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ownedgirlie -> RE: I'm being judgemental - apologies !! (9/20/2007 12:12:48 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SolarAndViolet
quote:
ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
There seems to be an assumption that if we don't all think the same, because some of us don't subscribe to limits and safe words in our relationships, that something is wrong with us. Well, maybe there is, lol. Maybe there isn't. But to assume this as fact would be an incorrect assumption.
I personally didn't see where that assumption has came up in this thread... I didn't see it. But may be I missed it. I don't deny that that assumption floats in the world, in the community though... But so does the assumption that goes another way. Assumption that those of us who do subscribe to limits and safewords, lack something or have something wrong with us. :) :) :) Goes both ways, doesn't it?
I recognize that people have different types of relationships, at different levels and different preferences.
'violet'
I think I've spent too much time on several of the threads here, in which the theme does seem to be an assumption, so I probably carried some of that frustration with me when coming to this thread. For the most part, this thread has been a civil discussion and I did not mean to misrepresent it. There are some quotes, however, that fed the overall theme I've been seeing a lot of lately. And while I understand I may have misread or misunderstood them, because of the bigger picture, they had that negative effect on my thinking.
As for it going both ways, I honestly see the "You must be insane" accusation flying in the direction of those without limits or safewords far more than toward those who have them.
Examples (I bolded the parts that affected me):
Chellekitty: ... but thats common sensem after i say it...but...i am gonna say it
My thoughts - what is common sense? Why would you deem what is common sense for me? Common sense is highly subjective and I very likely may not feel the same as you.
Maya2001: …to allow that person, whom you do not know well to do whatever they want to with you without any limits at all would be insane…
Define "not know well." I visited my Master for the first time after 2 months of internet and telephone calls. I went to him to offer myself to him fully, without limits or safewords. That was three years ago. I didn't know him well enough to trust him completely. Hell it took years to trust him completely. But I had a pretty good blend of trust and leap of faith going on. Maybe you'd call me insane for that. But since you do not know me at all, that would be an ignorant assessment.
and then later in the the same post:
So say you have no limits but I am sure you do, it just may not be necessary for you to express them with your current dom.
Such certainty expressed about other people. I know two people whose lives brought them to the point of having no limits for themselves at all, regardless of relationship. Lots of people in this world. To express certainty about strangers is not something I recommend.
If your dom decided tomorrow to pimp you out, would you agree?
if your dom want to have a dog penetrate you, would you agree?
would you allow your dom to brand you , shave your head, defecate, urinate on you etc?
If you would say no to any of the above they are in fact limits, there are some doms that enjoy these activities, a sub may say they do not enjoy, that becomes a limit.
I see these kinds of examples on a lot of posts. These activities are more commonplace than I think people are aware of. I personally would answer yes to all of them, and in fact many of them are things he engages me in fairly regularly. Nothing you posted is shocking to me, personally, and in fact all of them have been talked about between he and I. Whether I enjoy them or not is not the issue; it's whether I obey his direction to do them. You might be surprised at the benefit I've received from doing things I don't like to do. Heck, I hate cleaning my bathroom...but I sure enjoy bathing in a sparkling clean tub [;)]
WillowRain: If you didn't trust them, why on earth would you do any bdsm type stuff with them? Why would you follow them? Why would you entrust them with leadership? Why would you let them tie you up? Or take you into extreme sensation? None of that makes any rational sense unless you deeply trust the person.
To this I would ask, Why? Deeply trust? "Deeply" is subjective, but some people do take leaps of faith - is that irrational behavior? Some people do listen to that gut feeling that tells them when going into a situation is safe or dangerous - would that be irrational? I did not "deeply trust" my Master when I asked him to train me as his slave...a leadership position. In which he tied me up. In which he gave me extreme sensations. I grew to deeply trust him, but we didn't start out that way. Maybe that was irrational, maybe not. It worked for me...but the statement above claims I was irrational.
It's the themes that seem to communicate absolute truths for all that brought me to say what I did above. And I see them so often that it was reflected in my thoughts that were quoted above.
Hope that explains where I was coming from.
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