RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (Full Version)

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mnottertail -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 10:38:39 AM)

I was told it was libidinous (grammer nazis, don't you know)

But nonetheless, I find some of you here in the Female Domme/Domina/Master side very interesting to read.

Being a one-way jerk most of my life your side of the equation never entered my sphere of ponderance.

It is fascinating to see You alls take on things.

still learning something..........

Sincerely,
Ron



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 10:48:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I was told it was libidinous (grammer nazis, don't you know)



Libidinous would be the adjective form, Libidinally would be the adverb form.

His car was a libidinous manifestation of his insecurity.

She walked slowly, libidinally, and purposefully to my table.

Taggard



Angrylibrarian -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 11:01:25 AM)

I must agree with Taggard, and thus to a certain degree Pollux. I'm in close contact with two dominant women who are looking for submissives and they do seem to be looking for their dream man without a submissives overt weakness (and in some cases feminization) who turns all that of when he steps through the door to serve.

That’s cool for them but it also seems to mean a lot of perfectly good men with overly submissive tendencies get rejected outright by women who ought to look closer. Just my opinion though. I'm the opposite side of the spectrum. Different species.



mnottertail -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 11:24:41 AM)

Not having the energetic wherewithal to look it up at the time, I accepted the bust.

Perhaps I should not have cried Mea Culpa

Thanks Taggard

Ron



SweetDommes -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 11:29:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Angrylibrarian
without a submissives overt weakness (and in some cases feminization)


Submissives do not automatically have an "overt weakness." Submissive does NOT equal weak, or lesser in any way. The problem is that too many people see it how you do, including most submissives that we've talked to over the last few years. They think that just because they have submissive urges that it makes them weaker, or less of a person/man - and it's just not true. It takes a great deal of personal strength to admit, not only to themselves, but to others, that they are submissive and willing to go for what they want, so how does that make them weak in any way? I'm not talking about those who feel themselves worthless so they must be submissive because that absolves them of personal responsibility (and there are plenty of of those).

Personally, some of the strongest people I know are submissives - both male and female. And of course, I'm not talking physical strength, but strength of personality - a sense of knowing exactly who and what they are. Unfortunately, they are not all compatable with us - but knowing that and being able to accept it is part of that personal strength that I'm talking about. They know who they are and what they are looking for - and are willing to accept nothing less, even if it means continuing to look. There is absolutely nothing "weak" about that.



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 11:35:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
Submissive does NOT equal weak, or lesser in any way.


It does, however, mean below (as in submarine or subway). To place oneself below another can indeed be seen as a sign of weakness, espcially in a pack like society.

While I agree in generaly with what you wrote, I think that male submissive do indeed often come off weak when they try to place themselves below a female dominant. I think this does indeed turn many female dominants off.

In reality, I think most female domiants want a male slave, not a male submisives. Slaves do not have to place themselves below anyone...

Taggard



SweetDommes -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 11:41:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
It does, however, mean below (as in submarine or subway). To place oneself below another can indeed be seen as a sign of weakness, espcially in a pack like society.



I'm well aware of the etymology of the word - but below still does not mean weak. A foundation is below a building, but without it, the building will collapse - it's important that it be just as strong as the rest of the building. To us, it is important that our boys be just as strong as we are, as a building's foundation must be strong.

And again, having the courage to admit that they are submissive takes a lot of strength- especially around people who have the midset of "submissive = bad" when it comes to males.



Angrylibrarian -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 11:42:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes


quote:

ORIGINAL: Angrylibrarian
without a submissives overt weakness (and in some cases feminization)


Submissives do not automatically have an "overt weakness." Submissive does NOT equal weak, or lesser in any way.

didnt meant to imply they do - Angry

The problem is that too many people see it how you do, (No I don't) including most submissives that we've talked to over the last few years. (Whose we?) They think that just because they have submissive urges that it makes them weaker, or less of a person/man - and it's just not true. It takes a great deal of personal strength to admit, not only to themselves, but to others, that they are submissive and willing to go for what they want, so how does that make them weak in any way? I'm not talking about those who feel themselves worthless so they must be submissive because that absolves them of personal responsibility (and there are plenty of of those). (Guess thats what Im talking about then)
Personally, some of the strongest people I know are submissives - both male and female. And of course, I'm not talking physical strength, but strength of personality - a sense of knowing exactly who and what they are. Unfortunately, they are not all compatable with us - but knowing that and being able to accept it is part of that personal strength that I'm talking about. They know who they are and what they are looking for - and are willing to accept nothing less, even if it means continuing to look. There is absolutely nothing "weak" about that.


