RE: Does it gotta be humilating?

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RE: Does it gotta be humilating? - 10/19/2007 9:06:42 PM

bulejkt1972

Posts: 32
Joined: 9/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cdude

New guy here - please be gentle...

I'm just now opening my eyes to the world of Femdom... I'm intrigued. I've not ventured in yet, I'm still sorting it all out.

I've always been attracted to confident and strong women. I'm turned on by the idea of a strong woman calling the shots - guiding and directing me. I can imagine the appeal and excitement of physical pain in a sensual context as a submissive. But I'm working through my own level of acceptance with humiliation and maliciousness. I'm not comfortable with that.

Is it an inherant part of the lifestyle? If this sounds like a stupid question to you, so be it. I'm totally serious.

cdude

Fine question and the immediate answer... no!

But this is SO individual - some find their way through immense humiliation at home as well as in public (though probably a minority). Others are more "private" in their pursuits.

There are no "correct" answers or approaches to this interesting "way of life".

By my book it's primarily up to Her - even though being able to discuss such matters together is probably advisable - but as a submissive i had to "read Her mind" sometimes and then try to accommodate Her as best i could (i'm divorced, hence the past tense).

h

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Post #: 41

RE: Does it gotta be humilating? - 10/20/2007 1:25:39 AM

Imajican

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/6/2007
From: Lincoln, Nebraska
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtytoddler

OK..I'm POSTING AGAIN!! As I've said. I've gone through Dommes profiles..I've seen tons of them theat want to Use ALL MEN & Humilate them..Us..for their personal ATM's, put them in cages, inflict serious pain on them degrade them etc.. They even name call in their profiles.."piggy slut" etc. I find this P a t h e t i c. Now..There Maybe a select people on here that want to be treated like this? I find that to be a few and far in between but..What bugs me is these idiot females that want to use us men for their money & openly admit it on their profiles. callingall men their personal ATMs and crap..I got news for you alleged female dommes that do that.. GO GET A JOB! GET OFF YOUR ASSES & GET A JOB Like everyone else!

Please, *please* could you find out who started that crap and smite them for me? Please? I will give you cookies and other signs of gratitude. I hate hater-"Dommes" and I hate that I battle that stereotype and have to be subjected to that as the "standard" all the damn time.

That snide "you're worthless piggy filth" with useless genitalia (on and on) just needs to Go Away. Sorry but I don't see how it's pleasurable for anyone involved. Yes, sure, there must be somebody out there who does consider that pleasurable but how it has become 'mainstream' I do NOT know.

Grrr.

(Edited for erroneous "e" More grrr.)

< Message edited by Imajican -- 10/20/2007 2:18:28 AM >

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Post #: 42

RE: Does it gotta be humilating? - 10/20/2007 1:37:16 AM

Imajican

Posts: 39
Joined: 8/6/2007
From: Lincoln, Nebraska
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cdude

I've always been attracted to confident and strong women. I'm turned on by the idea of a strong woman calling the shots - guiding and directing me. I can imagine the appeal and excitement of physical pain in a sensual context as a submissive. But I'm working through my own level of acceptance with humiliation and maliciousness. I'm not comfortable with that.

Is it an inherant part of the lifestyle? If this sounds like a stupid question to you, so be it. I'm totally serious.

cdude

Adding to the pile, for the most part.

Short answer: No, it doesn't have to be.

Otherwise, humiliation is firmly seated in the mind of the humiliated thus it varies from one individual to the next. Personally I enjoy humiliation play with my boy, but the thing is the things he finds humiliating are very sexy to me and ultimately turn me on thus turning him on more. (Example: begging me to be allowed to come is humiliating to him. This is erotic and stimulating, not hateful and derrogatory.) It's a swirly, delicious cycle of building things up to something amazing.

