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Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 7:32:28 PM   
MsMathrynn


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings lovely people,

I'm kinda new, to CM and to BDSM. I'm 39, in an open, commited relationship, looking for a submissive to play with on a regular basis, but not looking for an addition to our household. I might possibly be considering a much younger man. This particular person has had a lot more experience than I with kink, but not with poly. I think these two things can be tough to handle together, and 25 seems very young. There's a big difference between dominating and patronizing, and I don't want to mix those two up. For him it seems like there is a big danger of getting attached and feel neglected. As the older person, I would feel especially anxious not to exploit or take advantage, or be callous. Of course, I also have my primary relationship to consider.

Still, it might be fun, all that youthful energy, and he's certainly very smart and communicative, which is good. The kids these days sure seem a lot more sophisticated about these things than we were, FSM bless the internet. I'm deffinitely going to take it slow, but I'd LOVE to hear any words of advice, red flags to look out for, or positive experiences from those of you who have hoed this row.

And thanks to everyone who commented on the previous thread that was very close to this topic. That was helpful to read.

-Mathrynn

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 7:47:09 PM   
KristaLynn


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		 Hello Mathrynn,
I'm on the other side of things here; I'm mixed up with an older man so I know of some things you should watch out for!  As a younger person I found his intelligence, his self-confidence and knowledge of so many things addicting!  Has he been in a relationship with an older woman before?  If he has then he won't be shocked and in awe of those things in you and would be less likely to fall for you before he knows what's happening!
KL

(in reply to MsMathrynn)
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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 7:48:01 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		diapers

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 8:11:33 PM   
MsMathrynn


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		No karaoke, no diapers, no judgements.

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 8:57:43 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		Mathrynn,
This is a subject near and dear to my heart. 
My live in spoiled pet is much younger than I am.  I am 40 and he is 23.

As a submissive NON-live in, if the person is mature enough, it can work.  With enough maturity and experience, even a live-in situation can work.  From what I see and experience in my own house, if they aren't naturally Poly, it may become an issue.  Of course, this is on an individual basis, all people are not the same, but it seems to me that the younger the person, the more deeply they seem to feel.  Or maybe its that they are still confusing lust and attraction for love. 

In some ways, you have to forget their age.  If the maturity and life experience (and legal age) exist, a numerical age is just that, a number.  Don't treat him as a number, treat him as a person.

Psy... who knows first hand the murky waters you are going to swim.

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 9:14:20 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMathrynn

No karaoke, no diapers, no judgements.


Once upon a time, I was a teenager and had my first submissive experience with a woman in her thirties.

KristaLynn's post says it well.  There is potential he is going to be in shock and awe of you.  I know I was overwhelmed by my first Real Lady's vastly superior knowledge, experience, insight into life, sexuality...and then throw in the D/s element, and I was a goner.  When it finally ended, which was inevitable, I was hurt, but also smarter and more self-confident, and that led to many good things just a few years later.

I personally don't think you can stop the shock and awe from happening.

I think you can and should plan on it happening, and concentrate on trying to cushion the fall for him when it comes.

My fall was cushioned by periodic reminders of my status...not as her slave, but as a potential life-partner.  I was occasionally reminded that when she broke it off, it would not be for lack of love or lust for me, but some practical grown-up reasons that had nothing to do with me as a person, slave, etc.

When the end came, and she moved away for her child's sake [a very grown-up reason indeed], I was able to recover nicely and take fond memories and valuable lessons into my next relationship.

Good luck!

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 10:01:53 PM   
Araven


Posts: 149
Joined: 3/16/2006
Status: offline 		This subject is of special interest to me as well, as the woman who I am currently sort of seeing.. and working towards ar relationship is 40 while I am 23. I don't think the age matters so much, as does having things in common, being able to relate and being able to communicate.

If you have those sort of cornerstones, and a mutual understanding of the dynamics of the relationship, age is just a sily number.

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)
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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 10:09:16 PM   
InnocentYoungSub


Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Spankings ARE a good way to get us to do our homework! 

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 10:15:53 PM   
KristaLynn


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		Oh man, the shock and awe can hit hard and fast.  I'm scared of what's going to happen to me if this ends...who will be my rock then?

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 10:49:01 PM   
InnocentYoungSub


Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		A domme could totally blow me away... I've never even kissed a woman. Just being close to a woman(intimately) would be new, let alone all the BDSM stuff...

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/28/2007 11:12:49 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMathrynn

For him it seems like there is a big danger of getting attached and feel neglected.



Regardless of age this would concern me, so if you do pursue this man keep your head up and be as direct as possible in all things... But personally, I'd pass (and do) when I get that vibe, or straight out statement, from someone.

I'd hold out for someone who is very self-assured, confident and knows what they want and can handle -whether they turned out to be 20 or 40.  Anything else is really opening yourself up for problems...

...which, of course, is your prerogative and most of us have done so at least once!  Just keep your eyes open and nip any problems in the bud if or when they turn up! :)

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/29/2007 3:34:00 AM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InnocentYoungSub

Spankings ARE a good way to get us to do our homework! 

