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RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:15:48 AM   
Daddyskittin


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

I have heard it all  It is what ever believe . Most think looking your dom domme in eyes in disrepectful


lol if I avoided looking my Daddy in the eye... he'd grab my face and put his nose to mine and ask me what the hell was wrong with me.

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Daddyskittin... formally YourShyPet

myspace.com/daddys_kittin

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:25:14 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: sextoygirlNY

2-Introduce yourself, smile, be friendly and social. Its good to meet others, its good to talk, its a good thing we are here to help, be friends and share this time together, don't sit in the corner like a lump.


On the whole, I liked your take on things, except for one little piece - the part I underlined.


I think if you look at her profile, you'll see that the above line, if not the list, might have been borrowed from a training manual for the products she sells.




I'm not sure what that has to do with anything. I've certainly heard that same idea espoused by others who don't have a training manual and from what I know of them - and I do know them quite well - have never looked at her or anyone else's training manual.

In the end, whether she's written it down and made a buck or two on it or not, it's still her beliefs, and whether it's in a training manual or simply spoken or written here, I still don't subscribe to it.

Why does the possibility of it being part of a training manual negate its importance in her belief systems or her right to state it here?

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 9/23/2007 9:26:32 AM >

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:29:38 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pearlmoongirl


I was told by a Dom that it's a bad idea to look a Dom(me) in the eye unless you belong to Them. Is this true?

Inquiring subby minds want to know these things for general reasons, not just for party etiquette.

Thanks!
~pmg



From the information that I have granished from CM....I have no idea if it is rude or not, but I would think it is extremely difficult to make eye contact with a Domme....For most of them are staring at your wallet. 

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(in reply to pearlmoongirl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:35:41 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: sextoygirlNY

2-Introduce yourself, smile, be friendly and social. Its good to meet others, its good to talk, its a good thing we are here to help, be friends and share this time together, don't sit in the corner like a lump.


On the whole, I liked your take on things, except for one little piece - the part I underlined.


I think if you look at her profile, you'll see that the above line, if not the list, might have been borrowed from a training manual for the products she sells.




I'm not sure what that has to do with anything. I've certainly heard that same idea espoused by others who don't have a training manual and from what I know of them - and I do know them quite well - have never looked at her or anyone else's training manual.

In the end, whether she's written it down and made a buck or two on it or not, it's still her beliefs, and whether it's in a training manual or simply spoken or written here, I still don't subscribe to it.

Why does the possibility of it being part of a training manual negate its importance in her belief systems or her right to state it here?

juliet


I start from the position that people are (or wish to be) reasonable, fair, just, respectful of the rights of others.

The phrase "we are here to help" seems unreasonable, in that it is not a personal statement of why she is here, but rather a collective statement for which she is not in a position to speak.

True, she may believe it. And certainly true, she has a privilege to say whatever CM will allow her to say.

But having sold a few products in my day, and having read training manuals for that purpose, there is something about that phrase I find very familiar.

Sales staff are conditioned to believe they are "here to help" the customer, to be gregarious and not be "like a lump", etc.

I'm wondering if the list wasn't cut and pasted, and that phrase overlooked in the process.

This is not a knock against the list, per se. Only a suggestion that the phrase you found objectionable may have been included as the result of an oversight.


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:38:28 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Which boiled down to this topic:

What is your code of personal conduct when attending a face-to-face BDSM gathering (or the closest thing you have to it in the Vanilla world, if you've not attended such a gathering)?

Is there a difference between the way you behave there, and the way you behave here?

If so, what and why?


I am a stickler for history, part of being a historian, so those things tend to be my pet peeves wherever I am.

In face-to-face exchanges I can and do use tone of voice and body language that I frankly cannot here. I suspect that makes me seem a bit more friendly in meatlife meetings than on here.

But frankly I'm me regardless of where I am unless there specific rules that need to be followed For example if I want to a femdom party where every mistress was supposed to be ok with being called "lady" or "mistress" by every sub then I need to follow those rules or not attend.

