it all involves money (Full Version)

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ruudie14 -> it all involves money (7/18/2005 12:17:01 PM)

How can one, like me, young sub (19yo) ever find a mistress??
I have send out some messages. And even got email-adresses, but it all turns into 'well I expect a tribute'. If I want a hooker I'll go there and make her play dominant towards me. I always thought this world was true, with either you go the s or the d way and that all on a freeway.

But it turns out to be a bit of a deception, and of course dominas: i know that you are absolutely spammed with all kind of messages from jerkoffs. But all those guys deny me a chance at meeting that one woman who will take me by the hand and teaches me her way of SM.

I just wanted to write off some disappointment:)
have a jolly good day all



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 12:23:50 PM)

Lots of Links to Money Threads

And to reiterate, why is it was always hear subs complaining about dominants who want money, but no one says anything about dominants who want oral sex? In my experience, a lot more dominants want oral sex than cash.



lonewolf05 -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 12:31:43 PM)

hi ES.
i do not know what girls go through.
but
as a guy
NO mistress has ever asked ME about oral service.
SO FAR.....it is either how much $$ do you have or what can you do for me.

not one domme/mistress has EVER asked ME to be Her sex boy. i am TOLD by the profiles "I" find.."if you want to be involved sexually keep going and do write me"

if it ever happens i will let ya know.

wolf



AAkasha -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 12:37:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruudie14

How can one, like me, young sub (19yo) ever find a mistress??
I have send out some messages. And even got email-adresses, but it all turns into 'well I expect a tribute'. If I want a hooker I'll go there and make her play dominant towards me. I always thought this world was true, with either you go the s or the d way and that all on a freeway.

But it turns out to be a bit of a deception, and of course dominas: i know that you are absolutely spammed with all kind of messages from jerkoffs. But all those guys deny me a chance at meeting that one woman who will take me by the hand and teaches me her way of SM.

I just wanted to write off some disappointment:)
have a jolly good day all


You have to keep in mind that most (if not all) of the femdoms that read and post here are not in the category of the money femdoms you are talking about.

You need to put more information in your profile and possibly a picture if you can. Women interested in domination (NOT for cash) want a connection with a person first and foremost. Impossible to tell anything from your profile.

Akasha



AAkasha -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 12:38:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonewolf05

hi ES.
i do not know what girls go through.
but
as a guy
NO mistress has ever asked ME about oral service.
SO FAR.....it is either how much $$ do you have or what can you do for me.

not one domme/mistress has EVER asked ME to be Her sex boy. i am TOLD by the profiles "I" find.."if you want to be involved sexually keep going and do write me"

if it ever happens i will let ya know.

wolf



No one has asked you about sex because you state clearly you are celibate and don't even have wet dreams. Why would a femdom want to negotiate a sexual relationship with you?

Akasha



Leotardboi -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 12:59:55 PM)

Seems to me you are looking for a D/S relationship with a Pro-Domme when you should be looking for a "lifestyle" domme. Money makes the world go 'round, no denying that. Try having a few sessions with a professional first. It will take some time to build a relationship with anyone, and yes, a relationship is necessary to have with a professional if it is important for the session to be fulfilling.

Don't be so eager to just jump into a D/S relationship, it's not what you might think it is.
So save up the bucks think about what YOU need to get out of a session first, and the relationship second. Speak with several Domme's and try to find common interests as well as long trem goals.

Be considerate, Be discrete, Be respectful ! Just be yourself, relax and have fun !



ruudie14 -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 1:06:08 PM)

It's not about sex, nor is it about money. I'm looking for a domina, not somebody to have sexual intercourse with. There always will be sexual tension in a d/s relationship, but that should never be the main course. Neither should it be about the finances, I pitty the men who give up their money to somebody they just know from this site.

I guess i might be too young to be in this scene?



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 1:16:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ruudie14
There always will be sexual tension in a d/s relationship

Not necessarily.

quote:

, but that should never be the main course.

Why not? For a lot of people that's exactly what it is.

quote:

Neither should it be about the finances,

Why not?

quote:

I pitty the men who give up their money to somebody they just know from this site.

What would you say to someone who said they pitied you because of one of your kinks?

quote:


I guess i might be too young to be in this scene?

No, but you might want to stop overgeneralizing.



ruudie14 -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 1:57:36 PM)

For a domina it's the cheapest thrill possible, im fine with people into financial domination. But, come on.. like all of them around here ask tributes.. and I'm just a poor college-boy.



