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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 2:20:08 PM   
SirCache


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quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez
Love is not easy and you cannot force yourself to love but I also do not think you can leave it up to fate either. It is like most things in life up to the individual if they want it how much they are willing to work for it.


Fate can't bring love, in my mind.  It can provide the opportunity, but love for me requires that a person conciously do something, interact with me to form a relationship.  Maybe I'm reading into the word fate differently, but fate simply means that you could skate by doing nothing and win it all.  I know people like to look back and say it must have been fate, but ultimately I think that's just rewriting history.  And I'll be the first to admit, I may be reading the word fate differently than you.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 3:08:35 PM   
WildeDanny


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		You are never going to get a definate answer on this one. Modern science thinks it is a need these days, as they feel they have managed to kill lab creatures by mistreating them and make them thrive by treating them well. Given a few years, this view will probably change again.
For Me, and for my slave, it is a need. W/we spent much of O/our time ill while existing in O/our loveless pasts. W/we are rarely ill nowadays.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 3:24:10 PM   
indiegrrl


Posts: 8
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Status: offline 		Everyone's answer is uniquely their own.  That's the beauty of life and this lifestyle.  At the end of the day, it is what ever works. It's whatever two (or 3 or 4 or more) people can live with and agree to.  Thanks for all the responses thus far.  Has been very enlightening.
 
indiegrrl

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 3:53:33 PM   
MrDiscipline44


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

Is love a want or a need? 

It is neither.

I agree.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 4:40:35 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
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Status: offline 		Love is not a need for me to survive but it is a need in order for me to thrive.  It is a need in order for me to have the type of relationship that I have with him and Alandra.

Pain and sex fulfill different needs than love, so they cannot replace it.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 4:43:05 PM   
AquaticSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: indiegrrl

Is love a want or a need? 


Dunno if it counts as a want or a need. Depends on how you are defining want and need. I just know that it is a requirement in my relationships.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 4:44:58 PM   
VeryMercurial


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Status: offline 		Love, is a need, for me.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 4:46:13 PM   
feastie


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Status: offline 		It's a definite need.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 5:29:06 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Status: offline 		I want to experience love.  But love is not an experience that calls to wants or needs.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 6:30:00 PM   
RumpusParable


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quote:

ORIGINAL: indiegrrl

I realize the answer will vary from person to person. Just curious how and why people answer the way they do.  I personally have not formulated an answer yet.
 
Is love a want or a need?  If sessioned enough, is that a replacement?
 
indiegrrl


Do you mean in general or specifically to a BDSM relationship of some sort?  Because your post starts sounding like the former but ends pointing to the latter.

If the first, it depends on how broadly one defines "love".  Just looking at this thread we see a very wide range of views -everything from ultra-romantic lifepartnering to just not being treated cruelly by everyone in the world.  I'd call the first extreme a want and the second extreme a need.  A healthy person can live a wonderful, full life without a fairy tale romantic love in it but you won't find many healthy people surviving for long with only cruel mistreatment from every human they contact (as in the rat example).

Real-life usually falls in between those two extremes, though.  Romantic partners last and don't last, have faults, fall in and out of love, love type changes, etc.  and even in the worst of lives someone usually at least says "have a nice day" once.  Haha.

If the second, I'd say it's purely a want.  It may be a *defining want* for an individual, but it's still a want...

...And I think that, as usual, that's where the problem arises:  People want to call Wants that they Choose to define their lives or relationships with as Needs.

I, like just about everyone, have things that I require in my relationships and in my life in general.  Things I won't compromise on because they don't feel right to me, turn me off, make me angry, and so on... but they're all wants.  I can and do survive when whatever it is doesn't go as would be right for me.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 9/26/2007 6:45:10 PM >

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 7:14:35 PM   
amiciaN


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I am currently taking part in research project of people involoved in wiitwd based on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.  It would be interesting to see how the compiled data compares to the opinions expressed in this thread.

I feel that for me, love is a need.  I know that when I felt 'unloved', the quality of my life deteriorated to the point I didn't want to go on living and I became suicidal.  However, the love I am speaking of isn't limited to romantic love.  The love of family and friends, the love of humanity that moves people to act with compassion, the gentle love of nature herself when she caresses my cheek with a breeze or paints a rainbow in the sky... all these types of love count too.  At that point in my life, I had lost touch with that fact.  It wasn't until I had regained that loving contact with the world around me that I felt ready to search for romantic love again.  Finding that with my Master NChaka enriches the joy all the other forms of love in my life brings as well and I am not just surviving now, but thriving.


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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 8:17:05 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		~FR~ sorry haven't read all responses yet.

Love is not needed for me to have a relationship with someone. That requires, respect, trust and attraction.

I need to be loved and to love to be in a commited, meaningful relationship.

So I guess it's both a want and a need, dependant entirely on what aspect you are asking about.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 8:19:56 PM   
iammachine


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Status: offline 		That depends on how you define love.

