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BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 7:42:26 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
This is my first official post, not counting my introduction and it is something i have thought of and discussed often. i hear it all the time, especially from female subs that it is NOT sexual for them. How can BDSM not be sexual? Someone spends an hour or so manipulating your body, your genitals, your mind and you are not supposed to feel any form of arousal? If you do feel aroused, should you keep it quiet or share it with your Dom/mme? Or, if you are the Dominant, does playing with your sub arouse you? If so, why not act on that feeling if this is your sub and you have a sexual relationship?
i am very open about the fact that, not only do i consider BDSM to be sexual for me, but i REALLY LOVE SEX!!!! Does that make me less of a submissive? Some have said that i am just a kinky swinger and not a real sub.

It is one of the primary reasons i no longer attend events in my local community.

What are Y/your thoughts?

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 7:49:34 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		First off, welcome to the forums.  I don't think what other people feel about bdsm or d/s at all dictates how you are defined or how you should feel about yourself.  Keep that in mind as you post here

I haven't found it to be common that it's not at all sexual.  For many however, service is greater than the sexual nature.  That is, we get pleasure from serving in whatever way He/She dictates whether it is sexual or erotic to us or not.  What has happened to me over time is that I have been reconditioned to find stimuli that would not otherwise be sexual to be considered sexual because of exposure.  So it is sexual to me for the most part, do I do things that are sexual to Him but not to me because He desires it, yes of course.  Can that be a turn on to me, sometimes.
Everyone is different, I have talked to many that don't consider it to be sexual, it's none the less valid and how they feel and it doesn't make you or them any less submissive.  If you surrender and allow another person to control you, you are submissive.
l

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 7:50:34 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		nothing wrong with loveing sex.....and ....please.... dont let the ignorant banal opinions of others keep you from attending events...."just a kinky swinger " to one, might turn out to be a very devoted and sensual passionate lover to another....life is a box of chocolates...after all.

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 7:59:15 PM   
innocentdarkness


Posts: 43
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		I believe that it is a common misconception that BDSM is about sex.  Can it be sexual?  Hell yes.  But sex is not what it's about.  Neither, as many "normal" people think, is it about whips and chains and pain.  It's emotional and mental.  It is an expression of something that we are.  The physical is simply a result. 

Is being a sub or dom sexual?  No.  It's part of the psyche of a person.  Does loving sex make you a sub or a dom.  Again, no.  It's just something that gives you pleasure- and there's certainly nothing wrong with that! 

You can have BDSM without sex, yet you may become sexually aroused.  A good flogging can cause orgasm even if all clothes are on and no one has touched any parts of the body considered "sexual areas".

Whether you are truly submissive or dominant or whether you're just kinky is something YOU have to figure out.  Either way, be fulfilled in who you are and have fun.

_____________________________

...close your eyes, let your mind go... just breathe.

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 8:01:55 PM   
LordDarkPleasure


Posts: 91
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		The way I see it, BDSM is as much sexual as your sexual life is active.  I think sex is generally the biggest ground for power exchange/struggle in a relationship, vanilla included.  So it is natural for sex to have a big place in BDSM, without even mentionning that most plays can be very arousing for both partners.  That said, there are many situations where Domination/Submission can happen outside of the sexual life, even though D/S is only a third of what BDSM represents.

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 8:07:53 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Sex is good...in general...all by its self just sittin there...so go...enjoy some!

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 8:09:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For me that's like asking how going to the movies isn't sexual, or being in a religious ritual isn't sexual.

It's not the actions which make something sexual, it's how it works in YOU. 

I fully believe kinky people should stop being so uptight about sex and just embrace it as another messy kink.  But you shouldn't go the other direction and INSIST that they see it as sex or sexual when it isn't for them.

_____________________________

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 8:25:16 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl


What are Y/your thoughts?


simple.....

I am a Hetro Male... that is also a Sadist.... and when I play with a man... I am not at all sexually aroused... but oh boy.. oh I love to hear a man scream in pain... *G*  it's not sexual in this situation for me that all.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 8:35:10 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: innocentdarkness

I believe that it is a common misconception that BDSM is about sex.  Can it be sexual?  Hell yes.  But sex is not what it's about.  It's emotional and mental.  It is an expression of something that we are.  The physical is simply a result. 



Well said. 

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 8:37:59 PM   
innocentdarkness


Posts: 43
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you.  I have had the fortune and privilege of having 2 of the best teachers in the universe (as far as I'm concerned).

_____________________________

...close your eyes, let your mind go... just breathe.

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 8:39:48 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I fully believe kinky people should stop being so uptight about sex and just embrace it as another messy kink. 


