Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 7:04:13 AM   
Theophrastus


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline
I need your help.

A friend of mine is in more trouble than I feel I can help her out with.

If the following description seems a little disjointed, it's because her story seemed a little disjointed too.  I still don't feel that I have a complete grasp of the situation.  But I know that she's distraught.

There's been this guy who's been sort of... taking charge of her.  Emotionally manipulating, apparently trying to establish dominance.  At the lunch table, he ordered her to sit down, and to her horror she followed the order, after all the emotional manipulation she had been through the previouis day.  Little things.  When she claimed that closing the door to her dorm made her feel uneasy, he went out of the way to close it, and insisted that it remain closed, saying, "what are you afraid of?"  Again, this may seem disjointed, and the anecdotes she told me don't tell the whole story, I feel.  The bottom line?  Well, she's a submissive...and, at least from her persepective, it seems like this guy is trying to establish dominance over her in a romantic relationship in the most destructive and repulsive way possible.  There was one other anecdote that drove home to me the danger she's in...one night, when he was escorting her back to her room, he entered without permission, and forced a two-minute long kiss on her.  Without, y'know, asking her.  she of course immediately kicked him out...but it makes me worried.  If he's willing to do that, what's going to stop him from raping her?  But when I brought up the possibility, she said two things that really disturbed me: "I don't really care what happens to me body...I mostly care about the psychological manipulation." and "I've been raped before; you get over it."  This makes me worry that she isn't going to take the proper precautions.

So, this would normally be an open-and-shut case, right?  Certainly, she's got enough grounds for a sexual harassment suit.  There are two wrinkles to the problem.  The first is that she's worried about social fallout.  Given what she's gone through, I don't think she has to worry about popular disapprobation about her actions, but I suppose that's possible.  She seems more concerned with dragging the whole campus through the ordeal, which is certainly something I can understand.  I suggesested that the threat of a suit might at least be enough to get him to leave her alone, butshe remained unconvinced.
The other wrinkle?  She's torn apart inside.  She's at war with herself, and I have no idea which side will prevail.  There's the part almost everyone would have, indignation at his violations and manipulations.  But there's the submissive part, the part that in her words, "just wants to kneel down and grovel at his feet."  She hasn't entirely come to terms with that part of herself yet, and she hates it...and by extension, hates the person who's forcing it out of her.  But I'm worried that this side may win out, that she won't seek help from others, and end up in a destructive relationship.  The thing I tried to stress to her over and over and over again was that not all doms are assholes, and she can engage in her submissive side without being abused, but I'm not sure she buys that.  I'm not sure I can adequately describe the mental anguish I felt from her...but I do know I want to do whatever I can to protect her from further anguish.

So what do I do in this situation?  If she eventually does succumb to her submissive side, is it my place to attempt to dissuade her?  Can I morally disclose the situation to higher authorities without her consent?  Can I morally not bring in higher authorities, knowing what may happen if I don't?
There's another wrinkle to this: she won't tell me the guy's name.  The course of action I must take seems clear to me: wheedle the name out of her by any means necessary, and then alert the authorities.  She may be a little resentful, but for her safety, that's a price I'm willing to pay.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 7:18:01 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		This is a tough situation, Theophrastus.

If you have evidence that she is being abused at that moment I think legally you might be required in many places to call the police. Morally and ethically that's something you can only answer for yourself.

If you suspect she is being abuse I think you can realistically offer her what you have -- feedback and someone to listen to her. I'd actually ask her to go out with you to munches and events, give her a safe place to read and learn about the scene so she can see other sides to it. Most of us don't honestly like to see someone suffering (unless we are the cause for our own sadistic pleasure) but another adult needs to find her own way and her own strength otherwise my guess is that she'll just move on to the next asshole as you say.

Who we are attracted to is complex and if we have been trained, socialized, and conditioned to find assholes attracted it may take a lot of time and effort to over come that. Not only the attraction but self-esteem and understanding of how relationships are supposed to work may need adjusting. You can't do her adjusting, only she can get to a point where she realizes she needs to start adjusting and then put in the energy and time to work on that.

And it is not just an attraction to one kind of abuser or any abuser that I'm talking about. I have an attraction to what I call "wounded puppies" and for a good while I had a strings of Ds relationships with these people. It rarely turned out well. The initial attraction is still there but I worked on learning to say "no" to my attraction and demand higher levels of maturity and responsibility from potentials. I'd be attracted to those who needed help and then get annoyed by their inability to help themselves -- that repeated annoyance was my signal that I was making poor choices.

