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RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:38:18 PM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Missturbation - I had the exact same reaction to the OP. My mom uses the phrase "don't be a doormat - speak up for yourself" and has for as long as I can remember. It's a common word that has a generally accepted meaning for more people as a pushover than for people who like to get trampled.

Why not use 'trampling fetish' instead? What's next - saying you can't call someone a pushover because I like when my man pushes me over the back of the sofa to fuck me? I have a pushover fetish?

Lol, i'm with you here.
I kind of feel like i'm being told what i can say and what i can't.
Different countries, areas, places etc etc have different turns of phrase and we are never going to get a universal language.
This to me is nit picking.

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

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Post #: 21

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:41:32 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_1212646/mpage_1/key_doormat/tm.htm#1212725
doormats in Ds and bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_916105/mpage_1/key_doormat/tm.htm#916126
Doormats

http://www.collarchat.com/m_759342/mpage_4/key_doormat/tm.htm#761465
Doormats- can we eliminate them?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_719413/mpage_1/key_doormat/tm.htm#719427
How do you draw the line between submissive and doormat?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_202748/mpage_1/key_doormat/tm.htm#202751
Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers

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(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 22

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:42:15 PM

BoiJen

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DDZ I'm not quite sure. I tend to really emphasize a need for people to be more clear about their feeling sand what they need and desire from physical and emotional interactions with other people. I don't think one word in 99.9999-infinity% of cases can acurately describe what people want and don't want. That's my opinion. As for personally addressing that I have a kink for being a physical doormat, I'm a tiny female. A very tiny female. And I really enjoy the physical strain I feel when someone's on top of me. Sepecially when the space in which their weight is destributed is so small as to their feet. I like pushing my body to perform under unusual and strained circumstances.

JS-MsK asked about you the other day lol....anyways. I get what you're saying. So would the distinction then be I do/don't like being a physical/emotional "doormat" or what? I would guess in the emtional sense that you described that there would have to be some serious communication going on there. Got any tips?

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 23

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:43:10 PM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

So BoiJen,

How does one take doormat and make it a positive. I would also assume that even admitting that you like to be referred to as such can be vulernable.

How does one take a doormat and make it positive? Well, if one is a doormat (as is commonly used in a negative sense), then the opposite of that negativity is that they are ready and willing to do whatever their dominant says. They are not sitting there saying "I'm a submissive. No you can't do that. No you can't do that and hell no, you can't do that." They are taking submissiveness to the nth degree and this is something that makes them feel good. Even when it doesn't feel so good, there is the knowledge that they were able to accomplish something they previously didn't think they'd been able to do, and again, that makes them feel good.

Why wouldn't this feel good to a dominant as well? Why wouldn't a dominant want to take what is the hardest thing that submissive has ever contemplated - or taken something that was so hard that the submissive had never before contemplated it - and then put her in a position to do just that? What wouldn't make a dominant feel good about the fact that she was willing to go through whatever hell she had to go through in order to meet his desire/request/directive?

There are positives to being that perjorative doormat that everyone is talking about. It just takes someone who's willing to push a bit harder, give a bit more, learn a bit more, all the while, finding joy in the accomplishment.

And all of that - to me - is a positive outgrowth of being the "doormat."

However, in this case, I may be wrong, but it sounds more like BoiJen is talking about trampling and calling what she and MsK do being a "doormat." There are all sorts of positives about that activity as well.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 9/21/2007 3:48:50 PM >

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 24

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 3:43:49 PM

BoiJen

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Thanks LA....I think CM should award you with the offical search engine responce...lol...very resourceful

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Post #: 25

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 4:04:42 PM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

JS-MsK asked about you the other day lol....anyways. I get what you're saying. So would the distinction then be I do/don't like being a physical/emotional "doormat" or what? I would guess in the emtional sense that you described that there would have to be some serious communication going on there. Got any tips?

Heyyyy, please tell her I said hi!! It's been such a long time since I've had the pleasure of comparing "boobage" with her!

As far as tips, I'm not sure what I can say. We do communicate well - very well in fact. Both of us are heavily invested in obedience (me, in being obedient and him in demanding it. I think perhaps, it's a fetish in its own right). I'm continually amazed at how similar we are, albiet on opposites sides of the D/s fence, and frankly, I don't think this would work if he had to force any of what I do from me. There's a lot to be said for enthusiastically embracing what it is we do rather than being forced (and I'm not talking about the take-down play stuff), or feeling as if he has to force me in order to elicit compliance.

And when all else fails, I yell a lot in my car when I'm riding to work with my carpool buddies (me, myself and I). Oh, the tales my dashboard could tell! And when I'm all done and it's out of my system, I remember that I promised I would submit and I remember why I promised that I would submit, and I remember that it feels so good to submit...and I do.