I do NOT like vindictive, snarky, bitchy humiliation. I don't like that it's seen as mainstream and promoted as the way (primarily) male subs should be treated. I love and care about the people I am involved with. I cherish my boy and am in near-constant awe of how beautiful he is in his submission. I would never call him worthless and I see no thrill in calling anybody a worm or piggy or whatever.

Generally I wish D/s in general were a lot more about supporting people and raising them up rather than figuring out ways to tear people down. I guess for me it's just not good karma, since within myself I am not a better person when I'm tearing somebody down in order to try and raise myself up. Sure I like to reduce him to a lump of quivering, sobbing, needy maleness, but it's not a negative experience for anyone involved. If that wasn't something he *wanted* then I wouldn't be driven to do it to him.

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Post #: 43

RE: Does it gotta be humilating? - 10/20/2007 1:46:35 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

naughtytoddler, GEE !! YOU'RE POSTING AGAIN!!! WOW!!! You really are like a toddler having a tantrum. This thread has nothing whatsoever to do with what you're babbling on about, go start your own thread on the subject (or try one of the 10 billion threads that are here already about that subject). By the way, your kink isn't everyone elses, just like their kinks aren't yours. Some guys love it, you don't, big deal, find your dummy, get your nappy changed and mind your business.

OP, no, humiliation isn't a part of every D/s relationship, but a huge part of some. It isn't my thing, personally. Pushing your limits is one thing, but anything that makes you feel really uncomfortable isn't something you HAVE to have in your relationships. Sub or not, you DO have choices.

Good luck!!

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Post #: 44

RE: Does it gotta be humilating? - 10/20/2007 5:55:58 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Hi cdude

No, humiliation is just one of many kinks and not "inherent" in everyone's lifestyle

Do you realise that humiliation is a feeling and only you can choose how you do - or don't - feel? Your emotional response is entirely within your control, not the Dommes. No Domme can humilate you if you refuse to be humilated by her

If however you are feeling humiliated, your Domme might not even realise it. She might think she is just engaging in erotic teasing. I have had submissives who begged to be stripped naked in public (exhibitionists) and others that absolutely cringed with humiliation. Exact same scene: totally different psychological response. Unfortunately, we Dommes are not mind readers.

Your responsibility as submissive is to safeword or give your Domme some other signal that you are not enjoying yourself (anymore). If she keeps humiliating you (without consent), she just a mean cow, not a Domme, so dump her quick. There's plenty of man-haters passing themselves off as "Dommes".

Please don't put humiliation play down as a hard limit until you have tried it with a Domme you really like as a person. Just remember to withdraw your consent if its not fun. There's a lot of kinks we fear when we are new. Lots. Keep an open mind until you have some real BDSM experience to compare to your fears. The fact that it frightens you so much now suggests to me that there is fertile ground for major personal growth (in the safe, consensual environment of the dungeon) that will do wonders for your esteem out in the non-consensual real world.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 10/20/2007 5:57:57 AM >

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Post #: 45

RE: Does it gotta be humilating? - 10/20/2007 6:04:27 AM

degradess

Posts: 68
Joined: 7/15/2005
Status: offline

I have found the most doms just want to tear down and destroy subs they are playing with. It;;'s unfortunate but true. I am sure there are some who aren't like that but I am no longer going to give a chance because of too much mental damage. I wish I could have found the right one but its too late and the fun has gone out of bdsm play for me. Also most want poly or multiple partners and I can't do that either. For those lucky enough to have found that right one , I wish you all the best.

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Post #: 46

RE: Does it gotta be humilating? - 10/20/2007 6:25:15 AM

bulejkt1972

Posts: 32
Joined: 9/7/2007
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I don't think so, Degradess... why do You suddenly say things like this?

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RE: Does it gotta be humilating? - 11/26/2009 5:50:11 AM

diklikr4u

Posts: 33
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

But the act of humiliation with the right people and the right acts it does have exciting rewards, as long as everyone has their role and plays too each others needs and desires. Everyone wins and no one is caused permantent injury or loss.

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Post #: 48