RE: it all involves money

RE: it all involves money (Full Version)

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Footboy300 -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 1:32:18 PM)
quote: Seems to me you are looking for a D/S relationship with a Pro-Domme when you should be looking for a "lifestyle" domme. Where are the "regular" girls that want to try being Dominant? That like topping and having kinky fun, why is everything so strict and complicated and generalized... I have had female friends that were not "dommes", pro, or "lifestyle", that enjoyed standing on me, kicking me, and sitting over me as a foot stoool. They are everyday chicks that we all know and deal with. Anyone can play the role of Dominant and enjoy it - without money being a factor, and many subs seek these type of Females...

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 1:54:08 PM)
My guess it that the "regular girls" may not be on a D/s specific site. [;)] By the way, I consider myself a regular woman who has an interest in D/s and BDSM. I am a Domme and it's very fun for me. I wouldn't do it if it wasn't. Be well, Julie

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 2:02:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Footboy300 Where are the "regular" girls that want to try being Dominant? That like topping and having kinky fun, why is everything so strict and complicated and generalized... I have had female friends that were not "dommes", pro, or "lifestyle", that enjoyed standing on me, kicking me, and sitting over me as a foot stoool. They are everyday chicks that we all know and deal with. Anyone can play the role of Dominant and enjoy it - without money being a factor, and many subs seek these type of Females... I absolutely agree with you! Finally a boy who realizes and admits that many seekers are not looking for a committed D/s relationship at all! The thing for you to understand is that We are! So stop putting Us into the cateogry of what you think D/s and BDSM is all about and tben getting mad at Us because it isn't who We are. Those "regular girls are not here! Sorry, but they are not. If you want a girlfriend who plays a Dominant role in bed or in other aspects of life, when it suits you, or when you are horny, then go to your local dance or goth club and find one. The only ones like that you are going to find here are the girls looking for a fast buck, or the strictly Pro Dominas. All I ask, in exchange, is that you don't come back to these message boards and make a new complaint or ask for advice on how to get this girlfriend to be less vanilla and more dominant according to your kinky desires. BTW,, you are definitley in the wrong place if you are looking for a "chick". We are Women or Ladies... not "chicks". The ones who think it is cute to be called a chick by every boy who wants to chat, is going to ask for a fee or you will never meet her in real time. Happy cybering!

AAkasha -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 2:15:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Footboy300 quote: Seems to me you are looking for a D/S relationship with a Pro-Domme when you should be looking for a "lifestyle" domme. Where are the "regular" girls that want to try being Dominant? That like topping and having kinky fun, why is everything so strict and complicated and generalized... I have had female friends that were not "dommes", pro, or "lifestyle", that enjoyed standing on me, kicking me, and sitting over me as a foot stoool. They are everyday chicks that we all know and deal with. Anyone can play the role of Dominant and enjoy it - without money being a factor, and many subs seek these type of Females... A woman who is open minded and really into a guy she is dating or courting will likely engage in all kinds of kinky experimentation. She may find it kind of "cute" that he likes to be walked on or likes to lick her shoes. I think it's a great idea for sub men -- especially young ones -- to continue to date and flirt with "everyday" women, vanillas, and see if they can engage them in some light, kinky play. It will at least "show them the ropes" and give them some dating experience. I think men would be surprised at how many women have a pretty open mind, especially if a kink is specific enough (that they don't fear they will do it wrong) and has a positive result (ie, the guy adores her for it and it really turns him on). The problems to look out for are in the longterm though. As a relationship evolves, a vanilla woman won't understand why this "now and then" kink keeps popping up. She might also start to feel objectified, and wonder if it's just her feet that you want, and not her. She might withhold it when she's angry, or use it as a way to be hurtful and condescending, calling him a weirdo, or telling friends about his fetish. There are pros and cons to every situation. A woman who is experienced in domination and enjoys it for herself -- while she might not have that same foot fetish -- she understands the power of it, and won't trivialize it. I think that's a very important communication/understanding factor that plays into a femdom/malesub relationship with two people, even if they have fetishes that are not matched. I might not have a fetish for making a guy suck on my shoe heel; but I have fetishes of my own, and I know how powerful they are, and I know how much I would feel unfulfilled if someone just told me one day, "Well, I don't want to do that anymore. It's stupid." Someone who has never had a fetish doesn't know how much it can turn your crank. To clarify, I'm talking about fetish in the sense of a strong arousal associated with an otherwise non sexual act or item, but not necessarily to the level of sexual dysfunction, which is another issue completely. Akasha

SadisticPrincess -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 5:51:50 PM)
I agree with Akasha as regards the young/new dating vanilla women.... my one caveat is that this kind of thing can lead to that charming delusion that "oral service" is actually some kind of SERVICE. lol!