Beyond all that, patience is a big part of it all. What hurts today won't hurt tomorrow and when he refuses something, that doesn't mean it's for all time. It just means that I'm not going to get anywhere asking for what he already knows I want. I get to be patient - sometimes a very very difficult and painful process. But when what I thought would NEVER happen - does... the pleasure so far outweighs the pain that I am reminded once again of what George Burns said once in his movie "Oh God" or was it "Oh God II"?

He said that as God he tried to create a world where only the good happened, but what he found was that no one appreciated it all. It took the bad for them to truly appreciate and understand what was good. I'm a huge believer in that.

When I cry out of happiness at simply his touch because the lack of it has highlighted just how wonderful it is...it's all good!!

juliet

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 26

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 4:11:11 PM

BoiJen

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I can see why the Lady in Charge likes ya now. Mind if I copy this and forward it to the household? I really really appreciate what you put out here. And anytime I can get two women to compare boobage I'll do whatever I can to set it up lol

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 27

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 4:23:22 PM

chiaThePet

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Why BoiJen, you fine young thing you, after reading your feelings and thoughts
here, i'd say you define more as a "Welcome Mat" than a simple doormat.

And definitely the "Red Carpet" on those oh so special occasions.

chia* (the pet)

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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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Post #: 28

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 4:26:29 PM

BoiJen

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lol...ya know I always carry a sharpie around in case MsK wants to write anything on me...wouldn't that be a trip...."welcome"

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Post #: 29

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 4:29:17 PM

Estring

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How about having anyone who enjoys literally being walked on or trampled calling themselves "sidewalks" instead of "doormats"? Would that make evryone happy?

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Post #: 30

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 4:56:56 PM

julietsierra

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I can see why the Lady in Charge likes ya now. Mind if I copy this and forward it to the household? I really really appreciate what you put out here. And anytime I can get two women to compare boobage I'll do whatever I can to set it up lol

lol...copy away! (I wonder if she'll remember the boobage comparison...she was "shopping" at the time)

I'll explain it privately if she doesn't recall. It HAS been a long time - nearly 5 years or more if I remember correctly.

juliet

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 31

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 5:04:26 PM

BoiJen

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She forgets things from yesterday but can tell me the exact details of stuff from 10 years ago...funny what sticks out in Her brain...I'll ask Her too...PS you already have a message and thanks again

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Post #: 32

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 5:19:44 PM

julietsierra

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so do you.

juliet

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Post #: 33

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 5:23:08 PM

BoiJen

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woo hoo!

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Post #: 34

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 5:29:03 PM

catize

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Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Being a person who likes to be used as a doormat in the literal sense, it just feels like putting a negative spin on something I actually do. Cuz it's my kink...I know I'm not the only one. Just speaking from how I feel. And it's really hard to get people to understand that being a doormat for me is a great and positive thing. There's nothing more exciting to me in a single act than to be under Her feet and being used in a manner that services Her shoes (She has a shoe fetish.) And my point here is that the constant use of the term doormat in a negative manner means I have to constantly justify a positive use of the term. I understand old habits die hard and all...but in a community where we preach about communicating acurately and as best as we can why would anyone chance mixing up the meaning behind this one word?

“It was like a slap in the face” is negative and shouldn’t be spoken in that context because some people enjoy face slapping??
Get a grip all ready, sheesh!

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 35

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 7:02:20 PM

feastie

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*passes the cheese tray*

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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Post #: 36

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 7:18:29 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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So now we have to have political correctness abound here..I am fine with the your kink is not my kink..but your kink is ok.yada..yada..yada..stuff..but to nitpik every single fricking word ,then I say,...no....if you think "lazy" then so be it..your problem not mine...I will look to your words as you write from here on out, to see how the absolute correct way to construct words and sentences, without offending anyone in any kink and in any way shape or form is to be done. I will await the perfection that you seem to boast of..Tempting

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You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 37

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 7:26:33 PM

xoxi

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Yeah I agree.

This reminds me of the gay people who, when someone gives them directions and tells them to 'go straight,' reply "you mean go FORWARD, straight is a sexual orientation and I will not go straight."

The word 'doormat' originally meant a mat outside a door. Then it meant a person who is figuratively 'walked all over' and now some kinky people use it to mean a person who is literally walked all over. But just becase they co-opted a word that wa already in regular use doesn't mean the longtime accepted use is somehow wrong. If they don't like it, they should co-opt a different word that has better connotations to them. Just my fourteen cents

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 38

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 7:30:37 PM

twistedkytten

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Joined: 9/8/2006
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while i understand all of the opinions concerning the use of the word...
It seems to me... that it's all in the context, the manner in which the word was used.

It amazes me.. the amount of open-mindedness that we are supposed to share... and then I have the pleasure of reading something like this.

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Obedience is life, girl lives to serve her Master

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 39

RE: Yes this is likely to upset you - 9/21/2007 7:35:01 PM

natureschild

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Being a doormat makes me think of "being treated like dirt, being worthless."

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Post #: 40

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