RE: Dommes And Body Image

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BossySSBBW -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 9:53:40 AM)
With the advent of the internet, I am pretty sure that men are going to approach those that excite them. Whether it is mentally or physically it does not matter the body will usually follow. I have been morbidly obese for almost 40 years. I talk to the person at length before I "get naked" with them. If they have never been with a large person I tell them do research online. Most people I have spoken to know exactly what is under the clothes and all of them have said that is why they contacted me in the first place. I am pretty sure if a man has a problem with my body, he would never contact me. I have been "getting naked" with the lights on for over 30 years. If it scares them, then it is better I find out fast and they get gone fast....lol. Communication is the most important part of any relationship, make sure you have that and that your potential partner fully understands. If not it is easy enough to find pictures online that approximate your size and shape to send to them so they understand what your body looks like ahead of time without you having to send out fully nude pictures of yourself. Good luck.

thetammyjo -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 10:07:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toservez quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo I think that in American culture (the only one I can honestly say I understand in the modern world) it is damned difficult to have any positive body image especially if you are female but sadly and increasingly if you are male too. Real quickly, I do not want to hijack a fascinating thread, I am pretty sure nearly all women and some percentage of men around the world deal with body image. I have not been to a ton of places but been to enough to bet money on my statement. I think Americans just focus on it more because we as a population are battling weight issues and have more disposable income. The last time I was in China one of the commercials that ran all the time was a breast enlargement cream. I have seen reports on the news about body issues in other countries though those reports suggest it reflects a growing level of Westernization or capitalization in those countries. Regardless of the why I do know that I'd never to raise a daughter or son as I was raised to be so messed up about just being comfortable in my own body.

thetammyjo -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 10:12:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: InnocentYoungSub As a man its very frustrating when a woman can't just take your compliments. I've had image problems in the past too but I can accept compliments for what they are... It makes one think, "maybe I'm not good enough for her since she doesn't really seem to care that I think shes beautiful"... I can understand that frustration, I know that every man I have ever meant feels that way. But you have to also try to understand how little girls are raised. Dom or not many of us were raised to feel like something is wrong with us and that we need validation from others. On top of that we are often taught that men/boys will lie to us to get what they want from us -- do I need to draw you a picture of what that is? It wasn't just my mother that taught me these things but my father and society too. The result is we can't trust what we see with our own eyes and any male who tells us differently may be viewed with suspicion. The pattern once there is damned difficult to break. Best to prevent it from being started at all. The only thing you can do is to keep the faith and know that every time you say something with her full attention and keep saying it it does very very slowly sink in. If you find someone who does not seem to be stuck in this cycle feel glad but still don't be surprised if it pops up from time to time. Conditioning is a hard thing to break.

LadyHugs -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 10:34:01 AM)
Dear GregariousGreta, Ladies and Gentlemen; I believe all women are creatures who are never totally satisfied on how they look. I've seen actresses who are beautiful in and out of make up going repeatedly to plastic surgeons for changes here and there. Rest of the community of women period, I think have been seeded with a gene which is always questioning our ability to attract mates and or dates. I found that being in my present state of physical presence; I have more quality friends than quantity--which matters more to me. I don't need an entourage of admirers who lust for the external beauty--I want those who saw the beauty inside of me--in good times and in bad. I will also say, having been through horrible experiences--the scars and dings per se to the outside package -- or body, is going to be a reminder that you are a fighter, no coward --some scars were asked for and some are not. It is the internal scar tissue that prohibits happiness--you can decide how much impact it has--as well as the incident behind it. You ultimately have the control, the power and the right to adjudicate how the entire body, entire self image and the like will impact you and your right to be human. That said, I have some handsome muscle men in my life that would rot most people's socks off with pure envy. These men choose to be with me because of my spirit and internal positive nature. I am a good person. Just my package is messed up and seen better days. I am a miracle on two feet--I am not suppose to be walking right now. I am not a angry or bitter person. I am alive--and those who are in my personal circle are there by invitation--not by force and or deception. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

