collar on their neck.  ;) Well wishes, Cav's ally  

< Message edited by allyC -- 9/16/2007 7:08:29 PM >

(in reply to MistressDoMe)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 7:10:27 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		Not to be overly blase, but people lie. They lie in real life, they lie online. They lie about little things, they lie about big things. They lie within "the lifestyle" and without. It's what people do.

Find the ones who don't lie, by your definition (some consider make-up a form of lying, etcetera). Ignore the ones who do.




_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 7:15:20 PM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		I am still wondering why someone would lie about experience........lol........I mean I feel like a fool but admit I have none, why would someone make up something different?

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 7:21:23 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Lies simply set you to be found out some time down the road..best for honesty, in order to avoid the pitfalls ahead...relationships are hard enough without "selling" yourself dishonestly...exaggerations are simply a lie based on a modicum of truth...Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 7:45:41 PM   
Ponyboy7


Posts: 572
Joined: 1/14/2006
Status: offline 		People lie to gain an advantage

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

To promote themselves.

To look cool.

To seem more attractive.

To get attention from people who they believe otherwise may not have given them the time of day.



People lie in the lifestyle and out of it; this is human nature (to a degree). Most people lie because they think they will gain some advantage by protraying themselves as more experienced, more knowledgable, etc. This may infact work in the short term, but eventually it will be discovered. Unfortunately, some people do not fully appreciate that they cannot conceal their true experience level forever, or perhaps, they believe once they are in a relationship, they can admit to the lie, and will be forgiven. Ultimately, it comes down to people trying to look better. It is basically one-upmanship.

_____________________________

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

Blake

(in reply to iammachine)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 7:47:52 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I am not sure why so many lie about their experience level, but some of the
lies are incredible.
I have had men online claim all sorts of things, and then when questioned they
told me they wanted to impress me with their experience.
All the lies did was make me want to not get involved with them.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MistressDoMe)
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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/16/2007 7:49:35 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		People show experience by what they do-not what they say.

< Message edited by RRafe -- 9/16/2007 7:50:07 PM >

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