RE: 18 years old (Full Version)

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ShadeDiva -> RE: 18 years old (7/5/2004 6:51:35 PM)

Yeah DragonofJapan's post was laced with a rather large dose of thinly disguised anger.

I found it interesting that she would discribe an 8 year old as an *older woman*. Um no, that was an older *child* dear, not remotely a woman, and even less remotely what folks would tend to deem as an "older" woman, lol.

Quite frankly, you weren't shown how to spot predators, cuz those children were in fact predators that were probably abused themselves, and not only suckered you in, but were good enough to keep you suckered, IMO.

You act like kids actually could have a say when it comes to predators, and the prob is ... for the really SUCCESSFUL predators, there isn't a defense for, nor is there ANY preparation. A successful predator is one that finds those holes and exploits them, period.

And a 13 year old has only as much leverage as the 30 year old lets her have. If shes lucky he fucks up and she sees a way to gainleverage or escape, if she's not lucky, well she's not lucky. (or he for that matter)

As for kids getting pissed off for being treated like a kid? Well fucking *wah*. It's a part of life. They'll cope. We ALL lived through it. I knew when I became of age and learned and matured I would EARN being treated as an ADULT - I was never silly or insipid enough to think or beleive this would be granted to me before I actually managed to do the work that such impressions take to make. I hate the way the government treats us like morons. <shrug> Life ain't fair, and it's not always pretty, and legal age is legal age whether or not they like it. It's NOT the 1800's anymore, so fucking deal with it, IMO. lol.

I also find it amusing that you'd label me a *purist* just because domination doesn't get me hot, or do I get any sexual stimulation from dominating. Not really sure why that would be humorous, but then again, I didn't really get much from your post other than a sense of seething anger and disdain boiling just below the surface.Just bcuae *I* don't get off from it doesn't mean I feel I am better than anyone that does, it simply makes me different.

For someone that seems to spend a large amount of time bitching about folks making judgments you sure do spread on the judgment butter pretty damn thick yourself ... do you even spot the inherant hyprocrisies in your post at all? Prolly not. lol.

You actually seem to be acting like the 30 year olds that you are awaiting to mature out of their adolesence but have little hope of them doing so - your post read like a huge hissy fit foot stomping whining finger pointing temper tantrum to me. Kinda funny on some levels.

Kids are kids. Period. If they explore between each other well, I guess that's a hard line to draw. Are they exploring naturally? Or are they exhibiting predatory behavior due to having been preyed upon at some junction of their lives and are spreading it?

I seem to have an easier time stomaching that than with an adult. Not sure if that is good or bad lol.

~ShadeDiva



naughtybutnice -> RE: 18 years old (7/5/2004 7:25:35 PM)

I sincerely hope that my post didn't sound like a temper tantrum. And I'm certainly not bitching about any judgements. I certainly didn't agree with DragonofJapan's statement. Having an 8 year old myself, I know that a child is a child and should be treated as such. Will be shushing for now..



knees2you -> RE: 18 years old (7/10/2004 7:25:13 AM)

[:)]Well to me 18 is still to Young, but I have been told that there are rare exceptions when a Child is brought up on how to be Dominate~~[:D]

Sincerely, eyesofAslave

quote:

"No I'm not affraid of Who's behind the Door~"

[image]local://upfiles/19655/1ECAB20CE6294FF8B7D2C537B8178812.gif[/image]



angelthighhighs -> RE: 18 years old (7/11/2004 1:45:32 AM)

i was sitting here reading this thread and while i agree that unless its a person that perhaps has been brought up by parents who are in this lifestyle, most don't have the maturity level to handle being a Dominant. but i was thinking...what makes an 18 year old female (female is all i can talk about as i'm female and raised 3 females, one of which is in this lifestyle also) think they could be dominant. most of the time...little girls are brought up with those around them thinking how cute they are and wanting to please the little girl. how many young girls are spoiled from young ages. especially if they happen to be the youngest child in a family of older brothers... it seems to them the father and brothers fall all over to make sis happy. father dote on their little girls. that in a way is giving the girl false sense of power. perhaps some are raised like that and when they are older think well, dad and brothers i could wrap around my fingers. if they didn't do as i wanted i just acted like a bitch or cried and got my own way...so that must mean i'm a dominant and have power over all men like that. yes i know this would account for a lot of females out there...but its just another perspective on things.



