RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner

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QueenRah -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/13/2005 6:57:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: neosub11 quote: By helping a few subs re-package themselves online and by weeding out the married cheaters, fibbers and others as best I could, it narrowed the pool considerably enough that the subs actually stood out. That sounds like a noble idea (and I'm curious to know what exactly you did), however, just as there are cheaters, fibbers and other flat-out liars among subs, the same thing exists among Dommes as well...or when I say Dommes, I mean the users on sites like Collarme who refer to themselves as such, whether they really are or not. It's frustrating when you know genuinely who you are, have followed good advice, and still have gotten absolutely nowhere. It's even more frustrating when/if they get attacked for it (as sometimes seems to be the case throughout various threads on here). The generalization of subs' problems and attitudes (by Dommes) is not a good thing (and vice versa). neosub, I have just read your profile and you seem like a very good candidate for subhood. Sometimes, it's simply a matter of being at the right location at the right time. I find it interesting (and quite sad) that you are experiencing the other side of the same coin as so many of the more articulate, honest, straightforward Dominatrices - The title of your dilemma could be "malesubs cant find a decent Female Dominant." Sad to say, there are posers in every walk of life. Few people are truly strong enough in themselves to remain constant. Few people are aware enough of themselves, their motivations and their convictions to "lay it all on the table" for another person to view who they really are, let alone scrutinize. Don't give up. It's difficult trying to maintain patience and hope, but there's always the possibility tomorrow holds. (Kee-rist! Don't that sound like a hallmark card?) QueenRah

sarbonn -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/13/2005 8:47:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: sarbonn quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Some subs will say anything to get a foot in the door, then either ask for more, or become passive aggressive (that's what he did -- went into a sulking, sullen mode and I had to pry it out of him that he was resentful that play was not an option). Akasha I honestly don't see that ever changing. A lot of women have made it so difficult for even a sincere potential submissive to get a foot in the door that it doesn't surprise me that the less than sincere ones are willing to pretend to be something they aren't in hopes of achieving what they desire. Personally, I've been a houseboy a few times in the past, and I've NEVER indicated that I didn't want to be part of the bdsm part of the situation/relationship/whatever. I would have been lying, and I most likely would have been disappointed before being booted to the door. That doesn't mean that I haven't been in houseboy situations where there was almost ZERO bdsm interaction. It was actually the social dynamic involving the first real slavery situation I ended up in. She was quite satisfied to keep me as her houseboy with very little play involved, knowing that the attention she was giving me was more than wonderful to me, although she knew I would have killed for anything more. Then she ended up with a submissive who promised to be exactly what you were describing in your post, and I think she thought maybe it was possible to find what I was to her AS WELL as someone not after anything else. Well, it took her about two hours to realize this guy was really pushing buttons just to get attention and then she threw him out. She then came down to the floor where I was cleaning and told me she was going to be making me her full time slave. Then she walked out and left me to continue cleaning. I don't think doing what that guy did would ever be worth the effort. Even now, when I don't even have a play partner and haven't done a single bdsm thing in over 8 years, I couldn't do that. Assuming that you managed to never hint that you did wish for some bdsm interaction, and you never did pout or become passive aggressive, if the femdom still knew that you wanted more and would have "killed" for anything more, how could she continue to ignore those needs? It's really a no win situation. If she sincerely cares for the sub and wants him to be happy and satisfied, at some point she's going to feel some sense of obligation (unless she is truly selfish and as for the sub -- could take him or leave him at any given moment -- and, he was truly replacable and not special). At some point it's going to wear on her sense of ethics and kindness. How could it not? I don't think femdoms have made it difficult for subs. Don't blame the women. Akasha I didn't blame the women. Sounds like you read someone else's post and then responded to mine. Or just read the first sentence and then somehow made that the response topic. I put the blame solely where it belongs, with the guys attempting to achieve something they shouldn't be attempting, kind of mucking it up for everyone else. Then again, it's not like that's really all that new a phenomenon. Guys have been messing it up for guys since guys have existed.

TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/13/2005 8:55:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy Guess we'll have to label ourselves mutual-admiration-society-effete-intellectual-snob-theoretical-elitists!?!?! (Does that qualify as a kink?) LMBO. quote: ORIGINAL: pollux Kink, no. Kinky acronym, yes. MASEISTE ......... MAITESSE? Hmmmmm...... You wouldn't be trying to hint that I don't know how to spell Maitesse, would you? If so, 30 lashes with a wet noodle! You're the one who decided it was an acronym! ~ Ti ~

tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/14/2005 11:12:21 AM)
I am finding that many submissives are only concerned w/ their kink and indeed we Dommes seem to be interchangeable,ecspecially when they are pain sluts.

tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/14/2005 11:22:59 AM)
lolol, omg, i love this thread. I just had a r/t end w/ one of those needy-greedy bottoms.yes indeed and when i needed,lol, well never mind,its all in the forums.

tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/14/2005 11:25:43 AM)
my bottom was training me b/c i was his perfect fit,lol, yin to yang,yada yada and so on.I bought it all,then it went bust b/c another dream girl caught his eye. So now I have discovered that indeed I am a Domme and not a switch and its like where the hell does one go from here.