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 8:43:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PrincessinLatex quote: I told him, not it isn't; it has become apparent to me (from endless complaints from men even as they offer to eat one's excrement) that the ultimate form of submission for most men is financial... Welcome to the boards.. M Can I get a witness? And that is what impresses me about the ones that do "partake". . .I KNOW they don't like it. . .I KNOW it makes them dry heave more than scat. . .but some are willing to say "Well, if this is what makes her happy. . .I can try it." My current bf/sub. . .before he got to meet me, I "tested" him. . .to see if he'd come out of the pocket. He NOW tells me that he HATED it. . .and that he felt like there was a possibility that I'd take his money and run. But I didn't. Princess Testing that was brave of you to do before he even met you, but I admire a woman who is fearless in her approach to domination, and life. M

PrincessinLatex -> RE: it all involves money (7/19/2005 8:54:49 PM)
I fully realize that the approach isn't for everyone. But by the time he did meet me. . .he had already sent flowers and he answered the door (I went to his place) with a pair of latex hooves that I had been wanting! [;)]

kc692 -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 8:01:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold quote: ORIGINAL: Footboy300 Where are the "regular" girls that want to try being Dominant? That like topping and having kinky fun, why is everything so strict and complicated and generalized... I have had female friends that were not "dommes", pro, or "lifestyle", that enjoyed standing on me, kicking me, and sitting over me as a foot stoool. They are everyday chicks that we all know and deal with. Anyone can play the role of Dominant and enjoy it - without money being a factor, and many subs seek these type of Females... I absolutely agree with you! Finally a boy who realizes and admits that many seekers are not looking for a committed D/s relationship at all! The thing for you to understand is that We are! So stop putting Us into the cateogry of what you think D/s and BDSM is all about and tben getting mad at Us because it isn't who We are. Those "regular girls are not here! Sorry, but they are not. If you want a girlfriend who plays a Dominant role in bed or in other aspects of life, when it suits you, or when you are horny, then go to your local dance or goth club and find one. The only ones like that you are going to find here are the girls looking for a fast buck, or the strictly Pro Dominas. All I ask, in exchange, is that you don't come back to these message boards and make a new complaint or ask for advice on how to get this girlfriend to be less vanilla and more dominant according to your kinky desires. BTW,, you are definitley in the wrong place if you are looking for a "chick". We are Women or Ladies... not "chicks". The ones who think it is cute to be called a chick by every boy who wants to chat, is going to ask for a fee or you will never meet her in real time. Happy cybering! Hear, hear, Dusty. You said it much calmer than I would have. He has not realized we do not PLAY the role of dominant, as he is wanting to PLAY the role of submissive....

alwaysUnderYou -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 9:03:22 AM)
quote: Women don't want your money because they're greedy (some anyway). In My opinion, Women want your money as a sign of committment, and surrender. A sign of honest submission. Oh, Please!! Save the rationalizations. What would you think if you heard of a male dom that was extracting financial gain from his female submissive? As as way of her showing her "committment" of course. Any thinking person would believe he was using her rather than dominating her, and they would be right. The only difference with femdom/malesubs is that there actually are men desperate enough to pander to someone elses greed in order to get their needs temporarily fulfilled. If you're a pro-dom at least be honest to yourself about what you are doing. Its about money - and if money were not involved nine times out of ten you wouldn't even take on a particular submissive.

onceburned -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 11:06:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: alwaysUnderYou Oh, Please!! Save the rationalizations. What would you think if you heard of a male dom that was extracting financial gain from his female submissive? I wonder how much you have thought about gender roles and cultural structure? Guys are traditionally measured, in part, as breadwinners. They prove their worth and prowess by being able to provide a good life for their mates and family. Women on the other hand are measured as sexual gatekeepers - men are considered to always be on the prowl and women are to dole it out as rewards when appropriate. Women are judged negatively for being 'loose' (men are not), and men are judged negatively for being unable to support a family (women tend to get sympathy). Male doms don't expect female subs to contribute money for two reasons. First, it is likely he is already making more than she is. Second, doing so would cast cold water on his image as being a good provider. What male doms do, however, is demand that female subs offer up sexual services to show commitment. e.g. explicit photos, blow jobs, etc. He is tapping into her traditional power source as a way of showing submission. Its very real power exchange. The same is true for dommes who ask for financial control of male subs. Its a tapping into the guys traditional power source - a very real power exchange. Edit: I agree with you that pro dommes should be upfront about being so. But I think most are. The point is that financial control is not the same thing as being pro domme.

alwaysUnderYou -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 11:39:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onceburned The same is true for dommes who ask for financial control of male subs. Its a tapping into the guys traditional power source - a very real power exchange. Well, its definitely an exchange! Money pollutes the entire D/s dynamic, simply because it introduces motivations other than the enjoyment of D/s. Its not unlike a stripper giving lap dances. She likely won't do it with guys who disgust her, but the bottom line to her is still money. The guys are able to enjoy it because they can delude themselves that she actually is doing it because she likes them and is turned on by them. Can't see that its terribly different with "money dommes". I'm sure opinions will vary widely on this, but to me the only circumstances that financial domination becomes a sincere form of D/s power exchange is within an actual marriage. Otherwise, one or both parties are more than likely kidding themselves about the nature of the relationship.

