RE: Dommes And Body Image

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MissSCD -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/28/2007 9:00:23 PM)
Op: I can write a book about body image and how it effects self-esteem. I was chubby as a child. I look at my pictures and see that I was not really fat. Kids called me fat, so in my mind I was fat and shunned. Name calling of that nature is vicious and cruel. After high school I started dieting. I went down to 89 pounds. I had annorexia. Twenty years later, I am overweight again. It is a never ending battle of an emotional rollercoster from hell. How it effects me sexually? It is hard to feel sexually satisfied because you are emotinally insecure. The BDSM control and discipline helps keeps me in balance. I hope I answered your question. Regards, MissSCD

FullfigRIMaam -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/29/2007 6:06:24 AM)
I spent my my most beautiful and tight body years thinking I was ugly, and discovered I wasn't after I wasn't as small. I love my body! I thank God that it works well. I only learned about what we do after I became fairly comfortable in my skin, and could give much less of a phuck whether mainstream approved or not. Consequently, I'm sexier and more alluring than I've ever been. I don't play casually, but when in a relationship, I don't think twice about getting naked with the sun shining or the lights on. I'm a late blooming piscean though, so it kind of made sense for me, that I became comfortable with my imperfections and found some perfection within in my later years. My profile is off right now, but I'm 5'9.5", about 250#, can hang out/party all night, and not on a diet. M

SubJordanTyler -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/29/2007 7:48:32 AM)
In society's terms, my Domme probably would have been considered overweight and less attractive than normal. But I served her and loved serving her because of how we related to each other. I did public play with her, so it didn't matter to me what others thought - and nobody ever commented on that. Besides, I was the one who was naked in public - not her. I actually worried more about my body image, knowing I would be standing completely nude in front of a crowd of people. She did require me to have a certain look - the right weight for my height, tanned, shaved. So I was able to get a nice look - but that doesn't mean I still didn't worry about it. But once the scene got going, that went away. Most people weren't looking and thinking about my body. They were watching her drive a strap-on into my asshole. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if the people you are with don't care and accept you, then you shouldn't care what others think.

LadyPact -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/29/2007 8:00:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ocilla quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I have no problem admitting that I have a lousy body image. At times in My past, I was borederline bullemic/anerexic, too. (Forgive My spelling.) For Me, it was a much healthier approach for Me to give up on strenuous diet and excercise. It was what was best for My mental/emotional well being. Whoever can't deal with it, can go f*ck themselves. I will respond to the op in a separate email but first - I have to say to Lady Pact that having just met her last week r/t for the first time - honey your are HOT! You are the picture of health and have a figure that any woman would kill to have. If you need as Lady E says one special someone to help validate your beauty - sign me up. lolo And as for D aks earthycouple I have reposts from a first hand source that her picts do not even begin to do her justice. So there! erhr! This was just too sweet! Thank you very much. It was a pleasure meeting you at last as well. I hope We'll get to see each other again often. Thank you again. You are too kind.

InnocentYoungSub -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/29/2007 11:30:58 AM)
Men go through body image problems too. I have in the past... But you know, I look and see how a lot of bigger women are empowered these days and love themselves for who they are..and I keep thinking, me and all the other fat guys out there really need to take a page out of their book. Personally I take the attitude that I'm sexy, AND I come equipped with love handles. ;) haha

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/29/2007 11:49:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GregariousGreta So my question to the Dommes out there: What is your personal body image? And how does it relate or interract with not only your kinky side, but also sex in general? I am not quite in the shape I want to be in. However, I am very proud of how I look. It took a long time to get where I am and I know how good I look now. The corrolation is that I have gotten very picky. I have to be far more careful with those I consider becasue there are a lot who look at the body and forget about the personality underneath. I had not been used to taht when I was younger, because I was nothing much to look at. Now, as flattering as it might be to be the object of lust for someone, I need ot make sure they can get past that and be useful. The ego stroking of having those who do think you are all looks is nice, though. I never did have that before, and never thought I would. DV

natureschild -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/29/2007 4:20:49 PM)
I think body image has everything to do with the proper attitude. If your mental thought is, "Im dang sexy!" Then others will feed from your positive aura, and see you as sexy also. We are our own worst enemy. Someone usualy will see you in a higher light then you see yourself. Think positive!

