Yes this is likely to upset you

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Yes this is likely to upset you

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Yes this is likely to upset you

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:07:34 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

Call it a vent call it whatever....

I constantly see people using the term "dorrmat" and "doormat submissive." And I see the terms being used in a manner that indicates the person does not want to be considered an unfeeling, expendable lifeform. However, they just stick to the laziness of saying doormat.

The reason I point it out is because more and more I see people into the trampling and pressure fetish. They like to be stepped on and walked on and maybe even used as a doormat. which for them wouldn't be a negative thing.

Anybody else noticing that these terms sometimes used to describe an actual fetish, are often used by people who don't take the time to actually express their feelings beyond one word?

Post #: 1

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:10:09 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Call it a vent call it whatever....

I constantly see people using the term "dorrmat" and "doormat submissive." And I see the terms being used in a manner that indicates the person does not want to be considered an unfeeling, expendable lifeform. However, they just stick to the laziness of saying doormat.

The reason I point it out is because more and more I see people into the trampling and pressure fetish. They like to be stepped on and walked on and maybe even used as a doormat. which for them wouldn't be a negative thing.

Anybody else noticing that these terms sometimes used to describe an actual fetish, are often used by people who don't take the time to actually express their feelings beyond one word?

If you mean that sometimes you across submissives/slaves that want to be treated as a doormat (or even furniture?) if so then yes I have come across them. I find at least in my personal experience that it's more acceptable for a male to say he's a doormat than female.

Z-

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 2

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:10:22 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I usually think of someone who wants to be walked on and feel that pressure as someone who wants to be "trampled." Not someone who considers themselves a doormat...but ok. Point taken.

edited to add: why is this likely to upset people?

< Message edited by earthycouple -- 9/21/2007 3:11:12 PM >

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 3

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:12:32 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

cuz I called the people who use the term doormat in a negative manner lazy for not expressing their feelings in a more acurate manner. Just tends to happen that way.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 4

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:14:25 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

ah I see.....

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 5

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:14:43 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Well i don't know about other people but the use of the word doormat for me indicates someone who is a pushover and metaphorically gets walked all over.
Since this is what the term has meant for me since i was a child it pretty much is stuck in my brain now. It's a turn of phrase used in all walks of life where i come from. As far as i know it is not a kinky term used out of context in this way so i can't see how you can be upset with it's use in this way.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 9/21/2007 3:16:19 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 6

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:16:11 PM

mischievousone

Posts: 164
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline

I think that a lot of people on here mean it figuratively, not literally. Those that use the term doormat in the literal sense usually mention that.

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 7

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:16:26 PM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I usually think of someone who wants to be walked on and feel that pressure as someone who wants to be "trampled." Not someone who considers themselves a doormat...but ok. Point taken.

edited to add: why is this likely to upset people?

Greetings Mistress,

This is the first I have seen of the new picture. Absolutely beautiful!

well wishes ~ fairer than she

Greetings BoiJen,

Sorry about the hijack. I totally get where you are coming from on this, which doesn't surprise me all things considered.

Thanks for starting the thread - hopefully it will open some eyes!

well wishes ~ fairer

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 8

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:16:48 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

I generally don't agree with the way the vanilla world operates either. My point is that I believe there's a better and more acurate way to describe not being a "pushover" especially within a community where such a term as doormat would/could have reference to someone else's kink

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 9

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:20:33 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Well considering it is a turn of phrase i have been hearing and speaking for almost 34 years in the vanilla world i dont think i should find another word at all.
It is not laziness that makes me use this phrase it is the association of the word meaning a pushover, easily walked over.
Just because there are kinksters who enjoy this as an activity does not give the right for the word to solely refer to this.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 10

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:22:48 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Heh, I haven't read the OP yet. So I may get a chance to later. It's just.. seeing your name on the author list in the forum, I could tell the title would be something like, "Prepare to Be Mad!", then the thread contents would be along the lines of, "I hate [something particular that people do]".

Com'n. You're actually pretty moderate and mundane compared to some here. Take it easy.

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 11

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:23:30 PM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

=fast reply=

I see stuff like that all the time. Quite honestly though......i don't really care enough to normally make a comment, but being i am in the throws of Insomnia......what the hell....may as well type something.

I'm not really into what "other" people think about something that i may or may not be into. I just really don't care.

I understand what you are saying........but honestly.......what difference does it make here on the world wide web?
(oh yeah..and i have heard the whole: well there are people that this type of venue is the only place they have to learn or start. Uhmmm....that's a sad excuse)

Go forth and Conquer!