Those are my general guidelines.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:44:28 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, there is a difference between my behaviors here versus at a face to face social gathering.  There is also a difference depending on the type of social gathering. 

Online I tend to type quite a bit more than I do face to face with someone.  Since I am an introvert, an online medium is also more conducive to me sharing my thoughts and opinions.

In a face to face setting, my first priority is either serving him or helping Alandra serve him.  Taking the time to put together my thoughts so that I can verbalize them tends to be lower on the list of priorities.

In certain types of gatherings, the protocol that Alandra and I are required to follow is more formal than others.  It is formal protocol that is established by him and not by the expectations of a group of people.  At a play party, especially before I play, I am extremely quiet.  It is how I prepare for play; I find it difficult to socialize and talk with others before he plays me. 

The why of it is because that is what he wants.  He has certain expectations of my behavior depending on what setting I am in.  I meet his expectations of that behavior and I am not so interested in what other people expect of me.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:51:56 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

Being Aussies, we are noted for our laidback attitude, so aren't big on high protocol. At the play parties We ran, no one was concerned about someone generally chitchatting to subs/Dominants alike. However, it wasn't considered polite to drop hints about playing with someone until you'd made enquiries as to their availability. ...



I was actually going to add a question about protocol when I recalled the above.

Jay, this is very much the way I view things as well.

From time to time we hear submissives speak of how tired they are that people responding to profiles assume a submissive will automatically submit to everyone.

Yet, with protocol, it seems that's what is expected.

I don't think this thread has heard from any advocates of protocol, or from the domly types who require their subs to remain silent, etc.

Are there any here?


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 10:17:51 AM   
welshwmn3


Posts: 126
Joined: 3/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pearlmoongirl


I was told by a Dom that it's a bad idea to look a Dom(me) in the eye unless you belong to Them. Is this true?

Inquiring subby minds want to know these things for general reasons, not just for party etiquette.

Thanks!
~pmg



It would depend on what the Dom you are collared to wants.  Neither of the Doms I'm collared to want me to look look down.  I'm expected to always look other people in the eyes, whether it's "my" Doms or others.  If other Doms have problems with me looking them in the eyes, they can take it up with "my" Doms, and I would tell them that too, if they ever decided to correct me on it.

If you aren't collared to anybody, then it's your decision to do what you want.  This includes looking Dominants in the eyes or not.

Just my .02.

(in reply to pearlmoongirl)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 11:19:27 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pearlmoongirl


I was told by a Dom that it's a bad idea to look a Dom(me) in the eye unless you belong to Them. Is this true?

Inquiring subby minds want to know these things for general reasons, not just for party etiquette.

Thanks!
~pmg



Depends on who. Valyraen would find it very strange if you didn't look him in the eyes. The events and groups we have attended have not had this rule and the submissives would look the dominants in the eyes. The only person a sub/slave has to defer to is their owner. Of course, other groups with more rules will do things differently but I would imagine that in a BDSM group they would warn you if they expected this rule to be followed.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/23/2007 11:22:16 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to pearlmoongirl)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 11:32:28 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Yup, and not only while writing on collarme, but in my living room and my bedroom, and where ever in myhouse I happen to be when I need to belch or fart lol.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DCroommate

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Well I don't belch and fart freely while I am at play parties and I do at home, Why don't I behave as freely at home as I do at parties? Because it's rude and socially unacceptable.


Ewww you mean you're belching and farting while you are writing here on CM... ewwwwww

~ann

(in reply to DCroommate)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 12:15:45 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I find it laughable a dom thinks he can speak for what a domme wants. I find it laughable he thinks he can speak for all dominants in general. There is no universal standard,  One person can not speak for an entire population.
quote:

ORIGINAL: pearlmoongirl


I was told by a Dom that it's a bad idea to look a Dom(me) in the eye unless you belong to Them. Is this true?

Inquiring subby minds want to know these things for general reasons, not just for party etiquette.

Thanks!
~pmg


(in reply to pearlmoongirl)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 2:54:22 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaDomAura

This creates a question. You can't always tell a submissive by appearance, then there are those who switch. I might want to top, with a sub or switch but not knowing who's a sub or switch means making their acquaintance. If etiquette dictates that I ask permission from their D then how do I even begin to interact?


