quote:

ORIGINAL: lashthatboy

i think that the reason that most subbie men concentrate only on the woman's kink is that most of us are so desperate for a partner that we can explore our submissive side with that we forget the rules of dating, decorum, etc....

i have learned to act slowly and remember that, just as i have interests outside of the lifestyle, so does any dominant female that i might encounter here or at a social. i have had better luck by toning down my approach and being willing to engage the total woman rather than just some fantasized version of a woman. it is also a question of fulfilling every need she has as well as the need to spank or dominate a man.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: ManOwner
Many of you have said things here that hit home with me so much, and I would really like to add quotes from you to my online profile. It would save about two weeks of conversation with each new male sub I meet.

<Make way for the buckets of cold water> As noted throughout these boards, males rarely attend to the contents of women's profiles. Why do you think that they'll read your profile?

~ Ti ~[/center]

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub

I'll give you my description of how I'd like to see things balance out. First of all, I believe both sides want something and this is not inappropriate. That's the best place to start. Next, "what" is it both sides want? If these two things will for the most part be satisfied then there's a working relationship at hand.

So, the best way to describe my ideal situation would be finding someone who's wants will fulfill my own and vice versa. I want to serve and be able to express my feelings through service without having to artificially plan it all out in advance. Therefore, I would like to meet someone who enjoys being served. Now, "service" can take a lot of forms so in time this will become more defined as we go along. For example, service could mean doing housework, it could mean being a companion, or it could mean being available for some specific BDSM activity. Obviously communication must take place but not with creating a map of events as the goal but rather to get to know what makes each other tick.

I think in a healthy arrangement this would become more and more apparent over time. We won't know everything about each other right away. Either of us might do something that hits a chord between us and we'll remember it or maybe it will fall flat and we'll remember that too. But eventually a picture will form of who we are both together and as individuals.

anthrosub

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Some subs will say anything to get a foot in the door, then either ask for more, or become passive aggressive (that's what he did -- went into a sulking, sullen mode and I had to pry it out of him that he was resentful that play was not an option).

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: sarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Some subs will say anything to get a foot in the door, then either ask for more, or become passive aggressive (that's what he did -- went into a sulking, sullen mode and I had to pry it out of him that he was resentful that play was not an option).

Akasha

I honestly don't see that ever changing. A lot of women have made it so difficult for even a sincere potential submissive to get a foot in the door that it doesn't surprise me that the less than sincere ones are willing to pretend to be something they aren't in hopes of achieving what they desire.

Personally, I've been a houseboy a few times in the past, and I've NEVER indicated that I didn't want to be part of the bdsm part of the situation/relationship/whatever. I would have been lying, and I most likely would have been disappointed before being booted to the door. That doesn't mean that I haven't been in houseboy situations where there was almost ZERO bdsm interaction. It was actually the social dynamic involving the first real slavery situation I ended up in. She was quite satisfied to keep me as her houseboy with very little play involved, knowing that the attention she was giving me was more than wonderful to me, although she knew I would have killed for anything more. Then she ended up with a submissive who promised to be exactly what you were describing in your post, and I think she thought maybe it was possible to find what I was to her AS WELL as someone not after anything else. Well, it took her about two hours to realize this guy was really pushing buttons just to get attention and then she threw him out. She then came down to the floor where I was cleaning and told me she was going to be making me her full time slave. Then she walked out and left me to continue cleaning.

I don't think doing what that guy did would ever be worth the effort. Even now, when I don't even have a play partner and haven't done a single bdsm thing in over 8 years, I couldn't do that.

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I don't think femdoms have made it difficult for subs. Don't blame the women.

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ORIGINAL: neosub11

quote:

I don't think femdoms have made it difficult for subs. Don't blame the women.

I wouldn't quite say that. Especially when there's so many "Dommes" on this site who misrepresent who they are, or aren't really Dommes at all, or who ask for certain things, and then when a sub comes along and, in a respectful, non-demanding manner, says that he feels he can meet the bill, doesn't even get a response!

Granted, I am not putting all the blame on the Dommes, because there are plenty of male subs, or "subs" out there who speak before they think, who lie, who are dishonest about what they want. My point is that there are MANY Dommes who do that too, and just because they hold the Dominant position in the BDSM power structure doesn't excuse them from doing something that's wrong. I have personal experience with Dommes that were flat-out liars (including one that I discovered to be underage), who steal each other's profiles, who have posted two or three different profiles with different names/locations but who magically all have the same e-mail address, who were "straight" one day and "lesbian" the next, who began what seemed like the makings of some sort of D/s relationship on an online level (talking every night, getting to know each other's interests and lives in and out of the lifestyle) and even going as far as to say they would be interested in me serving them, then disappearing one or two days later (and taking their profile with them). That and so much more that I can't even think of now.

I just wish that more Dommes would understand that there are some genuine subs out there that, for whatever reason, just can't find what they want, even if they are making all the necessary steps and aren't just saying stupid things like "hey can u spank me?". Hopefully, one can understand how someone feels if they are searching for a long, long time, even for a brief while experienced something which they even enjoyed (and their partner enjoyed too), lost it (due to factors outside of their control), began looking again, and looking, and looking, and looking, continuously refining their methods and their skills, continuing to learn about the lifestyle, improving the way they present themselves to Dommes, following advice, doing all the right things, and have had no success to show for it. If anyone (Domme, sub, switch, none of the above) can put themselves in the aforementioned person's shoes, then they will understand the frustration instead of making blanket statements that don't apply to everyone.

quote:

By helping a few subs re-package themselves online and by weeding out the married cheaters, fibbers and others as best I could, it narrowed the pool considerably enough that the subs actually stood out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: neosub11

quote:

By helping a few subs re-package themselves online and by weeding out the married cheaters, fibbers and others as best I could, it narrowed the pool considerably enough that the subs actually stood out.

That sounds like a noble idea (and I'm curious to know what exactly you did), however, just as there are cheaters, fibbers and other flat-out liars among subs, the same thing exists among Dommes as well...or when I say Dommes, I mean the users on sites like Collarme who refer to themselves as such, whether they really are or not.

It's frustrating when you know genuinely who you are, have followed good advice, and still have gotten absolutely nowhere. It's even more frustrating when/if they get attacked for it (as sometimes seems to be the case throughout various threads on here). The generalization of subs' problems and attitudes (by Dommes) is not a good thing (and vice versa).

quote:

ORIGINAL: neosub11
just as there are cheaters, fibbers and other flat-out liars among subs, the same thing exists among Dommes as well...or when I say Dommes, I mean the users on sites like Collarme who refer to themselves as such, whether they really are or not.

It's frustrating when you know genuinely who you are, have followed good advice, and still have gotten absolutely nowhere.