Okay, I'll gladly jump on that bandwagon early. :-) 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 8:42:37 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		It's certainly sexual for me. Unless I do it as art-with a stunt bottom-bondage practice for instance. In which case, there is still the tension-I just choose not to act on it.

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 9:07:11 PM   
FGB


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/15/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe a good way to view BDSM is that its exactly what you want to be? theres such a range of activities that fall under the umbrella (I was chatting to a lovely lady today who rather accomodatingly once put eggs in her pants to make a boyfriend happy) and the whole thing about this lifestyle is surely to just be yourself. If you want it to be sexual then fill your boots, beatings and fuckings all round. .if your kicks serving drinks at a party wearing a frilly apron and leg irons with noone even touching you, never mind sexualising you then hey, thats good too! it might not work for Me but I heartily applaud you just enjoying yourself and hell, Ill even load the eggs into your pants if you need a hand.

I have to say, BDSM and SEX for Me go hand in hand..its like a nice rare steak AND diane sauce..theyre both nice, but together theyre perfect, on the other hand Ive never really gone for the full on TPE style relationship so I dont know if that level of D/S between two people is the ultimate goal and sex is an aside, but for Me the goal is usually a consistent pair of smiles in the dying glow of a few candles...but then, horses for courses.

Dont let anyone tell you what you enjoy..theres a lot of advice here, and god knows some of the fine if unspeakably depraved people on here can help you with just about anything, but they cant tell you whats right or wrong for you...just go have fun with it

Woohoo, riots in the streets!

A' the best to ye

___________

Opionions are like arseholes...everyones got one, and some of them stink

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/27/2007 9:37:58 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		Thanks so much for all the replies, so far. i have one question. how can i get notified when there are responses?  i selected that option in my preferences, in my profile, but i am not getting them.
 
jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/28/2007 12:05:05 AM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		For us it can be sexual or it can be just a release of a need felt at the time especially if it’s the sadistic side needing to feel release with a masochist and that is never sexual or used as a form of foreplay .
If at any time We feel the need to make something leed to  sexual satisfaction for all of Us We will then begin to direct the session or play towards this conclusion,.
Other times there is no sexual feeling or release for Us or is the session even a way of wanting to use it to increase Our Own sexual feelings and desires for Each Other or for whom We are with at the time,
We will if We feel would be good for the person with us to have sexual release from being excited allow them to do so through masturbation be they female or male but that is also not in any way is sexual turn-on to Us just Our way of letting that other person release their own feelings and enjoy that pleasure.
All those who We enjoy being with and They with Us know right from the start that unless we decide, that all which happens may not be a way of having any sexual relation ship with Us if it is not what is wanted at the time.

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HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/28/2007 1:11:51 AM   
Jayxkes


Posts: 138
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline 		Hi and welcome.

I look at it this way.....sex is a part of BDSM for me,  rather than BDSM being a part of sex.

I enjoy either, a great deal, on their own and I enjoy them together.

When I play with Kes or CT,  there is the enjoyment of the BDSM stuff we're doing,  plus a sexual charge and emotional side, mostly love.
When I play with friends,  the BDSM enjoyment is still there but the sexual and emotional side is much less.  When I demo etc.  there is still BDSM enjoyment, though to a lesser degree,  but no sexual or emotional feelings.

Being the greedy sod that I am,  I love to do all the above.  Enjoy just the BDSM stuff,  right up to a fully sexual/BDSM mix.

I've been called all sorts,  dom, master, service top, top and those labels work for the people who used them.  It's what we are that matters
(oh! and plain f***king evil too,  which I quite liked).

All the different labels are defined differently by people and life is just too damned short to try a fit into someone else's clothes

If you enjoy those events,  go again.  Enjoy who you are and what you are,  let the others worry about the labels

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/28/2007 1:55:55 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

Thanks so much for all the replies, so far. i have one question. how can i get notified when there are responses?  i selected that option in my preferences, in my profile, but i am not getting them.
 
jen


Your notification should be in the email address with which you signed up. If you don't see it there, check the spam folder for that email address.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/28/2007 3:45:37 AM   
Areflectionofyou


Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		it doesn't have to be sexual, although it feels sensual and kinky ..but sex isn't the underlying glitch as to why i enjoy a scene, or better yet involve myself in a Master/slave relationship. First off He and i love each other and have the bond of love that makes the rest easy.

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/28/2007 6:30:27 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		bdsm is sexual other wise just be nilla. a lot of people people will say it is not or it is spiritual ok to test this we can say you will not be having sex for the next five years rofl  yeah right

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RE: BDSM, sexual or not? - 9/28/2007 6:35:19 AM   
ranrich


Posts: 50
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		For me BDSM is all about sex. If I did not get sexually aroused by BDSM, I would not bother.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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