Get to know them, first, to know the way they lean.

Then, when you know - ask.  "I'd like to play with you - if you're interested, is there anyone I should ask first?"

I prefer that type of direct asking about individual protocols over *all* forms of presumption.


(in reply to MaDomAura)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 2:56:01 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaDomAura
However I might unknowingly begin conversing with a sub, and that would be inappropriate without first asking the Dom/me. Unless they were boldly collared, and standing behind their Dom/me I wouldn't automatically know who's a sub/switch, or if they had a Dom/me in any form.


It's only inappropriate if their individual contact protocols say it is (or yours does, but that's a different story).  And the only way you can know that is to ask.  Which means - talk to them anyway.

(in reply to MaDomAura)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 3:02:28 PM   
NeedyBrat


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/12/2007
From: SW Phoenix, AZ
Status: offline 		I find it easier online to be completely open and honest about what I want/need and am looking for/interested in.
 
In person, even with people who share the same kinks, I'd be much more withdrawn.  I'd have to be drawn into a conversation by someone before I'd actively participate.

_____________________________

Dina

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 3:05:13 PM   
NeedyBrat


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/12/2007
From: SW Phoenix, AZ
Status: offline 		I have a tendency to look around the room like I am an escaped convict looking around for cops.  LOL
 
I don't like looking at people's eye and find it uncomfortable for people to be looking at me for any extended period of time.
 
But then again, I had someone tell me they could tell I was from NJ as I always had to know what was going on and who was where in the room. 

_____________________________

Dina

(in reply to Daddyskittin)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 3:44:03 PM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pearlmoongirl
I was told by a Dom that it's a bad idea to look a Dom(me) in the eye unless you belong to Them. Is this true?


Unless it's the person who owns you (*your* d-type), then it's poppycock.

If it *is* your d-type, it's true.  Because they, and no one else (but you) set your rules.

(in reply to pearlmoongirl)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 4:12:41 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		As an introvert, I express my thoughts and opinions far better on a medium like this then with vocal communication.

In real time, I am actually quiet, layed back, not very opinionated, and very easy going.

On here, I have a lot more freedom and leeway for agressive debating and to be more of a shark.

The main downside to going to a munch and listening to some buffoon narrow mindly pontificate on things he doesnt understand and coming here and reading some buffoon narrow mindly pontificate on things he doesnt understand is that the buffoon at the munch rarely ever gets challenged.

Being "nice" often translates into allowing other people's bad behaviors and bullshit to continue unchallenged.

(Not to mention less people know how to have a discussion or debate without going off topic and straight down to pointless argueing then on here)

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/23/2007 4:20:27 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 4:18:31 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
The main downside to going to a munch and listening to some buffoon narrow mindly pontificate on things he doesnt understand and coming here and reading some buffoon narrow mindly pontificate on things he doesnt understand is that the buffoon at the munch rarely ever gets challenged.


thats why i try not to go to munches without the head of my leather household....he will challenge those narrow minded buffoons, and quite well with eloquence that takes all the wind out of them...


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 4:26:19 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		It gets annoying because the "experience" or "age" card usually gets played once they start to run out of logic and that doesn't happen as much around here in comparison except by people who lack a lot of character. Most of the time they just stop posting.

Though it amazes me that after about a month from when I was decreed too young or too inexperienced to know what I am talking about, a post on the Yahoo group will appear with a revised viewpoint including the points I made in the past discussion.....................

Edited To Add : I've noticed that phenomenon happen once or twice around here as well...


< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/23/2007 4:30:59 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 4:33:34 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		hehe....do you feel like a super smart 7 (i think) year old psychic little girl being looked down on by her stupid as a bowl of rocks father hearing these words "I'm smart; you're dumb. I'm big; you're small. I'm right, you're wrong. And there's nothing you can do about it." when they start....and then imagine them with their hat super glued to their head....or is that just me?

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 60
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