Someone else might keep selecting stupid partners and them complain that they are stupid. Another person might claim that they find a certain body type unattractive and yet constantly be dating folks of that body type then breaking up because "you didn't loss/put on X weight". Someone might chose an aggressive partner then complain that they are too uncaring or too pushy. In other words I think that initial attraction can sometimes not match what is good for us or what it is that we really need in a partner. Or to put it one more way: What makes your wet/hard may not be what feeds your soul and mind.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Theophrastus)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 7:24:04 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		If I am reading this right, he kissed her without permission, ordered her to sit down and shut the dorm room when she didn't want him to.

I don't think being kissed without permission indicates anything. I don't ask for permission to come into a dorm room of a person I'm dating and it would strike me as odd if they asked me unless the door is already closed. For the kissing itself, I really hate being asked for kisses. To the point where once you ask if you can kiss me, I have written you off. Just kiss me or don't. Either way, kissing by force does not a rapist make.

If they have a dynamic that involves orders, the order to sit down doesn't strike me as odd either. She knows she is a submissive, or at least has a submissive side, has she told him? Is he trying to be the dominant he thinks she wants?

The only thing that actually strikes me is the shutting the door room when she told him it makes her uncomfortable. Valyraen has pushed my fears but he did it after speaking with me and did it gently.

And no, it isn't your business to be the knight on the white horse if she decides to have a dom/sub relationship. It is your business as a close friend to make sure that she is happy. If she isn't happy, you can talk to her, offer support, be there for her and help her get away if she wants to. If this was one of my friends and I thought that this guy was an asshole, I would take her to local munches and events so that she could meet other dominants. Let her make d/s friends and see that many dominants are awesome nice people.

Now the big question: Are you more concerned because this guy is a dominant or because you think he is an ass?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Theophrastus)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 7:24:58 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		If it's not consentual, then it is abuse.  She seems equate abuse with submission, and dominance with violating her right to make a choice.  I sense that she may have been in abusive situations throughout her life and that her self-esteem is almost nil.  However, all you can do is talk to her about her situation, not go to authorites, make your concerns public or step into save her unless she wants to be saved.  Just be there for her when she needs you, but make your concerns known.  Domination doesn't mean abuse, and abuse is never okay.

I'd suggest to her to seek help with her self-esteem issues and why she doesn't care about her own safety.  Sorry but there is little you can do except be there when the other shoe hits the floor.

(in reply to Theophrastus)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 7:26:54 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		If she is in a dorm, she is obviously in a college or university of some sort that she or her parents paid for.  She should know not to answer the door for someone who behaved like a creepy bastard any further.  She can make it clear to him, students down the hall and the campus police that his visits are no longer necessary and she has studying to do.  If she is a student, she should be putting her education first anyways. If this guy is not a student, he has no valid reason to even be on that entire campus from now on.  She really has to ask for your help in providing her own safety measures through notifying those that surround her or she has to do these things alone.  You can visit or call the campus police department and notify them of possible suspicious activity by some guy lurking about on campus though bothering your friend, at least something is in writing in advance if they ever get dispatched to her room.  If he is not a student, this guy is tresspassing. Get her to put him on their hot-list as a possible future-troublemaker. 

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 7:26:55 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		the term sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me goes well here. IF you see physical abuse by all means report it.. threating of violence or see things  like a black eye or things like that.. just saying things to someone or ordering them around. Is a he said she said thing

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 9/18/2007 7:29:07 AM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 7:40:04 AM   
greyarcher315


Posts: 99
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline 		   It is not an easy thing when a friend needs help, and You don't know the right way to go. Here is a few points to consider though.
1. If she is stating she has been raped before, and never had anyone help her with that trauma, she probably needs proffesional help. You don't just "get over" being raped, it leaves emotional scars that are hard to heal.
2. If you can't convince her to talk to you or a proffesional, see if she will agree to talk to somebody else. At the very least she should be telling somebody who she is seeing, just as a safety precaution. What happens if this guy decides it would be better for her to move in to his cabin in the woods. Make sure she understands the whole concept of safe,sane and consensual.
3. If she won't talk to You, try talking to her other friends, and find out if she is talking to any of them. Be careful doing this though, as she likely won't take it well if word gets out you went behind her back to her friends.