JohnWarren -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/14/2005 12:22:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tarnishedhalo777 I am finding that many submissives are only concerned w/ their kink and indeed we Dommes seem to be interchangeable,ecspecially when they are pain sluts. Isn't just Dommes. We Doms get that too. I've got a basic mantra: "I am not a lifesupport system for a whip."

neosub11 -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/14/2005 12:48:23 PM)
quote: I am finding that many submissives are only concerned w/ their kink and indeed we Dommes seem to be interchangeable,ecspecially when they are pain sluts. That's probably true, and it's unfortunate that many male "subs" do things that lead to the mistrust that exists between Dommes and prospective subs, whether they are truly sincere or not. I'll just say that in my case, I don't see a Domme as interchangeable. I don't e-mail every Domme I see on this or other sites, not even everyone from my region, or even everyone from my age group. I look at a profile carefully before making a judgment, and quite often, if I start talking to someone and realize that it is they who aren't serious (which has happened many times), for my own protection, I stop talking to them. That's also a reason why I don't see Pro Dommes anymore, and I don't mean this as an insult to the many fine Pro-Dommes out there, because I respect what they do. It's just a matter of preference for me as well as means (money...as a student, I could hardly afford to regularly see one). It's a different type of relationship and dynamic and after trying it, I discovered it wasn't what I was seeking.

QueenRah -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/14/2005 6:16:04 PM)
Many heartfelt thanks to the Lady who shared her reply to petitioners who live unreasonably far away. (Something to the effect of, "Great! Glad to hear you want to serve ME and only ME. I'll pick you up at the airport at 5.") And I'll say what others say, sure you can quote me, just remember where you got it. (Re: "needy-greedy bottoms") Ta! RAH

actingup -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/14/2005 7:06:36 PM)
It is so hard to connect with someone...online...it is not personal...and that is how people bond......getting to know someone one on one...talking hearing their voice..getting to know them and to trust the. Trusting each other . The problem is that there are to many fakes...people just need to stop playing games....Thank you...for allowing me to repond.

pilot4029 -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/16/2005 9:29:31 AM)
i currently roleplay with a dominant woman online and found it quite exciting to actually enter into a dom/sub role. We exchanged e-mails to begin with, before coming anywhere near to roleplay and this helped establish groundrules. However i refused to become a simpering sub 24/7 - there's no way I'd enjoy that and i figured my Mistress would get annoyed pretty quickly. It's amazing how far the odd amusing comment will go, to lighten a role play or just in general conversation. I figured that if she found it amusing then she would be having fun and that would be good. If she got deeply offended and decided to throw me off her Messenger well then cest la vie. I've only caused her wrath once, for not obeying orders exactly, so i apologised, we re-established rules and moved on. I'd love to date a dominant woman, but would hate to think i'd spend every five seconds thinking about grovelling in front of her. Technically i suppose i'm a switch, but it shouldn't be the be all and end all of a relationship, being friendly towards each other can work wonders for both partners getting what they want. Just my thoughts :)

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/16/2005 10:16:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pilot4029 i currently roleplay with a dominant woman online and found it quite exciting to actually enter into a dom/sub role. We exchanged e-mails to begin with, before coming anywhere near to roleplay and this helped establish groundrules. However i refused to become a simpering sub 24/7 - there's no way I'd enjoy that and i figured my Mistress would get annoyed pretty quickly. I'd suggest a lot more reading and meeting dealing with people in real life instead of from computer chair; because your characterization of a simpering sub 24/7 is something that happens almost 100% of the time on the internet/movies, not real life. In real life, people realize there are issues to be discussed, and work to be done, and most fem doms (they'll correct me if I'm wrong) cannot stand men who approach them with this type of thinking (can I worship you sight unseen, or I want to be naked in a collar 24hours/day for you Ma'am, isn't that wonderful of me as a servant). M

LadyofLight -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/16/2005 5:03:12 PM)
I DO have so much to LEARN.

LadyofLight -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/16/2005 5:09:56 PM)
Just experienced 1.a and 2 d. all in one.

TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/16/2005 6:26:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: QueenRah ...sure you can quote me, just remember where you got it. (Re: "needy-greedy bottoms") That's such a great phrase! I "quoted" you because you used it in this thread. So, I thought people who were only skimming posts might enjoy backtracking to read your post. In actuality, "needy/greedy" floats on the lingo consciousness continuum. Try Googling it and you'll likely come up with everything from song lyrics to stage reviews. Here's an example from a piece of online erotica: << With a couple licks of my tongue, I could tell this guy was a Bottom and a needy/greedy Bottom at that. >> BTW, it sits on a page that's an example of the worst color choices conceivable. I have to wonder if whoever set up this page never bothered to do color calibrations for his/her monitor (A Night at the Tubs) If ever there's a perfect example of how to NOT color online text, that page gets my nomination. ~ Ti ~

TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/16/2005 7:16:05 PM)
I apologize for being tardy in cross-posting to this. Too much to say. Too many people to say it to. quote: ORIGINAL: Steve/Euryanx It's tempting to consider having two relationships... the wife and the Mistress... but that smacks of dishonesty and cheating and everything i want to avoid. Makes you wonder how to reconcile all of this... Tried to find your other post -- thought it was on this thread -- regarding your incentive in getting involved with the Message Boards in the first place. Rather than plod through every page, it's simpler to paraphrase. Lemme know if I've misconstrued your motivation. As I recall, Steve, you said that you're working on a need to figure out if you can find an all-in-one package, so to speak, to meet your submissive needs. Is that correct? Here's what confuses me: Are you saying you're pondering "renouncing" (for lack of a better word) bisexuality? (I don’t understand how someone could toss aside a need that’s prevailed for the entirety of one’s adult life – possibly longer.) If not, won't you always need a minimum of two people to fulfill your life's erotic aspects? One reason (there are several) my profile stipulates that my houseboy must be heterosexual is because I'm seeking a life partner, not a transient relationship. Since it will be a one-on-one libidinal interaction, for the most part, I can't fulfill the needs of someone who gets his rocks off sex with guys. (Lord knows how many contacts I've received from bi guys who think because I have a male partner, they've got it made in the shade. If only they'd bother to read what I wrote!) Accordingly, no matter how well matched you (or a clone of you) and I might be cognitively / emotionally / libidinally, I would never accept you as more than a Platonic alliance. Why? Sooner or later, you'll feel a void. You'd be left with two choices: asking for release or trying to sneak behind my back. Keeping that in mind, how can a relationship with a dominant female, and only a dominant female, ever be totally fulfilling for you? Wouldn't that female always need to make allowances for you to drop your drawers for men, or at least be into threesomes, where you get to play with another guy? ~ Ti ~

mnottertail -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/16/2005 10:12:32 PM)
TiNeedsHouseboy : quote: libidinally, I got my ass busted on that word last week. I am going to get my ass busted; right here; right now; ... probably. But I am gonna ask this. When you truely consider, I mean ponder this; submission is a gift, (I have been told). My question is WTF? While I am enamored, then what is domination.................... That is really the WTF I am soliciting opinion on . ??? Ron

onceburned -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 12:47:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail When you truely consider, I mean ponder this; submission is a gift, (I have been told). My question is WTF? Here are some threads from the past month which have addressed this topic: The Domly Gift Why do so many view submission as a gift? Do you consider your submission to someone a gift? Gift or Not....

pilot4029 -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 1:11:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig I'd suggest a lot more reading and meeting dealing with people in real life instead of from computer chair; because your characterization of a simpering sub 24/7 is something that happens almost 100% of the time on the internet/movies, not real life. In real life, people realize there are issues to be discussed, and work to be done, and most fem doms (they'll correct me if I'm wrong) cannot stand men who approach them with this type of thinking (can I worship you sight unseen, or I want to be naked in a collar 24hours/day for you Ma'am, isn't that wonderful of me as a servant). M Oh yes, i appreciate that my position is purely from an online basis, sorry I should have qualified my statement by saying that before. Otherwise i agree with you completely, it should always be about communication. :)

TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 1:40:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TiNeedsHouseboy: libidinally .............................. Ron/mnottertail replied: I got my ass busted on that word last week. Say what? I use it regularly. How can one not use it when talking about BDSM's psychological mechanisms? Except for a few buffoons who are threatened by vocabulary with more than one syllable, I haven't heard a peep about my use of libidinally. (Kreikey! That's five whole syllables. The linguistically challenged buffoons must be plotzing.) Then again, I grasp the distinction between sex and libido. People commonly mistake the two as synonymous. What did you say and how did you get your ass busted? ~ Ti ~

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