pixelslave -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/29/2007 5:13:52 PM)
As a male, I can say that what makes a woman beautiful to me is what I find on the inside, not on the exterior. The more I talk with a woman and the more beauty I see on the inside, the more attractive a woman will become to me in general. It's happened to me in the past with women I didn't notice at first glance and later began to talk with them, after which I suddenly began to find them very attractive. [&:] While I think it's a downright shame that so many women in our society have these problems, I also know that I couldn't serve a woman who hadn't resolved her body image issues, or wasn't at least well on her way to doing that; especially if those issues affected her sexuality. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] That's the last thing I'd be expect to find in a dominant woman who was into more than control and wanted BDSM play. If I'd agreed to be a woman's submissive, her weight, scars, stretch marks, or other physical "defects", which we all have to some degree in one form or another (at least I certainly do), are all things which that wouldn't matter to me in the least. [:)] To me, freedom from being judged by others about these kinds of things are part of the freedoms that I'd hope would come along with being involved in and living this lifestyle. [:D] - pixel Collared to Majik

canupleaseme -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/30/2007 12:37:16 PM)
I have always had a very bad opinion of myself and how I look. For as long as I have been sexually active Ive always covered myself up and been extremely paranoid the whole time ive enganed in any sexual activity about how I look or how my tummy is bouncing or if someone put their hand on me how I must make them feel sick [&:] Which is silly really considering I worked as an escort [&:] I have been very big in the past and its only in recent years that Ive lost weight and felt a lot better about myself. My two relationships previous to my boy we of the fuck buddy kind and for two years I had a very very active sex life but they never ever saw me fully naked lol Its only sine Ive been with my boy that I can walk around naked and not feel ashamed of myself and my body. We are about to celebrate our 1st annevrsary and its taken till the last two months for me to be able to do this without paranoia or feeling incredibaly shit about myself. And its only becasue for the 1st time in my life I have watched someone looking at me with nothing but love and desire for me and my body. I can remeber bitching about feeling fat once and he was so shocked with me and said I thought you were just right and normal, it was the nicest thing ive ever heard becasue I knew he meant it. He has made me feel so comfortable about myself without even trying or knowing how badly I can feel about myself. I still get the odd deflated feeling when I put an outfit on but who doesnt. Theres room for improvement and I will do what I can but sod it If my boy can look at me like he does then it cant be that bad [:D]

MistressRouge -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/30/2007 2:23:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GregariousGreta The only thing is... I can't go on a diet or do any sort of intense exercising till I get better with regulating my mental health. I'm a recovering bulimic/anorexic, although you'd probably never know it by the way I look. There was a time when I lost... a bit within a matter of three months that was no where near healthy. I actually ended up hospitalized then sent to The Renfrew Center. I have a tendency to diet radically if I do diet at all. Or exercise past what my body can handle if I exercise at all. And I do mean past what my body can handle. I sort of get into that mode of "exercise, go and never stop" and literally never stop till I hit the ground or can't breathe due to asthma. I'm working with a therapist to cut out that whole black and white thinking thing as of late. It's a fight not to just start running as much as I possibly can till I collapse even when I'm just walking with friends. Just the same it's hard for me to conciously participate in a diet because I'll take it to the extreme often times without noticing. Body image isn't about fixing it with some exercise. A poor body image grates down to the very fortitude of a person's being. Seriously, if I weighed 99lbs, I'd still hate my body. So exercise and diet isn't what this discussion is about. It's about finding beauty with what you are. That being said, I can't. Seeing where I've been through the past 6-7 years... I just can't be happy with myself. My body has slowly become disfigured in my eyes, and yes, I have the ability to ignore that and make myself seem great and goddess-like in the eyes of a sub... But I want to be able to feel it deep down from day to day. Hello huny :) Diets are fads and do not work, a lifestyle change and re-structure/ re-educating what you eat and why you eat certain stuffs etc. I used to comfort eat and still find comfort in the wrong foods from time to time, I never restrict a little of what I fancy, but again have over excessed at times. My height and genes seem to be winning at the moment, but I am far from waif more amazonian in height and build, yet I do not urge to be super thin and lose my curves no way! lol. Subs/slaves/submissives will always admire, and see the goddess as you so speak, to feel like a goddess is from within, so I do hope you find yourself and allow that goddess to shine all of the time x