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 2:19:07 PM)

ruudie14...Welcome to the boards.
This is a very tired subject, so I am going to try to approach it from a different angle for you.
you are very young. I am seeing you live in the Netherlands. I am sure there are many groups there where you can get to know people. Dig a little. Do a little work. A personals ad on a site like collarme is not going to get you want you seem to want.
Now I am a Domina who does not require tribute, per se. And I accept local live-out boys, if they pass muster. That may be your best bet. But you have to learn the whole thing. Right now I read your profile (sans photo) and I see you are young, you are already defensive in an extremely short profile which complains about "fakes", and I see a list of interests:
Ass Worship
Chastity Belts
Cuckolding
Spanking
Female Supremacy

This tells Me you want your ass spanked, you want to worship a Dominas Ass, you want to be put in to chastity (probably when it is convenient for you) and you want to have a Lady involve you in some sort of three way sex act. Of course you also list the obligatory "Female Supremacy". I see absolutely nothing that tells Me why you are submissive, and why you wish to serve a Lady.
Many boys make the mistake of assuming that because a Lady has an ad on a BDSM personals site, that She is seeking any bodies available to satisfy her kinky sexual desires. There is a lot more to it than that. If that was all We wanted or needed, We wouldn't have to go any further than the corner dungeon. Offering your body for use is not serving a Domina. It is being serviced by a Domina. When some Ladies are pushed, and whined to, they will simply say, "fine, here is the price". Other Ladies will not be interested at all , and drop you like a hot potato. And there are the Ladies who will not even meet you for a cup of coffee without a "fee" to prove you are "real". you need to spend some time sorting it out. I can't stop this from happening to you. I can tell you what is being read in the profile of a young boy and how that boy might be more easily taken advantage of.
Rethink your goals, be realistic, learn more about what this lifestyle entails, other than the kinky play, and put something out there that will make you an attractive boy. The right Lady will eventually come along. Coming into a forum with a complaint is not going to help you reach your goal. Taking some time, and putting in some effort, making an effort to meet people at a public munch, will get you to your destination much faster.
Good luck.



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 7:28:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ruudie14

For a domina it's the cheapest thrill possible, im fine with people into financial domination. But, come on.. like all of them around here ask tributes.. and I'm just a poor college-boy.


The ones you have contacted ask for tributes- not all of us. Who are you contacting? Upon what qualities are you basing your initial contacts? It takes time to find someone with whom you will click. I would also encourage you to look into your local BDSM scene and meet people active in the lifestyle offline.

Be well,
Julie



perverseangelic -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 8:09:26 PM)

Hrm. If you'd like, I can ask a friend of mine how he found his partner. He didn't seem to have too much trouble, and hasn't really ever done the "pro domme" thing.




onceburned -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 9:09:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruudie14
But, come on.. like all of them around here ask tributes.. and I'm just a poor college-boy.


No, it may seem that way to you but if you listen to the others who have already posted you will know that your perception is off. Be careful making unkind generalizations - it tends to insult people that you don't want to insult. (namely all the dommes who don't require tribute).

You have gotten some good advice already. JulieAnn's and GoddessDustyGold's comment about getting involved in your local organization is a good one. Real time tends to filter out the BS.



lonewolf05 -> RE: it all involves money (7/18/2005 9:27:21 PM)

AAkasha;

i would suppose MOST people would automatically KNOW that the celebacy is temporary while i have no one. is 1 answer.
and many ask about WANTING the sex...and would any boy wish to be involved..
is another answer.

otherwise.........

i hate to admit this..........argh

i actually understood a post from You......


wolf



DameDeviante -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 5:43:59 AM)

ruudie14,
I agree with Goddess Dusty Gold. This is a tired subject. While I am a lifestyle Domme, I also take in discreet ProDomme sessions for training boyfriends, and husbands who either want to serve their Women better, or cannot share their fetishes with their partners. In all My years I have watched males use money to control Women at home, and in jobs, and I don't see ANYTHING wrong with Women turning that control around. If you're having such a hard time finding a Woman who will not Domme you, perhaps it's your attitude. Usually when I have a problem with people, I look within. Most times it's actually a problem with Myself that I need to have more patience with, or in the very least, a little tolerance.

Personally, I'm not the greedy type, but believe if a male reeeaaaalllly wants to impress Me, or most Domina's I know, they will bring some form of a gift, be it cash, or a small token that shows a mindful consideration toward pleasing a Woman at the first meeting. I tend to adore handmade things. In the old days males brought flowers, gifts, or candy when they called on a Woman.

Sometimes I get irritated when males seem to think since We've gotten all these rights given to Us over the decades since males stopped getting away with clubbing Us over the head and stealing Us from Our families, that they don't have to try and impress us with their willingness and desire to surrender to Us.

Since you're young, I want to ask you to please research Women in History in the USA. See for yourself some of the reasons why Women will take control of anything they can, and have every right to do so. It's not about "having", or even the control. It's really about surrendering to a strength and power that is as nurturing as creation. Women don't want your money because they're greedy (some anyway). In My opinion, Women want your money as a sign of committment, and surrender. A sign of honest submission. Please try to keep yourself from confusing domination with prostitution. Just because a Woman asks for a tribute, doesn't mean She's even thinking about having sex of ANY kind with you. In fact, I get great tributes of gifts, and cash, and none of My boys EVER even get to see Me naked, let alone have no sexual contact at all. It's all a matter of discussion, honesty, openness, and chemistry. I wish you luck.