                Good luck with this, and i hope you can convince her to see a proffesional, as that is most likely what is needed at this point.


(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 7:43:24 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Theophrastus

I'm not sure I can adequately describe the mental anguish I felt from her...but I do know I want to do whatever I can to protect her from further anguish.

So what do I do in this situation?  If she eventually does succumb to her submissive side, is it my place to attempt to dissuade her?  Can I morally disclose the situation to higher authorities without her consent?  Can I morally not bring in higher authorities, knowing what may happen if I don't?
There's another wrinkle to this: she won't tell me the guy's name.  The course of action I must take seems clear to me: wheedle the name out of her by any means necessary, and then alert the authorities.  She may be a little resentful, but for her safety, that's a price I'm willing to pay.



Why yes, and after that you can have her committed to an asylum for adults who are not competent enough to manage their own affairs. You can visit her on Sundays and tell her how happy you are that she is now safe and being taken care of the way you want her to be.

Or you can check yourself in for obsessive-compulsive tendencies that are leading you to OUT her at work, quite likely cost her her job, trick her into trusting you so you can humiliate her by showing you do not think she is competent enough to handle her own affairs (or contact authorities if she felt the need) ... all because you want to "protect her from further anguish".




_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to Theophrastus)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 7:53:24 AM   
Driver1961


Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		He dips His lid,

Well said LeatherbentOne!

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to greyarcher315)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 8:05:05 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		Submissive or no, her right to say "no" at any time is absolute.

So is her right not to say "no".

I understand wanting to help a friend, but the only person who can protect her from anguish is her. 

If she needs to call the cops, or make a harassment complaint, or whatever, then give her your cell phone and stand beside her when she does.  But SHE has to make the call.  No one else.  Until she does, there is nothing for you to do. 


_____________________________



(in reply to Theophrastus)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 9:30:48 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Theophrastus


I need your help.

A friend of mine is in more trouble than I feel I can help her out with.

If the following description seems a little disjointed, it's because her story seemed a little disjointed too.  I still don't feel that I have a complete grasp of the situation.  But I know that she's distraught.

There's been this guy who's been sort of... taking charge of her.  Emotionally manipulating, apparently trying to establish dominance.  At the lunch table, he ordered her to sit down, and to her horror she followed the order, after all the emotional manipulation she had been through the previouis day.  Little things.  When she claimed that closing the door to her dorm made her feel uneasy, he went out of the way to close it, and insisted that it remain closed, saying, "what are you afraid of?"  Again, this may seem disjointed, and the anecdotes she told me don't tell the whole story, I feel.  The bottom line?  Well, she's a submissive...and, at least from her persepective, it seems like this guy is trying to establish dominance over her in a romantic relationship in the most destructive and repulsive way possible.  There was one other anecdote that drove home to me the danger she's in...one night, when he was escorting her back to her room, he entered without permission, and forced a two-minute long kiss on her.  Without, y'know, asking her.  she of course immediately kicked him out...but it makes me worried.  If he's willing to do that, what's going to stop him from raping her?  But when I brought up the possibility, she said two things that really disturbed me: "I don't really care what happens to me body...I mostly care about the psychological manipulation." and "I've been raped before; you get over it."  This makes me worry that she isn't going to take the proper precautions.

So, this would normally be an open-and-shut case, right?  Certainly, she's got enough grounds for a sexual harassment suit.  There are two wrinkles to the problem.  The first is that she's worried about social fallout.  Given what she's gone through, I don't think she has to worry about popular disapprobation about her actions, but I suppose that's possible.  She seems more concerned with dragging the whole campus through the ordeal, which is certainly something I can understand.  I suggesested that the threat of a suit might at least be enough to get him to leave her alone, butshe remained unconvinced.
The other wrinkle?  She's torn apart inside.  She's at war with herself, and I have no idea which side will prevail.  There's the part almost everyone would have, indignation at his violations and manipulations.  But there's the submissive part, the part that in her words, "just wants to kneel down and grovel at his feet."  She hasn't entirely come to terms with that part of herself yet, and she hates it...and by extension, hates the person who's forcing it out of her.  But I'm worried that this side may win out, that she won't seek help from others, and end up in a destructive relationship.  The thing I tried to stress to her over and over and over again was that not all doms are assholes, and she can engage in her submissive side without being abused, but I'm not sure she buys that.  I'm not sure I can adequately describe the mental anguish I felt from her...but I do know I want to do whatever I can to protect her from further anguish.

