Attachment IS Limitation...is it really?

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Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:27:46 AM

CreativeDominant

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On the "Argh" thread, the statement was made that "Attachment IS Limitation". I did not want to hijack that thread but I did think this could be an interesting idea to toss around.

Your thoughts?

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:31:00 AM

breatheasone

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Do you mean if you love, or are attached to your lifestyle partner it limits you somehow?

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:31:29 AM

crouchingtigress

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attachment is the root of all suffering.....suffering is a choice and a very limiting one at that....thats my take on it....what are you thoughts?

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:32:50 AM

Jasmyn

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Agree ... my first question when addressing this is, is the anxiety about the attachment warranted?

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:36:26 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

attachment is the root of all suffering.....suffering is a choice and a very limiting one at that....thats my take on it....what are you thoughts?

I agree...but sometimes....SOMETIMES!!!....the suffering is worth it.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:37:24 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

attachment is the root of all suffering.....suffering is a choice and a very limiting one at that....thats my take on it....what are you thoughts?

I found this to be extremely interesting.
I understand what you are saying about suffering; but could you possibly expand a bit on the first part?
Why do you feel that attachment is the root of all suffering?

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:39:08 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Do you mean if you love, or are attached to your lifestyle partner it limits you somehow?

That is where the direction of thought seemed to be heading. That attachment to your partner in any sort of emotional way can lead to limitation of what you will do in a sadomasochistic sense and, perhaps, even in a D/s sense with them.

My own thoughts differ but I would like to hear other viewpoints and the whys and wherefores of why people feel that way. Is it the emotions involved? Do those emotions cause the dominant or submissive to be more OR less limited with their respective dominant or submissive than they would be if they were not emotionally attached? I know it varies among the unique dynamics in each relationship but I am curious as to how it is within these relationships. Diurnal Vampire began the thread because she is feeling frustrated on letting her sadist out because Angel (her submissive) is not into the pain play. She finds herself acquiescing to that...but feeling her need for sadistic pleasure coming more to the fore.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:39:35 AM

Sexynmentalinkc

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To me...the statement is too broad.

Both attachment and limitation, in the manner you mention them, are subjective. The terms have to be clearly defined by both parties. Once that's set...

I tend to think exactly the opposite. Attachment is liberating.

I know that I can't 'go places' I may with some - until that connection and attachment is made. So, from that perspective, attachment is actually not a limit but something that opens doors (potentially) to sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much more.

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

< Message edited by Sexynmentalinkc -- 9/26/2007 7:41:39 AM >

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:41:36 AM

Jasmyn

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quote:

Why do you feel that attachment is the root of all suffering?

Agony and ecstacy, life and death, heartbreak and contentment, loss and failure ... without attachment we do not feel ...

Attachment is also the root of pleasure ...

< Message edited by Jasmyn -- 9/26/2007 7:42:58 AM >

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:42:49 AM

breatheasone

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If I may...I know you didn't ask me. I feel like for me "true" suffering only comes with true attatchment...for me...only when I really love someone...is my soul able to suffer...without that attatchment...I would be indifferent. If I love you....and am attatched to you, you have all of me indeed...and that costs me...

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:43:44 AM

chellekitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

attachment is the root of all suffering.....suffering is a choice and a very limiting one at that....thats my take on it....what are you thoughts?

according to buddha, suffering is caused by desire...

whoops....we are not getting into theological debates on the boards chelle...............

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:44:30 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

On the "Argh" thread, the statement was made that "Attachment IS Limitation". I did not want to hijack that thread but I did think this could be an interesting idea to toss around.

Your thoughts?

Could this be the idea that some folks have that they will only play with someone they do not become emotionally attached to?

This is common among folks trying out poly or open dynamics. I've never known it to work however because usually if we meet and play with some one more than once we will start to develop an emotional connection of some type. We can be in denial about those connections but they are still there.

I personally don't think it is a very realistic limit to have but I don't have the authority to determine other people's limits.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:44:31 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

That is where the direction of thought seemed to be heading. That attachment to your partner in any sort of emotional way can lead to limitation of what you will do in a sadomasochistic sense and, perhaps, even in a D/s sense with them.

My own thoughts differ but I would like to hear other viewpoints and the whys and wherefores of why people feel that way. Is it the emotions involved? Do those emotions cause the dominant or submissive to be more OR less limited with their respective dominant or submissive than they would be if they were not emotionally attached? I know it varies among the unique dynamics in each relationship but I am curious as to how it is within these relationships. Diurnal Vampire began the thread because she is feeling frustrated on letting her sadist out because Angel (her submissive) is not into the pain play. She finds herself acquiescing to that...but feeling her need for sadistic pleasure coming more to the fore.

