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RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:19:50 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		He sounds like a wanker. He likes the -idea- of poly, and realistically probably has no idea what it involves. The fact YOU are not okay with poly, right there is a dead stop. Tell him you're not okay with it. You have rights, use them, and picking out a replacement? Tell him, in return, you want him to pick out a new Dom for you.

The whole reason people are submissive, or slaves, is because they ENJOY it. It makes them happy! So if your situation isn't making you happy, why are you doing it? Forget the crap about "I'm a bad slave because I can't be completely selfless and do everything he wants." It doesn;t make you bad, or not submissive, it makes you normal, and aware of what makes you happy and unhappy. If he's not going to ensure your life is happy and fulfilling, then you had better do it for yourself. Slavery/submission, also includes being strong enough to look after yourself, as well as another. (At least from my point of view.)

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:24:43 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Hi Celeste 43,

Thanks for replying, I hear what you are saying. His lack of time is due to a family problem, which I'm not sure I should say, but all I can say is you'd have to be pretty sick to make that kind of thing into a game/lie. I have posted this thread in an email to him.

What will be, will be.

fi x 

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:27:48 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Rule, I don't know what makes you think I am a guy, I'm 100% a woman, and not fake, I've been seeking a dom for a few years now. I can send you a piccy of me if you would like some form of proof. I thank you for what you said, and its seems to be the current theme for me to drop contact.

Fi x

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:30:45 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Hi ProlificNeeds,

I shall engrave your post into my own head as its exactly how I feel, I just didn't realise it as a person/slave/sub you could be like this. I agree I need to look after myself too, and sometimes I feel this I overlook in my deseperate need to please. So I shall take this on board.
Thanks again for giving me such sound words of wisdom, I appreciate it deeply.

Fi x

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:37:31 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Let's look at this task from another view.... What about the potential "third" in this?  It seems like so many who set out on this kind of "adventure" don't give two hoots about the addition... Doesn't she deserve some thought?  The additional slave might be an actual human being who deserves some honesty and to not be used as a "task".  i for one have never consented to be a "task" for other slaves and have been approached in the past and have said as much.

my take on the situation?  He's never going to meet you in person or ever have more than an on-line relationship with anyone.  Just my gut feeling on the matter.

_____________________________

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(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:39:06 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

Something about your post rings false. I think that you are a guy.
 
Never mind. Let's suppose that you post is true. In that case your online master is either a fool or a player. In either case he is unfit to have a slave or a sub. Dump him. He is not for you.

Never mind?  NEVER MIND??? 
 
You can "talk the talk" in making unnecessary accusations and deliberately leave them out there with a pathetic "never mind" but you can't "walk the walk" and simply 'Backspace' the offensive statements altogether? 
 
Who do you think you're kidding?
 
Focus.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:52:29 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

He can't be bothered to meet you but he wants you to find him someone he will meet and fuck?

Celeste, *GASP*, you swore?!?  I always like reading your posts and consequently must've read hundreds of them both here and at bon.com over the years and I've *never* heard...., errr...., seen you swear before! 
 
Cracked me up no end.... lol
 
Focus.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:59:47 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Never mind?  NEVER MIND??? 

You can "talk the talk" in making unnecessary accusations and deliberately leave them out there with a pathetic "never mind" but you can't "walk the walk" and simply 'Backspace' the offensive statements altogether? 

You have a short fuse. Cool down, please.
 
I am blunt, not offensive. I am most probably right and how can truth ever be offensive?
 
In any case I offered valuable advise in response to the OP of fifi and you use an offensive green font.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 5:22:39 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		this sounds so much like my former dom - he gave me the same task in finding him another slave/submissive  saying it would be fun having another join us ...he was forcing me to become bi  though i kept telling him i had no interest or desire to be/have sex with a woman.  my former had this idea of acquiring a stable of women (and still does) even though i would still be his "#1" girl ...yeah right - i've found out much later he had other "#1" girls across IL and WI.  i didn't wait around to explain things to him after i discovered this ...i simply left him one day.

i think you did the right thing - you expressed your concerns, questions etc to him about this task before starting it ...and he hasn't responded either due to this "family emergency" or for reasons he felt you failed since you didn't do as you're told.  don't worry you didn't fail, in my opinion he failed as your master.