MsPurrmeow -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 9:52:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruudie14
For a domina it's the cheapest thrill possible, im fine with people into financial domination. But, come on.. like all of them around here ask tributes.. and I'm just a poor college-boy.


You need to recalibrate your definition of "ALL."

You said that you sent messages to these people... so think about the fact that maybe you are only approaching the very, very few money-oriented dommes on this site.
If you are only writing to ones that have professional fetish photographs available, then you are highly likely to be only dealing with professionals. If you are writing to only ones that write out perfect descriptions of making YOUR fantasies come true, then you are likely dealing with a professional. Professionals are the ones involved in target marketing to those who are seeking a quick fix for their fantasy, it's their job. Usually the most impressive and attention-drawing ads are from professionals, that's how capitalism works. Learn to look past those things.

As was written above, most dominas usually want a personal relationship. Unless and until you rework your profile to present a full and real human life of value to them as relationships material, you will not be approached as such. Talk about your daily life, what drives you to get up in the morning, and how you handle real-time relationships. Talk about friendship, dating or love or whatever it is that you are looking for. So far, your profile is extremely negative and arrogant. If you soften up and make it positive, things may change.

You are not to young to learn or succeed. But your overgeneralizations and attitude in your first post sure makes it sound like you may have a long road ahead of you in learning patience and rationality. We ALL have to be patient to find what we need. You don't get a freebie for being young. We ALL sort through the chaff to find people we connect with. If you can learn the patience, you will find it, too.

Good Luck.

(Edited for the over-sensitive!)



PrincessinLatex -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 10:00:09 AM)

SInce you mentioned overgeneralizations. . . .

quote:

As was written above, real-life(non-pro) dominas usually want a personal relationship.


So the definition of "real-life" dominas exclude the professional ones?



SweetDommes -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 10:22:24 AM)

Actually, I believe she was making a distiction between real life Pros and real life lifestylers (although the two overlap regularly, the aspects of the two versions are different).

To the topic at hand - you are 19, how long have you been looking? Where have you looked besides here? Perhaps you should relax, slow down, take the advice of the others with reguards to your profile and looking offline, and be patient. No relationship happens overnight, so why are you expecting a D/s relationship to be any different?



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 1:19:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DameDeviante
Personally, I'm not the greedy type, but believe if a male reeeaaaalllly wants to impress Me, or most Domina's I know, they will bring some form of a gift, be it cash, or a small token that shows a mindful consideration toward pleasing a Woman at the first meeting. I tend to adore handmade things. In the old days males brought flowers, gifts, or candy when they called on a Woman.

Sometimes I get irritated when males seem to think since We've gotten all these rights given to Us over the decades since males stopped getting away with clubbing Us over the head and stealing Us from Our families, that they don't have to try and impress us with their willingness and desire to surrender to Us.

Since you're young, I want to ask you to please research Women in History in the USA. See for yourself some of the reasons why Women will take control of anything they can, and have every right to do so. It's not about "having", or even the control. It's really about surrendering to a strength and power that is as nurturing as creation. Women don't want your money because they're greedy (some anyway). In My opinion, Women want your money as a sign of committment, and surrender. A sign of honest submission. Please try to keep yourself from confusing domination with prostitution. Just because a Woman asks for a tribute, doesn't mean She's even thinking about having sex of ANY kind with you. In fact, I get great tributes of gifts, and cash, and none of My boys EVER even get to see Me naked, let alone have no sexual contact at all. It's all a matter of discussion, honesty, openness, and chemistry. I wish you luck.

Great post/response DameDeviante.
I was chatting with a sub friend who said he had begun to consider/desire scat play and to become a full toilet to his lady (when he decides it's okay to get away from computer and go meet one in real time), because it is the ultimate form of submission... I told him, not it isn't; it has become apparent to me (from endless complaints from men even as they offer to eat one's excrement) that the ultimate form of submission for most men is financial...
Welcome to the boards.. M



PrincessinLatex -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 1:24:35 PM)

quote:

I told him, not it isn't; it has become apparent to me (from endless complaints from men even as they offer to eat one's excrement) that the ultimate form of submission for most men is financial...
Welcome to the boards.. M


Can I get a witness? And that is what impresses me about the ones that do "partake". . .I KNOW they don't like it. . .I KNOW it makes them dry heave more than scat. . .but some are willing to say "Well, if this is what makes her happy. . .I can try it."

My current bf/sub. . .before he got to meet me, I "tested" him. . .to see if he'd come out of the pocket. He *NOW* tells me that he *HATED* it. . .and that he felt like there was a possibility that I'd take his money and run. But I didn't. We've been together since January. I really fell for him. . .and how he made himself vunerable to me. I would not say that he is gifting me or giving me things *all* the time. If you ask him. . .I deny his requests to buy me extravagant things. (WE need to save for a BIG BIG HOUSE!!)


Princess



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