MadamMichelle -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 5:25:54 PM)
Okay here's my two cents.. If a man can not be at my beck and call because of other commitments (be it marriage, live in girlfriend, or addiction to baseball) and wants to be submissive on his "terms" do you think he'd EVER get anyone to be his mistress? No he wouldn't and he knows that his desire to play can only be fulfilled by giving a domme compensation for his lack of emotional energy in their "relationship". If it weren't for pros these men would have to choose between family and kink and no one should have to do that. Thank God for lifestyle prodommes who understand this, who still have subs in their personal life but because of their knowledge and skill levels can help another human being find a win-win situation.

siamsa24 -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 5:37:46 PM)
quote: Money pollutes the entire D/s dynamic, simply because it introduces motivations other than the enjoyment of D/s. And sex doesn't? I know there are plenty of people out there with sex as their only motivation.

perverseangelic -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 6:55:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: alwaysUnderYou . What would you think if you heard of a male dom that was extracting financial gain from his female submissive? I would think that he was excercising his right of ownership over her. Assuming it's consensual and non-coerced on both sides, of course. Financial dominantion is a FETISH. If you don't believe me, look at the -male sub- profiles that are seeking it. Look at the threads posted here about wanting that kind of realtionship. The exchange of money doesn't "pollute" the d/s enviorment, it just changes it into a dynamic you don't seek or enjoy. It's similar to the way I feel about degredation. I hate it. I think it's icky. I don't think relationships that consensually practice it are somehow bad. Also, what on -earth- is wrong with people who DO do this simply for money? Sex work is work. It's a trade. This goes from phone sex to prostitution. I don't see how we can hope to change our societies views of those of us on the fringes of sexual expression if we can't even allow ourselves to think of sex work as a form of occupation. I'm willing to bet the occupational hazzards aren't any worse that someone involved in heavy construction or work with seriously dangerous tools, or, heck, microbiologists working with communicable diseases.

SadisticPrincess -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 7:04:29 PM)
When I am doing professional domination, certainly I expect money, or something useful to me in exchange for my time, energy, skills, wardrobe, toybox....... I would love to find a human ATM, though I think that financial abuse exists as a fantasy fetish more than anything. When I am dealing with a personal submissive, I expect return as well. Am I going to pay for my own drinks? My own party fees? I am not. I want all the accoutrement of courtship that would attend a vanilla relationship, and then some. More than one play partner at a fetish party or guy at a munch has blown it with me because I had to buy my own iced tea. Is a person who is cheap with his wallet going to be generous with his time, energy, and emotions? I doubt it.

alwaysUnderYou -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 7:05:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: siamsa24 quote: Money pollutes the entire D/s dynamic, simply because it introduces motivations other than the enjoyment of D/s. And sex doesn't? I know there are plenty of people out there with sex as their only motivation. Lets be honest - sexuality and eroticism are heavily intertwined with the vast majority of people's interest in bdsm/D/s etc. If you're referring to people using D/s in order to get vanilla sex... Ya, sad as it is, thats probably true too - most of them probably "dominants" looking for younger/more-attractive partners than they could hope to find in the vanilla world. But thats another thread!

alwaysUnderYou -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 7:11:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: perverseangelic Also, what on -earth- is wrong with people who DO do this simply for money? Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Never said there was. If a pro-dom and a client connect and both get what they are looking for, then more power to them. Just be honest about it, instead of claiming that its all about "showing committment" etc. and nothing to do with money.

alwaysUnderYou -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 7:19:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SadisticPrincess Is a person who is cheap with his wallet going to be generous with his time, energy, and emotions? I doubt it. You're apparently entirely cheap with your own wallet, and I bet you don't see yourself as miserly with energy, emotions etc.

alwaysUnderYou -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 7:39:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: perverseangelic Financial dominantion is a FETISH. If you don't believe me, look at the -male sub- profiles that are seeking it. Look at the threads posted here about wanting that kind of realtionship. I guess my fundamental point is that for 99% of "money dommes", its NOT actually a fetish, its a convenient way to get cash. If one woman can step up here and claim that taking a man's cash "tributes" actually makes her physically wet, then I will grant the point that yes its a fetish for her. quote: The exchange of money doesn't "pollute" the d/s enviorment, it just changes it into a dynamic you don't seek or enjoy. It's similar to the way I feel about degredation. I hate it. I think it's icky. I don't think relationships that consensually practice it are somehow bad. Well I guess we will have to disagree. I think the exchange of cash totally pollutes it, both in terms of motivations as well as setting up expectations of reciprocity.

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: it all involves money (7/20/2005 7:40:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SadisticPrincess More than one play partner at a fetish party or guy at a munch has blown it with me because I had to buy my own iced tea. Is a person who is cheap with his wallet going to be generous with his time, energy, and emotions? I doubt it. I have to say I disagree with this statement. I don't equate money with a man's ability to show deep emotion and willingness to put time into a relationship. Anyone can buy an iced tea for me, but it takes a special man to hold my interest the rest of the time. Be well, Julie

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