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julietsierra -> RE: Please help me understand (9/26/2007 2:28:27 AM)
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No one of us can really know what "you're not ready" means in your given situation. We simply can't. However, I'm going to give a guess here - and I may be totally off the mark.
I'd guess that "you're not ready yet" has a lot to do with the fact that you're inquiring about a collar. I know it seems like that's kind of "unfair"... how can you know if you don't ask and all that... But that's exactly the point.
If you are asking for the collar as if it's the brass ring to reach for instead of submitting and serving your dominant because HE is the more important than the jewelry, then you aren't ready. In short, "ready" is likely to mean that as your dominant, it'd be real nice if HE were more important than showing off a piece of leather or metal around your neck.
Ever see those girls who become bridezilla when they get an engagement ring? If I had to guess, it'd be something like that.
Strangely enough, the day that the collar becomes secondary to everything else about HIM is the day you'd be ready to receive a collar.
The other side to this coin is, as someone has already pointed out, it also means he's not ready - perhaps precisely because he feels like you're on a collar hunt vs simply wanting to submit and serve. It's kind of like some advice I gave one of my family members as he reached the age to date. "Honey, if a girl likes you because she likes your car, then don't let her fool you. She likes your CAR. Not you. Do you want to be with someone who only wants everyone else to see her in your car or would you want to be with someone who wants YOU, car or no car?" A dominant may wonder, if you only want the collar, how does he know you actually want HIM vs showing off a collar as if you'd just won him at a church bazaar or something. Just who owns who then?
Now, I don't know you at all, and perhaps I am so far off the mark as to be ridiculous, but the question I always have is why do people start to get weird about collars (almost in a "gotta have it gotta have it, why can't I get it, what's wrong with me, gotta have it" kind of frenzy)? If a collar were given to you in this state, just how could you be sure you ever got it because he wanted to give it vs just giving it to you because you want it? And if that doesn't matter to you, then it very well may be that you're never going to be ready for one. At this point, I'm guessing that he's not going to give you something "just because you want it" and that he's waiting to give it to you "just because he wants to."
News flash: Dominants are kind of funny that way. Very generally speaking, they're not much interested in doing things just because someone else said so. So quit saying so. And quit thinking about the collar. And take yourself out of the key position in this little fantasy of collar acquisition. When you'd serve him till you'd drop, collar or no collar, you'll be ready.
Quit focusing on it. Quit questioning it as if there's some magical recipe you can concoct that will entice it out of his hands and into yours (or around your neck). Start serving/submitting because THAT is what's important to you - because HE is that important to you and you're going to be much closer to "ready" than you are when you ask a group of strangers what constitutes "ready."
juliet
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