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RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 5:00:12 PM

TotalState

Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

The following general rules are used for meetings in the club I belong to, Fetish Iceland:

(loose translation, so bear with me)

1. Safe sane and consensual at all times. Specifically mentioned under this section is underage sexual activities, beastiality and rape.

2. Be respectful, courteous and discreet in all interactions. Get to know people much as you would in any public place.

3. Many people only go by their pseudonyms. The club respects anyone's right to anonymity, so address everyone in the same way that they call themselves at the gathering, even if you know their full name.

4. Be careful when speaking with someone you met at a gathering if you meet them outside of the scene. That person might be with someone who does not know about their bdsm interest and are not supposed to. If the person does not want to act as if they know you outside the scene, respect that.

5. Do not touch anyone, or anyone's toys or equipment, without permission.

6. It is forbidden to offer money for any sexual act.

7. Do not use any illegal drugs. The use of legal intoxicants should be done responsibly. Anyone deemed to be out of control drunk will be asked to leave.

8. You are welcome to play BDSM games at these parties.

9. Do not crowd around those playing games, give those who are playing space. Don't bother anyone who is playing, which includes talking to them.

10. The management will stop any game that is deemed unsafe.

11. Breaking any of those rules can mean your expulsion from the party.

12. Use common sense.

13. The use of cameras or any recording equipment is forbidden.

14. Have fun!

Now, I didn't create those, but they do seem to work pretty well for the scenes I have been to.

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RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 5:57:26 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
What is your code of personal conduct when attending a face-to-face BDSM gathering (or the closest thing you have to it in the Vanilla world, if you've not attended such a gathering)?

I'm polite to everyone. I'm friendly. I don't touch people/objects without permission - either theirs (people) or their owners' (objects and sometimes people).

quote:

Is there a difference between the way you behave there, and the way you behave here?

I can't touch people here ;)

But really - I'm more outspoken here, because I have the time and the patience to craft my words. I'm more likely to let BS go by with a "well isn't that nice" polite smile in f2f life. (Of course "more outspoken" is relative - I'm still pretty outspoken f2f.)

Other than that - no.

quote:

If so, what and why?

The why is the difference in the media. The what...is above :)

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Post #: 62

RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 6:18:59 PM

sextoygirlNY

Posts: 194
Joined: 7/25/2007
From: Long Island, NY
Status: offline

Greetings Juletsierra and Bobkin...
Ok yeah you can make a joke but there are those who are helpers and those that are not. My thing is being a helper and teacher. So in my world yes i do try to help. In my experience it must be my personality or my bright smile but truthfully i can just be standing on the street corner minding my business and someone will come up to me and ask me for help about ANYTHING. Its a weird thing.
When i am at a gathering, i am not looking to be the helper or teacher, but i guess with my friendly smile, people will literally come up to me and say "Hi i am new, i am not too sure what to do, Can you help me??" Sure why not, i explain the rules, introduce them like a social butterfly, and make them feel welcome.

For juliet, sorry about your stalker problem. But please don't blame yourself for helping another, because in this case it didnt work, but in other cases you may have changed a person's life for the better...

For Bobkin,
yeah i sell sex toys...Got to LOVE IT!!! Woo hoo......As far as training manuel go...jeeze you make it sound like i am in a cult "WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU"......my training manual sucks...doesn't offer any pointers...lol...

And also, this is only a side business, my main is selling insurance. I sell things all the time, *shrugs* can't help it if i serve from a sales perspective, but the list is a genuine list. Those are experiences and items that i have come across when in a public setting.

Sorry if my words seem too much "cut and paste" to you....

Wishes everyone well,
melanie

< Message edited by sextoygirlNY -- 9/23/2007 6:23:43 PM >

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RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 6:26:58 PM

BlackKnight

Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Soooo, Who's going to this bdsm fair in NC thei next weekend?
and is there any speacal etiquette there?

< Message edited by BlackKnight -- 9/23/2007 6:28:00 PM >

_____________________________

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Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

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Post #: 64

RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 6:28:49 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
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no body, you will be there alllllll by yourself....edited to add: i looked at the website...the only presenter i maybe recognized is Bo....and if he is who i think he is, he is totally drool worthy and looks really hot in leather pants and is really gay dammit....

sooooo, who's going to Beyond Vanilla next weekend?

lol

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 9/23/2007 6:32:58 PM >

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RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 6:33:38 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sextoygirlNY

Greetings Juletsierra and Bobkin...
Ok yeah you can make a joke but there are those who are helpers and those that are not. My thing is being a helper and teacher. So in my world yes i do try to help. In my experience it must be my personality or my bright smile but truthfully i can just be standing on the street corner minding my business and someone will come up to me and ask me for help about ANYTHING. Its a weird thing.
When i am at a gathering, i am not looking to be the helper or teacher, but i guess with my friendly smile, people will literally come up to me and say "Hi i am new, i am not too sure what to do, Can you help me??" Sure why not, i explain the rules, introduce them like a social butterfly, and make them feel welcome.