For example, I have very little personal concept of agape. This may be described as the unconditional love and affection amongst family. I simply don't understand it on a personal level, as it is not something that I have experienced. I think, being as humans are social creatures, that this is a feeling that we may on some level "need" for the sense of security it inspires. This is a "love" that I strive for amongst my friends, as I albeit somewhat artificially create a "family" system.

Eros, lust, the passion amongst lovers. I, personally, don't feel a compelling need for it. Sometimes my desire for it is quite compelling, but it is definitely not something that I feel incomplete without.

Philia, the love of mankind, brotherly love,  community, friendship. I most closely relate this feeling to being content with how you relate to the world. I might consider philia to be a need, since this includes in a sense being at peace with your own identity. Surely, there are plenty of people that live their life lacking in this department, though I would definitely question how happy they were.

As for whether or not I feel I need to love someone to enjoy playing with them... well, by my definition, on some level, I probably simply do.



< Message edited by iammachine -- 9/26/2007 8:23:18 PM >

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/27/2007 5:37:55 AM   
greyarcher315


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Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline 		 Love is a need. We are not really whole without it. Mind You, that does not mean that everyone needs, or will find, heads over heels, deep , lifelong love.  Even the love we get from a cat or dog can hmake us healthier people.

   Sessioning a lot can not replace love.  But it can be fun!!!

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/27/2007 6:01:23 AM   
Bobkgin


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From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: indiegrrl

I realize the answer will vary from person to person. Just curious how and why people answer the way they do.  I personally have not formulated an answer yet.
 
Is love a want or a need?  If sessioned enough, is that a replacement?
 
indiegrrl


For me, Love is the essence of life. The love I give and the love I receive make life worthwhile. Without love (and without the hope of ever sharing love) life has no meaning or value to me.


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When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/27/2007 6:05:48 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirCache

What few people really want to admit to is that love is a lot of work. 


Just a semantic thing, but for me, love is a lot of play.

"Work" infers something I do not want to do.
"Play" is something I enjoy doing.

Loving another is something I very much enjoy doing. I'll put 100 times more effort into it than anything I'd consider "work".

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/27/2007 6:18:34 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

That depends on how you define love.

For example, I have very little personal concept of agape. This may be described as the unconditional love and affection amongst family. I simply don't understand it on a personal level, as it is not something that I have experienced. I think, being as humans are social creatures, that this is a feeling that we may on some level "need" for the sense of security it inspires. This is a "love" that I strive for amongst my friends, as I albeit somewhat artificially create a "family" system.

Eros, lust, the passion amongst lovers. I, personally, don't feel a compelling need for it. Sometimes my desire for it is quite compelling, but it is definitely not something that I feel incomplete without.

Philia, the love of mankind, brotherly love,  community, friendship. I most closely relate this feeling to being content with how you relate to the world. I might consider philia to be a need, since this includes in a sense being at peace with your own identity. Surely, there are plenty of people that live their life lacking in this department, though I would definitely question how happy they were.

As for whether or not I feel I need to love someone to enjoy playing with them... well, by my definition, on some level, I probably simply do.





Great post.... i  want them all.....i think any one of the three are  needed for a person to thrive.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/27/2007 6:20:29 AM   
chellekitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Love is not a need for me to survive but it is a need in order for me to thrive.



i breifly scanned everyone's responses, and just about wanted to throw down with some people on page one (sorry, lol) and then i came upon kyra's answer! yay! lol...

ok...no you don't need it like you need air or water or food, and to a slightly lesser degree clothing and shelter...but fuck yes you need it....no if's, and's or but's about it....

no, you don't have to get it from your sexual or BDSM relationships...some people get love from their families, some people get love from their friends, some people get love from their vanilla romantic relationships, some people get love from their church communities, some people get love from their quarterly or yearly startrek conventions, but they have to get love from somewhere to be "whole" or "partially fulfilled" or "thriving" people...


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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/27/2007 6:23:42 AM   
chellekitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

Philia, the love of mankind, brotherly love,  community, friendship. I most closely relate this feeling to being content with how you relate to the world. I might consider philia to be a need, since this includes in a sense being at peace with your own identity. Surely, there are plenty of people that live their life lacking in this department, though I would definitely question how happy they were.



i would argue that happiness comes from within and that comes from being intune with God and following his will...but i promised myself not to get into spiritual debates on the boards anymore

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/27/2007 6:39:18 AM   
Phoenixandnika


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I think like most things, we each have our own definition of love, therefore to some it is a want while to others it is a need. I define love as a commitment to the needs and best interests of someone other than myself regardless of the cost. So for me it is a need -- I need to be able to love the people in my life but I don't need them to love me to receive my love. Nor do I place conditions on my love, I may place conditions on my relationships but not on my love.
 
That being said, I do believe there are different levels of love and different styles of love.
 
Blessed Be,
Nika

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 9/27/2007 6:40:12 AM >

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