Estring -> RE: 18 years old (7/11/2004 10:38:22 AM)

Well, if they aren't attractive, they will discover quickly that being a spoiled bitch and being unnattractive won't get them far. If they are attractive, they won't have to worry until they get older. No man wants an older, spoiled bitch when there are so many younger, more attractive ones around. [;)]



Sinergy -> RE: 18 years old (7/11/2004 11:01:44 AM)

quote:

Well to me 18 is still to Young, but I have been told that there are rare exceptions when a Child is brought up on how to be Dominate~~


Dominate is a verb.

I dominate you.
You dominate me.
We dominate them.
They are dominated.

I am NOT a Dominate looking for a submit.

Dominant is a noun or an adjective.

As a Dominant, I dominate my submissive.

I am a Dominant looking for a submissive.

I am at times a very dominant person.

Please make a note of this.

Thank you,

Sinergy



Leonidas -> RE: 18 years old (7/11/2004 11:53:42 AM)

An 18 year old with 0 experience has about the same amount of experience as a 40 year old with 0 experience. No experience is no experience. What the young lady has right now, most likely, are a bunch of fantasies in her head where she is the "doer" as opposed to the "doee". A 40 year old "Dom" with no experience is pretty much in the same boat, except that they might have developed a modicum of emotional maturity in the intervening years. So, for dominants, it really is a question of experience, rather than age. How to get it? The unfortunate truth is that the usual answer is "trial and error". The disadvantage that the 18 year old has is that they can't plausibly read a little BDSM smut on the web and then claim years of experience that they don't have like the 40 year old can.

Unlike the situation of an experienced dominant and novice submissive, it's really hard for an experienced sub to teach the novice dom. All the tight controls and instructing that would have to happen "out of character" would kind of bum the whole trip, if you know what I mean. The good answer would be for the community to push the 18 year old into forming a mentoring relationship with one or more respected dominants in the community, but that doesn't happen nearly as often as it should. If this young lady persists, she will find some submissives that don't mind being guinea pigs as time goes on (at least they will be doing so knowingly). She'll learn, and either decide that the reality doesn't really match well with the adolescent fantasies that she had and move on, or she will one day rise to the level that she is trying to claim now. None of this is new, or unique. It goes on all the time in the heart of the naked city.

Take care of yourselves.

Leonidas



wizcitrix -> RE: 18 years old (7/11/2004 2:20:34 PM)

I think the problem at hand is you are focusing more on the age factor rather then the experience factor. Despite the fact that many people are nieve and think its impossable for a younger person to gain the level of experience required to be a dom, the fact remains that people are exploring their sexualness at a younger and younger age then ever before. I have met women as young are 12 claiming they are wholeheartedly lesbians, not bisexual or experimenting.

If a child can claim to be a lesbian by age 12 wouldn't it be safe to assume that this child is in fact having sex? Even if it is against the law, politically incorrect, etc. the fact remains that it is happening. Keeping that idea in your head, couldn't an entirely different child decide they are into the S&M scene? They decided this at age 12. By the time they reach age 18 6 years later, is it not possable these same youngsters, with experience, appear on the net looking for a more mature and serious relationship?

Perhaps they have played with candlewax to a level of mastership, or perhaps asphyxiophilia. Granted I'd have a hard time believing they have experience with elctro play or cage play, but the extremes are not the only levels of mastership. I do, however, also believe whereas there are kids like these, they are few and far between.

I believe that most younger people posting places on the topic of bdsm fall under a few catagories. First I would say its guys who get turned on by the degredation and humiliation of their partners, most often this type of person ends up being an abuser in a relationship, even if its not what they set out to do. On the other end of the spectrum we have women whom feel they are worthless. There are many women out there who were raised to believe that they are a mans plaything. They believe themselves to be worthless except to raise children and do what their man expects of them. Often these types of people believe that its useless to fight and therefor consider themselves a slave or a sub.

My final classification would be that of the curious. A lot of younger people are to shy to do the meet and greet scene or a bit to unsure of themselves and what others may think of them. These people often come in to chats and message boards acting like they have more experience then they really have, they try to embark on conversations with experienced people to gain some insite until they meet the right person to truly show them the way.

My suggestion is be patient with youngsters and all people new to the community. Maybe they don't have the experience but rather just the desire to have experience. We all started somewhere. If we all started as experienced masters/slaves, what need would there be for experience and wouldn't we all be perfect masters/slaves?

Albany Alternative Website
Albany Alternative Sex Blog



kiki blue -> RE: 18 years old (7/11/2004 3:31:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wizcitrix
If a child can claim to be a lesbian by age 12 wouldn't it be safe to assume that this child is in fact having sex?