So what do I do in this situation?  If she eventually does succumb to her submissive side, is it my place to attempt to dissuade her?  Can I morally disclose the situation to higher authorities without her consent?  Can I morally not bring in higher authorities, knowing what may happen if I don't?
There's another wrinkle to this: she won't tell me the guy's name.  The course of action I must take seems clear to me: wheedle the name out of her by any means necessary, and then alert the authorities.  She may be a little resentful, but for her safety, that's a price I'm willing to pay.


Who died and made you her father? 

Those railing about the behavior; if she's continuing to see him, knowing that he doesn't ask permission for things, doesn't that imply consent?  It's a new relationship; she's going into this with her eyes wide open.

My guess is the OP's more than a little jealous, and she's probably emotionally stringing him along (and laughing with her new boyfriend about the lost puppy dog.)

Creepy, Bobby and I agreeing again....

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Theophrastus)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 10:14:11 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Creepy, Bobby and I agreeing again....


 
Just goes to show you're not always wrong
 
 
The last paragraph and the sentence that precedes it has white knight-stalker written all over it.
 
She won't take his advice, so he'll force her to take it.
 
And claiming "She may be a little resentful, but for her safety, that's a price I'm willing to pay" is so big of him, considering the price she'll pay for his need to force her to take his advice.
 
This is how he demonstrates that "I want to do whatever I can to protect her from further anguish".
 
A lot of people must have gotten lost in that story of his, so few have called him on what he proposes to do and why he says he'll do it.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 10:21:40 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		God forbid teenagers and young college kids make relationship mistakes.  Imagine how horrible the world will become if that happens! 

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 10:29:04 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I think a rough part of this is that he's approaching her submission like it's some sort of handicap; sort of like someone with no arms in a pool trying to 'float'; that she needs to be saved from herself.

Whatever issues she has, she has to be strong enough and adult enough to face them.

What's worse, is that I think he's just looking for a pat on the back for a decision he's already made.  Has anyone seen Taxi Driver?

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 10:38:46 AM   
Theophrastus


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Theophrastus

I'm not sure I can adequately describe the mental anguish I felt from her...but I do know I want to do whatever I can to protect her from further anguish.

So what do I do in this situation?  If she eventually does succumb to her submissive side, is it my place to attempt to dissuade her?  Can I morally disclose the situation to higher authorities without her consent?  Can I morally not bring in higher authorities, knowing what may happen if I don't?
There's another wrinkle to this: she won't tell me the guy's name.  The course of action I must take seems clear to me: wheedle the name out of her by any means necessary, and then alert the authorities.  She may be a little resentful, but for her safety, that's a price I'm willing to pay.



Why yes, and after that you can have her committed to an asylum for adults who are not competent enough to manage their own affairs. You can visit her on Sundays and tell her how happy you are that she is now safe and being taken care of the way you want her to be.

Or you can check yourself in for obsessive-compulsive tendencies that are leading you to OUT her at work, quite likely cost her her job, trick her into trusting you so you can humiliate her by showing you do not think she is competent enough to handle her own affairs (or contact authorities if she felt the need) ... all because you want to "protect her from further anguish".





Firstly, I'd like to clear up some misconceptions.  Whatever action I take, it would certainly not lead to outing her at work (which, at any rate, being a student, she doesn't have to worry about.)  No mention of her sexuality need be involved; if she testifies, there is certainly enough there for a sexual harassment charge without bringing her inner thoughts into the discussion.

As I said in my first post, her account is not entirely coherent, but the emotional effect this has had on her is undeniable.  She was on the brink of tears during the entire discussion, and as alternatives to the harassment suit, said that she would vary her eating times and walking schedule to avoid meeting him, begin locking her door, and make sure that she is in a crowd of people at all times.  I don't need much more proof that his advances are unwanted by her, and that she feels threatened by him.  Her describing him as a "master manipulator" makes a similar case.

I wish her the best if she ever decides to pursue a dom/sub relationship.  I have, in fact, suggested that she check out this site and local munches to find a dom who's not a total asshole.  I am worried, however, about abusive relationships, and everyone on this forum should know there's a huge difference between the two.