MistressRouge -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/30/2007 2:31:29 PM)
I work out twice a week too Diane, I do a spin class or RPM class with the bikes. Keeps the thighs good for strap on thrusts lol, luck bottoms :) You look fabulous by the way sweetie ;)

JordanNYC -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/30/2007 3:38:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GregariousGreta I'm not too certain if this subject has been discussed before, but I've been thinking about my own personal body image and how it interferes at times with my ever-growing love of topping a submissive. My body image has never been all that great, and puberty sort of dug it into the ground the second my body started changing and gaining weight. Ever since no matter how much I enjoy humiliating a sub or forcing them to worship me I can't seem to shake that feeling... that feeling of how horribly ugly and disfigured I am. Quite a bit of it I caused myself, and the other bits of it could have been avoided sans emotional problems. I'm slowly, and I repeat slowly, becoming more comfortable with my body. Certainly not happy with it, but comfortable. (Don't get me started on all the nasty things I hate about my body) So my question to the Dommes out there: What is your personal body image? And how does it relate or interract with not only your kinky side, but also sex in general? Sometimes, I don't feel so great about my body. But then I hear a sub tell me how great my body is, and all that goes out the window, at least for a short period of time. Know that they think you're gorgeous, and all is fine.

DianeB269 -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/30/2007 4:25:02 PM)
Thank you MistressRouge. And that avatar is very HOT!!!!! Diane

efficaceous -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/30/2007 4:47:16 PM)
It's funny you should ask, as I considered posting a similar topic today. I actually feel very close to the transexuals who have responded here (wait for it...) because I had gastric bypass. In my head I am still very overweight, even though I am now about 17 lbs from my ideal weight. I have NO idea what I look like, in my head I look the same, I feel the same, WRONG. So I'll be in session, or in play and catch myself thinking "oh! must move to better display body/hide bits". But then I realize, those parts aren't there anymore. I'm a bit hot, even. I sort of pendulum between knowing and forgetting it, I guess. It means I love love love flattery and compliments however I disbelive them.

Majik -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/30/2007 5:00:49 PM)
I also have had a gastric bypass, and 200+ pounds lost later I still have a few issues with body image. It has been a slow process but I am finally beginning to see the person I have become...not the person I was. For me it has helped to have a sub (Pixel) who constantly tells me how beautiful I am. Took me a long time to believe it, but all I have to do is look into his eyes and that chinches it. I know I will always have saggy skin and alot of bumps in the wrong places but it's something I have come to accept and embrace. I know I am never going to be perfect but I love the way I look now....Now if I could just do something with the bad hair days I'd be all set.[;)]

taiyoko -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (9/30/2007 6:53:00 PM)
I'm a sub, but body image issues truly transcend sub/dom roles, and even gender. One book that is excellent to read is "Body Outlaws". It's a dense read, but certainly worth it. I'm somewhere in the range of 200-220 (been a while since I last checked), and although I could use some improvement, I wouldn't mind still being 200 if it meant that I had more muscle than fat. And I admit that I will always have big legs, most of which is muscle already (knee-high boots are nearly impossible for me to find to fit over my calves). My burn scars have been one of the biggest self-loathing points of my body. I was severely burned by a cooking accident as a child and spent a month in the hospital. I had grown up hating and covering my scars because they made me 'different'. Now, thanks to a few good friends, who think they're cute, and that they make me unique, I've started feeling less negative towards them. I feel proud to say that although I don't always feel pretty, I can now at least sometimes feel pretty, and that is a huge improvement in my book.

