ChicagoSwitchMal
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Joined: 9/9/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: windchymes
quote:
ORIGINAL: ChicagoSwitchMal
quote:
ORIGINAL: windchymes
I think the bottom line of this story isn't that she's older, or Polish, or has wrinkles or whatever. The bottom line is that your subconscious is telling you that there's something not to be trusted about this woman, since you have doubts about her story. You could have these same doubts for someone younger, the same age as you, older, whatever.
I would focus on WHY you feel these doubts, instead of trying to explain them away by citing her age and your past track record with "older women". You're trying to convince yourself that you should ignore these "warnings" that your inner voice is trying to tell you so that you can have sex with her with a clear conscience.
My doubts about her story have their roots in being lied to by other married women. I currently don't know her well enough to 'trust' her yet as trust is earned, not issued at 1st glance for me. I also stated that I had erroniously cut off older women when I should have cut off MARRIED women. That was the reason for tying together the older women 'track record'. It's an admission of where I was wrong.
There are no "warnings" as you say. She has not done or said anything to lead to mistrust. Am I to blame or attribute to this women the actions and lies or myself or others in the past? I think thats pretty unfair to her and to myself for that matter. I also don't really understand why you say I am just trying to have sex with her with a clear conscious. Do I want to have sex with her? Hell yes! But I don't need to clear my conscious of anything to do so. I'm not sure what you're getting at.
When I started this thread I expected all sorts of reactions. Some supportive, some critisisms, some humor - etc, and that's fine. but I don't see how your post relates to the topic at all.
Well, perhaps it was the title of your thread Oh no. I’m falling for another older woman!
And the statement I’ve been with four signifigantly older women.
And I should have known better by 30. I had it coming. I swore off older women. They’ve been nothing but problems.
So now, "another older woman" comes along who you, following your lifelong pattern, are attracted to again. Instead of heeding the warnings in your head about possibly repeating mistakes you say you made in your past, you now say this particular 50-year-old is not old to me. She’s weathered by experience and each line in her face tells a story. I am fascinated by her.
But, I’m worried that all or part of her life’s story (including the part about being widowed) is a lie. I’m pretty sure she is not kinky but the subject hasn’t come up yet. If so that’s going to be a frustration for me for obvious reasons. I’m also worried that her concerns over the age difference will result in her deciding not to pursue a relationship with me.
So, you decided it wasn't older women that were trouble, it was married ones. But yet, this one is telling your she's single, but you're worried that she's lying about that, because she's older.
SOMETHING is making you uneasy about the situation. If it was ME, and I was basing an uneasy feeling on my past experiences, then I would walk away from the situation. It does not sound as though you are doing that. Instead, it sounds like you are trying to find a way to have this woman without being responsible for your decision if it does go sour. To you, it's going to be her fault for either being older or married or not kinky.
What I read in your original post is "not my fault, not my fault, not my fault, it's those damn older, no married, no older, no married, no not married but might be lying, women". What pertains to your post is that maybe you should listen to your instincts based on your past experiences, as you say, that are telling you this might be a bad situation. Learn from your mistakes, don't keep repeating them. If you can't trust someone, no matter what the reason for it, then you shouldn't enter into a relationship with them. Don't look for reasons to justify it and/or excuses for why it didn't work out.
Does it make more sense now?
No actually it doesn't. If you read what I said in response to others posts you'd see I have taken full responsibility for my actions. I never said, not my fault. I said this weekend I realized I was wrong for blaming older women when it was my dating married women was the problem. If my post was about anything it was about the uncertainty and hope of entering a new relationship. For me that's a good thing becuase it's been a long time since I was hopeful enough about a new relationship to even have these feelings. I really think you are reading way to much into this. But you opinion is your opinion and you have the right to have it. If anyone agrees with all or part of what windchymes says I'd be happy for those thoughts too.
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RE: Oh no. I’m falling for another older woman! - 
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Still though I feel compelled to clarify my meaning. 
I also DONT KNOW if she's kinky or not. I hope she is. But I think that would be a concern for anyone on this forum who meets someone in a vanilla setting, really digs them, and the topic hasn't come up.
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