Actually I meant submissive men who come in the door strip off their clothes are wearing womens panties beg to be dressed in nylons and cry at the drop of the hat and begin to lose their social skills. Perhaps I should have ommitted the word 'submissive' from 'submissives overt weakness" and put instead. "women don't like big pussies" . sometimes the more blunt wording is more accurate. Of course I am glad you stepped in to defend submissives with iron rails in their spines cause they are very sensitive. :)



SweetDommes -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 11:55:31 AM)

"We" is my girlfriend and myself.

I'm glad that you didn't intend that to sound how it did.

And I'm not really defending submissives - I'm trying to break a stereotype. I honestly think that a lot of guys act the way they do because they think it is expected.



AAkasha -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 1:29:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes


quote:

ORIGINAL: Angrylibrarian
without a submissives overt weakness (and in some cases feminization)


Submissives do not automatically have an "overt weakness." Submissive does NOT equal weak, or lesser in any way. The problem is that too many people see it how you do, including most submissives that we've talked to over the last few years. They think that just because they have submissive urges that it makes them weaker, or less of a person/man - and it's just not true. It takes a great deal of personal strength to admit, not only to themselves, but to others, that they are submissive and willing to go for what they want, so how does that make them weak in any way? I'm not talking about those who feel themselves worthless so they must be submissive because that absolves them of personal responsibility (and there are plenty of of those).

Personally, some of the strongest people I know are submissives - both male and female. And of course, I'm not talking physical strength, but strength of personality - a sense of knowing exactly who and what they are. Unfortunately, they are not all compatable with us - but knowing that and being able to accept it is part of that personal strength that I'm talking about. They know who they are and what they are looking for - and are willing to accept nothing less, even if it means continuing to look. There is absolutely nothing "weak" about that.


I think a great deal of the problem is based on Femdom porn. Men have an ideal in their head, based on what they have read and seen in porn, of "how it is supposed to be." At the same time, I think women who are attracted to dominance develop and explore their tendencies in a realistic way and are searching for something beyond what the porn portrays.

Men get programmed to think that they should behave in that ultra submissive worm mode and that the woman should behave in accordance to the femdom persona. I'd like to think that if they made "femdom porn" for women it would feature a confident, sensual woman and a self confident man she seduces and brings into submission and you see it as an erotic transformation and actually see that there *was* in fact a power exchange. This is quite different from the gimp in the leather mask that comes crawling into the room in scene ONE.

Men need to be reprogrammed. Most of them realize, after experiences with a few "real life" femdoms, that it's actually much better in the real world, minus the silly roles and lame behavior, and then when appropriate levels of fetish and toys are introduced it's exciting and erotic. Some men, however, will never really click with that; they really want the fetish, the fantasy, *and* the problem is that what flips their switch *is* to behave like that whining, worthless worm -- out of the gate.

What furthers this disconnect is pro domination to some extent. But only in cases where a guy sees pros for so long, he is used to that kind of scene and behavior and sees it as the ideal. Now, what makes it even more complicated, in my opinion, is that "new" femdoms who are learning and exploring come into it, and they see these cliche femdom behaviors online (pro ads, or web sites, or money-hunters with fake profiles) and think that's what they are supposed to "do" to attract a submissive partner so they can begin to explore in real life.

There are elements of the cliche "dominatrix" that many of us enjoy, I think -- don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the whole persona is a joke. But I think men get too involved in that ideal and structure and it's too unreasonable. And when it comes to trying to get an open minded vanilla woman interested, those cliches are a sure-fire way to get her turned off.

Akasha



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 1:37:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I think a great deal of the problem is based on Femdom porn. Men have an ideal in their head, based on what they have read and seen in porn, of "how it is supposed to be." At the same time, I think women who are attracted to dominance develop and explore their tendencies in a realistic way and are searching for something beyond what the porn portrays.