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 12

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:26:01 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

Being a person who likes to be used as a doormat in the literal sense, it just feels like putting a negative spin on something I actually do. Cuz it's my kink...I know I'm not the only one. Just speaking from how I feel. And it's really hard to get people to understand that being a doormat for me is a great and positive thing. There's nothing more exciting to me in a single act than to be under Her feet and being used in a manner that services Her shoes (She has a shoe fetish.) And my point here is that the constant use of the term doormat in a negative manner means I have to constantly justify a positive use of the term. I understand old habits die hard and all...but in a community where we preach about communicating acurately and as best as we can why would anyone chance mixing up the meaning behind this one word?

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 13

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:29:00 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

I don't care where people satrt. In a bar at a party on the web...well I do...if you say on the web I'll laugh at you. I didn't post this to just give someone a new idea. I posted cuz I keep seeing these "nondoormat persons" profiles pop up and I can't help but think what's wrong with being a doormat? And frankly if the D-type you're with says "you're a doormat today" and you're an s-type then I don't think you have any room to argue.

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 14

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:30:08 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

I can certainly see your point but for me using it in the way you mean (positively) is mixing up the meaning. I think your kink is cool and certainly dont look down on it and when you use it in the positive way it is obvious it is meant as a good thing. I think the use of doormat in a negative way isnt going to go away but yes there should be a distinction when the word is used between good and bad.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 15

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:33:00 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Missturbation - I had the exact same reaction to the OP. My mom uses the phrase "don't be a doormat - speak up for yourself" and has for as long as I can remember. It's a common word that has a generally accepted meaning for more people as a pushover than for people who like to get trampled.

Why not use 'trampling fetish' instead? What's next - saying you can't call someone a pushover because I like when my man pushes me over the back of the sofa to fuck me? I have a pushover fetish?

Edited to add - I don't see why you think someone using that word is being 'lazy' in describing themselves. They are using a specific word that has a common, generally accepted, and agreed upon meaning. It's not like they're saying "I don't like being treated like, you know, like I don't matter, or like, think, or anything, you know?"

< Message edited by xoxi -- 9/21/2007 3:35:32 PM >

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 16

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:33:55 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Being a person who likes to be used as a doormat in the literal sense, it just feels like putting a negative spin on something I actually do. Cuz it's my kink...I know I'm not the only one. Just speaking from how I feel. And it's really hard to get people to understand that being a doormat for me is a great and positive thing. There's nothing more exciting to me in a single act than to be under Her feet and being used in a manner that services Her shoes (She has a shoe fetish.) And my point here is that the constant use of the term doormat in a negative manner means I have to constantly justify a positive use of the term. I understand old habits die hard and all...but in a community where we preach about communicating acurately and as best as we can why would anyone chance mixing up the meaning behind this one word?

So BoiJen,

How does one take doormat and make it a positive. I would also assume that even admitting that you like to be referred to as such can be vulernable.

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 17

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:34:11 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

lol BoiJen...kind of like me and the whole "emotional masochist" thing. People can't seem to understand that there is a significant difference between enjoying the play involved in emotional sadism/masochism and simply an inability to learn from negative experiences. I get to continually read about how emotional masochists are somehow such depressing and unhealthy people who find nothing good in life in which to believe. Humorless, lacking in social graces and typically someone's "doormat" (in the perjorative sense that you're complaining about), after a while, I just give up and pretty much figure that it's not that they are choosing to not understand the subtleties, it's cause they are incapable of thinking beyond the superficial to even attempt to understand that there is good in being a doormat; there is delicious fun in being an emotional masochist who has been fortunate enough to find herself paired with an emotional sadist who knows what they hell he's doing and with whom, her interests are well matched. And there is benefit to this love of mine. If they can't see it, then good. More for me :)

juliet

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 18

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:34:58 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

Why not? I like being pushed over too...then again I tend to really like takedown and rough body play type stuff.

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 19

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:35:50 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Well i don't know about other people but the use of the word doormat for me indicates someone who is a pushover and metaphorically gets walked all over.
Since this is what the term has meant for me since i was a child it pretty much is stuck in my brain now. It's a turn of phrase used in all walks of life where i come from. As far as i know it is not a kinky term used out of context in this way so i can't see how you can be upset with it's use in this way.

I agree. I used and heard this term my entire life and it always meant someone who has no backbone, someone passive and unresisting.
When it comes to the kink referenced I use 'trampling' because it is a straightforward term and it isn't using a word with a different meaning such as doormat.
http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861605977/doormat.html

1. mat by door: a mat to wipe your shoes on immediately before or after entering a building

2. submissive person: a passive person who submits to being treated inconsiderately

Why use a term that has had long term meaning for something different? That confuses but in no way offends me. Edit/add. Actually I consider it lazy to use a word in the wrong manner instead of using clear terms such as trampling over doormat.

< Message edited by camille65 -- 9/21/2007 3:37:22 PM >

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Yes this is likely to upset you

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094