No, it wouldn't be.

You don't need to have sex to know whether you're straight or gay. You can be a 30 year old virgin and know what your preferences are.

Most of us were aware of our sexual preferences from a young age, even if we didn't act on them. I had kink, poly and bisexual fantasies from around the age of 10, though I didn't act on them til I was much older.

quote:


Even if it is against the law, politically incorrect, etc. the fact remains that it is happening.


If you think your child is sexually active, then you'd better ask. It's not an area where assumptions are the safe bet.

quote:


Keeping that idea in your head, couldn't an entirely different child decide they are into the S&M scene?


They could be fantasising about it, and could perhaps even be experimenting a little. But I would say they could be part of the kink scene.

quote:


These people often come in to chats and message boards acting like they have more experience then they really have, they try to embark on conversations with experienced people to gain some insite until they meet the right person to truly show them the way.


Even people who have been playing online for a while act this way. Age and entry level have nothing to with life experience. I've seen younger people more comfortable and mature about kink activities than some people in their 40's or 50's.

I can't say I agree with the "meeting the right person to truly show them the way" either. It's like a buffet, take what works for you, mix it how you like, and discard the rest. The only person who knows whether it's right or not for them is the person doing it.

When it comes to play, then it is best to learn from other people who have shown experience in a field, but that doesn't necessarily mean the oldest person there.



LadyBeckett -> RE: 18 years old (7/11/2004 4:32:01 PM)

I have two two quotes here, and to me, they tie in together.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas
The disadvantage that the 18 year old has is that they can't plausibly read a little BDSM smut on the web and then claim years of experience that they don't have like the 40 year old can.


The advantage in dealing with an 18 year old in that situation, as I see it, would be that the 18 year old would probably be more likely to say "I've never done that before", or "I'm new to this, but I've read a little bit about it." Whereas a 40 year old may not be as willing to say that.


quote:

ORIGINAL: kiki blue
When it comes to play, then it is best to learn from other people who have shown experience in a field, but that doesn't necessarily mean the oldest person there



As long as I've been in the lifestyle, I wouldn't hesitate to say if I didn't know, or wasn't sure of something. I certainly don't know everything, and I haven't met anyone in my lifetime that actually does. The age of those we engage with is according to personal preference. I recommend honest communication 100% of the time, and have fun!



proudsub -> RE: 18 years old (7/11/2004 7:01:13 PM)

quote:

Unlike the situation of an experienced dominant and novice submissive, it's really hard for an experienced sub to teach the novice dom.


I agree with this but it's not impossible. Although my experience is limited, it is much more than hubby's. I have had to teach him and am continually "topping from the bottom", but it works for us.[:D]



iwillserveu -> This is off topic, but bugged me in the past (7/11/2004 7:02:39 PM)

quote:

Well to me 18 is still to Young, but I have been told that there are rare exceptions when a Child is brought up on how to be Dominate~~


emoticons don't copy automatically, but I'll approach that comment as serious because others have made it about "2nd an 3rd generation slaves". I know knees meant it as a joke, but in other forms it was not and I held my peace (or is it piece?) for various reasons.

We are talking consent here. Can an eight year old consent? How about a 2 year old. That "2nd generation slave" did not on his/her 18th birthday suddenly get a free choice. (Yeah, I know some one will claim it was not coerced. My kids went to McDonald's with less coercion than being told mommy was the property of Mr. Smith.[8D])



NetherLord -> RE: 18 years old (7/11/2004 7:14:51 PM)

I don't really see anything wrong with someone around 18 years old, under two circumstances- first off, they have to prove to me that they are 18, and they also have to prove they have the experience necessary.

Of course, for a sub less experience is necessary than a Domme. Its hard for an 18 year old girl to get that level of experience, but it is possible.



sub4hire -> RE: 18 years old (7/12/2004 4:26:36 PM)

I have'nt read all the replies on this thread. I read knees first post..and this last page.

Although I would assume the profile knees read was that of an 18 year old. Perhaps they had experience and perhaps they didn't. The only way to find out is to ask. Their list of likes and dislikes are more than likely things they would like to try. Some they probably have tried. Other's hoping to try. At 18 you have an open mind, surely you are going to have many likes. That is until you experience them all. A few might turn into dislikes.
When I was 18 I had been studying various facets of the lifestyle for 6 years already. I had not played. I was well versed on what a Dominant, Master, submissive and slave was already though. What went on in the typical relationship. I knew real couples.
I don't think we should discriminate against a person just because of their age as long as they are legal. Just as we would'nt discriminate because of race or religion.



afmvdp -> RE: 18 years old (7/12/2004 4:51:39 PM)

haha. And yet another topic to sink my teeth into though I would likely get less grief over this.