For juliet, sorry about your stalker problem. But please don't blame yourself for helping another, because in this case it didnt work, but in other cases you may have changed a person's life for the better...

For Bobkin,
yeah i sell sex toys...Got to LOVE IT!!! Woo hoo......As far as training manuel go...jeeze you make it sound like i am in a cult "WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU"......my training manual sucks...doesn't offer any pointers...lol...

And also, this is only a side business, my main is selling insurance. I sell things all the time, *shrugs* can't help it if i serve from a sales perspective, but the list is a genuine list. Those are experiences and items that i have come across when in a public setting.

Sorry if my words seem too much "cut and paste" to you....

Wishes everyone well,
melanie

And my apologies if my speculation disturbed you.

Such was not my intent.

< Message edited by Bobkgin -- 9/23/2007 6:34:41 PM >

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That you never really lived?

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Post #: 66

RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 7:27:29 PM

BlackKnight

Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

kitty, well I wasn't really interested in his drool value, uck, but, er, Thank you, now put that tongue away since you haven't put it where it belongs.

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to Bobkgin)

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Post #: 67

RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 7:32:13 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i was just trying to be helpful....soooo sorry you didn't appreciate it...ummm special ettiquite for something like that...if you can....find someone that looks "official" but helpful and confess "i'm a noob....and i am a little lost about social ettiquite....can you give me some pointers so i don't make an ass of myself" ....they really do appreciate that kind of thing

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:07:11 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

i understand what you are saying...but what i have seen happen is more if they do not know eachother's name (which is why i am assuming you would need to use the title Sir or Ma'am, because these are the reasons i would use Sir or Ma'am to just anyone, only two people these things, one of each, on a regular basis and even then i am comfortable using their names as well) of a just jump into conversation or introduction approach...and i am not sure if that makes any sense or of any way to explain it any better other than to just give some examples....
well i think the first is pretty self explanitory...they just start talking to eachother...
introduction approach...
"I didn't catch your name, my name is _________......"
or "I appologize, I forgot your name...."
or "Tell me your name again..."
at which point, they have a name to use, negating the need for the use of Sir or Ma'am...
there are times i feel it appropriate for me to do this...my mind set is not always in the place to do it at an event...

you still with me?
chelle

A day late, 4 dollars short, but I'm with you and why now does Enimen's "Hi My Name Is...." keep playing in my head?

It's Leather Week here in the Bay! Yay!

Z-

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RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:16:03 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
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damned inflation....

and as long as you don't walk up to someone and go "Hi my name is, hi my name is, hi my name is, slim shady" durring a leather event" i think everything will be good....lol...

edited: and hey! i responded an hour and 15 minutes later....

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 9/23/2007 9:17:21 PM >

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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Post #: 70

RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:18:00 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

damned inflation....

and as long as you don't walk up to someone and go "Hi my name is, hi my name is, hi my name is, slim shady" durring a leather event" i think everything will be good....lol...

edited: and hey! i responded an hour and 15 minutes later....

That could be a fun "starter game" for submissives, I don't know...I'm always trying to be creative

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Post #: 71

RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/23/2007 9:28:15 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sextoygirlNY

Greetings Juletsierra and Bobkin...
Ok yeah you can make a joke but there are those who are helpers and those that are not. My thing is being a helper and teacher. So in my world yes i do try to help. In my experience it must be my personality or my bright smile but truthfully i can just be standing on the street corner minding my business and someone will come up to me and ask me for help about ANYTHING. Its a weird thing.
When i am at a gathering, i am not looking to be the helper or teacher, but i guess with my friendly smile, people will literally come up to me and say "Hi i am new, i am not too sure what to do, Can you help me??" Sure why not, i explain the rules, introduce them like a social butterfly, and make them feel welcome.

For juliet, sorry about your stalker problem. But please don't blame yourself for helping another, because in this case it didnt work, but in other cases you may have changed a person's life for the better...

For Bobkin,
yeah i sell sex toys...Got to LOVE IT!!! Woo hoo......As far as training manuel go...jeeze you make it sound like i am in a cult "WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU"......my training manual sucks...doesn't offer any pointers...lol...

And also, this is only a side business, my main is selling insurance. I sell things all the time, *shrugs* can't help it if i serve from a sales perspective, but the list is a genuine list. Those are experiences and items that i have come across when in a public setting.

Sorry if my words seem too much "cut and paste" to you....

Wishes everyone well,
melanie

Who made a joke at your expense? I simply didn't agree that as rules for everyone (since you did say they should be posted at parties) that one was a good idea. While it is a fine thing for you, it is definitely not a good idea for me.

juliet

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Post #: 72