MsLilac -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (10/1/2007 3:49:10 AM)
Well, me, I am big, averagely pretty, got all kinds of lumps and bumps, scars and markings (marbling lol), I am at an age where things are slowly starting to head southwards - but body image has never really affected me. Have never brought into it. There is not one thing I want to change about my body. My body is far, far from the mainstream ‘ideal‘, I am not just accepting of how I look, I believe I am sexy - damnit, I am the most attractive and sexiest thing alive! Lol. Not through some self loving vanity, but because I don’t buy into the beauty system (mainstream or otherwise). Something I notice with women when talking about beauty and body image, is that they look to modern media as a bench mark. I don’t have that benchmark. I really like and enjoy the way I look first and foremost (either butt bare to the wind, or dressed up), and secondly, so have many suitors, I judge it by that. Judging oneself by the multitude of airbrushed, glamorous images is just leading to a world of disillusion, sadness, and never feeling adequate. I have never quite understood why some people are affected by it to such an extent. Some of my friends are, and I feel for them, I really don’t like that we live in a society that places such an emphasis on the way we look. When I walk past magazine stalls, and there is some candid picture of some ’star’ with a bit of cellulite, or a roll of fat hanging, then the editor goes on to some scathing and derogatory finger pointing and mocking for all the world to see, it’s tedious to the extreme, but I can kind of see why this trend would start to influence and affect some people. I suppose media imposed fuelling of these insecurities all help with the economics of the fashion and beauty industry. But all in all, I just don’t hold that much importance to the way I, or anybody else looks. Here’s a cliché though, what I think makes someone truly ‘damn I want to fuck you’ sexy is the way they carry themselves, regardless of physicality. That, and a smile.

petdave -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (10/1/2007 5:05:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Action I think personaly I don't have a great body image but partialy having a submissive to lavish on me and tell me otherwise helps me forget about that ALOT. i only wish this worked for everyone... My wife has a lot of body issues as well, and i tell her all the time that i just wish that she could see herself the way that i see her [:(] For those of you with UMs, i think one of the most important things is to teach them not to make fun of the way people look, because i don't think that those young memories ever leave a person...

LadyPact -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (10/1/2007 7:17:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petdave quote: ORIGINAL: Action I think personaly I don't have a great body image but partialy having a submissive to lavish on me and tell me otherwise helps me forget about that ALOT. i only wish this worked for everyone... My wife has a lot of body issues as well, and i tell her all the time that i just wish that she could see herself the way that i see her [:(] For those of you with UMs, i think one of the most important things is to teach them not to make fun of the way people look, because i don't think that those young memories ever leave a person... I can tell you for a FACT, dave, that My husband would agree with you 100%. While I'm on the subject, I want to thank you and the other males who interjected here to make these kinds of comments. Believe it or not, We do hear them, and We do listen.

SweetDommes -> RE: Dommes And Body Image (10/1/2007 10:10:13 AM)
Pact - I have to say, love the new pic. Something else that women need to do - learn how to take a compliment. I remember hearing people complain about this way before I started getting compliments. When someone says you look wonderful, don't reply with "oh, this old thing" or "my hair just looks awful" or anythign like that - a smile and "thank you" is the way to go. Fortunately, I had mostly learned this lesson by the time I started getting compliments lol I may not agree with their opinion at the time, but they don't want to hear about that. I keep getting compliments, and they dont' feel like their opinion is being dismissed - it's win/win all around.

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