Heck; my past relationships with the exception of one were all emotionally based. It seemed to me that the more emotions played into it, the more sadistic and cruel they became and the more pain I craved (physically, and mentally )
The one in which no emotions played at all was extremely boring and unfulfilling; despite there still being a lot of sadistic/masochistic undertones.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:46:00 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

quote:

Why do you feel that attachment is the root of all suffering?

Agony and ecstacy, life and death, heartbreak and contentment, loss and failure ... without attachment we do not feel ...

Attachment is also the root of pleasure ...

That is what I thought she was referring to, but I was not sure.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:47:13 AM

slaveluci

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I think it's all about just who/what you are "attached" to. At least that's been the case for me.

When I was "attached" to my former husband and the addiction that came along with it, THAT was suffering.

Now that I'm not attached to all that mess anymore, I was able to proceed in positive ways and end up "attached" to Master. Life is beautiful. Sure there are bumps in the road, but "suffering?" Nah. Only the delicious, physical kind

.

For me, it's all about who/what the attachment is to..................luci

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:48:28 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Do you mean if you love, or are attached to your lifestyle partner it limits you somehow?

That is where the direction of thought seemed to be heading. That attachment to your partner in any sort of emotional way can lead to limitation of what you will do in a sadomasochistic sense and, perhaps, even in a D/s sense with them.

My own thoughts differ but I would like to hear other viewpoints and the whys and wherefores of why people feel that way. Is it the emotions involved? Do those emotions cause the dominant or submissive to be more OR less limited with their respective dominant or submissive than they would be if they were not emotionally attached? I know it varies among the unique dynamics in each relationship but I am curious as to how it is within these relationships. Diurnal Vampire began the thread because she is feeling frustrated on letting her sadist out because Angel (her submissive) is not into the pain play. She finds herself acquiescing to that...but feeling her need for sadistic pleasure coming more to the fore.

I can't really speak for a sadist...but for me, and my attachment to, and for my Master in no way limits me from serving Him fully. In fact I'd say its the contrary. I would hope that He is also inspired to fully explore His sadist, and Dominate self as well.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:50:58 AM

toservez

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I think there are too many aspects in such a simple statement(s) that have been made.

Personally love frees up both me and my Master because we know the other person is not going to run if something does not go perfectly or other problems come into play kink, power or regular old relationship related.

Being attached to someone does equate suffering because you now have taken all their problems and issues and lump them in with your own, but you also get to share yours. Life is suffering just having to deal with others makes it more out front of our minds. It is not the root of suffering.

To be honest I find the slant attachment causes lack of freedom to be a theoretical debate that gets into people quoting definitions of what a slave is in the dictionary. To each there own and certainly for casual play I can see this point quite well, but when translated to people in a relationship and expecting them to be with you throughout the good and bad times, that is going into dream like analysis.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:53:29 AM

crouchingtigress

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aloha irish, gladly

with the exception of pain lets look at suffering for a minute....some examples

a loss of a loved one
not getting ones way
someone getting a premotion you felt you deserved
being robbed
being lonely
being broke

anything you are choosing to suffer about is because the world is not conforming to your world veiw.

if you are suffering because you are broke for example there is an implied expectaion that you should not be broke...but where does that come from, why do you feel entiltled? what would happed if you simply accepted thing as they are and chose to say laugh about it?

any time we suffer we have a plethora of other choices, i chose sufffering sunday when i missed my flight because i had to go though security 3x and they said they would hold the plane and they did not....

i allowed my self to get invested in what a victim i was, and even though i knew i was choosing it i balled like a baby

and Breathesone, in that moment it was worth it, because i had just come from the hawaii leather event i spoke of on another post, and also from a weekend romance that shook me to my core, and i was very emotionally wound up, and needed a good cry and a tad of hummiliation too.

but i could have just as easily (as you all have many times) chosen to take it in stride, used it as a time to catch up on the phone with friends or shop and see the gift in it.

greiving is a release valve, and can support you in moving through things, thats why we have it....but there is a differnce between greiving and suffering....grieving is being sad because things are the way they are...ie death of a loved one
suffering is being sad because things are not the way they are "supossed" to be....

if you are walking this earth thinking thing are supossed to be how they are not...you are likly attached and likly suffering....which is a very limiting way to live life....it alllows for few magic moments.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:56:54 AM

IrishMist

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Thank you for explaining a bit more. With that said, I have to agree that attachment is the root of all suffering

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 7:57:43 AM

crouchingtigress

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aloha chelle

desire and attachment are the same thing....

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