Gwynvyd -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 10:45:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66 ~FR~ I have to agree that American society has a way of making Women feel they have to always be thin. I accept I'm not thin and never will be.There are a scars here and there I would love to get rid of,but ultimatley they are part of who I am. Wearing clothes that fit right and show off the best parts can help You feel good without any other changes. I try to follow the rule that Beautiful/Sexy isnt a "look" but an Attitude. Frankly I think most scars are sexy.... how many people get scarification done to beautify themselves? My slave loves the scars on my left arm.. I have olive skin, and I have long darker olive streaks running down my arm to my wrist with a couple of dots to accent. he loves tracing them.. and coments on how beautiful they are. I never thought much about them.. they are sort of new.. but never bothered me one way or another. They came from browning a pork roast in olive oil. shrugs It is great when others glory in what some would concider a not so glorius part of us. Gwyn

LadyHugs -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 11:22:29 AM)
Dear Gwunvyd, Ladies and Gentlemen; I believe how we get our scars makes a difference on how we see them. In an attack by a rapist or some ex- who attempted to kill and or maim someone, as to have people repulsed as if to state-if I can't have you -nobody will. We have had several incidents in the DC area of ex's setting their ex girlfriends/wives on fire. Accident scars or something by nature and or coincidence are much different from those from evil intent, such as attack, battle or putting their life in between the bad person and an innocent. In summary, it is a thread that is woven into our tapestry of life--making us a unique art work. The worst scars are by those who are suppose to love us, who fill us with conflicting messages. I am no match as far as Sadism when it comes to Mom. I cannot even loan her out to the CIA or military--they say she is so cruel, that it would violate all laws of humane treatment. [Chuckles] The mental and emotional cruelty has far surpassed most I've been around. She is really a negative person and extremely controlling and a master manipulator--so, I seek drastic opposites in a partner. I thank God, that I took after Dad's nature. He was a source of compassion and generous. Very, very positive. Before we have influences on others--I know I must influence myself. I could easily become as cruel and nasty as Mom but, I choose to behave to my best nature. I choose to be good to myself first--I cannot count on others to do so--I suppose it could be seen as being my own "White Knight." I must always maintain/fix myself and not rely on others to do so. I find it comes from the heart, then the emotions/mental to choose how to see things. It is easy to be negative and difficult to see the positives. Life isn't fair so, I just deal with what I have before me and love as many people along the way in a positive way. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

HelenaTroy -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 12:05:40 PM)
Wearing clothes that flatter your figure is a great place to start. Simple things like wearing a cropped jacket can help your legs look longer, corsets can hide or flatter a belly, and accentuate your small waist. Body slimmers can flatten bulges. When you wear clothing that properly fits your body type, it makes you look better, and then you'll feel better. Your self confidence will automatically rise and self-confidence is the sexiest trait that anyone can have. I don't care what a man looks like as long as he exudes confidence. Same with women. Confidence makes you sexy. Helena

Gwynvyd -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 12:24:49 PM)
Lady hugs, and others.... This is very true about scars.. also about the personality of who owns them. I have counciled rape and abuse victims and I have seen some amazingly awful scars external and internal. Some came through the other side and thought of the scars as battle scars that they could be proud they lived through.. and to show others how not to be a victim... and others felt the eternal victim, and the scars just were a constant physical reminder. It all depended on the human spirit in the woman. Not to mention how much they had healed the emotional scars first. It is unthinkable what some do to others.. esp. those they espoused to "love". I love what you said there.... what I used to tell the girls is Decorate your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you roses. That is the White Knight aspect we each need to be in our own lives. No Mr, or Ms Right will show up on our door step untill we ourselves are Mr. or Ms. Right. < then you have to hunt them down, and club them real good, and drag them back to your cave > smiles I am glad you went for the positive... the negative is such an easy path, and so often tred. Nothing is too much to bear, or too difficult if seen through the eyes of love, understanding and joy in all things. With negative people even the joyus things they miss being in the mire they dwell in. So sad. Many blessings to you Gwyn