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(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 5:22:52 AM   
sweetNsmartBBW


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		Hi fifi *s*...

"I shall engrave your post into my own head as its exactly how I feel, I just didn't realise it as a person/slave/sub you could be like this. I agree I need to look after myself too, and sometimes I feel this I overlook in my deseperate need to please."

As a person/slave/sub you are still entitled to your feelings and beliefs.  You need to look after yourself- because, unfortunately, there are some 'Doms' out there that sound convincing- seem genuine- but will use your need to please and belong to their advantage without much thought to what it will do to you.  They will take advantage of the traits that have drawn you to the lifestyle.  I know, as I have been in a similar situation. 

I concur with everyone here- and I know it's not easy- but it's better to end this relationship sooner than later (I wish I'd known about these forums years ago, as this is advice that I sorely needed- and never got.  I subsequently wasted a LOT of time in a very unhappy and unhealthy relationship; waiting for things that never materialized).  The fact that he's not met you yet (and sounds like this was to move to rt?) and already wants another- without working on the foundation of the relationship that's in place with you-  is a huge red flag.    

I know many submissives or slaves (myself included) seem to have trouble moving on, or even admitting, when things are going wrong- because we think that if we work at it hard enough or sacrifice enough, we can somehow fix a doomed relationship.  It's just not the case.  It takes two to work out problems- and some relationships are just not meant to be.  Sounds from your posts like this is one of them...

What's helped me is the knowledge that, in letting go of what's wrong for me- I have opened myself up to find what's right.  I wonder how many opportunities I missed- being a "good sub" and clinging to empty promises and lies.  I know I won't let that happen again.  I see myself now as the steward of my submission; it's my responsibility to care for it, and nurture it.  I'm responsible for safeguarding it until I meet my Master *s*...and I won't rush into anything.  Ultimately, I am responsible for making a wise decision when it comes to meeting Dominant's- and in  knowing that, I take my time- truly getting to know the other person, not just superficially scratching the surface- before I jump into anything.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 5:31:13 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Let's look at this task from another view.... What about the potential "third" in this?  It seems like so many who set out on this kind of "adventure" don't give two hoots about the addition... Doesn't she deserve some thought?  The additional slave might be an actual human being who deserves some honesty and to not be used as a "task".  i for one have never consented to be a "task" for other slaves and have been approached in the past and have said as much.

my take on the situation?  He's never going to meet you in person or ever have more than an on-line relationship with anyone.  Just my gut feeling on the matter.


This is exactly my thoughts too, which is why I've not done this task as I feel it would be wrong and damaging to bring a third person into a not so healthy relationship, for it all to go wrong. Or worse still to be let down. I didn't like the idea of a third person being a task either. So you weren't  the only person to think of this, I know that I'm feeling pretty crap at the moment, so I wouldn't inflict that on anyone else. Fi x

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 5:41:27 AM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		I am poly, and it's been good for us.  However, a good Dom will always recognize the limits a person has--particularly if they are upfront about it.  It's the job of a Dom to help push the limits, but not to mindlessly cross over them.

He could definitely have introduced this much better if he really felt the desire to do something like having you find another slave.  If poly is a hard limit for you--at least until you can educate yourself on it, talk to those who are involved in the lifestyle, and reflect on what it means for you--then it stays a hard limit.

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 5:57:00 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule
You have a short fuse. Cool down, please.

Lol, short fuse; Moi?  What makes you think I'm not all calm, cool and collected?

quote:

I am blunt, not offensive. I am most probably right and how can truth ever be offensive?

Can it not be that I'm blunt myself?  So, what is it that "probably" makes you right and what does it matter to the topic beyond causing offense?

quote:


In any case I offered valuable advise in response to the OP of fifi and you use an offensive green font.

Ahhh, your offensive comments were in fact "valuable advice" but the real offense is my preferred font colour, izzat it?  I'm with ya....  lol
 
Focus.

(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 6:26:07 AM   
Driver1961


Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		He dips His lid;

Firstly, I have clear thoughts about 'Online Relationships' as being wanky and prone to mindfucking of unhealthy propportions to both Subs and Dom/mes.   The amount of 'help me' threads here are testament to how unhealthy they are/become. Online collarings may set out to meet the needs of the participants but appear to quickly deteriorate to unhealthy proportions unless there is excellent communication and all participant's expectations are completely met.   Is there any successful 'onlines' past a second year anniversary?