Or, perhaps, that porn comes out of the actual desires of submissive men. Do you think they would produce the stuff if people weren't buying it?


quote:


Men get programmed to think that they should behave in that ultra submissive worm mode and that the woman should behave in accordance to the femdom persona.


Or, perhaps, some men actually like to behave in that ultra submissive worm mode and want a woman that behaves in accordance to the femdom persona.

quote:


I'd like to think that if they made "femdom porn" for women it would feature a confident, sensual woman and a self confident man she seduces and brings into submission and you see it as an erotic transformation and actually see that there *was* in fact a power exchange.


Women don't buy a lot of porn, so the odds of seeing that are pretty small.

quote:


Men need to be reprogrammed.


Ummm...ok...good luck with that.

quote:


Some men, however, will never really click with that; they really want the fetish, the fantasy, *and* the problem is that what flips their switch *is* to behave like that whining, worthless worm -- out of the gate.


How dare they want some silly fantasy...who are they to have their own kinks and desires??? Fetish??? Fantasy??? WTF???


quote:


But only in cases where a guy sees pros for so long, he is used to that kind of scene and behavior and sees it as the ideal.


Or, perhaps, for him it is the ideal.


quote:


Now, what makes it even more complicated, in my opinion, is that "new" femdoms who are learning and exploring come into it, and they see these cliche femdom behaviors online (pro ads, or web sites, or money-hunters with fake profiles) and think that's what they are supposed to "do" to attract a submissive partner so they can begin to explore in real life.


Or, perhaps, that is what they enjoy doing.


quote:


And when it comes to trying to get an open minded vanilla woman interested, those cliches are a sure-fire way to get her turned off.


Yeah...revealing polyamorous desires will have much the same effect. That doesn't mean they are wrong or silly or untenable.

Taggard



AAkasha -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 1:45:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I think a great deal of the problem is based on Femdom porn. Men have an ideal in their head, based on what they have read and seen in porn, of "how it is supposed to be." At the same time, I think women who are attracted to dominance develop and explore their tendencies in a realistic way and are searching for something beyond what the porn portrays.


Or, perhaps, that porn comes out of the actual desires of submissive men. Do you think they would produce the stuff if people weren't buying it?


quote:


Men get programmed to think that they should behave in that ultra submissive worm mode and that the woman should behave in accordance to the femdom persona.


Or, perhaps, some men actually like to behave in that ultra submissive worm mode and want a woman that behaves in accordance to the femdom persona.

quote:


I'd like to think that if they made "femdom porn" for women it would feature a confident, sensual woman and a self confident man she seduces and brings into submission and you see it as an erotic transformation and actually see that there *was* in fact a power exchange.


Women don't buy a lot of porn, so the odds of seeing that are pretty small.

quote:


Men need to be reprogrammed.


Ummm...ok...good luck with that.

quote:


Some men, however, will never really click with that; they really want the fetish, the fantasy, *and* the problem is that what flips their switch *is* to behave like that whining, worthless worm -- out of the gate.


How dare they want some silly fantasy...who are they to have their own kinks and desires??? Fetish??? Fantasy??? WTF???


quote:


But only in cases where a guy sees pros for so long, he is used to that kind of scene and behavior and sees it as the ideal.


Or, perhaps, for him it is the ideal.


quote:


Now, what makes it even more complicated, in my opinion, is that "new" femdoms who are learning and exploring come into it, and they see these cliche femdom behaviors online (pro ads, or web sites, or money-hunters with fake profiles) and think that's what they are supposed to "do" to attract a submissive partner so they can begin to explore in real life.


Or, perhaps, that is what they enjoy doing.


quote:


And when it comes to trying to get an open minded vanilla woman interested, those cliches are a sure-fire way to get her turned off.


Yeah...revealing polyamorous desires will have much the same effect. That doesn't mean they are wrong or silly or untenable.

Taggard


Of course it is produced because it is what men want. It's produced BY men FOR men.

If a man wants to submit to a real woman who enjoys domination, he has to adjust his expectations. Most femdoms don't like catering to a man's fantasies.