sammiebabygirl -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 2:27:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessMine My goodness, I fucking love My body. Can't get enough of My girls, My trunk, My fingers, or My neck. Mmmmm, vanity. And listen, there is hope for all you women out here, none too sure of their bodies: I'm a former bulimic. [;)] Love, GM That is awesome, Ma'am. Kudos to you. Being a recovering bulimic myself, i totally admire where you are, and can identify. i used to have horrible body image issues, which i have dealt with in therapy and now, even though i am over 200lbs., i do love my body. i am a nudist and an exhibitionist. i have done workshops on body image for submissives and one of the activities i do is body tracings. You will need a partner for this. Get a long sheet of banner paper(the kind that comes on rolls). Have your partner trace your body. Then YOU decorate it, NOT how you think you LOOK, but how you FEEL inside. It is very telling and you will learn that most of your body image issues really have little to do with what your body looks like. Good Luck jen

OnyxGoddess -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 3:19:30 PM)
I love myself despite the battle scars all over my belly hips thighs from two children...tomboy scars growing up....and that lil extra bit of flesh I cant seem to get off me belly. I've only felt bad about my body when someone I was involved with seriously has said "you're not what I want." Then the feelings of guilt, self pity and unattractivness set in. But I tell myself...that's THEIR opinion and they can go to hell. Then I give myself a big hug and go buy some EDY's ice cream and beat on a boy! lol. But not to throw the race wrench in there but....I wonder how many african american females have these issues as I noticed most of our posters have been caucasian. I don't know of any and Im sure there are some...just curious.

sammiebabygirl -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 4:04:33 PM)
This book was extremely helpful to me and i use it today when i do my workshops. http://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Body-Image-Love-Have/dp/0895941724 [image]http://books.google.com/images/cleardot.gif[/image] jen

ocilla -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 4:05:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I have no problem admitting that I have a lousy body image. At times in My past, I was borederline bullemic/anerexic, too. (Forgive My spelling.) For Me, it was a much healthier approach for Me to give up on strenuous diet and excercise. It was what was best for My mental/emotional well being. Whoever can't deal with it, can go f*ck themselves. I will respond to the op in a separate email but first - I have to say to Lady Pact that having just met her last week r/t for the first time - honey your are HOT! You are the picture of health and have a figure that any woman would kill to have. If you need as Lady E says one special someone to help validate your beauty - sign me up. lolo And as for D aks earthycouple I have reposts from a first hand source that her picts do not even begin to do her justice. So there! erhr!

DesireDeeva -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 4:13:08 PM)
quote: So my question to the Dommes out there: What is your personal body image? And how does it relate or interract with not only your kinky side, but also sex in general? This thread takes me back to when I was much younger weighing in at 250lbs. and of course I blamed it on "baby-fat", though my son was almost 12 at the time, lol....the funny thing about it is that no one said anything to me about my weight and by me having a large frame no one believed me when I told them how heavy I actually was, my weight has never caused any negative affects in my sex-life (kinky or not) "I " made the decision to loose weight so I could wear cuter clothes, my 250lbs. days have been over since 2000 and now I tend 2 fluctuate between 180-185lbs. However the "media" can really make a person feel bad about themselves w/all of this pressure to loose weight (I'm sure most of you have seen the infomercials out there), I've always been a confident/positive person who can accept her flaws yet still enjoy life.[:)]

patwi -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 4:41:56 PM)
Hmm I'll chime in ehre as a woman. I have a terrible body image, always have. I'm not sure why - I'm oveweight and out of shape sure, but not disgusting or obese. I dont know where it stems from. shrugs it would be nice if I could change it, but at 29 years old I'm afraid it's here to stay. I can admit that I really don't enjoy it when i get undressed in front of my husband. I tend to dive for the covers and lightswitch! My body shape does in fact work against my sex drive. It's hard to feel sexy or seductive when I can barely stand to look at myself. I can only imagine what my husband is thinking when he sees things jiggle on me that never used to. One last thing - and this is terrible - I admire anorexic. If I had such strong willpower, I'd be able to lose this weight.

AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 4:58:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessMine My goodness, I fucking love My body. Can't get enough of My girls, My trunk, My fingers, or My neck. Mmmmm, vanity. And listen, there is hope for all you women out here, none too sure of their bodies: I'm a former bulimic. [;)] Love, GM You are a rarity in my experience. I cannot recall being intimate with any woman who did not have some small issue with her looks. Some of them were truly gorgeous women, and yet felt some insecurity left over from the changes of puberty. From my vantage point, it was almost comic in a way, and yet it could get very serious for them at times. As for the OP, I'm afraid that all of the good serious answers have already been made by Lady Ellen and others. I do have one tongue-in-cheek suggestion to avoid your body image from interfering with play while you work on your issue: You are the Dominant, and the blindfold is always yours to bestow [sm=idea.gif]

actaeon -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 5:10:47 PM)
From a submissive’s point of view it breaks my heart to hear dominate women (or any woman) question their body image. We all see with abstract interpretation and habitually reduce what we see to good / bad, beautiful / ugly. The BDSM scene is one of the few realms of life that will let us step out of the usual. Here we can view what is beautiful and what thrills us in those wonderful dominate and submissive flavors. We all have our ideals, but those dominate women that have mastered, “the look” and by that I mean the one that she casts upon you, and those that carry, ”the attitude” that will move a submissive to their knees, are truly beautiful, regardless of shape and size. "I like a look of agony, Because I know it is true" A. Dickinson

TNstepsout -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 5:15:17 PM)
Body image is a big deal for women. I know who can't understand why women overreact and seem to put so much emphasis on looks, but it's just part of social programming. Things are getting better, but for a very very long time the only value a woman had was her looks. Women were a commodity and the more beautiful she was, the higher her value. Unattractive women had no value. Even the female icons in fairy tales were all beautiful. Snow White was the fairest of them all, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella etc... Women are subjected to all kinds of attacks on a daily basis. Not just one their own looks, but when they hear other women attacked. Women are openly riducled and verbally abused for all kinds of shortcomings. Too heavy, too thin, flat chested, knobby kneed, horse faced, buck toothed, pimply skin, big lips, thick glasses, long toes, big butt, flat butt, hairy legs etc... These comments come from men and start at a young age when girls are beginning to form their sense of self. Boys can be very cruel. And then there are the men who ditch their wives when they put on weight or begin to show their age. They pick up a younger prettier model that looks better on their arm. Prettier women are given jobs and promotions that their less attractive counterparts don't get. Things are better but they are far from perfect, so it's no wonder that women continue to struggle with their image of themselves and their self worth. It's not in their imagination and it's hard to overcome. Ok-I didn't mean to ramble so. That's just a touchy issue. Not just for me, but as a mother with a daughter dealing with the same thing.

DianeB269 -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 5:29:32 PM)
I'm 52 years old mother of 2 and I love my body. I work out twice a week. I am the same size as I was in high school. Diane

Action -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 8:15:58 PM)
I think personaly I don't have a great body image but partialy having a submissive to lavish on me and tell me otherwise helps me forget about that ALOT. Another thing is even when I am feeling totaly gross I do something about it. I get up, excercise, work at eating better (i put on weight while being back in america on purpose cuase I love the junk food here) but im working on taking it off now and leveling off. Basicly in my opinion if you don't feel good, working at what bothers you can make you feel so much better about it then just focusing on it. Even if very little changes when I excersise and eat better, it makes me feel ten times better mently knowing I did something about it, and its better for my healthy anyhow. Dosn't mean I still dont keep a strict thought about mainting my little girl looks <3

PsyVamp -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 8:48:42 PM)
I agree with most of what has been said here. Sometimes I feel like the Pillsbury dough boy... and sometimes I feel like a barbie doll, all within the same 10 pounds. People looking for the model thin glamour Dommes are not going to go for my look, but there are enough people out there who KNOW I'm incredibly sexy that it doesn't really matter. Of course there are parts of me I'd love to make over, but I am who I am and as long as I eat more salad than M&M's, me and my body will get along fine...lol ~Psy..... (who never turns down a compliment and believes the sincerity of them all)

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