In short, I am a young, Dominant male. I make no qualms about my age nor do I need to. At a very young age I came to an understanding of my role both sexually and mentally. Many have not grasped this concept yet even at twice my age. Being Dominant first requires an immense level of self control, self understanding, and self awareness that does Not come easy by any means. Some are fortunate enough to of come into this at an early age while others may not ever at any age. We determine our desires according to our emotional and physiological awareness of our sexuality. In such, it requires us to choose a role and even more so, to choose the hand that was genetically dealt to us. We can fight against it and anyone can mock a motif but it doesn't make it real, it doesn't have the genuine enjoyment that I know I have standing over a female sub.

I know I have been with people many years younger than myself and many years older, all at suprisingly different levels. In fact, one of my purist subs was only 18 when we first met and her mind couldn't of been more in tune with what is required of her yet a 38 year old woman was more confused than a newborn of what was required to make things work. So in short, I don't believe you can judge in any way by someones age but by their character instead. Now of course I wouldn't lie and say that all younger Doms or subs should be immediately taken in as if they were 20 year veterans but I wouldn't immediately remove them from the possibilities either. Talk with them, get to know their minds, their desires. See what experiences they have had and in the end, meet with them but MAKE SURE YOU CHECK ID. It sounds rash but theres no need to go to jail over a bit of fun.



draxxe -> RE: 18 years old (7/12/2004 7:29:02 PM)

Agree fully My Lady Beckett, as alot know i am myself young 28 this year how ever i have been in this lifestyle forever, so granted i may not know it all i do have alot i do know so yes an 18 yrold could know a great dear or even have what i see alot of others have and she says she is Domme so be it she dont claim to be a Lady yet female version of a Master in my opinion so no harm i welcome her to the lifstyle



Sinergy -> RE: 18 years old (7/13/2004 12:03:14 AM)

quote:

wouldn't it be safe to assume that this child is in fact having sex?


You know what happens when you assume.

You make an ASS out of yoU and ME.

Probably a good idea to talk to them about it. However, I personally have created a relationship with my children where a) I trust their decisions, b) I offer them unbiased advice, c) I give them unwavering support for their decisions, even if I dont agree with the decision, and d) they can tell me anything and I will not judge them. Furthermore, my ACTIONS reflect my words, and they have told me this on numerous occaisions.

If you have not built (and it is your responsibility as the parent to build it, imho) this sort of relationship with your children, Im not sure how honest an answer I would expect to get back from them.

Sinergy

As an aside, both of my children turned out extremely well-adjusted and balanced individuals, despite the fact that most of the other mom's in their preschool thought they would end up in Chino prison.



knees2you -> RE: 18 years old (7/13/2004 5:49:44 PM)

[&:]Read another 18 year old profile, but then it is becoming common~[:D]

Sincerely, eyesofAslave[;)]

quote:

"No I'm not affraid of who's behind the door~"

[image]local://upfiles/19655/4BFD0C3CBE174868933E25EA67CA747F.gif[/image]



perverseangelic -> RE: 18 years old (7/13/2004 6:34:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy


Probably a good idea to talk to them about it. However, I personally have created a relationship with my children where a) I trust their decisions, b) I offer them unbiased advice, c) I give them unwavering support for their decisions, even if I dont agree with the decision, and d) they can tell me anything and I will not judge them. Furthermore, my ACTIONS reflect my words, and they have told me this on numerous occaisions.

If you have not built (and it is your responsibility as the parent to build it, imho) this sort of relationship with your children, Im not sure how honest an answer I would expect to get back from them.

Sinergy


This is neither here nor there, but as a child of a parent like that, I applaud you. My mother has worked hard to instill this knowledge in both my sister and I, and as a result I consider myself to be secure and accepting of my sexuality, though it falls outside of societal norms.

I believe that people who grow up in familes with parents who are open to sexuality are more likely to recognize their alternative interests early. I acted on my submissive impulses in real life at 17. (With someone who was my age. I was big on being mostly legal and not risking others.) But I've been vocal in my opinion on age as it relates to BDSM invovlement.



Sinergy -> RE: 18 years old (7/13/2004 6:45:21 PM)

quote:

This is neither here nor there, but as a child of a parent like that, I applaud you.


Thank you very much.

Sinergy



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