He is, BTW, a student on campus.

There is a sense in which I am being too overprotective, but how could I live with myself if things turn out badly?  If she does get raped, a situation which I feel is in the realm of possibility, knowing that I had a chance to prevent it, how could I live with myself?

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 10:41:40 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I think a rough part of this is that he's approaching her submission like it's some sort of handicap; sort of like someone with no arms in a pool trying to 'float'; that she needs to be saved from herself.

Whatever issues she has, she has to be strong enough and adult enough to face them.

What's worse, is that I think he's just looking for a pat on the back for a decision he's already made.  Has anyone seen Taxi Driver?

Stephan


I think he's just looking for a bit more encouragement.

He's almost got himself to the point of 'intervening' as it is.

Then again, checking his profile ... could be a 'kid' in a panic.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 10:52:48 AM   
LivingInSin


Posts: 326
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings Theophrastus,

First let me say that its kind of you to watch your friends back the way you are. I, too am very protective of my friends.
1. There are at least two sides to every situation. Dont freak until you talk to him.
2. Sometimes folks need to make mistakes to learn from them.
3. Just because your friend is doing something you dont like, doesnt make it wrong.
4. Speaking as someone who shares your friends thoughts on rape "you, get over it" doesnt mean she isnt taking
   percautions. I could be raped today and tomorrow would be just as normal as today. But that doesnt mean Im
   setting myself up for it either.
5. This is the part that helps me out alot with my friends and thier issues. I point blank as them what they want from
   me regarding it. Sometimes they just want to vent to someone. Shes your friend so be blunt.
6.  Accept her answer. Drop it. If you continue to badger her you just may force her hand. Be a friend hon.

_____________________________

*Instead of complaining that rose bushes have thorns, rejoice that thorn bushes bloom*

*Myth says that only the woman who has been an utter slave can be truly free------this is no myth*


(in reply to Theophrastus)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 10:53:30 AM   
Theophrastus


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I think a rough part of this is that he's approaching her submission like it's some sort of handicap; sort of like someone with no arms in a pool trying to 'float'; that she needs to be saved from herself.

Whatever issues she has, she has to be strong enough and adult enough to face them.

What's worse, is that I think he's just looking for a pat on the back for a decision he's already made.  Has anyone seen Taxi Driver?

Stephan


I think he's just looking for a bit more encouragement.

He's almost got himself to the point of 'intervening' as it is.

Then again, checking his profile ... could be a 'kid' in a panic.


If I had already made my decision, why do you think I'm posting here?  I am looking for advice, but your constant attempts to impugn my character don't aid that process.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 10:54:57 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Theophrastus

There is a sense in which I am being too overprotective, but how could I live with myself if things turn out badly?  If she does get raped, a situation which I feel is in the realm of possibility, knowing that I had a chance to prevent it, how could I live with myself?



And that is the root of your obsessive-compulsive behaviour.

You need to force her to be safe so you can live with yourself.

She won't take your advice, so you'll force her to talk to the authorities.

You'll trick her into telling you the name.

You'll force a confrontation between them.

And the bad guy will go away.

And she'll be eternally grateful to her hero.

And you can live with yourself.

Is that how you see this scenario playing itself out?

All you have to do is force her to take your advice? That's what you need so you can live with yourself?

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to Theophrastus)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? - 9/18/2007 11:02:43 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Theophrastus

If I had already made my decision, why do you think I'm posting here? 



quote:



ORIGINAL: Theophrastus

I do know I want to do whatever I can to protect her from further anguish.

So what do I do in this situation?  If she eventually does succumb to her submissive side, is it my place to attempt to dissuade her?  Can I morally disclose the situation to higher authorities without her consent?  Can I morally not bring in higher authorities, knowing what may happen if I don't?
There's another wrinkle to this: she won't tell me the guy's name.  The course of action I must take seems clear to me: wheedle the name out of her by any means necessary, and then alert the authorities.  She may be a little resentful, but for her safety, that's a price I'm willing to pay.



Seems clear to me you've made up your mind. The blue is window-dressing when your intent, in red, is obvious.

quote:



I am looking for advice,



No, you are seeking encouragement, which is why the above follows several paragraphs of your interpretation of events.


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to Theophrastus)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A friend of mine may be in danger. What do I do? Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.093