This is little different.  Yes I realize there are many 'online poly relationships' and they are based upon fantasies where someone is always questioning their self-worth because of lack of proper communication.

A successful poly relationship in 'real time' requires stability of ALL concerned.

I send a prayer that you access you self worth and action to ensure it.   (Me thinks you are on the cusp of this?)

Warm regards to all. Driver

< Message edited by Driver1961 -- 9/19/2007 6:47:03 AM >

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 6:43:02 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
What makes you think I'm not all calm, cool and collected?

If you are, then well done.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Can it not be that I'm blunt myself?

Possibly.
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
So, what is it that "probably" makes you right

That is beside the purpose of this thread, as is this discussion. I might have revised my assessment if the OP had an active profile. Thus far there are only two new bits of data that indicate that I may be wrong: the denial by the OP and the fact that the OP has not disappeared already.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
and what does it matter to the topic beyond causing offense?

I do not know that it caused offense, as none was intended. Nor would I be offended if anyone suggested that I was not male. I would merely be curious.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Ahhh, your offensive comments were in fact "valuable advice"
You confuse an neutral observation without intent to offend with advice.
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
the real offense is my preferred font colour, izzat it?
I take that back and offer my apology. I was wrong to say so. (You may print that out and frame it and hang it on the wall, because I am almost never wrong.) The colour is not offensive, but merely inconsiderate. It is insufficient reason for me to block your posts, as I can still read them, though with some difficulty.
 
Edit: I tried to edit this post to a normal font, but cannot get it right.

< Message edited by Rule -- 9/19/2007 7:40:08 AM >

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 7:46:20 AM   
secretagentgirl


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		I am new here, so take my advice with a grain of salt.  But I have plenty of experience with regular relationships.  And one thing I think you learn over time is that ultimately, you need to protect yourself from relationships that will mess with your head.  It's just not good for the soul.  You've fully admitted that a poly situation will mess you up.

I know that doesn't make the decision any easier.  It's sad and frustrating when something we desparately want to work out doesn't.  But you need to be true to yourself.  Respect yourself.  And remind yourself that you WILL find a relationship that makes you feel good instead of questioning everything about yourself.  Yes, it takes time.  And effort.  And possibly tears.  But you deserve to stick it out and find it.



(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 8:41:33 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Fast reply:

Here is the exact advice I gave to you on the "Master has no balls thread":

Stop cyber submitting. Stop playing a fantasy game. Meet this person in a public place for coffee, talk. If its cool, decide to meet for lunch or dinner somewhere, talk some more. Go out with this person regularly, interact with him in person, let the natural power disparity grow between you (if there is one). Don't force it, don't add in props to make it look like there is one. Take your time.

How can a person you have -never- met be your dom? See this is how people get manipulated and twisted, and its a choice. One you can choose to not make.

Don't be desperate for a relationship

....Fast forward to now...he wants you to find another slave? I can't figure out why you are still in this thing at all..nevermind giving one second to whether this is or is not something you should do or something he should expect....for crying out loud woman he hasn't even met you. He doesn't have "time" to meet for coffee or lunch on any day of the week? ..but he has time to devote to developing cyber tasks but can't spare 30 minutes for lunch or coffee? Where will he fnd the time to meet this new slave?

You thought you found a good one, you didn't. Accept it and move forward.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 9/19/2007 8:42:36 AM >

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to secretagentgirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 9:07:34 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I can send you a piccy of me if you would like some form of proof.


How is sending a picture proof of anything?  Anyone can hijack and pic and send it.
If this is all on-line, just play along with the guy and get him all hot and bothered, thinking you have a sister slave to present to him.  After a hot email or im exchange about it, drop the boom, block/ignore him.  You can have some fun with this with very little effort.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 9:09:36 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Either do what he told you to do or as Dan savage says: DTMFA. I am afraid I don't see any third way, its either his way or the highway, and only you can make that decision (and I think you have already made it, but are just afraid to implement it).

_____________________________

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Ha Ha...Charade you are!

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(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 9:15:01 AM   
Youresomine


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		You should always voice your concerns about things to him. He should want to know what you are thinking and/or going through as a result of his actions.

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 40
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