As for changing a sub's unrealistic expectations - it works well, if they want the real thing. And as for subs introducing it to vanilla wives minus the cheesy stereotypes -- I've seen great success there when they changed their approach.

If he's looking for what the ideal is (as defined by men, for men) he can always go see a pro.

Akasha



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 1:51:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
If a man wants to submit to a real woman who enjoys domination, he has to adjust his expectations.


Or find a woman who enjoys dominating men the way he enjoys being dominated. There is a lid for every pot.

quote:


Most femdoms don't like catering to a man's fantasies.


At least not for free. *wink*

quote:


As for changing a sub's unrealistic expectations - it works well, if they want the real thing. And as for subs introducing it to vanilla wives minus the cheesy stereotypes -- I've seen great success there when they changed their approach.


Of course. Compromise has worked for centuries. He gives up getting exactly what he wants and gets enough to satisfy his desires. Some aren't willing to give up anything, and I say, more power to them.

quote:


If he's looking for what the ideal is (as defined by men, for men) he can always go see a pro.


Or he can keep looking until he finds that rare breed of dominant woman that wants what he has to offer, without having to pay her.

Taggard



UtopianRanger -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 2:53:19 PM)

quote:

While I agree in generaly with what you wrote, I think that male submissive do indeed often come off weak when they try to place themselves below a female dominant. I think this does indeed turn many female dominants off.


Really? I think those dominant females need to come out more often and watch guys like me play intramural league B ball - Because I'm as mean as Charles Barkley. *wink*


- The Ranger



Iamcurious -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 4:39:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty



In reality, I think most female domiants want a male slave, not a male submisives. Slaves do not have to place themselves below anyone...



i dont completely understand what u say here, taggard...would u mind elaborating please?...



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 5:32:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

quote:

While I agree in generaly with what you wrote, I think that male submissive do indeed often come off weak when they try to place themselves below a female dominant. I think this does indeed turn many female dominants off.


Really? I think those dominant females need to come out more often and watch guys like me play intramural league B ball - Because I'm as mean as Charles Barkley. *wink*



But, obviously, you're not placing yourself below anyone when you play b-ball.

Taggard



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/17/2005 5:36:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamcurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty



In reality, I think most female domiants want a male slave, not a male submisives. Slaves do not have to place themselves below anyone...



i dont completely understand what u say here, taggard...would u mind elaborating please?...


My response hinges on understanding my use of the words submissive and slave. A slave is one who is wired to be owned and obey their Master/Mistress not because they are weaker or lower, but because they are owned. A submissive is one that wants to be dominated either physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially.

Slaves place themselves in bondage, while submissives place themselves in an inferior position. Often, for a physically superior male, this means throwing off all showings of strength and even masculinity.

Not many agree with my definitions of things, so it isn't surprising it doesn't make a lot of sense on the surface.

Taggard



UtopianRanger -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/18/2005 2:52:21 AM)

Yanno...I get the distinct feeling that you think deep down, all women want to be dominated, no mater what the disposition.



- The Ranger



DrkAngl -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/18/2005 6:18:51 AM)

I find it amusing when men message me saying they could make my life easier. (and it's stated on my profile that I'm just here to chat.) Wonder what they would say or do if they actually met my Autistic son who has a violent aggressive outburst at the drop of a hat. I bet a bit of dodging flying objects, biting, hitting, etc. and they would immediately understand why I'm not looking for anyone right now. I've got my hands full.

When they find out that BDSM isn't always about getting yourself off, that's when they go on their way. I know some Dommes do not engage in sex at all, while some will. Most men are merely looking for kinky sex or a needed visual stimuli to mastrabate.

Then you have those men that are so into the BDSM magazines and movies that they think all Dommes should be model thin. Got news for them, this is the real world, not the movies. Most women today are full figured, which doesn't mean fat either, it means we've got curves. :)




TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Femdoms can't find a decent male partner (8/18/2005 8:16:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger
Yanno...I get the distinct feeling that you think deep down, all women want to be dominated, no mater what the disposition.


Nope, some actually don't want that. Most do want a partner with whom they can feel supported, nurtured, and, in some ways, protected (or at least know that they have someone who will do their fair share in any dangerous prediciment). I think that is, in many way, biological.

Taggard



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