*chuckles at InnocentYoungSub
 
I have had some experience with younger subs.
Maturity is the key. I agree with what was said before: To do what you can to cushion the fall.
 
I had to block one because he wanted such a big piece of me and became demanding re: My time.
 
I have a special place in my heart for young subs. I hope they all find dommes that teach them well so that in later years, they are secure in who they are and what they have to give.
 
I just connected with a young local sub here who is new to the lifestyle. I am taking it slow.
 
I know younger subs might want a youngish domme who will be all they dream of, but life experience and maturity can't be beat.
 
;))

(in reply to InnocentYoungSub)
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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/29/2007 5:59:49 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InnocentYoungSub

A domme could totally blow me away... I've never even kissed a woman. Just being close to a woman(intimately) would be new, let alone all the BDSM stuff...


~~fans herself and wishes she were younger....

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/29/2007 6:59:55 AM   
bootw0rshipJT


Posts: 71
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline 		Young subs like Older Dommes.  FACT  !  


Well i do anyways!

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/29/2007 7:18:45 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Interesting topic for me right now. Several weeks ago ish (sorry I suck at dates and time frames) a young lady contacted me via another site. At first I just did not take her interest seriously because of her age (23 which is really young even for pervy old broad like me) Yet, me being me, was happy to visit when time allowed and even talk on the phone.

The thing is, when someone has that certain something that just sneaks in and touchs a piece of your heart you forgot about......age tends to disappear. Add to that, on her part, life experiences which had matured her beyond typical of her years and a sincere desire to submit. Beyond pretty words but, in deeds. I would be a fool to turn away from her. So, I've agreed to meet her as soon as both of our busy schedules allow. (she is a full time ER nurse and in her last year of med school to become a pediatric surgeon) It will be sometime in the next few weeks. Fortunately she does not live far (Chicago).

Regardless of how things go when we meet and whatever should follow, I am approaching the whole thing with "a day at a time" attitude. All things considered I would be a fool not to. I know there may come a time when, no matter how well it goes, how much I come to adore her and her I, she very well may outgrow me. At that point I feel it would be my job to make it as easy and painless for her as possible.

OR, we meet and she quickly gets bored with my older, boring, self and thats the last I hear of her......

In the meantime I am planning something so edgy and wicked, that it breaks all the rules......SimplyMichael might even be impressed.

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/29/2007 7:40:00 AM   
SubJordanTyler


Posts: 268
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		My position was actually quite similar.  I was 25 and she was 40 when I started with her.  I was looking for older because I wanted someone with experience who know what she was doing and who know what real dominance was.  She wanted younger, mainly because I was also going to be a public sub at times, and she wanted someone young to show off.  It was also a poly household, although I was not live-in.  But I had my role to play there and it worked out great.  I will admit to a little shock and awe at first, because of her experience, but we started slow at first - and that's probably the best advice I can give on this.  It worked out great, and I even got to be a bit of a sex slave for her, which was nice.

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/29/2007 10:18:08 AM   
MsMathrynn


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone, great to hear your perspectives. Go slow definitley seems wise - this is in the most preliminary of stages, we've really only just started talking. My fear about him getting too attached comes more from remembering my emotional state at that age than from anything he's said so far.

If I had more experience, it would be easier, because then I would feel like I had some learning to impart to him. Since he's the more experienced one in this case, it could make for an interesting dynamic.

(in reply to SubJordanTyler)
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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/29/2007 11:26:28 AM   
InnocentYoungSub


Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:


~~fans herself and wishes she were younger....
quote:

ORIGINAL: bootw0rshipJT

Young subs like Older Dommes.  FACT  !  


Well i do anyways!


Yup, to me, the age difference makes it feel even more natural for me to submit. And besides, older ladies are just better at being sexy! :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

~~fans herself and wishes she were younger....


Aww, thanks for the compliment. Hehe...



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I live for.. I die for.. I breathe for..

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/29/2007 11:59:18 AM   
KristaLynn


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		 Now just to mess things up I have to tell you that my older fellow took it slow with me....and that only made me fall harder for him!  Because he took it slow and took the time to really get to know me it made me feel like I was really special to him...that he wanted a deeper relationship...that he understood me more.  Which in our case is how it turned out...we've been in contact for 4 years (that really snuck up on us!) and now we're starting to work on getting ourselves organized enough to meet and possibly be together.  But had he not been interested in me for a deeper relationship I think that could of messed me up big time that he made me feel so special for nothing.

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RE: Any advice for a lady considering a much younger sub? - 9/29/2007 12:12:47 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Yup, to me, the age difference makes it feel even more natural for me to submit. And besides, older ladies are just better at being sexy! :)


That's because we've had lots of practice and have it down to a fine art.
 
General reply...
I've always gone for younger men... until I met my hubby, but he's only a few years older then me. Not that you can tell it.
 
I've seriously considered opening my search to include younger men but the thing I have problems with would be that my youngest child is 25... or is that 26? Honestly.... my kids don't have a problem with it, that's all on me, I just don't see what a young man would see in me.
 
Jewel

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